


The Island of Misfit Toys

by lildemonlili



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Found Family, Heavy Angst, Major character death - Freeform, Read the ratings fam, Trigger warning: Deals heavily with death, past hurt current comfort, pen pal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-01-13 22:49:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 112,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21238229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lildemonlili/pseuds/lildemonlili
Summary: At age nine, Mina is assigned a pen pal as a part of her school's korean program, in order to improve the students' ability to construct sentences and write naturally. Mina keeps contact with the pen pal for seven years until suddenly the pen pal stops answering her letters.





	1. ACT 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally time to show you all this story, and I couldn't be more excited. I've been working on this story since the summer of 2018, and it's been put on pause for a long time so I could finish other projects. But now I'm finally reaching that point where I can let you all in on this story so close to my heart.  
Please be gentle with me, and with this story. It means a lot to me.

_ June 21, 2003 _

_ Hello _

_ My name is Mina. I am nine years. I school in Kobe International Primary School. I am pen pal. I like Daffodil.  _

_ How are you? _

_ Bye _

_ Myoui Mina _

… 

Irony.

There really was no other explanation. Had it been any other, then maybe it would’ve all been fine. But why the hell did it have to be today?

Mina sighed and stepped out of the little blue car, parked by the side of the road. The new leaves of the white birches framing the area rustled, as if stretching from their newly broken bud to full bright leaves. Promised summer and warmth. But even if the sky was blue, brushed over only by scattered white tufts, it was still too early for the sun to power through, and the wind blew cold and chilled the twenty four year old girl to the bone. With a shudder, she tucked the dark coat tighter around her, lifting the collar to protect her exposed neck and considered letting her hair out of the professional bun she had worked so hard on this morning. It wasn’t really long enough for a bun yet. 

She settled for holding tighter around the bouquets laying over her arm, her hand tightly around the stems.

Of all days.

…

Momo turned onto her stomach. She chuckled and tried to get her breathing under control. Shuddered slightly as Sana pulled the sheets down to expose her back. 

“You never fail to impress me.” Momo huffed.

“Mh, well, it’s been too long.” Sana let a finger run down Momo’s spine. Admired the marks that would soon have to be covered under a shirt. The marks that meant that she had reclaimed Momo.

“You know the rule.” Momo said dryly.

Sana only answered with a grumble. She knew too well.

“It’s a shame though, I really liked her.” Momo mused.

“I never liked her.” Sana shrugged, fingertips tracing over red lines across Momo’s shoulders. “She was whiny.”

“You’re way more whiny, and you never like any of them.” Momo looked around at Sana with a grin.

“It’s not called whiny, it’s called horny and impatient. And I’m your best friend, I know what’s good for you. You always pick the clingy ones.” Sana bent down, kissing Momo’s shoulder.

“Maybe I should just date you instead, then I’d have the ultimate clingy whiny girl.” Momo joked.

“Ew, no thank you.” Sana grimaced and laid down next to her best friend. Adjusted the older girl’s bangs.

“I am naked in your bed and you have the nerve to say  _ ew _ ?” Momo turned onto her side with an offended look in her eyes, the short black hair falling from her shoulders, framing her face beautifully. And even if it was a sight Sana had seen hundreds of times in the past three years, she still couldn’t help but stare just a little. How she had managed to get the best friend in the world and somehow also get to hook up with her every now and then, Sana would probably never fully understand.

“I’m not saying you’re not hot, I’m saying I’m not in love with you.” Sana rolled her eyes and let her fingers wander down Momo’s front. 

“You love me and my perfect ass.” Momo turned onto her back, giving her best friend a better view. “And obviously my perfect boobs.”

Drawing her eyes away from said body-part, Sana huffed. “I’d love you more if you didn’t take up all of the fucking bed.”

Momo just shrugged, stretching in Sana’s sheets and tangling her fingers behind her head, looking way too pleased with herself, but at the same time offering herself to Sana.

And that was the thing about Momo. When she dated, she was strictly off limits. Not even a friendly pat on the butt. But the moment she broke up with or was dumped by the girl of the month, as Sana liked to call Momo’s girls, she was all Sana’s. And she allowed the younger girl every part of her. Just like she had the very first time they had hooked up. Sana loved that about her. That they could be best friends and just hook up whenever they needed to or felt like it. But just as Sana leaned in, about to take advantage of just this situation once more, Momo’s expression changed.

“Wait. What time is it?”

Sana frowned. Turned begrudgingly from her best friend to look at her phone. Groaned. 

Less than two minutes until the alarm would sound.

“We cannot be late for the first day of school, no way.” Momo raised her eyebrows at Sana when the younger girl pouted, trying to figure out a way to get them another half hour.

“... Fine.”

…

Wind pulled at the collar of Mina’s coat again, and she found herself shivering in the midst of the tall grey stones, circling in on her from every angle. The name at the top of the stone in front of her was too familiar. Mocked her.

_ Myoui _

Underneath that was two engravings. Two names. But while the text and numbers on the left side were old and weathered, the right side was still fresh. Like an open wound.

The flowers, still in her left hand, caught in the wind, and Mina’s throat closed up as she knelt in front of the graves. Wished she could somehow secure the flowers so they wouldn’t fly away. But she could do nothing but place them as close to the gravestone as possible, letting the stone shelter them as best they could. Even if it was never much. 

The yellow petals contrasted strongly to grey tiles around the gravestone. Shone like the sun and gave life and meaning to a young life so full of death. Had done so for as long as Mina could remember. And Mina stared at the date she knew so well.

_ April 7th 1998. _

She had only just turned four, and honestly had no real memory of her mom. Her father never told stories. Never gave Mina an impression of who she was. And there was no-one else to do so. She had always only had her father. 

But on this day every year, she would go here with her father and put daffodils on her grave. Say hi, and listen to her father’s promises to the stone. Would see his face crumble and the tears drip from his nose. And when they left he would sniffle and promise to be better, to be there more, to come to one of her recitals, to see her school play. Every year. Until last year. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Mina croaked, touching the name on the right. Ignored the tears welling up in her eyes, blinking them away angrily. “You just couldn’t help yourself, huh? You old fool.”

_ April 7th 2018. _

Mina looked once more at her mom’s name and date. Said the words she always said before she left.

“Dance with me when I die.”

Then she tore her eyes from the petals of the daffodils, playing in the wind, and got to her feet. With as much strength as she could muster, she walked back across the cemetery with the wind whispering the same empty promises that her father had when she walked this route, her hand safely in his, the world less scary for a moment. She had allowed herself to believe him every year. Was used to the heartbreak by now. 

…

Hundreds of miles away from the cold cemetery, a tall girl stood leaned against the jamb to the front door, huddled in a thick sweater. She held a cup of tea in both hands, a peaceful smile on her lips as she took in the smell of the rain pouring outside. It never really mattered, the rain. Just made the air lighter, and reminded her to appreciate the days where she could walk outside unsheltered. Yet she seldom minded being inside either. At least not here, where she was home.

… 

The school was almost the same as Mina knew it from when her feet were small enough to fit in the black mary-janes and her front adorned with the silk bowtie that meant she belonged here. 

And to think she would ever return. To this school that she had come to hate for its high society standards for everything. But then again, despite how much she hated being that kid, she couldn’t help but feel safe inside the walls of her old elementary school. Especially in the mornings, when the sun poured through the windows and lit the halls, before the other kids arrived.

Despite coming back as the teacher, Mina didn’t turn right towards the teachers’ office when she walked down the main hall. Even if she knew that her friends would be there, waiting to greet her on her first day of the new job. She wanted to get everything ready first; for the students. It had always been her favorite day of the year, returning to see what greetings the teacher had written for them on the blackboard. She had always judged a new teacher’s enthusiasm on the elaboration of the art around the message.

Sliding the light wooden door aside, Mina entered the classroom belonging to the students for whom she would have main responsibility. Sure, she would be teaching several classes, but this was her main class.

It was exactly the same as when she had attended. The same chairs. The same blackboard. Different announcements pinned to the board and newer books behind the glass in the cabinets to the left. But the same air. The same sense of safety. Of anonymity. And without really knowing why, Mina’s eyes fell to the seat she used to sit in. Wondered if it still had the little marks, if anyone had added to them over the years. Really, she wanted more than anything to go sit in that chair; to feel the safety of structure and predictability, of being acknowledged for hard work and not stared at for being who she was. And without really knowing how she got there, Mina found herself in that exact seat, staring up at the empty blackboard. Looked down at the desk in front of her and bit down on her lip. How many of her most private thoughts hadn’t she confessed at this table? How many intimate words hadn’t she written down in a language that wasn’t hers and sent across the sea? For seven years, it had been what she had waited for, every day. To see if she had gotten an answer.

Too soon Mina was pulled from her daydreaming as the door was pushed aside. For a second she was sure that it was the students; that she had dozed off and was going to be known as the teacher who sat in the student’s seat. But the next moment Sana’s head appeared in the door, her long brown hair falling gracefully down her front. The glasses had slid slightly down her nose, but somehow it only made her look even prettier. Momo followed right behind her, the black hair in a bob around her face. She had cut it a few months back, and it still barely met her shoulders.

“You didn’t show in the teachers’ office.” Sana walked over to the desk, leaning against it. “So we figured you’d be here.”

“Couldn’t let you start your first day without congratulations, could we?” Momo grinned. Settled next to Sana. Like two teachers watching only Mina. As if it wasn’t Mina who was always bossing the two of them around.

“Thanks… I’m just-” Mina ran a hand over the desk. Felt a familiar nick on the edge. How many times hadn’t she run her fingers over that nick, wondering who made it? Wondering if it meant something.

“Nostalgic?” Sana pushed her glasses up her nose and corrected her bangs. “Was this your classroom?”

Mina nodded.

“And I’m guessing that was your desk.”

Another nod.

“So all in all, a reflective day, huh?” Sana smiled softly.

“Yeah.” Mina nodded. Looked at Momo and found her to be gazing around the room, as if trying to find Mina’s soul in it. Then Sana’s words grabbed both their attention. 

“So if that’s your table, does that mean I’ll find the names of your crushes on the underside of it?” Sana’s eyes glinted.

Mina felt her cheeks pink. “No, of course not. We’d get in so much trouble if we wrote on the furniture.”

“C’mon, everyone does it.” Sana rolled her eyes. “It’s a part of school.”

“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to.” Momo chuckled.

Mina frowned for a second. Was she really that much of a do-gooder? Probably. Okay, definitely. But not in this case. Because Sana was right. There was in fact one name underneath the table, courtesy of Mina. Two letters. One name. Seven years. In all honesty, it had been a few days, maybe a week since Mina had thought about her. It could just be that it was today of all days, or maybe the setting, but for some reason she was at the front of Mina’s mind today. Daffodils and tulips and  _ her _ .

But there was no more time to dwell on the past. It was already late and the students would soon pour in. So, with one last thought spared for the name under the desk, Mina got up and joined her college friends turned colleagues at the blackboard.

They drew on the board together.

… 

The sound of a refrigerator being shut closed with a little too much force, was her first clue. The next was a curse. The third was the sound of a piece of cutlery dropping to the floor. And so, Nayeon closed her laptop and got up from the bed. Walked across the room and leaned on the door to the tiny kitchen. Observed the girl now busy wiping butter from the floor with a napkin.

“Did you remember your coffee?” Nayeon asked.

Another curse told her that Jihyo hadn’t, the younger girl getting back up, staring around the kitchen, brown hair whipping around her face.

“The cup is out on the table where you left it.” Nayeon reminded her, and Jihyo nodded, hurrying past Nayeon into their main room. She returned less than ten seconds later, slipping slightly in the fuzzy socks she always wore at home - at least until the warm summer came. For a moment Jihyo judged the temperature, then put cup and content into the microwave and turned it on without really noticing how long. It always just needed a few seconds. Mumbling under her breath, Jihyo stood on her toes to reach into the overhead cupboard for her travel mug.

“You’ll make it in time.” Nayeon assured her girlfriend.

“I’m ten minutes late compared to when I usually leave.” Jihyo said, her voice pitched and her face screwed up with stress.

“You’ll make it.” 

“I just can’t believe I forgot group.” Jihyo huffed. “I’m always like this. You’d think after five years I’d remember stuff like this, it’s every week without fail. So why can’t I ever learn? I just- shit, coffee!”

With a whine, Jihyo pushed hard against the button to open the microwave, the door springing wide open and the smell of warm coffee pouring into the kitchen. Jihyo winced as she poured the almost boiling coffee into the travel mug. Drops immediately hit the chest of her white shirt as a result of pouring too fast.

“Fucking- I’m gonna-”

“Change, I’ll remove the stains when you’re gone.” Nayeon said softly, holding out a hand.

With a groan, Jihyo pulled off the shirt, handing it to Nayeon before hurrying past her to find a clean one. In the meantime, Nayeon took the liberty of pouring the rest of the coffee in and screwing the lid on. She handed it to Jihyo as she returned, the younger girl buttoning her shirt and pulling her hair out from underneath the neck of it.

“Thank you.” Jihyo sighed. Looked around the kitchen to check that she had everything and then looked around the main room for her purse. Nayeon followed her out.

“Don’t-” Jihyo stopped Nayeon before she had even opened her mouth. “I know it’s here… somewh- aha!”

Nayeon could barely hold in a chuckle as Jihyo jumped across the room and grabbed the black purse from the edge of the bed, halfway hidden under her cotton coat.

“You need the coat too, babe.” Nayeon reminded, earning a feigned scowl from the younger girl. Watched as Jihyo checked the purse for wallet, headphones, and keys. Immediately whined. 

“I swear to god I’m just about the least organized person on the planet!” Jihyo complained, looking around for her keys, finding them in the bowl on top of the sideboard by the door next to Nayeon’s. Then she patted the back pocket of her pants to make sure she had her phone as well - a habit of hers to keep it there. Nayeon had a theory that it reminded her of a mic pack.

“Okay?” Nayeon asked, walking over to the door, handing Jihyo the cotton coat.

“I… think so. And only fifteen minutes late.” Jihyo looked like she might cry. Nayeon feared it for a second. But instead she just let her hand fall gently on Nayeon’s arm, pulling her close. For a moment she just stared, eyes flickering between Nayeon’s. But the next she wrapped her other hand behind Nayeon’s neck and leaned in, catching the older girl’s lips between her own. She didn’t hurry the kiss. Never did. Sighed calmly as she drew back

“See you tonight.” Jihyo smiled.

“Have fun at group.” Nayeon said, slightly windswept by the younger girl. 

With a nod, Jihyo took the cotton coat, grabbed her purse and thermo mug from the sideboard and headed out. And just as she looked back before closing the door, her eyes glistening as she smiled, Nayeon’s world fell into place. In such a way that she could do nothing but stare at the closed door, mouth slightly agape and her heart hammering so hard that it might break her ribs. There was only one thought in her mind. One single sentence so loud in her mind that Nayeon was halfway sure that Jihyo would hear it even if she’d be halfway out the building by now.

_ I’m gonna marry that girl... _

…

A deep sigh involuntarily left Mina as she unlocked the little blue car and got into the driver’s seat. Leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes for a moment. 

It hadn’t been a bad day, as such. The students had found her demanding of respect and didn’t try to cause too much trouble, even if she was fresh out of getting her teaching degree. Yet she had found it hard to keep focus, and she was sure that the girl in her old seat had noticed how much she kept glancing at that seat. Honestly she just wanted to go home and bury herself under her thick duvet and cry it out. She should probably get some food, but then again, there were only a few hours until dinner, and skipping lunch once in a while wasn’t that big of a deal. And really, who could blame her for forgetting to eat on a day like this. A day filled with yellow petals and foreign letters and the excited yells of kids in the school yard, all on their way home to their families. To tell about their first day of school with voices breaking from excitement or pain.

Mina never got to tell about her first day.

Always ate dinner alone.

No. No, enough of the self pity and the fateful irony of this day. She couldn’t just sit around and wait for all these feelings to go away, because then they might never. She had to do something. Anything. Just get on with life. The past year had just gone by in a blur, and Mina had let it. But it had to change, now.

Enough was enough.

Mina opened her eyes with a huff. Pressed her lips tightly together and turned on the ignition. Then she drove out of the parking lot of Kobe International Primary School and headed towards the south side of the city. Away from her own part of town. Didn’t even text before showing up, merely hoping that they had gone straight home.

… 

“Mina?” Sana’s voice sounded through the door phone.

“Sorry, is it a bad time?” Mina rubbed her temple.

“No, come up.”

“Well, I was more hoping you’d come down? Take me for a drink?” Mina leaned against the grey wall to the building in which her two best friends lived.

“I… sure, we’ll be- ugh, just a second.” Sana’s voice grew distant. “Momo! Change of plans, we’re taking Mina out!”

A confused whine sounded in the distance and Mina chuckled, guessing that Momo had just found food. It was about that time for her, pre-dinner time.

“Mina?” Sana returned to the door phone. “We’re coming down in a few.”

“Thank you…” Mina sighed, hoping her appreciation would sound through the door phone.

It didn’t take a few minutes. Barely took one. 

Just as Mina switched her footing, the door opened behind her and revealed Momo and then Sana.

“So,” Momo said, a crust cut sandwich in one hand, “Are we talking hammered, tipsy, or any stage in between?”

“Seeing as we have work tomorrow, just one drink before dinner.” Mina said with an air of regret.

“You’re so sensible.” Sana hummed, scrunching her nose, adjusting her hair so it flowed elegantly in the wind. Mina shook her head when Momo stared just a little too long. Didn’t comment on either.

“I just don’t wanna get fired on my second day for barfing into the trash can.” Mina said instead.

“Fair point.” Sana noted, and linked her arm with Mina’s. Momo did the same. 

As they walked, Momo told about how fun it was going to be to teach the new kids and marvelled that there was so much potential in someone with such cute little eyes. She never minded that there were kids who were downright hopeless, and Mina admired her for that ability. Sana, on the other hand, didn’t have that level of patience with her students, at least not on the inside. While she sweetly dealt with the kids in school she would openly complain about them to Mina and Momo. One of the few downsides to being a certified genius; it was occasionally hard to understand how someone couldn’t see the logic of multiplication. 

Mina smiled to herself. Even if the three of them had all ended up at the same college with the same career in mind, they had very different approaches to it. But while Sana might complain about the kids, both Mina and Momo knew that she hadn’t chosen to become an elementary school teacher just to piss off her parents - even if that was the official statement. She could’ve chosen a multitude of careers to achieve that. Somewhere beneath the sighs and eyes rolling at how hopeless they were, Sana loved them. Every single one of her students. Was the only teacher who learned every name on the first day. The only teacher who remembered every face at morning assembly, not just her own kids’.

… 

The bar was almost empty and wonderfully dim, not too big and calmly familiar. One they had gone to in their college time as well, especially during Mina’s last year when she had been dealing with her father’s death and having to go through her senior year without Sana and Momo by her side. She had been downright lonely. But her friends had been excellent at making her eat and cheering her up with odd texts and late night calls.

“The usual table?” Momo asked. Sana nodded and walked to the bar while Momo took Mina to a table by the far wall. They settled opposite each other, and Mina almost rolled her eyes when Sana joined them with beers and moved her chair to sit just a little bit closer to Momo than intended for the original dimensioning of the seating. 

No-one touched the subject of why they had come. They didn’t force Mina to speak. Merely toasted to the first day being over and drank. All three of them.

“Why did it have to be today?” Mina winced, having taken too big a gulp and felt it fizz down her throat.

“Because that’s how things work, baby.” Sana shrugged and clinked the neck of the bottle against Momo’s on the table and took another mouthful.

“Fateful irony.” Mina rolled her eyes stared down the bottle.

“Title of your sex tape.” Momo deadpanned.

“Title of my entire life, more like it.” Mina took another greedy gulp of the beer and hated herself for it. It was surely gonna hit hard, seeing as she hadn’t had lunch and no dinner yet either. And to top it off, she was on the brink of exhaustion by now. “It’s incredible how staring at a grave all morning can take away the mood to teach.”

“Did he like the flowers at least?” Sana asked.

“Of course. He loves daffodils. Loved. Loves.” Mina shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. She’d like to think as much at least. “It’s just weird, I kept thinking about stuff today that I haven’t thought about in a while.”

“Like what?” Momo asked.

“Like, I know I’m in my old classroom and all, and it’s my parents’ death day and it’s all just a lot, but I keep remembering back when I went to school myself. I keep seeing myself sitting at the little desk writing letters.”

“Letters?” Sana put down her beer and tilted her head slightly. Momo drank next to her.

“I-” Mina’s voice caught, and she felt her heart rate pick up just a bit. This exact part of her childhood was one she had mostly kept to herself. Mostly as in completely. The only one who knew of the letters, was, as far as Mina was aware, the recipient. Not because she was ashamed. She just hadn’t ever wanted to share her with anyone. But it had been so many years now, and there really was no harm in it, right?

“When I was a kid we had a project with a school in Seoul. I got assigned a student from their school to exchange written letters with. To improve our written Korean and our conversational sentence structure.”

“A pen pal?” Momo asked with a frown.

“Yeah, I guess that’s the best term for it.” Mina nodded. “And most of the others lost touch with theirs after a year or two, but I kept mine for seven years. Back then we used to write letters in class but as the project stopped we exchanged addresses so we could keep writing together, even though we weren’t really supposed to.”

“What about just calling?”

“I didn’t get a phone until I was twelve and even then, calling overseas was still expensive. I guess we could’ve emailed together or used MySpace or something, but it never really occurred to me to ask. It’s only in retrospect I’ve come up with those.” Mina shrugged. “I guess there was just a certain… aura? About writing. It was charming, and we exchanged so much.”

“How come you never mentioned this before?” Momo asked, emptying her beer. Took a sip of Sana’s and then winced. Mina guessed Sana had stepped on her foot under the table.

The next part Mina had to take a deep breath for. The main reason she had kept this to herself all these years. That she hadn’t wanted to share her with anyone. Just couldn’t ignore the little signs she knew were written underneath her table in the classroom.

“Because it sounds really weird if I say that the first person I fell in love with, I only met through letters.” Mina grimaced as she spoke and examined the beer label a little too closely.

“Wait, hold up. This is your first love? I thought it was that guy; the barista you told us about. What was his name again?” Momo looked like she was trying very hard to remember, but came up empty.

“Touma? No, he wasn’t my first love.”

Sana gaped at her. “Mina, you sneaky-” 

“It gets worse.” Mina dug into her jacket pocket and took out her wallet.

“Worse how?” Momo asked slowly, eyeing Mina suspiciously.

“Worse like this. Well, I mean not worse but- no, just hold on, I’ll show you.” Mina sighed and drew out an old letter, wrinkled and folded so small that it wouldn’t get hurt more than necessary in the unused coin space in Mina’s wallet. She knew it wouldn’t be a problem. But still, four years was a long time to know a person and not say anything. Especially considering that Sana and Momo were probably the least shy people when it came to talking about their own love lives.

With a sigh, Mina unfolded the letter and handed it to Sana, knowing that Momo couldn’t read the signs written. Watched how Sana’s mouth moved as she read and then how her mouth fell slightly open. Her eyes stared at the bottom of the page.

“Mina.” Sana said, looking up at the younger girl and then back down at the paper. 

“... Yeah.” Mina cringed.

“That’s a girl’s name.” Sana said with a frown. “Dahyun.”

“What?” Momo took the letter from Sana, seemingly forgetting that she couldn’t read korean at all, but pointed at the three characters at the bottom of the letter. “This is a name?”

“Yeah, that’s her full name. Each syllable has a sign, so  _ Kim _ ” Sana pointed at the first sign. “ _ Da _ and  _ hyun _ .”

“And-” Momo looked around to Mina, who was thoroughly busy examining a scratch in the table. One she had made almost a year ago with a key when she told them that her dad had died.

“Mina.” Sana said in a voice that made the youngest look up, lips pressed together. “Are you coming out to us?”

Mina shrugged. “It’s not that I- well, I just never found the timing, and never found a girl I wanted to take home.”

“But if you’re gay, then why did you date those boys?” Sana asked. “I mean no offense, they were cute but-”

“That’s because I’m not gay.” Mina said immediately. “Loving girls and boys, and any other gender for that matter, they’re not mutually exclusive.”

“Right. Right, sorry. I’m just trying to wrap my head around it. But is she the only girl you’ve-”

“Loved?” Mina asked. Nodded. “I’ve had crushes on others, but she’s the only one I really ever loved. Which sounds ridiculous, I never met her.”

“Of course you met her.” Momo interjected. “It’s not just face to face. You met her through the letters. And honestly? That can be just as powerful as meeting her in person.”

Sana nodded. “Do you know what she looks like?”

“Not at all.” Mina shrugged. “But it doesn’t matter anyways, she stopped writing when we were sixteen.”

“Do you know why?”

Mina shook her head. “She just stopped answering.”

“But you kept the letter in your wallet all these years?” Sana folded up the letter and handed it back to Mina. The youngest took it and put it back in her wallet. Put the wallet back in her jacket. Nodded.

“And here I thought you were my token straight friend and it turns out you were just a baby bi all along.” Sana sounded downright giddy, and her shoe gently nudged Mina’s leg under the table.

Mina smiled down at her beer and grabbed it, taking a big gulp, ignoring the uncomfortable fizz down her throat. 

Another nudge to her leg made Mina look up, and she noticed that Sana’s expression had changed from giddy to confused, her nose scrunching and her brows knotted. 

“But then if you’re bi, why didn’t you like me?”

“What?” Mina put the beer down and looked at one of her two best friends. Noticed how Momo scooted closer to Sana. Knew that she hadn’t noticed it herself.

“The entire reason we started hanging out with you was because I was trying to get a date with you, but you never reciprocated any of my approaches so in the end I assumed you were straight.” Sana explained.

Mina snorted. Looked from one of her best friends to the other, trying to see through the joke, but the eldest just shrugged and nodded. Had that really been how they had all become friends?

“You never acted any differently with me than you did Momo so I just figured that’s how you were.” Mina defended herself. She had never once considered that Sana’s affection might be genuine flirting. “But I mean now it makes sense, you were just flirting with both of us.”

“I don’t flirt with Momo.” Sana insisted, emptying her beer, side-eyeing Momo.

“Sure.” Mina mumbled under her breath, but Sana didn’t seem to notice. 

“You kind of do though.” Momo noted.

“I do not, I mean I’m flirty but I am with everyone, I never have actual intention.” Sana clicked her tongue.

Momo looked momentarily hurt but then grinned. “Good. But maybe you should take this as a sign that you maybe flirt too much in general. You might end up leaving a trail of hearts on your way.”

“Oh, come on, like anyone would ever think it anything more than just light flirting.” Sana rolled her eyes.

“Some might.” Momo insisted.

It wasn’t that Mina had expected some great spectacle about coming out to her two very openly gay best friends, but it had still made her more nervous than she had expected. Because of Dahyun. Because this was the first time she had ever said out loud that she had loved Dahyun. It wasn’t the thought of the gender that was scary. It was the person. The intensity of her feelings and the strength of their friendship in spite of such great distance. The hurt when Dahyun stopped answering. The desperation and the frustration that Mina had felt for so long afterwards, suddenly all alone in the world without the pen in her hand.

But she wasn’t alone anymore. She had Momo. And she had Sana. And she had a desperate urge to tell them to stop bickering about whether or not Sana flirted too much. 

…

_ July 10, 2003 _

_ Hello Mina _

_ I am nine years old. I like the way you write 화. Your korean is good already. It is fun to have a pen pal so far away. I like daffodils too, and tulips. I also like music.  _

_ I am good, how are you? _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Kim Dahyun _

…

There was a thing with the bad days. They passed. Some might have been followed by more bad days, sure, but they all passed. Fast or slow. Same was true for the good ones. For the okay ones. For the ones you felt you could fly and the ones where you could hardly get out of bed.

And a day turned to a week that turned to a month, and before she knew it, it wasn’t even spring anymore. Instead, the sun shone mighty and warm, burning holes in the clouds to the best of its abilities.

… 

The sun rose on one of the warmest days of summer, and Jeongyeon turned the sign in the little shop. Walked across the clean floors and adjusted one of the chairs on her path towards the counter. Everything was ready; the walls were painted and the little glass display full of her ‘artworks’, the entire place smelling like bread and lavender and coffee and warmth. Exactly how she had always imagined it.

It was a risky thing, opening a business on your own, but it was going to be worth it. She had made the calculations, ran the entire thing herself and was privileged to have the Yoo name to lean against when it came to cooking. Of course, living back at home wasn’t ideal but paying rent for the shop and a place of her own just wasn’t an option right now. She was already risking too much, and the minutes were passing without anyone showing up. The hardest most nerve-wracking minutes of Jeongyeon’s life. She could see the people walking by. Even saw a few that stopped. Then passed. And Jeongyeon’s heart felt like it was about to burst. Felt like it actually did when a girl hesitated only for a second and then headed into the store.

“H-hi! Welcome!” Jeongyeon tried her best not to be overly enthusiastic. Not to be reveal how flustered she was. And probably failed at both.

The girl just chuckled at her, “Hey, I see you finally opened.”

“I- what?” Jeongyeon frowned.

“No, I mean I just saw people working in here a few times on my way to work, and it’s nice that someone’s finally using the place. Been empty for a year.” The girl explained.

“Yeah, I got it for a steal, that’s probably why.” Jeongyeon felt herself relax. The door opened again and they both looked at the newly arrived customer. Then the girl looked back at Jeongyeon.

“Can I get a mocha to go and uh-” The girl scanned the glass display, “a cheesecake muffin?”

“Sure.” Jeongyeon nodded, turning from the girl to start making the coffee.

“It looks so cozy in here…” The girl muttered to herself, looking around with curious eyes.

“Thank you.” Jeongyeon sent her a smile over her shoulder. “Cozy is what I went for.”

“Well, you did brilliantly.” The girl complimented as Jeongyeon started working the shiny new coffee machine. It was hard to keep focus on the coffee with her heart in her throat out of nervousness, but somehow it got a little easier with the girl noting all the different details. The choice of wall decoration, the second hand chairs that were all different and gave the shop a quirky but fitting look - according to the girl.

“You know, it really fits you.” The girl turned finally as Jeongyeon finished making her coffee.

“Oh?” Jeongyeon frowned. “What do you mean?”

The girl opened her mouth as if to speak. Then closed it and looked suddenly shy. But then beamed. “I mean a beautiful store like this, it fits a beautiful girl like you.”

Jeongyeon didn’t know what to say. Just felt the smile spread along with a slight blush at the girl’s gaze. It was so genuine and curious, making Jeongyeon feel the compliment more than she had expected it to.

“Thank you,” was all Jeongyeon could think of saying, but the girl seemed pleased with that. Then she noticed the coffee in Jeongyeon’s hand and reached for it. Jeongyeon gave her the muffin too.

“Thanks!” The girl said, holding her nose close to the little hole in the lid of the coffee cup, smelling it. Then she turned and walked towards the store.

“See you around?” Jeongyeon called, not really knowing why. Maybe just to have the safety of at least one customer.

“Of course; if you want?” the girl turned back, her big eyes finding Jeongyeon’s. They sparkled.

Jeongyeon shrugged. Instinct. “I wouldn’t mind.”

The girl gave a chuckle and walked out. And Jeongyeon couldn’t help but look after her wondering if this would be it. If no one else would come but her. Would it be enough? 

But there was a next customer. And another one. And somewhere around noon, Jeongyeon started feeling like she might not become the failure she had been so scared of. That maybe she and this shop could become a thing that people sought.

…

The teacher’s office smelled like coffee and fall, and the buzzing conversations disoriented Mina for a second. With a glance around the room, she caught a glimpse of brown hair from one of the cubicles, and walked across the room, greeting the other teachers politely as she walked. 

“You busy?” Mina asked, leaning against Sana’s desk.

The older girl shook her head and took off her glasses, “I got ten minutes before class.”

Mina nodded, crossing her arms. “I’m gonna sell my parents’ house.”

Sana’s mouth fell slightly open and her eyes darted between Mina’s. “But I thought-”

“Yeah, I know we talked about moving in there, but I just don’t like the place. I tried sleeping there a few nights and I just hated it. I don’t feel at home there at all and just wanted to go home - to the apartment, I mean. And I know the market is pretty good at the moment and with a house of that quality, it should sell fast.”

Sana turned in her chair, clicking the pen in her hand before putting it on the table. Then took Mina’s hand in hers and gave a soft smile. “It’s your house, Minari. Sure, it would’ve been fun to live together all three of us, but we can just keep living like we are now, or we can find an apartment somewhere together.” 

“I’ll consider it, but for now, at least until I get the house sold, maybe we can just stay how we are now?”

“Of course.” Sana nodded, then bit her lip. “Are you going to tell Momo?”

“Yeah, sure, I mean- wait, she’s seeing someone again?” Mina frowned.

“Why? I mean yes, she is but what does that have to do with anything?” Sana seemed truthfully confused about the connection. And for a moment Mina considered saying something, but this wasn’t the time or the place. Or any of her business for that matter. So she merely shook her head and patted Sana’s hand.

“Nothing. I’ll tell Momo.”

“Thanks, Minari.” Sana smiled.

“Of course. Ugh, but now I actually have to empty out the entire house.” Mina sighed, leaning against Sana’s desk. The sudden realization had struck her harder than expected. “And it’s not like I can just give it all away. I know it’s been a year but honestly I haven’t even started going through things. I thought I’d have time to do that when we moved in.”

“We can still help if you want?” Sana offered. 

“What, help me go through all my parents’ stuff?”

“Yeah, you know, find out what to sell and what to keep. I mean I know your apartment is small so you can’t keep a lot but selling the furniture and stuff. But maybe wait until you’ve sold the place, sometimes the buyer is willing to buy furnished if the quality is good - which considering everything,” Sana gestured at Mina, “it probably is.”

“Listen, just because my dad was rich doesn’t-”

“You inherited their  _ mansion _ of a house and all their money, Mina, you are rich.” Sana said in a hushed voice. “Not just well off - but rich. You could travel the world for that money. And what do you do? You finish your studies and you apply for a base level teaching job, as if you don’t have an absolutely loaded bank account.”

“I like teaching…” Mina just said. Didn’t know how to explain that she despised every single yen in that account. Because she would’ve traded all of that to have her mom be alive or to just have her dad be present. That somehow that money represented every lonely dinner he had spent in the lab and she in their kitchen with her nanny. God, no wonder she didn’t care much for food. Not that she didn’t eat, she just didn’t care. It had never been something fun. Not that much of her childhood had been fun. Except for her games and her flowers. And her Dahyun. They had been the best parts of her growing up. 

…

Wind threatened to rid the branches of their last leaves and Tzuyu lowered her teacup. Looked out into the garden and shuddered. 

Winter was really on the way, huh? 

Placing the teacup in the door, the tall girl stepped into the slippers just on the porch and walked down the few steps and out into the small garden. An elderly lady sat on a bench under one of the many trees, reading a book.

“Ah, Tzuyu. Is it time?” The lady asked, closing her book.

Tzuyu nodded and offered her hand to the lady. “I’ll help you back out after lunch but you need to start wearing more clothes out here. It’s winter soon, and there’s no reason to tempt fate. We’d all like to keep you for a long while yet, Gammy. A warm heart needs warm cover to keep it so.”

“Mm, you speak too much wisdom for your age, little one.” Gammy said with a tired huff as she hoisted herself up by the help of Tzuyu’s arm.

“I’m not that little anymore.” Tzuyu said with a kind smile. She was kind of right, towering over Gammy like she did as they walked back to the house. Impossibly smaller than her granddaughter, she was.

“Oh, pish posh, I still remember when Chaeyoungie first brought you home.” Gammy tutted as Tzuyu helped her up the steps and onto the porch.

“It wasn’t that long ago, and I was tall even then.” Tzuyu said.

“Gangly is what you were. All skin and bones and with those big sad eyes of yours.” Gammy noted as Tzuyu bent down to hold Gammy’s shoes so she could step out of them. Then Tzuyu stepped out of her own slippers and opened the door to let them both into the living room.

“I still can’t thank you enough for letting me live here. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t- I don’t know what would’ve-”

“Shh, dear. There’s no use worrying about a reality that won’t be. Just sit with me and we’ll share a meal.” Gammy’s voice was stern but her eyes as soft as her granddaughter’s. And Tzuyu nodded. Got the soup from the stove where it had been left simmering, and poured it into three bowls.

“Is my Chaeyoungie coming home for lunch? I thought she had the field trip to Bukhansan today?” Gammy frowned.

“She does, but Nayeon stopped by a few minutes ago, she had to borrow some stuff, and I asked if she wanted to stay for lunch. I think she’s just in the bathroom now.” Tzuyu explained, carrying over the bowl for Gammy along with the rice, before going back to get the bowls for herself and Nayeon.

“And what about that charming girlfriend of hers?” Gammy asked.

“Don’t know.” Tzuyu shrugged. “I assume she’s at work.”

“And Nayeon?”

“I assume not, since she’s here.” Tzuyu looked at Gammy with a raised eyebrow.

“Aren’t you clever?” Gammy rolled her eyes. Tzuyu gave a breathy chuckle as Gammy tutted.

“Waiting for me?” Nayeon’s voice sounded in the door behind Gammy, and they both turned to look at her. With a bright smile, Nayeon walked over to Gammy, giving her shoulder an affectionate squeeze, before sitting down next to Tzuyu.

“How come the missus is at work and you’re not?” Tzuyu asked.

“Not my missus.” Nayeon corrected.

“Yet.” Tzuyu argued.

“I haven’t asked her yet, so calm it, will you?” Nayeon snapped. Tzuyu hummed something and took a mouthful of kimchi. It was wonderful and just the right amount of spicy. 

“Ask who what?” Gammy asked, very obviously knowing but wanting to be included in the conversation.

“Oh- uh,” Nayeon cleared her throat. “Well, I’m actually planning to ask Jihyo to marry me.”

“Is that so? Of all my girls, Im Nayeon. To think you’d be the one to find the purest love.” Gammy smiled.

“Yeah… The bitter bitch falls madly in love despite swearing that the first time would be the last.” Nayeon chuckled. 

Tzuyu bit her lip. Every time Nayeon brought up her past, it brought out the curiosity in Tzuyu. But Nayeon had never told much.

“Don’t use that word about my Nayeonnie.” Gammy said sharply pointing with her chopsticks across the table.

“It’s what you meant though.” Nayeon shrugged.

“That doesn’t mean you get to say it out loud. I’m just saying I’ve never seen a bigger hypocrite.” Gammy said with a shrug, 

“Ouch, who pissed in your tea?” Nayeon asked.

“Language.” Gammy narrowed her eyes at Nayeon.

“Sorry.” Nayeon reached for the rice. “I guess I’m too used to how the guys at the office talk.”

“Well, you have time to work on it before raising your own kids.” Gammy insisted.

“Kids… god, we’re-” Nayeon took a deep breath. “I’m really going in for the full work...”

“You better give me some great grandkids, miss.” Gammy insisted.

Even though she wasn’t really Nayeon’s grandmother, or Tzuyu’s for that matter, they all saw her as that. Just like they saw each other as sisters. Had lived like that for years.

“It’s not like I’m your only hope, Gammy.” Nayeon argued.

“You really see any possibility of my little Chaeyoungie with her head in the clouds, settling down with a family? No, I bet you she’s gonna come dragging some blue haired oddball and tell us all this is her fairy girl and that they plan to elope and settle in Croatia.” Gammy rolled her eyes.

“That’s specific.” Nayeon snorted.

“Not unlikely though.” Tzuyu mumbled. “You know she has a peculiar taste in girls.”

“Yeah, not my taste at all.” Nayeon chuckled.

“That’s because your only taste in girls is taste in girl, singular.”

“What can I say-”

“Not  _ that _ .” Tzuyu warned. 

Nayeon just laughed and winced when Gammy kicked her under the table. The sound of their bickering filled the kitchen with sound and Tzuyu’s heart with love. It was just their way of talking, and nothing was more home than when they were all together. Preferably all her sisters, but at least one was better than none. 

…

  
  


The sun had almost set, and Mina let out a long deep breath, as if hoping her soul might leave her if she emptied her lungs enough. She leaned back against the wall, looking into the room. 

It was the third weekend of Mina going through the house, deciding what to take, what to sell, and what to keep in the house for the new owners. The buyers had agreed to take all major furniture but the smaller things like appliances and decorations would have to go. There was only a month until the house would be handed over to the new owners, and Mina was starting to feel the pressure.

Even so, there was some so far unknown to her reason, that made her turn down Momo and Sana’s offers to help. Every time.

She knew they were worried about her, and that they wanted to help. But there was something about this house that made her refrain from inviting them in. Almost as if she couldn’t bare to show them this part of her past. Couldn’t bare to show them where she sat at dinner or the unused couch. All the parts of their home that was never used. It was just there for show.

But there was no use in dwelling on that now. The only thing she could do from here was to keep going. Because the house would become a home in a month and Mina still had her own room and her parents’ bedroom to go through before it was ready. Of course she would have to properly clean it as well, but that wasn’t a big deal.

This, however, was. Her childhood bedroom. With white walls and a perfectly unused dollhouse in the corner. With what she knew to be an entire closet full of all the things she didn’t want her dad to see. Not that he was in her room. Ever. But in case he ever wanted to. He was the kind of man who appreciated clean surfaces and simple decorations. So Mina decorated her room as such. Kept her soul in the closet. Ironic now that she thought about it.

With a last deep breath, Mina pushed herself off the white wall and walked over to the closet, opening both doors wide. The smell of dried flowers and dust rushed up her nostrils and made her sneeze. Then she looked at the contents of the closet. Half of the closet was taken up by a clothes rack, on which hung only her old uniforms and recital dresses that she hadn’t wanted to take with her. 

When she had left the house at the age of 19, Mina had barely brought any of her belongings. Had left as much as she could behind. Even most of the letters from Dahyun. It was really only the one letter she kept in her wallet, and the rest, along with her old school projects and video games were all here. She had wanted as much of a clean start as she could. Back then, she hadn’t realized that it would just be postponed until this day. It had just come a few years sooner than she could’ve imagined. Really, she hadn’t planned on being an orphan at twenty three. And now, a year later, she was still not ready to face it for real.

But there was no other way.

Well, she could just stack the boxes and take them home with her without looking through them. But there wasn’t really room for it, and the lack of assigned storage space meant that they would just stare her down, stacked in the living room. So really, it was the best option to just get it over with. She had even decided that when she came here today.

And so, Mina took a black box from the top shelf and sat down on the white carpet. She already knew what it contained. It was why she had started with that particular one. Better just rip off the band aid.

It had all of the letters she had ever gotten. And every single one of them was from Dahyun.

But why was she even looking through it? She was going to keep them all anyways. So it was just a waste of time. Except she still took the top envelope, just to stare at the way Dahyun wrote her name. It was one of the later ones, Mina knew by the hand-writing. It was after Dahyun had started writing with a pen instead of a pencil. Which meant some time in 2009 or 2010. At the very end of their friendship.

Mina withdrew the letter from the envelope and read through it. Felt the smile spread across her face and the giggles bubbling from her lips at Dahyun’s many jokes twined within the sincerity of her words. In this letter she told about the cold winter and the award show she had watched with her brother. Told about sleeping over at her best friend’s place, and the best friend’s grandma who made the best samgyetang. That she had made it when Dahyun had gotten cold on the mattress overnight and woken with sniffles.

Mina closed the letter. Felt a sigh build through her bones and decided not to read any more. She would just get lost in the high of dreaming herself into Dahyun’s world like she used to. Putting the lid back on the box, Mina remembered the letter she herself had written. The very last one. The one that held her heart in a few nervous sentences.

_ June 15th 2010 _

_ Dear Dahuyn, _

_ I hope your friend is doing better, the one who lives with her grandma. It must be so hard. But I hope you’re taking care of yourself in all this, too. It’s so noble that you want to be there for her, with the trial and everything, but I’m hoping that you have someone who can help you when you need it too. It’s hard to take care of someone else if there’s no one to take care of you. I for one will do my best to be here for you. _

_ The tulips are growing beautifully. Thank you so much for the advice on how to keep them. The new soil is perfect, they almost look like they’re smiling at me. I wish you could see them. _

_ My dad is smoking again, by the way. I knew already that he wouldn’t keep his promise, but it somehow still hurts every time I see him go back on it all. He coughs a lot at night. I fear that it will take his life someday. I’m scared. _

_ I also have to tell you something. There’s someone I like now. Someone who means the world to me, and I’m really happy. But I fear that my feelings won’t be returned or that I’ll be thought weird for my feelings. It’s scary, but I hope that one day I can be theirs. Despite the odds. _

_ Love, Mina. _

_ Ps. I hope you enjoy your weekend away, and that the letter reaches you before you leave! Camping is always so much fun! Make sure to buy lots of marshmallows and eat well. _

… 

_ 7:46 pm Nayeon: How about this one? _

Nayeon sent the text to Tzuyu with a picture taken of her computer screen. The image was of an engagement ring and it was the fifth message she had sent - the fifth image. Tzuyu hadn’t answered any of them so far, but Nayeon kept sending the pictures. Knew that Tzuyu didn’t mind and would eventually answer back.

Keeping the windows with the rings open on her laptop, Nayeon opened another one and logged into her bank account. With narrowed eyes she looked at her savings. She would have to afford the actual wedding rings too, but with minimal spending over the summer, she had officially managed to save up enough money to get Jihyo a decent wedding ring. Not one with a diamond, but a real gemstone and more than 8 carat gold.

Honestly, Nayeon knew that Jihyo wouldn’t mind not having one. That it didn’t matter if Nayeon had gotten her a ring from a toy vending machine or none at all. But this was something Nayeon had decided that night she had stared at the door, realizing what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. She wanted to give Jihyo something fancy for once. Or at least fancy for their standards. Not to brag to the world. It wasn’t a matter of that. It was a matter of Nayeon’s stomach bubbling at the thought of presenting Jihyo with something like an actual real engagement ring, gemstone and noble metal and the lot.

Just as Nayeon was about to go back on the websites selling rings however, the buzzer sounded and instinctively she shut the laptop closed.

“But…” Nayeon got to her feet, realizing that it couldn’t have been Jihyo. She wouldn’t have used the buzzer. Unless she had forgotten her keys at the youth centre. But even then, she wasn’t supposed to be home for another hour.

“Hello?” Nayeon asked.

“It’s me, let me in.” Chaeyoung’s voice said through the voice system.

“I, uh-” Nayeon said, automatically pressing the button to let Chaeyoung in.

Opening the door, Nayeon waited for Chaeyoung. She leaned against the door jamb, listening for the sound of the elevator carrying Chaeyoung up to the 8th floor where Nayeon and Jihyo lived.

The elevator sounded, and Chaeyoung appeared as the doors pulled aside, her hair in braided pigtails and a box of something in her hands. She seemed a little flustered, but at the sight of Nayeon she lit up, her dimple showing as she smiled.

“So, rings huh?” Chaeyoung asked before she had even reached Nayeon.

“How’d you-” Nayeon asked, her arms naturally around Chaeyoung as soon as she was close enough.

“Tzuyu sent me, she’s at work tonight.” Chaeyoung said, drawing back.

“Oh right, she started taking shifts at CU, I forgot about that.” Nayeon opened the door enough for Chaeyoung to slip inside.

“Yeah, I just stopped by to get something for Gammy and she said you’d texted her three times in half an hour.” Chaeyoung took off her shoes and kicked them to the side.

Nayeon closed the door and put Chaeyoung’s shoes side by side. Then walked after Chaeyoung over to the big bed. Chaeyoung had already flopped down on it, opening the box.

“Muffin?”

“Uh-” Nayeon felt seriously disoriented, but this wasn’t a new occurrence when it came to Chaeyoung. She took a muffin nonetheless.

“So, are we going to find a ring for Jihyo or not?” Chaeyoung asked, taking the other muffin and putting the box aside, gesturing at the laptop.

“Y-yeah.” Nayeon shook her head to clear her mind, and then settled on the bed beside Chaeyoung. Muffin in one hand, she opened the old laptop and typed the password awkwardly. Then turned it so they could both watch.

“You were considering that one?” Chaeyoung asked, mouth stuffed with muffin and pointing at the first site that showed up when Nayeon had unlocked the computer - the most recent one.

“I guess?”

“Then no.” Chaeyoung determined. “You’ll know it when you see it.”

“And the others?” Nayeon asked, closing the tab and revealing the next. 

“What do  _ you _ think?” Chaeyoung asked, taking another bite of muffin.

Nayeon copied her to buy a little time, looking at the ring. It had three stones set side by side, the middle one a little bigger than the other two.

“I think I want one of those that only have one stone?” Nayeon scrunched her nose. “I think she’d want something really simple.”

“So a solitaire.” Chaeyoung nodded.

“Is that what they’re called?” Nayeon asked.

“Yeah. So now you have to decide what style of solitaire.” Chaeyoung said, but Nayeon just frowned at her, so she continued. “First the setting of the stone. There are three basic styles; channel, bezel, or basket. I vote basket personally. It’s the same style as the one you just had there, but with one stone.”

“Oh, I like that style a lot.” Nayeon nodded. “Where you can see the stone from the sides.”

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung said, nudging Nayeon’s hand to take control of the mouse. Then she filtered the search on the website, and the ring selection narrowed a lot. Took another bite of the muffin. Nayeon just sat there with hers.

“This?” Chaeyoung pointed at the screen with what little was left of the muffin.

“Yes, definitely that shape.” Nayeon nodded. “But there are still a lot of different ones?”

“Yeah, well, now you choose stone size and ring shape. Maybe here you just scroll through.” Chaeyoung said, turning the laptop a bit to let Nayeon go through it again.

“How do you know so much about this stuff?” Nayeon asked, slowly scrolling through the page. They all looked so similar.

“I found mom’s old engagement ring a few years ago and it just sparked my interest. I think I was trying to hyper-rationalize it so instead of looking at the sentimental value of it, I tried to find out what the cut and stone was called, and I ended up finding out a whole lot about it.” Chaeyoung said as if it was nothing.

Nayeon hummed and scooted closer, tugging at the younger girl until her head was in Nayeon’s lap. She giggled a bit but just curled up, pointing at the screen every now and then.

“That one.” Nayeon said after a few minutes, stopping at a ring in the right column. She clicked it and looked at the close-up. It was a mix of a basket and bypass setting.

“Yes.” Chaeyoung immediately agreed. “And that stone and metal?”

“Uh.” Nayeon, frowned looking at the menu. “Okay, so probably gold? She prefers gold to silver as far as I know. Not that she has any jewelry that are actually gold, but she says she likes the shine of gold more.”

Chaeyoung nodded. Took another bite of muffin. Nayeon still hadn’t taken a single bite of her muffin. “And a white stone?”

“I think so?” Nayeon wasn’t sure. “Isn’t that the classic thing?”

“Classic would be silver with a diamond. But diamonds are extremely expensive so I’d say go with a white sapphire if you’re going for a white stone. But honestly there are so many pretty gemstones you could choose from. You don’t have to go the classic way.”

“Mm... I don’t know.”

“Maybe try going through the combinations of metals and stones?” Chaeyoung suggested, pointing on the screen at the different options. 

Nayeon nodded, but going through the stones, she kept coming back to the original one. The gems were all so pretty and different, but when she imagined Jihyo with the ring on her finger, there had only been that one color. She couldn’t help it. She always associated the sparkling brilliant with the commitment she wanted to ask of Jihyo.

“Okay, I guess we found it.” Chaeyoung chuckled, finishing her muffin. 

“Y-yeah. Do you think it’s dumb? I mean a white sapphire is a lot cheaper, and it would only be 0.5 carat, or not even that. But I want her to have it.”

“It’s not dumb. You’re a hopeless romantic, but it’s not dumb. I think Jihyo is so damn lucky to have someone who insists on giving her diamonds with a lousy salary.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Oh, by the way, do you want it engraved?” Chaeyoung asked, tapping the mousepad to choose a different close-up picture.

“No, that’s so cheesy.” Nayeon scrunched her nose and took a bite of her own muffin finally. It tasted heavenly. “Where did you get these? They’re amazing.”

“Oh, a local bakery opened a few months ago down just up the hill from Gammy’s, near panpal-gil. And the owner is _ so _ pretty.” Chaeyoung explained. 

“Oh yeah?” Nayeon sent Chaeyoung a smirk.

“Hey, don’t get any ideas, she’s my muffin girl.” Chaeyoung pointed at her warningly.

Nayeon almost choked on the muffin. “You- Chaeyoung you can’t call her that.”

Chaeyoung blushed deeply, seemingly realizing what she had just said. Then shrugged and pretended her cheeks weren’t flaming. “Well she’s mine so. Hands off.”

Nayeon sniggered at her sister. “Chaeyoung we’re picking out an engagement ring for my girlfriend, you think I’m interested in your girl?”

“Doesn’t hurt to make sure you know it.” Chaeyoung shrugged. “You seriously don’t want it engraved?”

“Do you think Jihyo would like it?” Nayeon asked, looking at the clock.

“Oh, definitely. She loves that sentimental stuff when it’s from you.” Chaeyoung shrugged.

Nayeon nodded. Knew that Chaeyoung was right. “So, what should I have it say?”

“Uh, how about the date you met? Or- okay, wait.” Chaeyoung sat up, taking the muffin away from Nayeon. “If you could describe in one world how you feel when you’re with her, what would it be?”

Nayeon frowned, thinking about it for a moment, and then snorted. The irony was almost too much. But it was also perfect somehow.

“... Lucky. I feel lucky.”

… 

The cool air swept through the streets and Mina shuddered. Momo’s arm held tighter around her shoulders and she hummed, leaning on the older girl’s shoulder. Who even allowed November to be this cold? 

“I thought I’d be ready.” Mina muttered.

“You’ll never be really ready, but it’s okay. The new owners will give it the life it deserves.” Sana said, stroking over Mina’s hair.

The three of them were standing outside Mina’s old house, looking at it. They were waiting for the new owners and the real estate company to hand over the last documents and round the house. Momo and Sana had insisted on going with her, even if Mina didn’t want to let them inside the house. Maybe they understood why Mina hesitated.

“Miss Myoui?” Someone called behind them, and Mina snuck out of Momo’s arms to look, finding a couple walking towards them with two kids between them. The girl around five and the boy a little older. Mina wondered briefly if the girl would get her old room. Whether the house would be kinder to the girl than it had been to Mina.

Mina greeted the couple while Sana and Momo waved the children over, entertaining them while Mina talked business with the parents. Originally it was supposed to be the real estate agent handling it, but as he was nowhere to be seen, and Mina didn’t feel much like staying longer than she had, she went through it herself. Most of it was just formalities, but a few things were crucial. Most importantly, she had to make sure they knew the code to the house and had the key for the manual lock, as well as old insurance papers and other official documents. Mina explained everything as well as she could - which was actually very well, and then handed over the folder containing the official papers.

“Thank you so much.” The woman said kindly. 

Just then, however, the real real estate agent decided to finally show up, and thus, they ended up going through it all once more. Just to please the real estate agent.

“Okay, so before we can finish this off, we need to just test the code and make sure everything works.” The real estate agent said kindly.

“Sure. There are two doors that open with the keypad and then the mailbox, which uses the key there.” Mina pointed at a silver key next to the electronic key to the house.

The man nodded and the woman called the kids to her side. They were still giggling slightly when they joined their parents. It seemed that Sana and Momo had been plenty good at keeping them entertained. 

Mina watched with a little sting of regret, how the four of them walked up to the house a real family. Yet she couldn’t help but smile at how the dad lifted the girl up to let her press the electronic key to the keypad. He praised her good efforts, and pressed the code. Let the girl stay in his arms while he let them inside. The mom and son first. Then the two of them.

“They’re going to fill the house with love.” Mina mumbled quietly, feeling Sana’s arms around her waist and Momo’s hand in hers. Loved them for being there to unconditionally.

The three of them watched the house for a minute, waiting for them to come back out. And when the father finally did, the girl still had her arms around his neck, head safely buried in his shirt. He walked towards them with decisive steps, and Mina felt Sana’s arms loosen, but she held a hand over Sana’s, keeping her there. She needed the strength. But to Mina’s surprise, the man didn’t address Mina or the real estate agent, to bid them farewell. Instead he held up the key for the mailbox. Right, she had forgotten that.

“This one?”

“For the mailbox?” Mina asked. “Yeah.”

“You want the honor, Nako-chan?” The man asked, handing the keys to his daughter. The girl nodded happily and let go of her father’s neck for a moment to reach for the mailbox on the side of house close to where Mina stood. The man took a few steps to get closer and Mina watched as the girl unlocked the mailbox.

It wasn’t empty.

“Huh, guess someone wanted to get a last word in.” The man said curiously, taking the letter and turning around, handing it to Mina.

Mina however, had stopped breathing. She had recognized the handwriting immediately. Didn’t need to turn it around to know who it was from.

“You okay?” Sana’s voice was quiet enough that no one else would hear.

“Dahyun…” Mina breathed, holding the letter. She felt like she would’ve fainted if Sana hadn’t been holding her.

“Everything okay?” The real estate agent asked.

Mina didn’t answer.

“Yeah, we’re good. Is the paperwork okay?” Momo moved closer, almost protectively. Definitely protectively.

“Yes, everything is done. Nothing left now. The house is officially sold and handed over.” The real estate agent said proudly.

“Good.” Mina mumbled, barely aware of herself. Just stared at her own name on the front of the envelope. Then tore her eyes from it and looked up at the father, gently pushing Sana’s arms away. “Sorry, uh. I hope you find joy in the house. I have to leave, but thank you.”

The man seemed a little taken aback by Mina’s sudden change in manners but bowed respectfully anyway, and Mina did the same. Then turned and walked away, Sana and Momo walking after her.

They didn’t get far. Only around the corner. That was how far Mina’s legs could carry her. And then she felt her knees buckle. Momo however, was fast, an arm around her waist, leaning them both against a wall.

“I thought you said you lost contact?” Sana asked, the letter clutched tightly in Mina’s hands.

Mina nodded.

“Do you want to open it?” Momo asked.

Again, Mina nodded. And with the heaviest exhale of her life, she turned the letter and started opening it. It ripped several places, but it was the best she could do. And eventually she got the letter out. It was written in korean, with Dahyun’s easily recognizable writing.

The tears fell at the first two words.

_ Dear Mina, _

_ I know it’s been years, and I don’t even know if you still live here. You probably don’t, but maybe your dad does. Anyways, I wanted to write you and apologize. I’ve wanted to so many times, but I’ve been so ashamed of myself, and it’s not until this fall that I’ve felt like I had the strength to look into this part of my past. Not that I consider you my past, but you’re a part of the life I had before everything else happened. And I know this isn’t exactly the sort of thing you tell in a letter because it’s harsh stuff, but I wanted to make sure you know why I stopped answering. _

_ I wrote to you a few weeks before it happened and told about a camping trip. We went that weekend, but while there, my parents and brother went out to get dinner while I stayed on the campsite. Both my parents and my brother died that day. They said it was a solo accident - that my dad hit a tree. They all died. I was absolutely broken, and I just didn’t have any power in me to explain what happened even though I got your letter.  _

_ Writing it to you somehow made it real. _

_ But then weeks turned into months and I grew more and more ashamed of myself for not answering you, because I wanted to. I wanted your comfort, yet I didn’t know how to ask for it. And now I’m here, and I’m hoping you can somehow forgive my lack of strength and weak mind. That you can forgive me for not telling you, and for letting you go. _

_ I guess that’s partly why I’m writing you now. Forgiveness. But also because you deserve the truth, even if it comes too late. _

_ I never forgot you. _

_ I hope you didn’t forget me either. _

_ Love, Dahyun _

_ Ps. Do you still love daffodils? _


	2. ACT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the overwhelmingly positive response on act 1, I can truly say that it warmed my heart and soul. I hope you’ll have patience with the story and not jump to conclusions, but watch as it folds out with open hearts, open minds and bravery.  
Be gentle, be kind, to each other and to yourselves.

“Is it weird that I can imagine her voice asking me that? If I still like daffodils?” Mina asked, running the key into the scratch on the table in their usual bar.

“No,” Sana shook her head. “I think we always assign someone a tone in our head, adding to their personality. You know, filling out the empty spaces.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course.” Momo said, taking a gulp of her beer. “But you know, there is a way to find out how it sounds for real.”

“What do you mean?” Mina asked with a frown, digging the key deeper into the table. 

“I mean you could call her. You have her address now. You can look her up in the white pages and call the number that fits the address? I’m guessing you already tried just looking her up online, right?”

“I… Well, not really.”

“Why not?” Sana asked, completely baffled.

“I didn’t want my dreams to get more accurate, you know? It’s hard to keep thinking ‘what if’ if you can’t put a face to all your daydreams.” Mina said in a small voice, feeling the warmth in her cheeks. She didn’t tell them how many times she had  _ almost _ looked her up. Almost looked for her. “After she stopped answering, I just- it broke my heart, so I didn’t really think looking her up would help me in getting over her.”

“And now?” Sana asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do, I mean I feel so bad for her, and I want to talk to her about it, or just about anything, but what if that’s not her intention - getting back in touch. I mean you saw it, Sana. She was asking me for forgiveness, not… not friendship.” Mina felt caught. It was all so much, and she didn’t know how to deal with it. Her head had been a mess ever since she had opened the letter an hour ago.

“But she’s writing you after all these years. Clearly you’re important to her.” Sana argued, annoyingly logically. “You gotta answer.”

Mina closed her eyes for a long second, rubbing a hand over her face. “... I don’t know.”

“Sana is right. Please, just answer her..” Momo insisted. “She clearly wants contact.”

“How can you know?” Mina asked.

“You said she asked if you like daffodils. It’s an invitation. She wants you to answer her.”

“But then say I do answer her, what do I even say?”

Momo shrugged and swigged from her beer. “No clue, but honestly I think at this point you should at least call. I mean letters can get lost and you-“

“Or you could just go there?” Sana interjected, pointing her bottle at Mina. 

Mina gaped at her. “What?”

“Go to her.” Sana said as if it was nothing.“You know, go to Korea and find her.”

“No I heard you, I just wasn’t sure you’d heard yourself seeing as it’s absolutely insane. I mean you can’t be serious. Sana this is reality, you don’t just go to another country to find someone who-“

“Why not?”

“Because it’s crazy! It’s Absolutely insane.”

“Is it?” Sana argued, obviously living in some fantasy world. “I mean it’s not like she’s some stranger you guys were close friends for what? Six-seven years, right? Come on you must have day dreamed about it as a kid, huh? Going to her?”

What the everloving- this wasn’t real right? Sana had not just climbed inside Mina’s most secret heart and dug out the one dream she never wanted to admit. Because it was the kind of dream that never happened, it was reserved for rainy days and shitty rom coms.

“...Okay,” Mina entertained the idea solely to find a way to stop this madness, “let’s say I go. Then what?”

“I don’t know. Who cares?” Sana said, and Mina found sincerity in her voice. “Just live a little, Mina. Do something crazy. Go find this girl you’ve been friends with for so long. I mean you clearly still think about her, and she thinks about you. Come on. You don’t have to care about tomorrow. Just go.”

“What? Today?” Mina gaped. “Sana you’ve actually lost it.”

Sana rolled her eyes and tutted. “No not today, it’s a saying.”

Mina stared at her best friend with blatant distrust. Then turned to her other best friend. “Momo, please, tell her she’s crazy.”

But Momo was no help, a grin on her face and her arms crossed as she leaned back in her seat. “No, I’m with Sana on this one. Go.”

“Momo, come on. I can’t go, I have a job and- and it’s insane. I can’t just go to Korea because of a letter, that’s- that’s…”

“Oh, come on, Mina.” Sana rolled her eyes and put her beer down. “We have the break around Christmas and New Years, and you’re still thinking about her even now. Don’t you think it’s time to allow yourself to find out what this is? This is your shot.”

“No it’s not, this is just a letter! And even if it was  _ my shot _ or whatever, I still- I…”

No. No she wasn’t actually considering this. No way. Just because Dahyun wrote her didn’t mean she still thought about Mina, and especially not how Mina thought about her. Right? There was no way, was there?

For a moment, Mina imagined it. It hurt almost immediately.

“What? Still what?”

Mina pressed her lips together and put away the key. If the scratch got any deeper she might be paying for a new table soon. Then she took a deep breath and looked up.

“...I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“What if it freaks her out, if I find her? I mean it’s not exactly easy breezy, showing up in a different country like that. It’s insane. She’s going to think me insane. Especially showing up at Christmas, the most couple-y holiday of all. That’s just- no. No, there’s no way.”

Mina looked down at the scratch in the table, and cringed. It seemed that Sana and Momo sensed that she wasn’t done. But this last part took way more courage than the first bit.

“... I think” Mina sighed, “most of all, I’m scared that if I take her out of that box, then she won’t get back in it if I need her to. That if I find out who she is and it’s not what I imagined all these years, it’ll just be broken. It’s the one good thing about my childhood. She’s the one good memory.”

“Mina…” Sana’s voice was full of understanding and she reached forth a hand towards Mina. But Mina didn’t take it. She didn’t want their pity. But then Sana’s eyes locked on Mina’s and there was a hurt in them that made Mina immediately reach for the older girl’s hand. Damn puppy eyes. But the hand did help. It reminded Mina that even if Dahyun was the one good thing about her childhood, there were more good things now. And two of them were staring at her right now.

“Okay, let’s make a deal. I’ll try to find her, and maybe I’ll call her, but I honestly don’t think skipping off to Korea over Christmas in an attempt to find a childhood pen pal is exactly the way to go.”

“No, you’re right, it sounds like a fairy tale and why try to make your life that amazing?” Sana asked with a smug grin.

“It’s not necessarily a fairy tale. I don’t know that. It could just as well be an illusion breaking. I’m not sure it would be fair on any of us to create a situation like that.” Mina could already feel the pain, when Dahyun would look at her and reject her. Just the idea hurt so much, that she immediately felt the need to deflect. To get the image out of her head. So instead she emptied the beer and looked at Sana with a raised eyebrow. “And besides, it’s not like you have anything to hold against me, when it comes to choosing what could be amazing.”

Sana didn’t look like it connected in her head, but Mina didn’t really have the energy to get into the argument right now. Maybe one day Sana would just realize on her own accord. Or maybe Momo would.

“Just think about it.” Sana pleaded. “We’ll go with you if you want?”

“Sana…” Mina said, running a hand through her hair.

“I’m serious. We’ll go with you. Won’t we?” Sana asked, turning slightly to face Momo. It didn’t pass Mina’s eyes by that the younger of the two suddenly had her hand on the older girl’s thigh. Nor that it was making the oldest squirm slightly. 

“Sure, I mean I’ll have to find money but-”

“Don’t worry about that.” Sana said. “I make enough.”

“Right.” Momo blushed a bit. It was always a bit of a sore spot for her that Sana and Mina were from wealthy families while she wasn’t. But… Sana didn’t have access to their money. So how- weren’t they making the same as teachers?

Maybe the frown on Mina’s face had translated her thoughts or maybe Sana was just too smart for her own good, but she elaborated unprompted nonetheless.

“I earn a bit on the side from teaching university students.”

“Code for; rich ass parents pay her a buttload to get their hopeless kids through their classes.” Momo said dryly.

“Oh. I didn’t know you did that...” Mina said. “How long?”

“Since we talked about moving in together, to have savings ready.” Sana shrugged. “It’s only like five-seven hours a week or something, but it pays well.”

“Oh…” Guilt surged through Mina immediately, and she wished she hadn’t asked. She was the one who had originally suggested the three of them move into the house together, and she was the one who had called it off.

“Hey. It’s okay. Let’s just let the subject rest for now, and we’ll talk more when you’re ready.” Momo reached and took Mina’s other hand.

Some might have found it constricting. To have them hold on like they did. Mina might even have found it so if it had been a year ago. But now she felt safe. Tethered. Felt like it was going to be okay, no matter what she chose to do with Dahyun’s letter.

_ Do you still like daffodils? _

…

“Why is it already so cold?” Dahyun noted just as they emerged from the subway, coming up the stairs onto the busy sidewalk.

“It’s called winter.” Nayeon sent Dahyun a grin before lightly pulling at the younger girl’s arm to direct her down a little street to their left.

“It’s November, it’s not technically winter yet.” Dahyun scrunched her nose.

“It’s not even below celsius either so it’s not technically cold either.”

Nayeon couldn’t help herself but tease the girl a little. Dahyun wasn’t usually whiny like this, and it made it very hard to resist. And just as expected, Dahyun’s pout was an almost immediate response. She did always look so cute when she pouted like that.

“It’s lucky for me that the body acclimatizes to the cold or I would actually die once the real winter comes around.” Dahyun mumbled.

Trying to swallow her laugh, Nayeon shook her head at her little sister. Of course she would take the scientific approach for comfort. That was probably the reason why she was the only one who had managed to get enough scholarships that she could get her masters without getting seriously indebted.

“It’s just down this road, right?” Dahyun asked.

Nayeon nodded and tightened the scarf around her throat. Dahyun raised an eyebrow at her, but Nayeon just stuck out her tongue.

“I can’t believe you guys are actually getting married.” Dahyun shook her head with a sigh.

“Well, she hasn’t said yes yet.” Nayeon argued with a point of her finger.

Dahyun looked highly sceptical. “We both know there’s no way she’ll turn you down, or you wouldn’t have even thought to ask. You and rejection are not friends.”

“Hah hah.” Nayeon grumbled, directing them across the small street, between two parked cars and into a shop. Hot air blew over them and Dahyun shuddered and hummed. A summer child indeed, this one.

“Hello. How may I help you?” A man in his mid thirties moves around the counter of the little jewelry store, the suit slick and tailored. Nayeon admired it for a moment.

“I got an email that a ring was ready for me? Should be under the name Im Nayeon.” Nayeon said.

The man looked confused for a second, then looked at Dahyun, and then pressed his lips together and walked back behind the counter. Alarms immediately went off in Nayeon’s head and she took a step forward. No-one looked at Dahyun like that. Even if Nayeon knew why, and knew that the man had misunderstood the situation, she had also understood enough to know that it was prejudice that made his eyes narrow.

“Size 9, 14 carat gold, 4 prongs bypass solitaire setting with a 0.4 carat round cut SI2 diamond, color H. Engraved with the word ‘ _ Lucky _ ’.” The man read professionally from his computer, Nayeon nodding along to every word. It had taken a lot to learn what all of those were, but she and Chaeyoung had found the perfect balance, though it stretched right to the limit of what Nayeon could hope to afford, and though she had saved up for six months now, she was still two hundred thousand won short. Luckily for her, her sisters and Gammy had each pitched in with fifty thousand and had agreed on the order in which she would pay them back in the coming four months.

In front of her, the man behind the counter opened a drawer and pulled out a dark blue velvet box. For a moment she forgot all about his narrowed eyes, only envisioning how it would be to hold out the box for Jihyo, looking up at her and offering herself to the girl of her dreams.

“Wow.” Dahyun breathed when the man opened the box.

Nayeon bit her lip hard to avoid smiling too wide. It was exactly right. With shaking hands she reached forth and took the ring from the box, examining it closely.

“Unnie, it’s perfect. Honestly, if she says no, I’ll marry you just for that ring.” Dahyun sounded completely in awe.

Nayeon snorted. “Careful what you wish for.”

“Will you be paying through a bank transfer or on the card now?” The man said monotonously, holding out the box. There was an air of impatience around him.

Nayeon’s joy turned to annoyance at once. It wasn’t like they were doing anything illegal, so why was he being such a dick to her, a paying customer. Sure, it wasn’t the fanciest ring, but it was perfect for Jihyo and for them and it was something she had saved up for. So really, who was he to look at her like that? Self-righteous ass.

“I’ll pay by card.” Nayeon said confidently, though her heart raced in her chest. What if she hadn’t moved enough money onto the card and it got rejected? What if she had and it still got rejected just to mock her?

“Just insert it here.” The man said as if she hadn’t ever used a credit card.

Nayeon barely held her own tongue. It was only the memory of the cool gold against her fingertips that made her pull it together. With controlled nerves, Nayeon inserted the card and waited for the screen to change. Then she signed on the display and pressed the green button. Please. Please, it had to work. It couldn’t get rejected, it had to work. Please.

Three small light beeps made Nayeon breathe again. Maybe a little too hard, as the man looked at her with a hint of a frown. But she just put the box with the ring in her pocket and accepted the receipt.

“We’ll send you a receipt by email too.” The man informed.

Nayeon gave him a slight nod. “Have a nice day.”

The man bowed slightly. As much respect as he could manage, Nayeon thought as she turned around and walked out, Dahyun trailing after her.

The cool wind outside wasn’t a topic of discomfort this time, but rather a necessity as if only that coolness allowed Nayeon to properly breathe.

“You okay, unnie?” Dahyun asked carefully.

Nayeon nodded, clutching the velvet box in her pocket. “Yeah, I’m just- I hadn’t planned on his looks. I know I should’ve, I’m not stupid, I had just forgotten for a moment.”

“It’s okay.” Dahyun said, linking her arm with Nayeon’s. “You got the ring and you got the girl and now you just gotta learn to do the math to combine them.”

“Dubu, I’m a lesbian. I don’t do math.”

“Sucks for you, guess you’re never getting married then.” Dahyun teased.

Nayeon smiled into the ground. Her heart still raced at the thought, and she rubbed her thumb softly over the blue velvet. Then she looked around at Dahyun.

“Did you ever get an answer to that letter by the way?”

“To Mina? No.” Dahyun sent Nayeon a sad smile. “Guess it was to be expected, but it’s still a shame. I wish I could’ve made up with her somehow.”

“It’s not like you just ghosted her, you had a valid reason not to keep in touch for a while.” Nayeon argued as they headed back down the stairs to the subway.

“True, but the only facts I have currently, is that I sent her a letter two months ago and it’s been radio silence ever since.”

“You could send another one?” Nayeon tried. She couldn’t help it. The story of Dahyun and Mina’s friendship was a story only recently revealed to her, but she had gotten so intrigued by it, and by Dahyun’s expression whenever she talked about Mina, that it was impossible not to push. “Maybe try to find her in the white pages, in case she’s moved?”

“If I don’t hear anything by next week, I’ll send another one. Just in case the first got lost somehow.” Dahyun shrugged.

Nayeon nodded and held her phone over the t-card reader before passing through to the main part of the subway station. Dahyun followed soon after, and they headed in the direction of home. Well, Dahyun’s home. Gammy’s house. It had been years since Nayeon had resided there, though it was still more of a home to her than her parents’ house, and just as much as her home with Jihyo. Her home that  _ was _ Jihyo.

…

It seemed that the wind had decided to always have an agenda whenever Mina went to the graveyard where her parents rested. It pulled at her hair and her scarf, and Mina hissed when it blew around her bare ankles. But she went anyway. Walked across the grass between the grey stones until she reached the one she was looking for. The white roses lay unscathed since three days ago. 

Mina had been here a lot lately.

“Hi.” Mina breathed, crouching down in front of the grey stone. Carefully, she let her fingers wander over the metal letters on the stone. “I know it’s only been a few days, and that you’ve heard all of this before, but I need to talk to someone who won’t just turn their eyes at me and tell me I’m crazy.”

The stone didn’t answer. Mina knew her dad wouldn’t have answered, had he been alive either. But had he been, she wouldn’t even have told him.

“Momo and Sana keep telling me I should go find her. They tell me it’ll be an adventure and if nothing else we’ll have a blast in Seoul, that there’s so much to see there that it wouldn’t be a waste even if we don’t try to find her. But I’m not afraid that we won’t find her. I’m afraid that we will. I’m so scared that my entire illusion of who she is, will burst once I meet her. I have this idea of a soft and quiet girl with a quick mind and kind eyes. Eyes that sparkle and crinkle slightly when she laughs. And she has this blinding smile that makes everything better just by looking at it. And she smells like flowers and summer.”

Mina smiled to herself and closed her eyes. 

“I wish you could’ve met her. I wish you had known. I wish you cared.” The last part was only meant for her dad, and Mina hoped her mom would hear the bitterness in Mina’s voice and realize she wasn’t the target of that remark, and that she wouldn’t think too badly of Mina for her bitterness. “I’m sorry.”

Mina shook her head, staring at the roses in front of her. Softly she stroked over the heads and felt the velvet leaves return her love.

“I wrote her a return letter. I figured I’d send it, but it’s been two days since I wrote it and I still haven’t sent it. I walk by the post office twice a day, and I still don’t go inside. I don’t know why. But if you’ll let me, I’d like to read it to you?”

Why was she asking the stone? It wasn’t not like it could answer. But she liked giving her parents a fair warning. She liked to think her mom is holding her father back from any urge to run, and that she’s telling her softly to go ahead. And so Mina found the letter from her purse and unfolded it, reading out loud.

“Dear Dahyun. Thank you for writing me, even after all these years. It means a lot that you still think of me and care enough to explain yourself to me. I’m so sorry to hear about your family. No child should have to go through something like that, and I completely understand why you couldn’t keep in touch or talk about it. I’m just happy that you’re at a place now where you can talk about it. You have nothing to be ashamed about, and there’s nothing to forgive, but if you need it, forgiveness is yours. On my part, I’m now an orphan too, as my father passed away last spring. The smoking finally got him in the end, but I think it’s nothing he hadn’t seen coming. He was a doctor after all. I sold the house too, so the return address is different now. It’s lucky I even found the letter, as I hadn’t checked the mailbox in a month. Otherwise it would’ve just been the new owners of the house who found it. But anyways, I just wanted to thank you. I want you to know how grateful I am for your letter. How grateful I am to still have a place in your heart. I missed you so much. I hope whatever life you’re leading, that you lead it well. Let’s keep in touch from today. Love, Mina. Ps, I still love daffodils. Do you still love tulips?”

Mina looked down at her own handwriting. She had read it in Korean, the language in which it had been written, and knew that her parents wouldn’t have understood a word of it. But she appreciated them listening to her even so.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like if I send this letter, I still might never hear from her again. The letter could get lost or she could choose not to answer me. And I want to have her back in my life. Just writing this letter felt so wonderful and soothing, but if I go, like Momo and Sana tell me to do, then I’m robbing Dahyun of the right to decline me. And I’m taking away my own chance to dream. Sana says we should go no matter what, just for a vacation, not even for Dahyun. She says I need to get away, and I think she’s right. She also says she wants to go to taste korean food, and I honestly can’t blame her there; from what Dahyun’s told it’s absolutely delicious. I think-”

Mina took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“I think maybe I want to go with them, just to get away. But not to find Dahyun. That has to be her choice. She’s been through so much, and if she has any memories close to mine, I don’t want to rob her of the chance to keep me in the part of her heart where she wants me to reside. But I’m also scared I’ll see her in every person if I go there and don’t try to find her. I’m so scared, Mom. I don’t know what to do. But if I don’t do something soon, I will be the one who declines her. I’ll be the one rejecting her, and I don’t want that. I want- I just want… her. I want her back in my life. And God knows how long that letter has just sat there in the- in the mailbox.”

Mina stopped. Her throat closed up and she sniffled. Really, she wasn’t even sure why, but she knew that it was a reaction from saying it out loud.

“I miss you.” Mina croaked. Ran a hand over the metal again and stared at her dad’s name. “I miss you so much.”

Some would say that Mina’s father didn’t deserve her grief or her longing. People who didn’t know them. Even a part of Mina herself said that. But he was, after all, her father, and he had done the best he could under the circumstances. Even if many wouldn’t consider him for a passable grade in childcare, Mina couldn’t get herself to love him less.

“Dance with me when I die.” Mina whispered finally, looking at her mom’s name this time.

Then she got to her feet, folded the letter and put it back in her purse next to the unused envelope intended for it, and walked back towards her car.

The wind had died in the time it had taken her to visit her parents, and its absence somehow almost seemed more ominous than its presence.

… 

The scent of freshly baked bread somehow always made the cold a bit more bearable somehow. Or maybe just the knowledge of where the scent was coming from, and whose smile Chaeyoung would get to see soon. It had been a while since she had been around, but she hoped that the girl would still remember her. In her defense though, it hadn’t been her own choice. School had kept her unusually busy and with trying to earn money from painting she had barely had time to eat and sleep, let alone visit pretty girls in bakeries.

From the outside, Chaeyoung could see the girl standing behind the counter, her hair no longer brown like it had been last month but instead blonde. It made Chaeyoung smile; a smile she kept as she opened the glass door and walked inside the warm shop.

The blonde immediately looked up.

“Hey, stranger.” The girl’s voice was kind and her smile bright.

Chaeyoung immediately felt like running far, far away where there would be no risk of blushing, but the urge to get closer to the girl was more powerful.

“Hey, sorry it’s been a while.” Chaeyoung sent the girl an apologetic smile.

“I was starting to think I scared you off.” The girl grinned. 

Chaeyoung held her tongue for the flirtatious remark she was dying to make. Then realized those remarks were exactly what she should be doing, but the timing has passed now.

“What can I get for you today then?” The girl crossed her arms and tilted her head a bit. Her smile was a bit lopsided but it only added to her charm. Who even allowed her to be that pretty?

“Latte and a scone?” Chaeyoung had the order ready for a few days. “To eat here.”

“You’re staying? I’m honored.” The girl uncrossed her arms again and walked over to the big coffee machine.

“I had a little time today, so I thought I’d spend it here.” Chaeyoung noted with as much intention as possible.

The girl pressed her lips together, and Chaeyoung prided herself in getting the girl attempt to hide a smile.

“I like your hair by the way. It looks good blonde.” Chaeyoung continued.

“Yeah? I had it this color when I was younger, but it’s been a while since I dyed it.”

“It suits you.” Chaeyoung insisted, and she meant it. “But then again I think you’d suit any color, honestly.”

The girl raised a brow at her at this remark, and Chaeyoung buried her hands in the pockets of her jacket to create a little emotional distance. A tiny step too far too fast. Or at least that’s what she thought.

“You know,” the girl poured milk into the coffee, “a good first step in flirting is to give the person your name.”

Chaeyoung definitely couldn’t run from the blush now. The girl had seen right through her, but she didn’t seem to mind one bit. Instead she simply handed over the coffee and a plate with a scone.

“I-” Chaeyoung felt caught, with both hands occupied and no good response ready.

But the girl merely gave a chuckle and crossed her arms again. “I’m kidding. But I am interested in your name, since you seem intent on being a regular.”

Chaeyoung couldn’t tell if the girl really was really kidding or not, but she settled for giving the girl what she was asking for. “Son Chaeyoung.”

“Yoo Jeongyeon.” The girl, Jeongyeon said.

“Good to know. You know, in case I do start flirting.” Chaeyoung cleared her throat and looked down at the coffee. Then she turned on her heel and walked over to a table. Why did she say that? Why in the world did she say that?

She barely made it to the table however, before remembering that she hasn’t paid yet. For a second she’s almost on her way back to the counter  _ with _ the coffee and the scone, but the next she has gotten herself together enough to put the cup and plate down on the table and then walk back to Jeongyeon.

“Need anything more?” Jeongyeon asked.

“Uh, I forgot to pay.” Chaeyoung pointed at the items on the table.

“Oh.” Jeongyeon pushed herself off the back counter and walked up to the cash register. “Sorry, I should’ve paid more attention.”

Chaeyoung waved it off and paid, but she couldn’t help but look up at Jeongyeon every few seconds. Her heart was racing quite a bit more than she’d like to admit, and honestly, whatever interest she had for the past months was definitely growing into an actual crush by now. It was like she’s missed her without even knowing it, and now that they were in the same room again, it just seemed to escalate.

“Would it be okay if I did start flirting some time?” Chaeyoung blurted before thinking about it.

For a few moments, Jeongyeon merely stared. As if she hadn’t quite realized what Chaeyoung had asked. And Chaeyoung used those moments to pray that she would never realize.

Then she smiled. And it was the warmest smile Chaeyoung had ever seen.

“Yeah. That’d be okay.”

…

Sana stretched and yawned, but immediately receiving a whack from her best friend.

“What was that for?!” Sana whined, turning onto her side and pulling at the sheets. Momo had, as always, gotten completely tangled up in them.

“You can’t yawn after sex, it’s discouraging!” Momo whined, sitting further up in the bed but immediately shuddering at the cold December air hitting her bare chest.

Sana made a point of yawning theatrically but broke into a fit of giggles halfway through when Momo pulled the younger girl’s hair in front of her own face.

“Was it really that bad?” Momo asked, a hint of insecurity in her voice.

Sana stopped giggling immediately. “No, Momo. No, it wasn’t.”

Momo didn’t seem all that reassured, and Sana ended up crawling up to her, wrapping her arms around her best friend’s neck.

“Momoring…”

“Mh.” Momo sulked.

“Momoring, come on.” Sana pressed a kiss to her neck. Then to her jaw. To her cheek. And lastly hovered her lips over Momo’s own.

“Meanie.” Momo noted before catching Sana’s lips.

It was one of their softer kisses. The ones that never really led to more than just kissing. Sana loved those. They made her feel safer than she had ever felt in her life. Sometimes she wondered if she missed those more than the sex whenever Momo dated. Moments like right now, with the taste of Momo (and herself) on her lips, and Momo’s fingers scratching softly down her back. 

The bliss turned to panic in a matter of seconds, when the door slammed open without a warning. Instinctively, they both tried to cover as much of themselves as they could, with the same sheet, watching as Mina came trotting in.

Sana’s mind buzzed immediately with possible excuses for why they were naked in the same bed on a regular Sunday afternoon. But the thing was, that Mina didn’t the slightest bit fazed by it.

“I’m in.” Mina crossed her arms, looking from Momo to Sana and back again. “I’ll go to Seoul with you. But it's not to find her, that’s her choice. I sent her a letter this morning answering everything, I’ve had it written for weeks. And it also says when I’ll be in Seoul and it has my phone number. Then it’s her choice if she wants to meet me. But I’m going for me - to get out of this funk because you’re right, I’ve been stuck. I need to change my pace, for my own sake. So you’re not allowed to push me to find her when we’re there. But I’m in. We’ll go. … But just as you know, I am not sharing a room with you.”

Sana felt completely taken aback, and she looked at Momo for a moment before turning her eyes back up to Mina.

“Mina-”

“We only have a little over a week right after Christmas, so if we’re doing this, we need to order tickets and stuff fast. Are you in or not?”

For a moment Sana just sat there, completely unable to gather her thoughts. But then Momo spoke on both their behalfs.

“We’re in.”

“Good. I’ll get everything going then. Tickets and hotels and travel plans.”

“We can help.” Momo said immediately, holding the sheet to her chest while starting to rummage for clothes.

“Please, one minute here with you two - you know - it’s more than enough, I really don’t want to spend more time than necessary with your bare asses.” Mina cringed, bending down and picking up Momo’s pink bra, throwing it at her. “Though in hindsight, I really should’ve knocked. I just thought midday you probably wouldn’t be- but anyways, I’ll need your passports to order plane tickets but otherwise you just go back to, uh- whatever you call this.”

“Right.” Momo cleared her throat. “They’re in the second drawer beside the sink.”

“Thank you.” Mina said, turning around and heading into the kitchen with a shake of the head and a shudder. She quickly found what she was looking for, and then walked out, not sparing Sana or Momo another look.

As soon as the door closed, Sana deflated, laying flat on the bed and breathing heavily, eyes closed and hand on her heart. This was without a doubt the most embarrassing minutes of her life. And worse, she hadn’t felt like she was being caught with her best friend Momo. There was a moment where she had felt like she was being caught with a lover. But they weren’t lovers. They didn’t work like that. They were best friends, and experts at helping each other out. That’s the way they were supposed to be.

“I’m going to shower.” Momo said, her voice a little shaky.

Sana nodded and then opened her eyes, turning her head in Momo’s direction.

“I forgot to lock.” Sana admitted.

“It’s okay.” Momo shrugged. She seemed a little shaken herself but also like she didn’t want to discuss it. So Sana didn’t press the subject. Instead she watched as Momo got up, walking across the room, past Sana’s unused bed and into the bathroom. Really, who could blame her for jumping Momo at any opportunity when she looked that good? And really, what better opportunity was there, than saving a little water as well as getting to feel the toned body under her fingers? 

It would almost be rude to pass up.

…

_ Pps, my friends and I are going to Seoul right after Christmas for vacation, so if you wanted to meet up, we could? No pressure, just please text me if you feel like it. _

…

Today was the day. It definitely was. It didn’t matter that the sky was threatening Nayeon with rain or that the wind was cold. 

What mattered was the girl by the door to the youth centre, talking to one of the other volunteers. She seemed completely caught in their conversation, her gestures elaborate and her eyes attentive.

Nayeon tilted her head a bit and shifted against the wall, waiting for Jihyo to finish the conversation. Weird how she was standing there today, so close to where she had slipped Nayeon her phone number all those years ago.

It had been Nayeon’s first night at the youth centre (Chaeyoung had brought her), and Jihyo worked even then as a volunteer for the centre’s not too well-known LGBT department. It was such a cliche, Nayeon knew that too well, but honestly, the moment she had laid eyes on Jihyo, there had been no turning back. It had been the way she smiled and the way she seemed to emit an openness and strength that Nayeon had never known. Immediately, Nayeon had been drawn to her, and Jihyo seemed to sense it. Because at the end of the night, she had hurried after Nayeon, and given Nayeon a piece of paper. Nayeon didn’t remember the exact wording of the conversation. But she remembered the fire in Jihyo’s eyes and the feeling of her skin brushing Nayeon’s as she passed her the number. Her fluster when Nayeon walked away with it and her incredibly hopeless response to Nayeon’s comment that she was an idiot for breaking the rules.

_ Nayeon, _

_ I know we’re not supposed to give out our numbers to those who come here, but text me anyway. _

_ Jihyo. _

Underneath the note, Jihyo had scribbled her phone number.

Nayeon smiled at the memory, eyes still on her girlfriend, now finishing up the conversation. The woman she had been talking to bowed slightly and walked away, leaving Jihyo alone. It was Nayeon’s cue. Pushing herself off the wall, Nayeon walked towards Jihyo, slightly hidden by the darkness and the cars on the little parking lot. But Jihyo seemed to sense her anyway, because she looked over the parking lot and found Nayeon.

A grin spread across her face. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come pick you up.” Nayeon shrugged, walking closer. She had both hands in her pockets, one clutched around the velvet box and the other around a piece of paper. It had writing on both sides.

“I thought you were helping Tzuyu with her test tonight?” Jihyo asked with a slight frown as Nayeon reached her, letting go of the two items in her pocket to wrap her arms around the younger girl’s waist.

“She’s a fast learner, we finished early.” Nayeon shrugged. It was a lie. Nayeon had never been over at Gammy’s to help Tzuyu, but they had made up the story to avoid Jihyo suspecting anything.

“Smart girl.” Jihyo smiled in that way that made her eyes glint, hands on Nayeon’s arms, slowly sliding up and around her shoulders. “I guess you’re mine for tonight then.”

Nayeon chuckled and shrugged. “I’m always yours.”

Jihyo sniggered and shook her head. “You’re so cringey.”

“Oh, come on, you love it.” Nayeon wriggled them both a little.

Jihyo pursed her lips and then rolled her eyes. That was a yes.

“Did you lock up?” Nayeon asked. She didn’t want to risk Jihyo forgetting something she ought to have done with what was about to happen.

Jihyo nodded. “Yeah, I was about to leave when I saw you.”

“Good.”

“Should we go then?” Jihyo asked, making to let go of Nayeon, but Nayeon didn’t let go of her. She chuckled slightly.

“Do you remember the day we met?” Nayeon asked, finding Jihyo’s eyes.

“Oh, yeah.” Jihyo grinned. “Never had I ever noticed as many stolen glances as I did from you. It was Chaeyoung who brought you, wasn’t it?”

Nayeon nodded. “Yeah, it was. And please, you’re the personification of the sun itself, you can’t expect me not to stare.”

Jihyo shook her head and leaned up to kiss Nayeon. Probably to hide her blush or maybe just because she didn’t have a proper reply. But no matter the case, Nayeon only let her steal a peck. She didn’t seem all too happy with that, but Nayeon just let go of her waist with one hand, moving it under Jihyo’s arm and up to stroke Jihyo’s cheek. It was quite warm, even if the light didn’t show the redness.

“You gave me a note that day. Right over there, where that red car is parked.” Nayeon reminded her.

“Yeah. I gave you my number.” Jihyo smirked. “I never said I didn’t like it when you stared at me.”

“I remember Chaeyoung clowning me for how flustered I got by it.” Nayeon said softly. “It took me so long to actually dare text you, but I never regretted it after I did.”

Jihyo frowned slightly. Nayeon knew she was growing increasingly obvious.

“I never regretted any part of us. You’re the best part of my life, Jihyo. You’re-”

“Jihyo!”

Both Nayeon and Jihyo jolted, letting go of each other and looking behind Nayeon in the direction of where the sound had come.

“Jihyo, thank the gods that you’re still here.” It was the woman from earlier, but she wasn’t alone. She had her arm around the waist of a boy, holding him up with an arm around her own shoulders. He was halfway walking and halfway getting dragged by the lady.

“What happened?” Jihyo hurried past Nayeon, supporting the boy from the other side and helping him inside. “Hyunjinnie, what happened?”

“He found out.” The boy winced, a trickle of blood running from his head down his temple. “I’m sorry, Jihyo-unnie.”

“No, it’s okay, let’s just get you inside.” Jihyo assured him. Then she looked at Nayeon with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I have to stay.”

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Nayeon offered, feeling absolutely helpless. She never had a clue what to do in these situations. It was always Jihyo who knew what to do. Nayeon always just stood there.

“It’s okay, you head home, I’ll try to see if I can catch a train later if they still run, and otherwise I’ll be home tomorrow after work.” Jihyo and the lady helped the boy up the steps and towards the door. “Wait, but can you get the keycard from my pocket?”

Nayeon hesitated for a moment, then walked over and dug into her jacket pocket, taking the keycard. Jihyo told her the passcode and Nayeon pressed the keycard against the sensor and then pressed the passcode. The door gave a tiny click and Nayeon pushed it open.

“I’m sorry.” Jihyo really looked it.

“No, it’s okay. Text me when you know if you come home or not, okay?” Nayeon said as they walked past her.

Jihyo bit her lip and then nodded. Nayeon turned to leave, but Jihyo’s voice made her stop. 

“Nayeon?”

Nayeon turned. There was a pleading look in Jihyo’s eyes, and Nayeon knew that she needed the forgiveness even if she hadn’t done anything wrong. Nayeon smiled and leaned in, holding the door with one hand and holding Jihyo’s cheek with the other.

“It’s okay.” Nayeon whispered, pressing her lips to Jihyo’s forehead. “Go be my hero. I’ll keep the coffee warm and the lights on.”

Jihyo looked like she might start crying, and Nayeon ran a thumb over her cheek.

“I love you..” Jihyo whispered. 

Nayeon smiled and put the keycard back in Jihyo’s pocket. “I love you too. Remember to put on warm socks.”

For a moment Nayeon stared after them as the two women helped the injured boy down the hallway and then through a door to the right. Nayeon knew there was a room for people who needed a bed, but didn’t have anyone to turn to. People who didn’t have a Chaeyoung in their lives. As the door closed, Nayeon turned too, and walked out of the building. She put her hands back in her pocket and felt the velvet box under her fingertips and clutched the paper in the other hand.

It wasn’t exactly how Nayeon had expected the night to end, but she didn’t mind. She just loved Jihyo impossibly more.

…

Sometimes love is a waiting game. And sometimes it’s simply pain. But one thing is certain about love. It is always hopeful. Hope is the wrapping on the present and the day before christmas. And hope makes you check every day for an answer you’re longing for, only to confirm that you haven’t received one. 

Hope is the bringer of light and the bringer of pain. 

… 

“You really shouldn’t have the windows open for this long, Tzu.”

Tzuyu looked up from the paper she was writing, sending a smile to her sisters standing one beside the other in the door to her room.

“Tea?” Chaeyoung asked, though it was Dahyun who had the cup.

“Thank you.” Tzuyu nodded, moving back in her chair a little to invite conversation. 

With an inquiring look, Dahyun walked over to the desk, placing the cup on it before walking over to the window to close it. They were right, it was too cold now, but Tzuyu had been too caught in her work to really notice. 

“How’s the assignment going?” Chaeyoung asked, walking behind Tzuyu while Dahyun settled on the bed. For a moment Tzuyu wondered what Chaeyoung was up to, but the next moment she had started combing through Tzuyu’s long dark hair with lazy movements. The gesture made Tzuyu automatically close her eyes and lean into it.

“I’m almost done.” Tzuyu opened her eyes again, sending Dahyun an apologetic look. “Which is good because I have a shift at seven tomorrow.”

“Don’t you think you maybe work too much?” Chaeyoung asked, gathering the hair in a ponytail and tying a hair tie around it.

“I don’t really have a choice.” Tzuyu sighed, accommodating Chaeyoung who had now moved around to sit in Tzuyu’s lap. “I don’t earn much from being a cashier, and I really need the money.”

“Have you ever thought about looking for a job outside the service industry?” Dahyun asked, nodding at the tea.

Tzuyu gave a small hum and reached around Chaeyoung to take the tea. “Well, if I could get a job as an assistant at one of the companies I’m hoping to work for later that would of course be ideal, but I never heard back from any of them.”

“What about something less traditional?” Chaeyoung asked.

“What do you mean?” Tzuyu sipped from the tea, feeling how Chaeyoung played with her free hand, twining and untwining their fingers lazily.

“Well, have you seen yourself? I’m sure if you tried, you could get modelling jobs. They pay better, for sure, and you’d be able to build a proper resume and get in touch with people in the business. It’s the fashion companies you want to work for anyways, right?”

Tzuyu took another long drink of the tea. To buy herself time.

“I wish. I honestly really wish. But I can’t do anything that might alert my parents of my whereabouts in case they get any ideas.”

“You’re an adult, they can’t do anything.”

“You’d think. But they’re experts at controlling people, so even if they can’t do anything legally, you can bet they’d harass Gammy and you guys until I do what they want. It’s actually the only thing that keeps me from doing exactly what you suggested.”

“What, modelling?” Chaeyoung turned slightly in Tzuyu’s lap.

Tzuyu nodded. “I was a model from when I was five, until I started high school. After that my parents found it best if that part of my life was forgotten about, in order for a man to find me a suitable wife. I wanted to keep modelling, but they wouldn’t have it. It was the one thing I always really loved doing, I was so good. In the end I threatened them that I would just do it without them knowing, and they paid off all the Taiwanese modelling companies they could, to blacklist me.”

“You know, every time you talk about your folks, I get a little nauseous.” Chaeyoung said dryly.

Tzuyu chuckled. “Well, right back atcha.”

“Ey, the shitty parents club.” Chaeyoung held up a hand, and Tzuyu touched it softly, a smile growing on her lips. But the next moment Dahyun squirmed on the bed, and the two younger girls looked over at her.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault.”

“Your parents were good, weren’t they?” Tzuyu asked. Despite the fact that they had lived as sisters for years, Dahyun’s parents had always been a hushed subject. She never really brought them up herself, and when people tried, she always shut down and changed the subject. So they learned to avoid it, mostly.

“... Amazing.” Dahyun breathed, trying to smile, though it quivered slightly.

Immediately Chaeyoung crawled off Tzuyu’s lap and in two long strides she was by Dahyun’s side, tugging the girl close.

“It’s okay.” Chaeyoung hushed.

Tzuyu looked at her sisters. Tugged her feet up and hugged her knees with one arm while holding the tea in the other hand. And there was a moment where she considered if she should’ve gotten up as well. But the next, Dahyun looked over at her as if she had sensed Tzuyu’s insecurity, and there was kindness in her eyes and her smile. And that was the thing about Dahyun. To the very core, she was so unconditionally kind.

“Should we leave you to the assignment?” Dahyun asked considerately. There was no hint of grief in her voice anymore.

“Nah, I think I can manage even with you here.” Tzuyu smiled. It was her way of saying ‘ _ stay with me _ ’ and Dahyun knew it. She nodded and scooted back to sit, still on the bed but against the wall, Chaeyoung moving with her.

“Did you hear from Mina yet?” Tzuyu heard Chaeyoung ask, while Tzuyu looked down over her assignment once more.

“No, but it’s okay. I never expected her to answer me. I hoped. I always hope. But I wrote that letter to explain for my own sake. For my own conscience. I owed it to her. After all these years, I owed her that much, at least.” Dahyun’s voice had an air of melancholy that mirrored in Tzuyu’s heart. It normally didn’t touch her much to talk about her parents. But tonight it had.

Dahyun and Chaeyoung sat with Tzuyu until it was past midnight and she finally finished. Fell asleep with her, though the bed really wasn’t made to fit three.

…

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Mina looked down at her suitcase, her fingers cold around the handle. The snow had fallen heavy overnight, and Mina had sat up looking at it all night. She had barely slept. And now they were here, in the airport, the day after Christmas, on their way to Seoul.

And Mina’s heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. Had felt like this for weeks now.

“Come on Mina, it’ll be fine.” Sana put a hand on Mina’s arm to reassure her.

“No, this is the worst idea I’ve ever let you two get me into.” Mina huffed, though she didn’t shake Sana’s hand away.

“As if you weren’t the one who took the decision in the end.” Momo pointed out dryly.

“Don’t remind me of that day.” Mina shuddered at the memory of her very naked best friends. Really, she had been so careful for the entire time she had known about it, but that day, she had been so caught in her head from making the decision that she hadn’t even considered what might be going on behind the foolishly unlocked door to their studio apartment. But at least now they knew that she knew. Though she wasn’t sure they were aware of just how unsubtle they were.

“Let’s just go or we’ll be late.”

“Late for what?” Mina could hardly keep from crying. “She never answered me. It’s been four weeks since I wrote her, and she never answered me. You know what that means.”

“Means you’ve been staring at your phone for 27 days wondering if she’d call. And she hasn’t. Which is the whole reason you wrote. To give her the choice to say no. But we’re going for us, to have an amazing time, the three of us. We’re going to see the fireworks at New Years and visit temples and eat wonderful food. Trust me, I have a list of what to see that’s longer than Santa’s naughty list.”

Mina sighed deeply. She couldn’t pretend like Sana wasn’t right. And Sana knew it, because next thing, the hand on Mina’s arm snuck under the arm instead and guided her inside.

“Here we go.” Sana tutted, as if Mina was a scared kid. And somehow she was. She was suddenly fifteen again, with the world’s biggest crush on some girl she had never met, wishing more than anything that someone would come and take her away and lead her to Dahyun and that Dahyun would take her in and keep her safe. But she wasn’t going to. They were about to be less than a city apart, and Mina would never know the comfort of her arms. 

The thought alone made Mina want to run. They could’ve gone anywhere in the world, but it had to be here. But Mina wasn’t stupid. She knew that Sana was hoping for a miracle for Mina. That Sana hoped because Mina couldn’t.

“No, Momo, wrong way.”

Sana’s voice brought Mina back, and she looked just in time to see Momo turn and walk in the direction Sana was pointing - towards the self-check-in counters.

“Sana, I’m not sure I’m strong enough for this.” Mina said quietly.

“I know.” Sana took a place in the queue and turned to face Mina. “But you’re already doing it. And it’s going to be fun. And who knows, maybe your letter just got stuck or she didn’t know what to say. I honestly can’t believe that she’d just choose not to answer you like that after getting in touch after all these years. It doesn’t make sense.”

Mina nodded, clutching the handle of her suitcase.

“I know. I’m just scared that if I go, I won’t be able to enjoy it. That I’ll just be wondering where she is. And I know you’re right, that it’s not like her not to answer. But I’m too big a coward to ask her again.”

“You’re not a coward. I know cowards, and trust me, you’re not one of them.” Sana said, a gravity in her words that made Mina frown. And for a moment she saw them again before her eyes, with tousled hair and wild eyes and lips swollen from kissing. But Mina didn’t ask. It wasn’t her place. Mina knew they weren’t dating, and whatever reason they had to keep it at whatever they were doing, it must be reasonable. Otherwise it wouldn’t work. And it clearly did.

“Don’t let me chicken out, okay? Get me on that plane.” Mina asked of Sana. “Help me do this for me.”

“Okay.” Sana nodded. “I promise. I’ll get you on the plane.”

“And also,” Mina had thought long and hard about whether to mention this, but judging from their previous shamelessness, she felt the need to. “I’m taking the middle seat so no mile-highing, please.”

Sana’s neck reddened immediately and her ears too. “I-”

“I’m not saying I mind you two, I’m just saying, keep it PG around me from now on.”

Sana looked like she was about to argue a point, but then closed her mouth and nodded. “Of course. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, just be aware that you’re not half as sneaky as you like to think you are.” Mina said dryly. Somehow it calmed her to move the focus onto Sana, and she barely noticed the queue moving.

“Sorry.”

“Stop it, Sana.” Mina huffed, nudging the younger of her two best friends.

Sana nodded and made a zipping-motion across her mouth, though she still looked more than a little sheepish. Mina shook her head and decided to change the subject to a non-Momo related one.

…

Snow had started to fall just as Nayeon and Jihyo emerged from the subway, and followed them all the way up to Gammy’s house, leaving snowflakes in their hair and a redness on their noses and cheeks.

“Are they all going to be home tonight?” Jihyo asked curiously as they walked up the stone path towards the house, leaving footprints in the thin layer of snow already forming.

“I think so. They have school break and I think I remember Tzuyu trading shifts to have dinner all together.

“Sounds fancy. Any special occasion?” Jihyo asked. It wasn’t often that they were all together for dinner, and switching schedules to manage it was indeed a rare sight.

“It’s Christmas.” Nayeon shrugged, knowing it was a lie. But there wasn’t a reason for the get together, as she had once again failed to propose to Jihyo as planned. This time she had planned to propose on Christmas Eve after having dinner at one of Jihyo’s favorite places in town. But just as they had reached the spot right in front of the skate park, their surroundings adorned with blue and green fairy lights, a man had gotten down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend right next to them, and Jihyo had been so curious that it would’ve seemed really weird if Nayeon did it right after. So she had chickened. Has walked with Jihyo past the ice rink and down into the busy shopping district.

“Well, no matter what, it’ll be so good to see everyone again.” Jihyo said just as they reached the front door.

“Definitely.” Nayeon gave her a smile, realizing that she should have informed her sisters of the Christmas fail. She just hadn’t been able to admit it at the time, knowing they would clown her for it. That was the thing about little sisters. They teased. But then again, they’d probably argue that she teased more.

With a few subtle knocks, Nayeon announced their arrival before opening the door and stepping inside. The warmth that greeted them was more than welcome, and Nayeon sniffled before calling into the house.

“Gammy? We’re here!”

“Unnie!”

It wasn’t Gammy who answered, but instead Chaeyoung, her voice coming from upstairs, though the tapping sound of soft socks on wood alerted Nayeon that she was on her way down.

She was beaming and immediately engulfed Nayeon in a hug, not minding that the older girl hadn’t even gotten her shoes off.

“Clingy much?” Nayeon teased, reaching up to poke at her cheek.

Chaeyoung just huffed and drew back before turning to Jihyo, her face lit like a damn Christmas tree. Her eyes immediately darted down to Jihyo’s hand, and then over to Nayeon. Nayeon shook her head gently earning a tilt of the head from Chaeyoung.

“Not yet.” Nayeon said as subtly as possible.

“‘Not yet’ what?” Jihyo asked.

“What?” Nayeon played dumb, much to Chaeyoung’s obvious amusement.

“You said ‘not yet’?” Jihyo finished taking off her shoes and accepted a pair of fuzzy socks offered to her by Chaeyoung. They always had a little bucket with socks for the guests. Gammy had always preferred that to slippers in the winter.

“No I didn’t.” Nayeon tried to sound casual, but Chaeyoung gave a single laugh.

Jihyo looked from one to the other, mouth slightly open in confusion. But the next moment Dahyun had distracted her by launching herself at Jihyo and wrapping her up in a tight hug. Dahyun always did have a soft spot for her.

“Unnie, it’s been too long, you can’t leave me for that long again.” Dahyun complained as Jihyo patted her back, walking them both further into the house.

Nayeon looked after them for a little, chuckling at how Jihyo just allowed Dahyun to cling to her like a small child would. Maybe she had been the luckiest to find a girl whom all her sisters adored, and her Gammy too.

“You’ve had that ring for almost two months, why haven’t you asked her? Weren’t you supposed to ask her weeks ago? And then yesterday?” Chaeyoung whispered as soon as Jihyo was out of earshot.

“The timing just wasn’t there.” Nayeon shrugged, finally kicking off her shoes and grabbing a pair of socks for herself.

“Timing… Yeah, right. As if you ever needed timing as an excuse, you two are nothing but bad timing, but you never let that stop you before. Are you getting cold feet?”

The last question was softer spoken.

Nayeon shook her head. “In no way. I just… I want it to be right for once. I want her to have everything. I want her to feel… I mean, she’s-”

Nayeon didn’t know what to say. Just talking about it made something swell inside of Nayeon. It somehow always overwhelmed her, just how much she loved Jihyo.

“She’s your princess, we know, oh my god, get over it already.” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes and shook her head, reminding Nayeon momentarily of a much younger Chaeyoung. “Just ask her. Give her the prince charming and half a kingdom she deserves. Or at least… well, you. And half the bed.”

“Did you stick to the door or are you coming?” Jihyo’s voice called from the living room, and Nayeon jolted, immediately walking in the direction of Jihyo’s voice. But barely had she reached the living room before Gammy’s hand was around her arm, dragging her to the right, towards the kitchen. Damn strong this old lady was.

“Would you mind helping me in the kitchen, Nayeonnie?” Gammy asked loudly, her acting a little too obvious in Nayeon’s eyes. But Jihyo didn’t seem to notice, just sending a smile in Nayeon’s direction.

“I know I’m old and blind, but I see no ring on that beautiful girl’s finger.” Gammy raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll ask her soon, okay?” Nayeon said it maybe a little too snappy, because Gammy frowned and then raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, Chaeyoung just gave me the third degree on it.”

For a moment Gammy seemed like she was going to follow the example of her granddaughter, but the next she walked with small steps towards the stove where a huge pot stood simmering. Nayeon looked at her. Had she gotten smaller lately? Wasn’t she walking a little less freely now? Maybe it had just been too long since they had seen each other. Or maybe it was only now Nayeon noticed just how old Gammy was.

“Help me with the bowls, will you?” Gammy asked kindly. “I don’t trust you with my soup, but you can set the table.”

“I’m learning to cook, actually.” Nayeon argued, grabbing bowls from the pantry.

“Oh?”

“One of us needs to make sure we don’t get malnourished now that we’re actually being proper adults and not students. And with all her volunteer work, I figured I should be the one to learn. I’m enjoying it quite a lot, honestly.” Nayeon admitted, counting spoons.

“Come taste this, then.” Gammy waved her over, and Nayeon put the bowls and spoons down on the little kitchen table to stand beside Gammy. The old woman held a spoon out for her, and Nayeon closed her mouth around it, tasting the hot soup. A warmth and bliss spread through Nayeon’s body, and she closed her eyes.

“It’s perfect.” Nayeon hummed happily. “Do you think you can teach me?”

“Only if you promise to give me a great grandchild.” Gammy’s eyes glinted.

“I thought we already agreed to take it one step at a time.” Nayeon narrowed her eyes.

“That’s the deal. There has to be young mouths to taste this soup, if there aren’t, then there’s no point in making it.” Gammy pointed at her with the spoon.

“Fine. Don’t teach me then.” Nayeon crossed her arms, with a theatrical pout. 

Gammy just grumbled and waved her off with a headshake.

It was the one point where they had always been similar. Their stubbornness. It had made them clash quite a lot in the first year Nayeon lived with them, but now it had become their strength and bond.

With a last look at the woman she regarded as her grandmother, she took the bowls and spoons and walked back into the living room, finding Jihyo in deep conversation with Tzuyu while tweedle dee and tweedle dum were practicing some move Dahyun had found on tiktok. Nayeon just snorted at them and set the table. Found Jihyo’s eyes and grinned at her. Maybe she should just do it tonight. With her family here, or maybe outside under the tree, in the snow. Yeah, the latter sounded good.

Except Nayeon didn’t get that far. 

She was barely done with dessert when she was called for an emergency meeting at the office. Truth be told, she had never considered quitting as much as she did then. But she didn’t quit. But neither did she propose. 

…

Today was the day. Chaeyoung had promised herself that today would definitely be the day. If she didn’t do it soon, someone else might. The little bakery was growing increasingly popular every day, and Jeongyeon herself had gotten recognition beyond what was probably the regular amount for a bakery in this neighborhood, even if it was young and artsy, and her style fit in completely with the feel of the neighborhood, especially with the now pink hair. (Chaeyoung took credit for that one, as she had been the one to encourage it.)

The popularity of the shop got underlined to Chaeyoung when she walked into the little store and found at least ten people in there. Maybe it was just the holidays making people leave their houses, but Chaeyoung liked to think they just really loved Jeongyeon’s work and spirit. But Jeongyeon wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Not until she came walking out from the back room in her grey apron and white shirt, the top of her pink hair in a bun on the top of her head. She was wearing glasses today, and Chaeyoung wondered if they were for fashion or if she actually needed glasses. She hadn’t ever been close enough to see if Jeongyeon wore contacts regularly.

Just as the thought struck her, that she might actually get to a point where she could get so close to Jeongyeon, the girl in question noticed her, lighting up in a way that made something turn in Chaeyoung’s stomach. How was she allowed to be so pretty? But she already had that discussion with herself, and come to the conclusion that she wasn't. Chaeyoung would just have to deal with it.

“Should I start calling you my bubblegum girl instead?” Chaeyoung asked, walking over to the glass displays and leaning on one of them, careful not to let her skin touch any of the glass. She didn’t want to grease it up. And focusing on that was easier than focusing on the fact that she had just called Jeongyeon  _ my girl _ . Albeit with bubblegum in between, but still. She had actually said that right? What if Jeongyeon thought it was weird?

“Bubblegum?” Jeongyeon seemed slightly lost.

For a moment Chaeyoung hesitated. It wasn’t exactly going how she had planned, and it was getting harder and harder to keep her goal in mind.

“The hair.” Chaeyoung gestured eventually, trying to catch the moment before it passed. “I mean instead of calling you my muffin girl.”

“You seriously don’t call me that, do you?” Jeongyeon looked slightly frightened.

Chaeyoung chuckled and shook her head. Then shrugged. “Well.”

“I think I prefer being your bubblegum girl then.” Jeongyeon said dryly, though she seemed amused. 

Chaeyoung laughed, trying not to feel too overwhelmed by Jeongyeon saying ‘your girl’. That was however the whole point of coming today. They had been flirting on and off for the better part of a month now, and Chaeyoung’s crush had just grown bigger and bigger. But she had to time it.

“Well then,” Chaeyoung pushed herself off the glass display, trying to do so as smoothly as possible, with the newfound elanity in her chest “can I get a hot cocoa from my bubblegum girl then?”

“Sure.” Jeongyeon said, a smile in her voice. Then she turned and walked over to the machine.

Chaeyoung took the chance to take a breather and turned to look around the store, admiring the way people filled it and made it look even more beautiful. How the chatter seemed to make the place seem alive in a way she hadn’t experienced before. 

Pieces of conversation reached Chaeyoung’s ears as she stole (another) glance at Jeongyeon, and she noticed curiously that it wasn’t all Korean. One of the guests was talking in English on the phone and looked european, and another was speaking to her friends in Japanese.

Chaeyoung frowned.

“Here you go.” Jeongyeon’s voice brought Chaeyoung back, and she looked down at the cup of hot cocoa with extra whipped cream, and then dug into her wallet. They always seemed to forget about payment. But just as Chaeyoung put the card in the reader, her attention was caught by a piece of conversation once more, and she turned with a racing heart, though she wasn’t really sure yet why. All she knew was that one of the Japanese girls had said a name. A name she knew.

Sure there were many people in this city with that name, but something about the girls made Chaeyoung’s hairs stand on end. It was an instinct as strong as when she had approached Nayeon all those years ago.

“Chaeng?” Jeongyeon asked.

“Hold on.” Chaeyoung said, as if in a trance. There's no way, she must have misheard. 

One of the girls, the one on the right with her black hair in a short bob said something in a reassuring tone. Then middle one sighed and gave a careful smile. She said something, but it was so quiet that Chaeyoung could barely hear it. But then the one on the far right said something that had Chaeyoung’s furrowed brows shoot all the way up into her hairline. In the middle of a sentence, aimed at the girl in the middle, the girl on the left had said a name.

_ Mina _ .

With her heart in her throat, Chaeyoung turned back to Jeongyeon, quickly signalled her thumb over her shoulder and withdrew her card from the machine. “Can you hold onto this for a moment?”

“Of course, why?”

“I-” Chaeyoung didn’t know how to explain. Then she shook her head. “I’m not sure.”

Jeongyeon looked more than just a little confused, but seemed to accept it. And that was enough for Chaeyoung right now. Her priorities had suddenly shifted quite a bit, and she left Jeongyeon and the hot cocoa at the counter, walking over to the corner table instead.

“Hi.” Chaeyoung said carefully, hoping that one of them knew Korean. 

The girl on the left answered with a polite bow of the head and a curious expression on her face.

Chaeyoung fiddled with her hair and cleared her throat. “Do you speak Korean?”

“Yes.” Two of the girls said. The last one - the one with the bob, looked confused, and Chaeyoung took that as a no.

“I’m sorry, I overheard part of your conversation. I mean- I don’t know Japanese but… You talked about someone named Dahyun?”

The middle girl, the one the other had called Mina, stared up at her. Her eyes were full of fear.

“... Yeah. I- it’s… Just an old friend of mine.”

Chaeyoung’s heart stopped. It was impossible. It couldn’t be. This was way beyond just coincidence. This seemed more than anything like a dream. Like fate.

“You’re Mina?”

The girl’s cheeks immediately flushed and she adjusted her bangs, her eyes big as she nodded ever so slowly.

“You’re her, aren’t you? You’re the pen pal, right?”

The other two looked with wide eyes at her, even the one who didn’t know Korean. 

“How did you know?”

“Are you Dahyun?” The girl on the left asked.

Chaeyoung shook her head. “My name is Son Chaeyoung. But I know her. She’s my- she lives with me.”

Chaeyoung hadn’t wanted to say sister. It might just confuse them. But they looked far more shocked than confused. And really, Chaeyoung couldn’t blame them. For a moment, none of them spoke, all seemingly too struck with the fateful encounter, but then Chaeyoung turned to Mina again.

“Are you here to find her?”

Mina shook her head. “I- I thought maybe we could meet, but she never answered me.”

“Wait.” Chaeyoung rubbed her temples. “What do you mean she never answered you?  _ You’re  _ the one who didn’t answer  _ her _ .”

Mina looked at the girl on the left, the two exchanging confused looks. Then the girl with the bob tapped Mina’s shoulder and asked something in Japanese. The girl on the left explained in such a rapid pace that Chaeyoung doubted that it was even proper words. The girl with the bob said something back and then Mina turned to look at Chaeyoung again.

“I sent her a letter four weeks ago.”

Chaeyoung stared with blatant confusion on her face. Four weeks ago? But then why hadn’t Dahyun gotten it? Had it gotten lost? It didn’t make sense.

“She never got the letter?” The girl on the left asked.

Chaeyoung shook her head. “I- please tell me you’re actually here, that it’s not just something I dreamed up on Dahyun’s behalf.”

The girl on the left gave a little chuckle, as if she couldn’t help it. Then she nudged Mina and said something in a hushed tone. Mina shook her head immediately, but the third girl immediately tuned in too.

“What?” Chaeyoung asked.

“Minari.” the girl on the left said. But a hand on Mina’s. Her next words were said with such a gravity that Chaeyoung felt she understood them immediately. They were words that encouraged bravery, Chaeyoung was sure.

Mina sighed. “Is there any way I could get you to ask if she’d want to meet up?”

Chaeyoung hadn’t expected the request to be so timid. If it had been Chaeyoung she would’ve- but if Mina was anything as timid as she had seemed from what Dahyun had told.

“Why not just come with me home?” Chaeyoung asked. “She’s home right now.”

“You don’t think she’d mind?” Mina asked breathlessly. 

“Of course not. She’s been waiting for your answer for months, and this would sure as hell be an answer.” Chaeyoung chuckled, crossing her arms.

The blush on Mina’s cheeks deepened, and she opened her mouth several times without speaking. Then the girl on the left nudged her slightly, and Mina nodded.

“... Okay.”

Chaeyoung lit up with the excitement of the situation. It was by far the weirdest thing she had ever experienced, but something told her that she had to go with this. It was too much of a coincidence to pass up. What even were the chances that they had chosen this cafe and had talked about Dahyun just as Chaeyoung had been listening. Two minutes, maybe even just one, in either direction, and they might have never been here.

“Okay then.” Chaeyoung finally said. “Let’s go, I guess.”

“Didn’t you order something?” The girl on the left asked.

Chaeyoung frowned. Then remembered. “Oh! Wait, okay, hold on.”

Chaeyoung’s head felt fuzzy with all the new information to process, and she turned a little too fast, almost hitting a table on her way back to Jeongyeon. The cup of hot cocoa still sat on the counter.

“You know them?” Jeongyeon nodded in the direction of Mina and her friends.

Chaeyoung shook her head. Nodded. Shook her head again. “Kind of. My sis, Dahyun, she knows them. Well, one of them. The one in the middle. They were pen pals as kids and- it’s a really long story but I’ll explain another time.”

“Sure. I’ll be waiting for it.” Jeongyeon sent her a soft smile.

Chaeyoung bit her lip. This was such a bad timing, especially with the three Japanese girls now getting up from their seats and putting their coats and scarves back on. But she had promised herself to do it today.

“Jeongyeon?” Chaeyoung took a deep breath.

“Hm?” Jeongyeon leaned her elbows on the counter, looking up at Chaeyoung. 

Why did she have to look so pretty today? But it wasn’t a big deal right? People did this all the tim. It wasn’t like she was admitting to her months of crushing on the girl, right? It was just-

“Okay. Uh.” Chaeyoung looked back at the three girls for a split second and then turned to Jeongyeon again. “Do you want to go out some time?”

Jeongyeon’s reaction was almost brutally neutral, and Chaeyoung realized that she probably wasn’t surprised by Chaeyoung’s question at all. Still, she didn’t answer right away, merely pursing her lips as if considering. It was just enough for Chaeyoung to start worrying. Then, finally, Jeongyeon smiled. “Well, you owe me a rain check on the hot cocoa you’re about to walk away from, so sure.”

Chaeyoung nodded. Nodded again. And then jolted, as Jeongyeon put a hand over her own on the counter.

“Breathe.”

Chaeyoung huffed and then did as told. “Sorry.”

“You’re okay.” Jeongyeon shrugged, letting go of Chaeyoung’s hand again and grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. “Listen, those three look like they’re waiting for you, so here, this is my number.”

Chaeyoung felt her cheeks warm as she took the number. Swallowed and put it in her pocket.

“I- I have to go.”

“I know. Scram.” Jeongyeon nodded in the direction of the door, but then felt Jeongyeon’s hand on hers once more, making her heart skip a beat. “Text me later.”

“... I will.” Chaeyoung felt like flying, a smile growing on her face and turned away from Jeongyeon. To her horror, she saw the tallest of the three smirking at her, but quickly Chaeyoung cleared her throat and waved them out of the store.

“Just follow me.”

They did as told, all four leaving the store and Jeongyeon behind.

“You said you live with Dahyun?” Mina asked, walking up to walk beside Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung nodded. “She’s lived with me and my grandmother since- well, you know, or you wouldn’t be here. Since her parents died.”

Mina’s face fell slightly, and she nodded. “She told me in the letter she sent.”

“I know, she told me. She- no, I’ll let you two talk.” Chaeyoung didn’t want to overstep anything. She was already nervous about how Dahyun would react to Chaeyoung bringing home, not another stray, but her Mina. Dahyun’s Mina.

It was clear that Mina was nervous too. Chaeyoung could feel the tension in the air around her. But barely had she thought about something to say, when her ear caught Mina’s friends conversing in Japanese. It made Chaeyoung frown and turn her face towards them.

“I never got your names.” 

The tallest of the two, her hair long and dark brown and with round glasses on her nose, answered. “I’m Sana. This is Momo.”

Momo gave a shy little wave. “Hi.”

Chaeyoung guessed that was just about as far as her vocabulary stretched, and she didn’t really know what to say to Sana, so she just went back to guiding the three Japanese girls towards her home.

“It’s just down here.” Chaeyoung pointed, leading them to the left. Behind her she heard once more how Momo and Sana conversed in Japanese. Mina however didn’t say a word. Didn’t even seem to register their conversation.

“Don’t worry.” Chaeyoung said.

“I can’t help it.” Mina sent Chaeyoung an apologetic smile. “I can’t even believe this. I- I had already found peace that this was it, you know that I was just here for vacation, and now? It’s so surreal.”

Chaeyoung nodded as she listened to Mina. She was very precise in her articulation and very formal in her sentence structure, but she was good.

Behind them, Momo asked Sana something, and she started explaining. Chaeyoung guessed that she was translating what Mina had said, or at least giving a rough idea of what they were talking about.

“Here.” Chaeyoung said, turning right up the stone path in front of Gammy’s house.

Mina stopped, and the other two as well. She looked pale suddenly. Almost sick.

“Mina?” Sana said softly, putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder. Then said something in Japanese and gave her a hug from behind. Something about them reminded Chaeyoung of something she couldn’t really place. Until Momo was by Mina’s side and took her hand, gently leading her. In that moment, Chaeyoung realized something almost terrifyingly familiar. The way they acted around Mina was no different to how Chaeyoung and Tzuyu and Nayeon were with Dahyun. Those two girls had come with Mina for support. 

They were her sisters. 

And Chaeyoung watched as they led Mina up the stone path with soft words and gentle guiding.

Once they had reached the door, Chaeyoung opened quietly, letting them in and walking in after them, closing the door.

“Just put your shoes here, there are socks in that box that you can wear. The floors aren’t heated.”

Mina nodded at her, though she didn’t really do anything. Just stood there, staring up at the stairs. And it took Chaeyoung a second to notice why. Standing about halfway down the stairs, she stood frozen, staring at Mina with a slightly open mouth. 

Dahyun.


	3. ACT 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It started out with a feeling

Nothing could’ve prepared Mina for the sight. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that this was her. That the pale girl with the dark hair and big eyes, standing halfway down the stairs in this house that smelled like homemade food and snow, was Dahyun. Maybe it was the aura. Maybe just the fact that she was staring back at Mina. And for a moment, Mina was so sure that Mina knew too. But then she looked at Chaeyoung, a frown forming on her face.

“Chaeyoung?” the girl Mina presumed to be Dahyun said in a sceptical voice. “Please tell me you didn’t bring home  _ three _ strays. We only have the couch to spare, you know.”

Chaeyoung shook her head and waved the girl down. “It’s not strays. It’s- well…”

The girl reached the lower steps of the stairs, and Mina realized that she was staring at her in a way that seemed to make the girl slightly uncomfortable. Mina quickly averted her gaze.

“What’s going on?” The girl asked.

“I… I don’t really know how to explain this actually.” Chaeyoung turned her head and looked at Mina. Then looked back at the girl. Dahyun. Right? It had to be her.

“Chaeng?”

“Uh okay. Dahyun, Mina, Mina, Dahyun.” Chaeyoung gestured at them as she said their names.

Dahyun’s face changed from scepticism to confusion, to shock and then finally to complete disbelief. Mina imagined the last one to be the exact expression someone would have if they’d just been hit over the head with a grand piano.

“Mina?” Dahyun croaked. “As in- as in my Mina?”

She pointed at her chest when she said ‘ _ my _ ’. It made something move in Mina, but she immediately excused it with old feelings rummaging at the sudden confrontation.

“As in your Mina, yes.” Chaeyoung clarified.

Mina swallowed, and then someone - Chaeyoung - nudged her arm gently. 

“Your turn.”

Mina looked over at her with scared eyes, and then at Dahyun again.

“I- I um.” Mina didn’t have a single clue what she was going to say. All the contents of her letter was forgotten except one single line. “I still like daffodils.”

Mina cursed internally. Wrong thing to say. Right now she wanted nothing better than to disappear from the surface of the earth. What kind of  _ hello  _ was that?! 

Behind her, she could hear Sana repressing a giggle. Mina ignored it, her eyes nervously on Dahyun. Dahyun on the other hand looked completely lost. But then, miraculously, a smile tugged at the corners of Dahyun’s lips.

“I still like tulips.” Dahyun said gently.

Mina could have cried. Almost did. “... I got your letter.”

Dahyun cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair. “I see that. You’re-”

“Here.” Mina nodded, looking down at her feet and then back up.

“I was actually trying to find some way of saying that you’re very pretty without sounding too forward, but yes that too.” Dahyun gave a nervous chuckle.

“I don’t think that was too forward.” Mina assured her. “You’re very pretty too. Honestly prettier than I had expected. Not that your letters indicated that- anyway... Hi.”

Mina felt awkward, and it was obvious Dahyun did too, especially with the other three watching them with such unabashed interest. 

“Hi.” Dahyun smiled. Looked down at her fuzzy polka-dotted socks and then up at Mina again. 

Mina didn’t know what to say. She really hadn’t thought it over at all. From the moment they exited the store with Chaeyoung, her brain had just slowly forgotten more and more of how actual human interaction worked. It was quite strange to see someone and have them somehow look exactly how you imagined them, and at the same time look completely different. 

It was Dahyun who finally broke the silence.

“You’re really here, right? I’m not having some odd dream?” Dahyun’s voice shook a little.

“I- I know it’s a lot.” Mina shook her head. “And in my defense, I did write you a letter, saying I’d be in Seoul, but- I- well, Chaeyoung said you never got a letter, and-”

“How did you get in touch with Chaeyoung?” Dahyun asked. It wasn’t accusatory, just curious.

“I found them.” Chaeyoung announced happily. “I used my Chaeng-tingler.”

“Don’t call it that.” Dahyun immediately cringed.

Chaeyoung crossed her arms. “If Spiderman has the spider-tingler-”

“He doesn’t! It’s the spider-sense!” Dahyun protested.

“But-” Chaeyoung started, but then huffed and stopped. Sana had giggled too loud, and Chaeyoung had succumbed to blushing cheeks.

Dahyun shook her head and turned back to Mina. She didn’t speak. Merely tilted her head and looked at Mina. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but still made Mina continue talking, not sure what else she was supposed to do.

“I hope you don’t mind me turning up like this, I know it’s a lot, but your letter made me so happy and we ended up agreeing to go to Seoul for vacation, and I guess I kept hoping I’d bump into you, but I wrote you my number and the time we’d be in Seoul so when you didn’t answer I- I’m so sorry the letter got lost, but Chaeyoung said it was okay to come here and- And now I’m rambling. Please don’t think I’m weird.”

Dahyun smiled. “You haven’t changed one bit have you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re still caring so much of what people think of you that it’s hard for you to do what you want.”

Mina’s throat closed up. It was so weird to have someone who knew her like that. Not that Sana and Momo didn’t know her. But Mina had stopped sharing a lot of herself after losing touch with Dahyun. It just didn’t change the fact that she was right.

“I don’t mind that you’re here. Not at all.” Dahyun continued. “I mean, I can’t really say for awake-Dahyun because I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming. Or at least very overwhelmed...”

“I understand that.” Mina said quietly. 

She wanted to step closer. Wanted to break this awkwardness that kept surfacing every time they stopped talking, and get to where she and Dahyun could just be like they used to. Because the way Dahyun spoke was exactly how she wrote, and Mina wanted nothing more than to talk to her without all this pressure. But there were still three pairs of eyes on them, and Mina didn’t know what to do. Desperately, she looked behind her, at Sana and Momo, and they seemed to understand. 

“Chaeyoung? Should we- you know.” Sana gestured with a tilt of the head towards what looked like the living room.

“What? Oh, right.” Chaeyoung shook her head slightly as if waking herself up, and then walked between Mina and Dahyun, leading Sana and Momo into the house. Just before leaving them completely alone however, Chaeyoung turned and spoke to Dahyun.

“Dub-dub,” Chaeyoung asked, walking past Dahyun “is Tzuyu home?”

Dahyun shook her head. “She’s shopping for groceries, and Gammy is taking a nap.”

“Cool, I’ll make a whole pot still.”

And so, they were left alone.

Yet Mina still didn’t quite know what to do.

“Aren’t your feet cold?” Dahyun asked unexpectedly.

“I- what?” Mina looked down at her feet, wiggling her toes slightly. They were, but she hadn’t noticed it until now. “A little.”

“Here.” Dahyun bent down and grabbed a pair of fuzzy socks for Mina, patiently waiting as she put them on and stepped into the main part of the entryway, away from wet footprints and snow-covered shoes.

“Damn.” Dahyun huffed and pursed her lips.

“What?” Mina asked.

“I had always imagined you to be shorter than me.”

Mina chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No disappointment here. Trust me.” Dahyun said, searching Mina’s face. Warmth crept up Mina’s neck with every second passing, and the pressure to say something built again in her body, running over her skin like electricity.

“Do you want tea?” Dahyun asked, breaking the silence.

Mina nodded. “Yes please. If you have time for company.”

“Of course.” Dahyun said.

“I never really considered that part either.” Mina confessed as Dahyun led her through the entryway and into the living room. They found Chaeyoung, Momo and Sana sitting around one end of a big wooden dining table.

“What part?” Dahyun asked, sitting down beside Chaeyoung. Mina sat down beside Momo, opposite Dahyun.

“Whether you even had time? Even if I went and you somehow texted me back I never considered if you’d have time. I think I’m too used to being on school-hours.”

The more Mina thought about it, the more stupid she felt. But Dahyun just shook her head.

“No, this is fine. It’s winter break at uni, and it’s a nice surprise.” Dahyun said genuinely. For a moment she looked like she was about to say more, but then seemed to decide not to. Instead she glanced at Chaeyoung, and then at Sana and Momo.

It occurred to Mina that they had once again not been introduced.

“Oh, uh, Dahyun. This is Sana and that’s Momo.”

“Hi.” Dahyun sent them a smile.

“Hi!” Momo said, and then hesitated. Turned to Sana. “How do you say, ‘nice to meet you’?”

Sana told her in slow syllables, and Mina noticed for Dahyun and Chaeyoung smiled. It was clear that they appreciated the gesture. Then Momo turned back to look at Dahyun, counting out the syllables on her fingers as she spoke.

“Nice. To. Meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you too.” Dahyun said kindly, making sure to talk slow.

Momo beamed in the way that only Momo could, and Mina gave a little chuckle and sent her a thumbs up.

The awkwardness passed slowly from that, making way for the scent of herbal tea.

…

Sometimes Nayeon wondered if she shouldn’t have chosen something more interesting than her current job. But it had been the most sensible decision at the time, and it did provide a solid income. When she had gotten out of high school, she hadn’t immediately gone to college, instead insisting on getting a job to earn enough money that she only had to take out loans for the last two years, even if that had proved unnecessary when a very stubborn Gammy had eventually insisted on paying the whole thing. Yet even so, she had landed a temp job as a data entry clerk, and worked at that office while doing a business degree and still worked there now. It wasn’t that it was her dream to be a data entry clerk, or even a data processor as she was now, but it was something she was good at and she liked the people at her office.

“You coming out for a beer, Im? Or are you headed back to the missus?” Jaehyung called, as Nayeon put on her coat and shut off her computer.

“Raincheck?” Nayeon asked, thinking only of Jihyo’s sparkling eyes and soft waist; her voice and the calm heartbeat under her shirt.

“Oh yeah, I forgot it’s Saturday.” Jaehyung grinned.

“Tuesday, I promise.” Nayeon said.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Jaehyung nodded. “Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.” Nayeon said kindly.

As soon as she had gotten out the door, Nayeon checked her pocket. The ring was still there. She had gotten the habit of carrying it everywhere, and checked it every hour. The pressure was building slowly. But she would do it tomorrow. She promised herself that she would. They would be heading over to Gammy’s again, both of them. And Nayeon would take her outside into the garden, under the tree after the sunset. And in the light from the twinkling snow, she would ask Jihyo to be hers forever. For sure, this time she would ask. 

It was all she could think about by now.

With every step towards their apartment she imagined it, just like she had imagined for weeks how she would kiss Jihyo, all those years ago. That she would find the perfect time and take her hand and kiss her cheek first and then her lips. But it ended up being Jihyo who had kissed her. Jihyo who had stopped on their way home to her after a cup of coffee and kissed her so gently it might never have happened. Jihyo who had made that seemingly random piece of sidewalk on the street outside her house, something special. She always did that somehow, Jihyo. Made the seemingly random things truly significant. 

Nayeon clutched the velvet box all the way home, yet as she stepped into the little apartment, she left it in the jacket, hanging it on the rack behind the door. At first glance, the room seemed empty, and she almost called out for Jihyo, thinking she might be in the kitchen, but the next moment her eyes fell on a huddled up bundle under the sheets.

“Jihyo?” Nayeon called gently.

The bundle moved.

Nayeon chuckled.

With her hair in her face and earphones connected to her phone, Jihyo emerged from under the covers, looking at Nayeon with a slightly disoriented look.

“Why are you in bed already?” Nayeon asked curiously, walking over to the bed and dropping her purse on the edge before crawling onto it.

“S’cold.” Jihyo complained.

Nayeon couldn’t help herself but laugh, and efficiently avoided the light kick aimed at her by positioning herself directly on top of Jihyo, over the covers.

“Get off, you’re heavy.” Jihyo complained.

“And you’re grumpy.” Nayeon chuckled, not moving but instead reaching up to comb through Jihyo’s hair. She didn’t seem to mind the least. Instead she shuffled under Nayeon to lie on her back and pulled the earphones out. From the screen it appeared that she had been watching a drama. One of her absolute favorites, that she turned to over and over when she needed to smile.

“Did you have a good day?” Nayeon asked softly, humming as Jihyo took one of her hands, tangling their fingers. She really was cold.

Jihyo nodded. “We went to the park with Taec’s kids. Snowball fights cannot be recommended.”

“Is that why you’re so cold now? Why didn’t you shower?”

“Water boiler is broken.” Jihyo huffed and shuddered. “Again.”

“Some day they’ll have to actually fix this apartment for us.” Nayeon sighed.

“Watch it, they’ll just raise the rent if they do.”

Nayeon groaned. “Can’t we just move?”

“We agreed, until we can afford to buy something decent, we’re staying here.”

Nayeon felt a tug of guilt in her stomach. If she had contributed the money for the ring to their savings for a house, they would’ve been able to move sooner.

“Then at least let me warm you up.” Nayeon insisted, pressing a kiss to Jihyo’s forehead.

“Oh?” Jihyo’s eyes twinkled.

Nayeon frowned and then rolled her eyes. “I meant cuddles, get your mind out of the gutter.”

“I think I’m allowed to be hopeful on behalf of your luck.” Jihyo said innocently as Nayeon crawled under the sheets, ignoring the fact that she was still wearing her suit.

“Well aren’t I the luckiest then?” Nayeon chuckled as Jihyo huddled close, burying her face in Nayeon’s neck. “I come home from a long day’s work to find the wife willingly in bed already.”

Jihyo’s laughter muffled against Nayeon’s skin and Jihyo snaked her hands under Nayeon’s blazer, wrapping around her waist.

“Lucky you.” Jihyo hummed before leaning back enough to look at Nayeon. It wasn’t long Nayeon allowed it though, as she leaned in, catching Jihyo’s lips. She felt Jihyo smile against her but merely kept pressing little kisses until she returned it properly.

There was something magical about days like these. It wasn’t late, and they weren’t on their way somewhere. They had the entire night to themselves and to do whatever they wanted. 

“Did you finish the episode?” Nayeon asked when she drew back from the kiss, rubbing Jihyo’s back and tangling their legs.

Jihyo shook her head and kissed Nayeon chastely. “Still have half an hour left.”

“We could watch the rest if you want?” Nayeon suggested between pecks from Jihyo.

“What? I thought I was offering you sex but you’d rather watch Kim Bok Joo?” Jihyo sent Nayeon a theatrically insulted look. 

“You say that as if you aren’t currently wondering what’s going to happen next, even though you’ve already watched it.” Nayeon said dryly.

Jihyo opened her mouth. Then closed it again and turned her back to Nayeon and grabbed the phone. Someone who didn’t know Jihyo better, might think that she had gotten insulted, but Nayeon knew that she was just feeling shy that Nayeon had caught her. And the way she pressed against Nayeon’s front and wrapped the older girl’s arms around herself was just further proof.

“I love you, did you know that?” Nayeon asked when Jihyo handed her one of the earphones.

“Oh? Well I love Bok Joo, only.” Jihyo said teasingly.

“Come on, Ji.” Nayeon whined. “Just say you love me back.”

“I love your back.” Jihyo hummed and started the movie.

“Ass.” Nayeon huffed, watching over Jihyo’s shoulder as the episode started back up.

“Is currently untouched, yes I noticed.” Jihyo noted conversationally, chasing the words with the soft hum of her favorite song from the drama. 

She had always been a dreamer.

Nayeon shook her head slightly and kissed the shell of Jihyo’s ear before giving in to Jihyo’s request. Definitely not because Jihyo had remarked on it. It just happened to be one of Nayeon’s favorite places to rest her hand.

…

“Don’t be too long, it’s cold out.” 

Gammy’s voice was full of gravity and love.

“Promise!” Dahyun called back into the living room, putting her arms through the holes of her thick white padded coat. Mina couldn’t help but smile at the sight. It was way too big for her, and she looked like it was trying to swallow her up, turning into a giant marshmallow.

“Ready?” Mina asked, tucking the ends of her dark grey scarf inside.

“Hold on,” Dahyun put on a red beanie and pulled the black hair out from under the white coat, “Now I’m ready.”

With the addition of the hat, Mina now had to adjust her comparison of Dahyun from marshmallow to whipped cream with a cherry on top. 

“What?” Dahyun asked as she walked past Mina and opened the door.

Mina just shook her head and followed Dahyun out. It was snowing again, and the flakes glinted in the light from the street lamps as well as the lights coming from people’s houses. 

“Our friends seem to get on quite well.” Dahyun said, leading Mina down the street. They didn’t really have a particular goal in mind, as far as Mina knew. Dahyun had just asked her to go on a walk. But Mina didn’t mind, even despite the cold. The neighborhood was beautiful and Dahyun’s presence entrancing.

“Sana and Momo get along with pretty much anyone, so it doesn’t surprise me much. Plus, I do like your friends a lot.” Mina looked at a house they passed, the chinese hip roof hidden under the snow and a soft yellow light emitting from the wood-framed windows.

“They’re more like sisters actually.” Dahyun smiled. “I have three, Tzuyu and Chaeyoung are two of them. The last is our oldest sister, Nayeon. She moved out a while ago and lives with her girlfriend now.” 

Mina’s stomach flipped at the word  _ girlfriend _ , and she couldn’t help but smile. So it wasn’t just Chaeyoung...

“I’m glad you have them.”

“Me too. It’s Chaeyoung who brought us all together. She has a habit of bringing home strays.”

Mina frowned at the phrasing. Then remembered that Dahyun had said it earlier too, when she had first seen Mina, Momo and Sana. 

“Strays?”

“You know, those without a home.” Dahyun smiled. “You remember way back when we still wrote; I told you about a girl in my school who wasn’t doing very well at home, and had to go through a huge custody battle to be allowed to live with her grandma?”

Mina furrowed her brows for a second and then gaped. “Chaeyoung?”

Dahyun nodded. “She got to live with her Gammy, and not soon after, before they had even settled the custody battle, Chaengie brought home Nayeon. She’s four years Chaeyoung’s senior, but she had found her on the street wandering one night - had been kicked out for being gay - and Chaeyoung took her home. And when my parents died she took me in as well. And finally Tzuyu.”

Mina felt something grow inside her heart. A surge of affection for Chaeyoung. A gratitude towards her for taking care of Dahyun. Maybe she really did have a Chaeng-sense. She certainly had proved to have a knack for finding lost souls.

“Actually, Nayeon and Jihyo are coming over for lunch tomorrow.” Dahyun said, as if she had only now remembered. “If you join, you’ll meet them.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything.” Mina quickly replied. She had already stayed for both lunch and dinner, and she really didn’t want to make Dahyun feel like she had to accommodate Mina and her friends all the time, just because she was here. Not that Dahyun had given any sign that she minded them.

“You won’t.” Dahyun insisted. “You’re more than welcome. All three of you.”

“Are you sure?” Mina turned to look at Dahyun. The beanie had pushed up a little.

“Of definitely. Nayeon knows who you are, but I haven’t told her yet that you’re here. I’m waiting to get her undisclosed reaction.” The thought seemed to amuse Dahyun greatly, her eyes shining like a kid’s did right when their parent is about to open their homemade Christmas presents.

“Okay then.” Mina promised. “I mean we don’t have any plans really. Sana made a list of places we could go in case- well, in case you didn’t reply. I can’t speak for Sana and Momo though.”

“Of course. But you should still try to see some of the city. I could take you? There’s lots to see this time of year, and we actually had a few plans, my sisters and I, and you’re more than welcome to tag along.”

Mina was just about to question Dahyun again, ask if she was sure, but the smile on Dahyun’s face told her that it wasn’t necessary. She wouldn’t have asked if she wasn’t sure.

“Okay. Yeah, I’d love that. And having a guide who knows the city would be amazing.”

Dahyun seemed to swell a little, almost proudly. “At your service.”

“But please, let me know when you don’t have time, okay?”

“I will.” Dahyun smiled. Then she looked up at the sky, though the smile stayed on her lips a while.

They walked around the neighborhood for almost half an hour, watching the snow balance on the telephone wires and the lights glowing from the houses. And Mina felt oddly at home in the strange little neighborhood, so peaceful compared to what she had expected from this huge city. As if it was somehow encased in a snowglobe, safe from the noise and the turmoil of life; pulled out of context and into a dream, with the faint sound of piano playing from one of the houses.

“Tchaikovsky…” Mina said with a hum.

“Bless you.” Dahyun deadpanned.

Mina couldn’t help but smile. “No, the piano, it’s Tchaikovsky.”

“I know.” Dahyun nudged her. “I was just teasing.”

“Oh.” Mina felt the sheepishness try to take over. Of course Dahyun knew. She had practiced piano a lot as a child. And Mina wondered momentarily if she still played, or if she had put it behind her just like Mina had with dancing. But the next moment she got busy composing herself as Dahyun’s hand found her arm. And when Mina looked around at her, there was a grin on her face almost impossible not to return.

“Is this some of the music you used to dance to?” Dahyun asked curiously.

“Uh, yeah. It is, actually.” Mina listened carefully. Whomever was playing the piano was more than just good.

Dahyun pressed her lips tight together. It was obvious she had something she wanted to say but wasn’t sure if she was going to.

“What is it?” Mina asked.

It almost seemed to come as a surprise that Mina had asked, if judging from Dahyun’s facial expression. Momentarily she looked down at the shoes sticking out under her big white coat, and then looked up at Mina, a shy smile on her face.

“... Can I see?”

“Excuse me?” Mina chuckled.

“I just- I always wondered how it looked when you danced.” Dahyun shrugged as if it was nothing. “And I figured maybe you could show me? I mean, the piano is beautiful, the weather is quiet and unlike me you’re not wearing clothes that make it impossible to move without waddling like a penguin.”

Dahyun made a few side-to-side movements to underline the last statement and Mina couldn’t help but smile at her. Couldn’t help the curiosity she felt at this absolutely absurd suggestion. But Dahyun’s hesitance to even ask, made it impossible for Mina to deny her. Or maybe it was just everything about Dahyun that made Mina want to comply; to make her smile. 

Maybe it was just the scent of new snow. 

But without really knowing why she did it, Mina took a few steps away from Dahyun, closed her eyes and let the music fill her up. And for the first time in ten years, Mina danced.

… 

“Okay, then how do you say,  _ ‘nice to meet you’ _ ? I know you said earlier but I already forgot.” Momo sent Sana an apologetic look.

Sana took a sip of water and told her. “Oh yeah, that’s actually a long one, I don’t blame you. Uh okay but really formal is ‘ _ man-na-seo’ _ first, and then ‘ _ ban-gab-seub-ni-da _ ’.”

Sana spelled it out and Momo blinked a few times. Then tried to repeat it. Her face always kind of screwed up when she couldn’t get it right, and she gave a nervous chuckle. Sana repeated it for her, only the first bit, and had Momo repeat it over and over. Then the same with the second bit.

“What if someone says it to me, then what do I do?” Momo asked nervously.

“Just add ‘ _ Nado _ ’, and you’re saying nice to meet you too.”

Momo nodded, and added it at the end of the sentence, making Sana giggle even if she was tired.

“No, say it first and then the other part.” 

Momo scrunched her nose and turned the words around.

“Yes, good!” Sana praised. “If you forget though, just say  _ me too _ , they’ll get it.”

Momo shone.

Sana meant to smile at her, but instead an unwilling yawn slipped past Sana’s lips, and she rubbed a hand over her neck scratching at the skin by the neck of her shirt. 

“Sorry. That was good.”

“Should we stop?” Momo asked, adjusting herself next to Sana in the couch in their hotel room. She seemed to be tired herself too, but then again, Momo could sleep almost on command, as if she could just decide to be tired.

Sana shook her head and got up, walking over to the little counter. 

“I just need a little coffee.” Sana promised, grabbing the kettle with the intention of filling it with water to make instant coffee.

“We can just go to bed, Sana, it’s okay. I don’t think my brain can retain any more information anyway.” Momo said. “I’ll have forgotten half by tomorrow anyway.”

Sana looked back at her for a second and then nodded. Put the kettle back in its place and stretched. They had been practicing Korean ever since they got back to the hotel, Momo insisting that she wanted to know how to say a few things to the girls tomorrow when they met them tomorrow.

“Did you have fun today?” Sana asked, undoing her ponytail.

“Mh, they’re sweet. I like them a lot.” Momo yawned.

“Dahyun is very different from what I had imagined.” Sana admitted.

“Yeah. She’s very…”

“Energetic?” Sana suggested.

Momo chuckled sleepily, and nodded. “Very. I wonder how the other two will be, the older sister and the girlfriend?”

“Yeah. I guess we’ll see tomorrow.” Sana opened the door to the bathroom “I’ll just shower before sleeping okay?”

Momo nodded and sunk deeper into the couch. Her eyelids drooped and Sana worried momentarily that she might just fall asleep on the couch. It was understandable really. She had tried so hard to learn, and it must’ve made her brain really tired from trying to decipher everything during the day. But Sana felt pride in how hard her best friend worked to understand what was going on around her, and thought it had been a work to translate all the time, she hadn’t minded. She just loved Momo’s stubbornness.

“Momo?” Sana asked quietly, as the older girl had now closed her eyes completely, mouth slightly agape.

She didn’t answer. Just breathed heavily. The sight made Sana giggle and shake her head. 

Leaving the bathroom door ajar, Sana walked back to the couch, setting a knee down next to Momo and leaning over her.

“Momo… you can’t sleep here. You need to wash up and come to bed.”

Momo mumbled in her sleep. How that girl managed to slip into such a near-comatose state of sleep in a matter of seconds, Sana didn’t get. But she had known Momo long enough to know the least harmful and most effective way of waking her.

“Momoring…” Sana mumbled, running her fingers across the fabric of Momo’s shirt, right over her stomach. “Wake up, baby.”

Momo squirmed and swatted helplessly at Sana’s hand. Sana chuckled. Then pressed her lips to the tip of Momo’s nose, knowing very well that it would just mean that Momo would try to whiff her away again. But for once she didn’t. She just scrunched her nose and grumbled. 

“Momo, come on.” Sana grew increasingly impatient, and considered for a moment moving her hand under Momo’s shirt to scratch on the bare skin instead. On the other hand, she didn’t want to get Momo worked up. She was too tired.

Finally, Sana found no choice other than to wake the girl the hard way. Still scratching over Momo’s shirt, Sana moved her head around to Momo’s ear and blew sharply into it.

The reaction was immediate. Momo jolted and yelped, squirming to get away.

“Stop it, Sana!” Momo whined, rubbing over her ear. “Why’d you have to wake me like that?!”

“Because you were dead to the world, Momoring. I tried waking you normally.”

Momo felt her lips, and then looked at Sana with narrowed eyes. “Liar.”

Sana rolled her eyes and walked away. “I’m going to shower, don’t fall asleep again or I’ll leave you on the couch.”

Momo huffed, but got up, following Sana. “I’m up, I’m up...”

Sana shook her head with a smile and left the door to the bathroom open to let Momo wash up while Sana showered. It was the only way of making sure that Momo didn’t fall asleep again, though Sana also knew she wouldn’t have the heart to let the girl stay on the couch. She would just get a sore neck. Plus she wasn’t the worst bedmate in the world; at least when she didn’t shuffle a lot, dancing in her sleep the best she could.

… 

It should truly be illegal for such immense cold to persist, as it did these days. The snow hadn’t melted, and the wind just kept getting cooler. 

At this point Chaeyoung might have to borrow Dahyun’s huge coat just to keep warm. But then again, she would probably drown in it even more than Dahyun did. But only because Dahyun insisted on wearing insoles (giving her an extra inch) and Chaeyoung never bothered. She had accepted her shortness. (Most of the time at least.)

“Hey, she lives.” Dahyun chimed from the kitchen as Chaeyoung came grumbling into the kitchen, wearing the most oversized sweater she owned. One Tzuyu had passed on to her, a little long on the sleeves and the wool gathered in little lumps on the bum and underside of the sleeves from wear. But it smelled like home and warmed almost as effectively as Tzuyu herself did.

“It’s too cold, can’t we cancel today and skip ahead to tomorrow?” Chaeyoung asked.

Dahyun chuckled and shook her head. Then she offered Chaeyoung a cup of tea and nodded her head in the direction of the living room.

“The others are already here. Plus, tomorrow is supposed to be worse.”

“Nayeon-unnie is here already?” Chaeyoung asked disoriented, taking the cup of tea between her pawed hands. They were coming over today, right? It just sounded nothing like Nayeon to be early and much less like Jihyo.

“No, Mina, Sana and Momo.” Dahyun said, walking out of the kitchen. 

Chaeyoung followed her sister. Had she really slept that late? It must have gotten later last night than she had intended, but she and Jeongyeon had just kept talking, and Chaeyoung hadn’t noticed how long. With a frown, she drew out her phone, yawned and checked the call log. It had been half past two in the morning when the call had ended. No wonder she was tired now, Chaeyoung thought, realizing a little too late that she was still in pyjama pants.

“Good morning.” Sana said cheerfully, sending an amused little smirk at the Sally ducks on Chaeyoung’s pyjama pants, but she didn’t comment. Chaeyoung was quite grateful for that. This Sana girl seemed to have a good sense of timing and characters. Smart for sure. Even yesterday, when she had smirked at Chaeyoung after witnessing the awkward date-proposal, she hadn’t said anything out loud.

“Sleep well?” Mina asked genuinely.

Chaeyoung nodded before settling next to Momo. They all sipped from their teacups almost in sync.

“When is Nayeon coming?” Chaeyoung asked Dahyun, another yawn escaping her. 

Maybe she should’ve slept a little more, but she honestly didn’t regret it. Jeongyeon’s voice still sounded in her head. Her laugh more than anything. And now it was just one more day before Chaeyoung would actually be taking her out. It seemed already too long, but she shook her head a little to get that last thought to go away. She kept having to pull herself together to not fall for Jeongyeon too much.

“Ten minutes. What’s so funny?” A suspicious frown materialized slowly on Dahyun’s face.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing, as in the ‘someone’ who made you laugh very loudly at approximately one thirty three last night?” Dahyun guessed.

Chaeyoung shrugged and took a long drink of her tea. “Maybe.”

“Oh? And are we going to meet them?” Dahyun asked, just as Tzuyu appeared in the door to the living room, her hair in a ponytail and the sweater covering her hands. If you didn’t know her well enough to see the slight droop of her eyes, her perfect poise was enough to make anyone believe she was more than awake.

Tzuyu sat down next to Chaeyoung and leaned on her with a slight sigh.

“Sleep well?” Chaeyoung asked, pressing a chaste kiss to her sister’s cheek before the younger girl sat back up.

“Mhm.” Tzuyu smiled, grabbing a teacup and then the teapot.

“Well?” Dahyun clearly wasn’t going to let Chaeyoung off the hook.

“Of course. But we’re going on a date tomorrow, and I am planning on bringing her here some time soon after that. If the date goes well, of course.”

The answer seemed to satisfy Dahyun enough, and they switched to talking about the plans for the day. Dahyun was going to take them all to the grand palace and show them around, and then they would go over to a temple and see the many lanterns. Yet just as Dahyun started describing the latter place, the door opened, and a cold wind accompanied Nayeon’s words.

“We’re here!”

“Close the door, it’s freezing!” Chaeyoung called shamelessly.

“Oh really? Then I’ll leave it open just for you, Son Chaeyoung.” Nayeon bit.

Everyone except Momo laughed, but Sana quickly explained, though in the end she waved it off, when Momo still looked confused. By the time Sana was done explaining however, the shuffling in the hallway had subsided and soft steps announced the arrival of the last two making up today’s party.

“Wh-” 

Nayeon stopped dead in the opening to the living room, and Jihyo quickly followed suit. Chaeyoung felt the grin on her face spread as the two took in the image in front of them. Almost synchronized, their eyes travelled from Sana to Momo and finally to Mina. Then once more over the three of them.

“H-hello.” Nayeon finally said, her voice unsure. She cleared her throat.

“Nice to meet you!” Momo said in her slow and quite stiff Korean, but it made them all smile even so.

“Nice to meet you too.” Jihyo said, obviously seeing that Momo wasn’t from here. “Uh- who are you?”

Momo looked suddenly lost, and Chaeyoung suspected that her vocabulary hadn’t expanded much since yesterday - not that anyone could expect that. Dahyun quickly took over though.

“They’re friends.” Chaeyoung said. “Don’t worry, not strays. Just friends. Uh, Nayeon, Jihyo, this is Momo, Sana and that’s Mina.”

As Chaeyoung knew Dahyun had hoped, Nayeon seemed to recognize the last name, and her mouth fell open in a little comical ‘o’. Then she shook her head and looked completely lost.

“Mina? Not-”

Dahyun nodded. “Yeap.  _ That _ Mina.”

Mina looked quite shy, and Chaeyoung couldn’t blame her. After all, there were suddenly seven pairs of eyes on her. Her cheeks tinged quite visibly from the attention and she bit down on her bottom lip.

“Who?” Jihyo still seemed out of the loop while Nayeon’s expression was still one of disbelief. 

Chaeyoung couldn’t blame her for that.

“Oh,” Dahyun perked up immediately, “Jihyo, this is my pen pal from Japan, from when I was a kid. And those are her friends. They’re here for the holidays.”

“Wait, the one you sent that letter to ages ago, who never answered back?” Jihyo asked.

Mina squirmed uncomfortably, and Chaeyoung noticed out of the corner of her eye how Sana’s hand found Mina’s. 

“It’s a long story, but yeah, and she’s going with us to Gyeongbokgung today.” Dahyun said, eyes finding Mina’s and sending her a bright smile. “All three of them.”

“Sorry, I don’t think I got who you two are, exactly?” Nayeon looked from Mina to Sana and Momo and then to Sana’s hand in Mina’s,

“We’re Mina’s friends. We’re just here for fun and moral support. I’m Sana and this is Momo. Momo doesn’t really speak Korean, so I’m translating for her.” Sana explained, tightening her hold on Mina’s hand almost stubbornly. Chaeyoung couldn’t help but smile at it.

Nayeon nodded and seemed to accept the situation.

“But you two speak Korean?” Jihyo asked curiously as they settled around the big dining table.

“Yeah.” Mina said quietly. “I learned in school and Sana- actually, how did you learn Korean? I don’t think I ever asked?”

Sana looked a little sheepish, and chuckled. The sound was so sweet and melodic that it seemed to momentarily enchant all the girls at the table. This only seemed to fluster her more, and she cleared her throat. 

“Uh, well, I was bored in high school and decided to learn, you know, to understand kpop interviews and stuff.”

“You’re self taught?” Chaeyoung noted in surprise.

“... yeah. Why?” Sana seemed confused.

“How long did it take you to learn?” Chaeyoung asked.

“I don’t really know? I think after eight, maybe nine months I could understand most of it.” Sana shrugged, taking a sip of her tea.

“Only nine months?” Nayeon gaped.

Mina chuckled while Sana still looked confused. “Sana is a genius, you can’t really limit her to the standards of us common-folk.”

“As in, an actual genius?” Dahyun turned to look at Sana.

Sana blushed even more and Momo nudged her. Rapidly Sana explained something, and Momo smirked and sent Sana a look that made Chaeyoung’s neck warm even if she had no clue what Sana had said. Sana rolled her eyes and looked at Dahyun again.

“Technically, yes.”

Chaeyoung couldn’t help the way her eyebrows shot up. “Wow, that’s-”

“Not a big deal.” There was a sudden finality in Sana’s voice so far from her sweet laugh. It left Chaeyoung with the feeling that there was more to the story, but Sana had made it clear with very few words that it wasn’t something she wanted to elaborate on. So instead, the eight girls just finished their morning tea, and half an hour later they were all ready in front of the house, huddled in big coats and scarves and hats.

Dahyun took the natural lead - her spot whenever they went anywhere on outings, and Mina walked gently by her side. (No matter what she did, that girl always seemed gentle about it somehow.)

Behind Dahyun and Mina walked Sana and Momo, arm in arm talking and laughing happily. A cute couple, really.

Following them walked Jihyo with Tzuyu, the youngest occupying herself by making clouds with her breath, seeing how big she could make them. Jihyo studied her for a while and then joined.

Nayeon and Chaeyoung took the last spot in the procession-like group, Nayeon’s hand in Chaeyoung’s, both hands buried deep in Chaeyoung’s coat pocket.

“Today?” Chaeyoung asked as they headed down the road, leaving a few steps between themselves and their friends in front.

Nayeon nodded slowly, staring at Jihyo’s powder-blue knitted beanie.

“When?”

Nayeon shrugged. “Tonight? In the garden under the lights Tzuyu put up last year?”

Chaeyoung smiled softly at her oldest sister. “That’s a good spot.”

“I tried a few times already, but we keep getting interrupted.” Nayeon cringed.

“Well not tonight.” Chaeyoung said conclusively. “We’ll make sure you get all the space and time you need.”

Nayeon gave a nervous chuckle and squeezed Chaeyoung’s hand a little tighter. “Thanks, Chaeyoungie.”

Chaeyoung sent Nayeon a grin and then looked away from the group, as something across the road had caught her attention. Or rather, someone. 

Should she call out to her? It was very unmistakably her, with the pink hair poking out under the black beanie, even if she wasn’t wearing glasses today. Maybe it would be a bit much to introduce her to all three sisters at once, but at the same time, Chaeyoung’s stomach bubbled happily in anticipation of getting to talk to Jeongyeon earlier than expected.

In the end, she chose a compromise. Carefully, Chaeyoung moved hers and Nayeon’s hands out of her coat pocket, and let go.

“I’ll catch up with you” Chaeyoung said, before hurrying across the street, relieved that the road was currently untravelled. She could hear the others calling for her confusedly, but she merely waved them off. Jeongyeon however, seemed to have heard the calls, because she stopped and looked up from her phone, just in time to see Chaeyoung approaching.

“Hey!” Chaeyoung beamed.

“Hi.” Jeongyeon said softly, pocketing the phone and her hands too. She looked amazing as always.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to take up a lot of your time. We’re on our way to the grand palace and I just saw you and thought I’d say hi.” Chaeyoung explained.

“I don’t mind you taking up my time. The bakery is closed today, a circuit blew in the back room so I have no electricity, and a technician can’t come help until tomorrow” Jeongyeon gave a little pout.

Chaeyoung tried her best not to look too happy, but Jeongyeon just gave her a lopsided smile and a shake of the head.

“You know, I can ditch them if-”

Chaeyoung cleared her throat, realizing suddenly how straight forward she was being.

“You said you’re going to the grand palace?” Jeongyeon asked, looking for a second at the seven girls waiting for Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung nodded. “But li-”

“I could just head with you if your party doesn’t mind an extra person?” Jeongyeon suggested. “Just remind me to buy eggs and beans, I’m out.”

Chaeyoung considered for a moment and then nodded, turning towards her friends and checking the road before walking back to them, Jeongyeon trailing after her. 

It really seemed like today was going to be an absolutely amazing day. 

Just turned out that the key was in ‘seemed’. Because as they got closer, finally on the right sidewalk, her sister’s eyes, frozen on Jeongyeon were big and fearful. For a moment, she looked like she was about to cry. Then she turned away. Very decidedly so.

Chaeyoung stopped dead, fear running through her skin like an electric current. 

“Nay?”

Nayeon shook her head, and bent her head way down low. Something was clearly up, and the way her shoulders hunched made it clear that she didn’t want to tell. But by now, they had all noticed her weird manner. And Jihyo’s hand found the small of her back and she leaned close, speaking so quietly that Chaeyoung only heard it as a whisper in the wind..

“You okay?”

Once again Nayeon shook her head.

Then, with no warning she turned on her heel and walked back where she came from, towards Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon and past them, her head bent so low it was almost impossible to make out her face.

“Don’t do this.” 

Chaeyoung’s breath caught in her throat at the sound of Jeongyeon’s voice. 

What was she- why was she- what was going on? Why was Jeongyeon talking to her like this? With so much pain and longing in her voice? 

If Nayeon’s actions had confused Chaeyoung, it was nothing to the complete nonsense of Jeongyeon’s. Especially when her hand found Nayeon’s wrist almost effortlessly. As if she was drawn magnetically to Nayeon’s skin.

“Nayeon.” Jeongyeon’s voice broke with the first syllable. “Please.”

“Let me go, Jeong.” Nayeon begged, her words so fragile that they threatened to fall apart and take Nayeon down with her. Yet it was probably only Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung who heard; her voice so small that it was barely audible in the freezing cold.

Chaeyoung couldn’t breathe. None of it made sense. Or maybe she just didn’t want it to make sense. But before she could even figure out which of those two it was, Jeongyeon spoke again.

“It doesn’t have to be like this. Can’t we just-”

“No.” Nayeon said. But the way she said it felt more like a question than an answer. As if she was asking Jeongyeon for it to be the right answer. She was asking to cheat on the test. She was asking Jeongyeon to let her off the hook.

And Jeongyeon did. Let go of her hand and watched as Nayeon walked away from the group, back towards Gammy’s house.

Something bubbled under Chaeyoung’s skin. A mix of confusion and frustration. But barely had she inhaled with the intent of shouting for Nayeon to come back, before Jeongyeon held up a hand.

“Just let her go.”

Chaeyoung felt like crying. She didn’t understand anything and her brain kept firing a million possible solutions around inside her head and it made everything hurt. And then it seemed to settle on one final question. Why hadn’t Jihyo followed her?

As the question settled in her, she spun and looked at Jihyo. But Jihyo just shook her head.

“Your friend is right. Just let her go.”

“But-”

“She needs space, I’ll go after her in a few minutes when she’s ready.”

The urge to scream out her pain was making it hard to breathe. She needed to understand. Needed control. Needed to know why her sister and the girl she liked were acting like… like exes

Then it hit her; hit her like a brick so hard that it almost made her faint. Yet she turned to look at Jeongyeon. At her bubblegum girl.

The devastation was almost absolute as her mind was brought back to the night she had found Nayeon.

“You’re the girl…”

… 

The sunlight was sharp and commanding in its presence, though powerless against the cold. Yet it reflected in every snowflake covering the city so heavily, making every surface glisten and reflect almost magically. It was the only good thing about winter, Jeongyeon always thought. Yet as she walked here next to Chaeyoung, the shorter girl looking beyond adorable in her big black padded coat, there was possibly another good thing about winter.

Her.

Or maybe she was just there as a karmic neutralization of the run-in with Nayeon.

Or possibly Nayeon was her karmic neutralization for knowing Chaeyoung.

Jeongyeon wasn’t sure which way it worked, nor was she sure she really believed it. She just knew that it hurt; the look in Nayeon’s eyes and the feeling of her skin under Jeongyeon’s hands now, after so long.

It would’ve probably been for the best if Jeongyeon had turned around and walked away too. To just call it a day and avoid all the attention from Chaeyoung and her friends; to get a little time to deal with the whole situation. But she didn’t. Not because of some petty need to show that she was stronger than Nayeon. But because she didn’t know how to walk away. Just like Nayeon didn’t know how to stay. 

Some things never change, it seemed.

“You’re really not going to tell me what happened?” 

Chaeyoung’s voice cut through the sound of snow under the soles of their shoes. There was a frustration in it that Jeongyeon couldn’t help but sympathise with. It wasn’t hard to understand where Chaeyoung was coming from.

“No.” Jeongyeon shook her head and took her hand out of her pocket. Not that she expected Chaeyoung to- but you know. Just in case. “It’s not my place to tell you. If you hadn’t known Nayeon, that would’ve been different, but she’s- I can’t just break her confidence like that.”

It hurt, just to say it. She hadn’t talked to anyone about it, ever. And here was this wonderful girl asking her to finally uncork the bottle and let everything out. Yet even now, she couldn’t help the need to protect the girl she once called hers. She had always been Nayeon’s protector, and always would be, it seemed. 

“I only know she was thrown out for being gay.” Chaeyoung explained as they walked through the park behind the grand palace. “They had completely disowned her and left her for the streets. That’s all she told me when I found her.”

Jeongyeon nodded. She didn’t really know what else to say. None of the things she wanted to say would ever leave her lips. So instead she just lost herself in thought and memory as she walked besides Chaeyoung, trying not to think about how much more complicated everything had just gotten.

For a few minutes they talked like that, in silence, both deep inside their own minds. At least until something brushed over the side of Jeongyeon’s hand, and careful fingers searched the skin, before finally settling in the spaces between Jeongyeon’s. Somehow even this gesture from Chaeyoung was as flustered as her words, but it made Jeongyeon glad she had thought to keep her hand out of her pocket. Because the feeling of Chaeyoung’s hand in hers was one that made her heart race and her cheeks warmer.

Still they didn’t talk for another minute. Just slowly walked at Chaeyoung’s pace, in the quiet of a sunlit friday. And when Chaeyoung finally spoke, her voice was soft but sure.

“Thank you.” 

Jeongyeon looked over at Chaeyoung curiously. “For what?”

“Protecting her.” Chaeyoung said. It seemed she had thought long about what to say; how to say it. “It’s frustrating that I can’t know, that I don’t know how to help. But if it’s something she doesn’t talk about, and you won’t tell on her, whatever it is. You’re protecting her past. It makes me proud to be someone who knows you. You’re really admirable for it.”

Jeongyeon gave a small chuckle. It wasn’t often she was called admirable for anything. She still wasn’t used to Chaeyoung’s compliments. And she especially wasn’t used to her lips on Jeongyeon’s cheek, the kiss so chaste and swift that it might not have happened. But the tingling sensation left on Jeongyeon’s cheek made it very obvious that it had, and she looked down at her boots. 

She wasn’t used to this, someone liking her how Chaeyoung did; so obviously and unabashedly. But it was a welcome change, and Jeongyeon held her hand tighter. Honestly, she still wasn’t sure what this was yet. But she liked it. Liked Chaeyoung’s weird little world and her big eyes and her laughter. Liked how Chaeyoung seemed to glow when they talked, and how it felt to think about having her closer. With Chaeyoung, there was nothing but curiosity and mirth. Like coming up for air. 

…

Mina inhaled deeply through her nose, the sharp cold making her nose itch. With a scrunch, she tried to remove the itch without having to get her hands out of her pocket. But in the end she succumbed to the discomfort and reached up to rub on the outside of her nose.

“You good?” Dahyun asked, a hint of humor in her voice. 

They were walking some feet behind Sana and Momo, the two practicing Korean once again.

“I keep forgetting just how cold it is.” Mina admitted as she looked at her friends. They had been doing so well lately, especially since getting here, hanging off each other like real girlfriends. Honestly, it had been a while since Momo had shown interest in anyone else, and there was a part of Mina that hoped maybe this time they’d see.

“That’s very fair.” Dahyun brought Mina back to reality. “You never really get used to the cold here.”

“You’d think that a peninsula like this would have more of a coastal climate.” Mina shudders and buries her hands deeper inside her pockets, hoping to find some kind of warmth in the padding.

“I know right? But apparently we get a good amount of those lovely Siberian winds. But at least it’s only the west coast that’s this cold.” Dahyun said with a chuckle.

“We’re on the west coast.” Mina whined, not really intending for it to sound like it did. But Dahyun just laughed and nodded, the top of her red beanie wobbling slightly. Cute.

“But at least there’s better company here than I would’ve had in Japan.” Mina continued, looking up at the sky. It was still so brilliantly blue, though clouds looked like they were gathering in the far horizon. “Not that Sana and Momo aren’t good company, but I mean, with all my fa- my friends gathered in one place..”

“I’m glad you consider me good company.” Dahyun smiled at her. “And a friend.”

“Of course. I’ve always considered you good company. If that makes sense. I mean- I liked reading your letters and getting to know you like that. I felt less alone. And the days I’d get a letter I almost felt like you were coming home to me?” Mina wasn’t sure why she was telling it like that. She just needed to make sure Dahyun knew that she had made a difference in Mina’s life.

“I get that. And I’m really sorry I couldn’t keep- you know, keep writing you.” Dahyun looked down at the ground. “I wanted to.”

“No, I get it. Trust me, I really get it.” Mina’s stomach turned uncomfortably. She should’ve approached that subject more gently. Or maybe just not talked about it.

Dahyun nodded. Several times she opened and closed her mouth and then sighed. It was almost identical to how she had been last night under the street lamps and the snow.

“Dahyun?”

Dahyun looked around at her. And there was something so vulnerable about her, as if she had taken off a mask. As if there was a whole different Dahyun under the excitement and reassurance. But it wasn’t a Dahyun that Mina hadn’t ever met. It was just someone she hadn’t met for a while. 

“Can I tell you something?” Dahyun asked. “It’s not something I talk about, to anyone really, but- but I’ve been thinking over the past months I should. If you’ll listen?”

Mina nodded. “Of course.”

“... I was mad at my brother.” Dahyun said slowly, an unnerving gravity in her voice. “He had teased me in the car and called me weird, and he told me that I couldn’t be in the choir if I kept being so weird. It annoyed me. Just because he was older, I didn’t want him to decide what I could and couldn’t do. So when he said to come back to the car - that we were all going shopping for groceries after setting up the tent, I refused to come with them. I told them to go, that I didn’t want to go with them. My dad tried to make me, but my mom let me stay at the campsite.”

The road turned from gravel to stone and they headed towards the gate into the grand palace, the lake on the left, frozen and gleaming. And Mina just listened.

“They didn’t come back for hours, but I sat there like my mom had told me to. I waited for them. A police officer came to my tent and asked me to come, and I told him no, that mom had asked me to wait. He told me mom wasn’t coming back.”

Dahyun swallowed and kicked at the ground just as they walked through the gates to the grand palace. They had already been here earlier just to see it, before they had decided to take a walk around the palace gardens. Mina wanted nothing more than to help. Wanted to somehow take a little bit of the pain away from Dahyun.

“I don’t really ever talk about it. Not even to Chaeyoung. I’m so ashamed. I fought with them. I never fight, I never resist, and I never carry a grudge. And the one time I did, I never got to say I was sorry. I never got to apologize.”

“You haven’t told them?” Mina frowned.

Dahyun stopped walking, turning her head to look at Mina. Her eyes were glazed over, and a tear threatened to fall onto the red cheeks. Instinctively, Mina reached up to dry it away as soon as it did fall. She hadn’t intended to stay, but Dahyun’s shivery breath made her gently stroke her hand over the cold cheek. There was something about the younger girl’s vulnerability that made it impossible not to attempt to console her. 

“What do you mean?” Dahyun asked finally, blinking repeatedly.

Mina caught another stubborn tear and let her hand fall, her thumb wet from the tear. It seemed like a promise between them somehow.

“When my dad died, I felt a lot of guilt, and talking to him helped.”

Dahyun’s expression changed as Mina talked, from grief to shock. “Your dad died? When?”

“Last year. I- the smoking finally got to him.” Mina swallowed before continuing. “Or the grief. It’s hard to know. But he died the same day as my mom, only 20 years apart.”

“Mina I’m so sorry.” Dahyun’s voice was full of empathy, and Mina gave a sad little smile. She buried her hands in the pockets of her coat again. It was safer that way.

“It’s okay. I had a long time to prepare for it.” Mina said with a sad smile. Then looked down at their shoes, slightly angled towards each other. “But when he died, I felt really guilty. I always thought he wasn’t a very good dad because of his absence, but I kept my distance too after I grew up. I gave up on him. For a few years we only saw each other on mom’s death day, at the grave, for twenty minutes. But then he got sick, and I didn’t know how to be a daughter for him again, because I hadn’t been for a long time. I never really got good at it. And one day, about four months after he died, I was in my final year of college, and I was so devastated because I didn’t have Sana or Momo with me - They’re both a year older than me - I was all alone, and I missed him a lot. So I went to his grave, and I sat for an hour in front of the stone and talked to him. I soothed him and told him he did the best he could and told him I was sorry. I asked for his forgiveness for calling him an old fool. Then called him an old fool. It might just have been for my own peace of heart, that I did it. But it helped.”

Mina finally ran out of words, and Dahyun nodded slowly. Then started walking again.

“I never tried that. Honestly, I haven’t even been to the grave in years. Last time I just stood there senselessly without knowing what to do. It felt so weird, so ever since that I didn’t go. It was the day I graduated high school.” Dahyun’s voice shook as she spoke, but Mina kept a polite distance, walking next to her.

“It’s not for everyone. I think I did it because I’m used to talking to mom that way from ever since I was a kid.” Mina explained, trying to relieve a little of the pressure on Dahyun. She hadn’t meant it in the sense that she wanted Dahyun to grieve the same way that Mina did. Grief was different for everyone, and Mina knew that. It had just been a suggestion and-

“Mina?” Dahyun asked.

“Hm?” Mina turned her head to look at her as they walked across the square in front of the grand palace.

“I think… I’ll keep it in mind.”

Something moved inside Mina at that comment. Had Dahyun noticed Mina’s chaotic thoughts? Had she noticed the guilt that threatened to settle in Mina’s stomach?

“I’m glad.” Mina said quietly. And then she giggled. Because Dahyun’s lips split in a grin so wide, it was impossible to believe she had been crying just moments before. It was like watching a flower bloom on the first warm day in the spring.

…

The key didn’t quite fit in the lock, but Jihyo still managed to turn it, pushing just the right way on the top of the door until it opened. Anyone who didn’t live here probably wouldn’t be able to get in this way, but Jihyo had known the apartment long enough to know all the magic tricks needed to make it work. And somehow, it felt safe to return to this place, even now that her heart was beating so fast.

After Nayeon had walked away, Jihyo had separated from the others and sent them off to Gyeongbokgung while she had walked back in the direction of Gammy’s house. But when Nayeon hadn’t been there, and Jihyo decided it may have garnered the need for a little more time. If Nayeon had wanted Jihyo’s company soon, she would’ve waited in Tzuyu’s room. So Jihyo stayed at Gammy’s for half an hour, and then took the train home.

It wasn’t often that Nayeon reacted like this, had barely happened once in the past two years. But it was a part of Nayeon, that, even if Jihyo had never been told the root of it, she knew how to handle. She knew how to put Nayeon back together, even if it scared her more this time than any before. Because throughout the years she had slowly pieced together the parts of Nayeon’s past she had never talked about, and today she had gotten to put a face to the other main character. It wasn’t just a suspicion. Chaeyoung had said it herself as well.

_ You’re the girl... _

The lights were out in the main room of the little apartment and Jihyo bit her lip. It was never a good sign. Yet she followed the beating heart of the love she knew was waiting for her, and walked through their apartment, into the dark kitchen.

She was sitting on a chair, legs up and arms around them, with her forehead resting on her knees. Yet as soon as Jihyo’s fingertips found her hair and buried into the soft brown locks, Nayeon gave a shivering sigh and uncurled herself, her eyes red and swollen as she looked up at Jihyo.

“Hey, runaway” Jihyo whispered softly. 

Nayeon gave a wet chuckle, and her chin trembled as Jihyo’s fingers stroked down the side of Nayeon’s head, over her cheek and then touching her lips ever so nimbly. Yet she didn’t speak. And Jihyo hadn’t expected her to. Times like these, she was somehow always lost for words. But there wasn’t a need. With her body, she opened herself to Jihyo, pressing her lips to Jihyo’s fingers and setting her feet back on the ground.

A little hum escaped Jihyo, and she settled on Nayeon’s lap, wrapped her arms around the older girl’s shoulder and hugged her as tight as she could.

As hoped, it was the last step it took for the dam to break; for Nayeon to give in to the pain and cry it out. And she did. Nayeon sobbed and shook and buried her face in Jihyo’s neck, grasping desperately at her shirt to get impossibly closer.

Still, every sob broke Jihyo’s heart, and every word unsaid was torment. She wanted nothing more than to take Nayeon’s pain away. Not just this time, but every time. To finally mend Nayeon’s wounds instead of being the band-aid that covered them whenever the stitches wouldn’t hold. But there had never been a use in asking, and Jihyo had accepted long ago, that if she wanted Nayeon, she would never know. And she wanted Nayeon. Wanted every part of her that Nayeon would give. So Jihyo gave Nayeon every single bit of vulnerability that Nayeon couldn’t face herself, softly filling the dark kitchen with song.

…

“So that was a very eventful day.” Sana said with a humorless chuckle, sitting down on the bed with a bag of chips.

“Eventful morning, more like it.” Mina corrected, waiting for Sana to offer her the bag. She had never learned just to take without being offered, even if Sana continually insisted that it was okay.

“Do you think they used to date?” Momo asked, sitting against the headboard, stretching out her hand for Sana to give her chips.

Mina shrugged. “Who knows? It’s not any of our business anyways.”

“No, I know that. But it’s just weird, right? If they knew each other but none of the others knew that they knew.” Momo insisted.

Mina nodded. She couldn’t really blame Momo’s curiousity. The run-in with Jeongyeon had been so dramatic that it had rested at the back of Mina’s head ever since. Despite what she said - that it wasn’t any of their business - she still couldn’t help but wonder. She just didn’t want to use it as gossip.

“Are they both coming tomorrow?” Momo asked, a slight hint of worry in her voice.

“To Dongdaemun?” Sana asked.

“The night market, we’re meeting there, tomorrow, right? Or did I get that backwards?” Momo sounded suddenly confused.

“No, you got it right.” Sana waved her hand slightly and grabbed a few chips, handing them to Momo. “I think it was the plan? Jeongyeon said the circuit but that her shop closes at 6 PM so she has time to come with us.”

“Nayeon and Jihyo might not come though.” Mina noted. “Dahyun said she hadn’t heard from them by the time we left.”

Sana nodded, chewing on a few chips.

“How is that going anyway?” Momo suddenly asked.

“What?” Mina looked around at her, shifting to sit crossed-legged on the bed instead of sitting on the edge.

Sana seemed to take that as an invitation to move as well, though she settled next to Momo, a little further apart than friends would. For the sake of Mina’s sanity no doubt.

“I mean how is it going with Dahyun.” Momo turned Mina’s thoughts back on track. “You know - rekindling with your first love and all. We’ve barely gotten to talk to you since you saw her. Or her for that matter. How is she?”

A part Mina knew it was coming, but she hadn’t prepared for it to be now. And maybe that’s why she couldn’t hide the smile that spread across her lips.

“ _ Ooh _ ” Sana immediately sang.

“Shush, it’s not like that.” Mina huffed, feeling the warmth creep up her neck, settling in her cheeks. “It’s just really good to talk to her again. But it’s so weird as well.”

“How so?” Momo asked, silently asking Sana for more chips.

“Well, I know it’s the same girl she’s always been, and we know each other so well, that it feels like we’ve just always been like this. It’s almost too easy with her? She’s so easy to talk to, because I’m so confident in my knowledge of who she is. Somehow her personality is exactly the same as in her letters, but I’m not sure I come off that way to her.”

Momo shuffled in her seat. “Why wouldn’t she think the same of you?”

“Well, because I always spent days and days rewriting the letters to her, to get it just right. But when we talk, I can’t re-talk. I can’t change my words to get them right. So I feel I don’t come off the same way as I did in my letters. And it scares me. That she might not think I’m the same girl she used to like writing.”

As she spoke, Mina felt how she curled in on herself, reaching around to hug her own knees. She really didn’t know how else to articulate the fear she felt whenever she and Dahyun were apart. Because it really was only whenever they were apart that she was scared like this. When they were together, it was easy. Dahyun made everything so easy. But apart, her thoughts seemed to find ways to make nonsense of the situation.

“You’re afraid she doesn’t like you back?” Sana asked.

Mina shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t really  _ like _ her like that? At least I don’t think I do. How can I? We haven’t spoken in ten years, and we’ve barely gotten to know each other again. I think it’s just the fifteen year old girl inside me who has to figure out a few things before I can get past this.”

“The fifteen year old Mina who was in love with Dahyun.” Sana hummed.

Mina nodded and hugged her legs tighter. It was a way more complicated bouquet of feelings than she had ever foreseen. And maybe if she had, she wouldn’t have gone. But it was the fifteen year old girl inside of her who had asked her to go - who had wanted to see Dahyun. 

“You know, it’s okay sometimes to just feel however you do, without having to overthink why. You can just roll with it even if it doesn’t make sense.”

“But I really don’t think I have feelings for her.” Mina sighed, refraining from a snide comment. 

“Why?” Momo asked curiously. 

“What do you mean?”

“What makes you think that you don’t have feelings for her?” Momo elaborated, shifting a little closer to Sana. Mina pretended she didn’t notice.

“I just don’t get that heart-fluttering feeling when I talk to her. I’m excited to see her, of course, but when we talk it’s not excitement I feel. It’s more a feeling of comfort. You know, like coming home and putting on fuzzy socks and wrapping a blanket around your shoulders. There isn’t that spark between us.”

“Had you hoped there would be?” Sana asked, moving on the bed to get closer to Mina, silently asking for Mina to hug Sana instead of her knees.

And Mina could never deny her. Never wanted to.

“No..” Mina let the feeling of Sana’s arms and warm body envelop her with safety. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what I wanted from this? I think I just wanted to see her. And now that I have, it’s like I don’t know where to go from here. I think I want to be her friend again, keep in touch even when we go apart again. Maybe be pen pals again? As dumb as that sounds.”

“Doesn’t sound dumb.” Sana hummed, hugging Mina without stroking her. Mina loved that about her. That she never overstimulated the hug, but just held Mina close. She always knew how to do these things. A genius in more than one sense.

“I think friends sounds good.” Momo said softly, moving to sit on Mina’s other side. Though she didn’t join the hug. Instead she offered her chips and nudged Mina’s knee with her own. Mina gave a soft chuckle and held out her hand for Momo to take.

“Maybe I’m just too tired to make sense of anything.” Mina hummed as Momo’s fingers found the spaces between Mina’s.

“Well we have some time to rest tomorrow, since we aren’t meeting until tomorrow night.” Sana reminded her.

Mina nodded. It was probably a good thing. But she still would’ve rather been with Dahyun and the others. 

…

“It’s right down here.” Dahyun said excitedly, leading Sana, Momo and Mina down the main road and then took a left, immediately stopping to let the three take in the sight.

They had noticed the big hypermodern plaza from far away, but until now, Mina hadn’t deduced that it would actually be the final destination. The outside of the plaza was full of lights, with food trucks scattered around here and there, offering every kind of cuisine Mina could ever want. Everything from classic korean foods, desserts, hot dogs and thai food. And around them, young folks as well as old walked in smaller or larger groups from one place to the next, pointing out everything from the curious decorations of some of the trucks as well as the decorations of the plaza itself. And to top it off, the entire scene was enveloped in music from various street artists playing along to the buzzing conversations of the people around them.

Mina’s heart immediately beat faster. It had been a while since she had been a place that made such an impression on her.

“This is so beautiful..” Sana sounded absolutely in awe.

“And the food is great too.” Dahyun promised.

“Food?” Momo lit up, clearly having recognized the word.

Mina giggled at her friend. “Yeah, Dahyun says it’s great.”

Momo’s expression grew impossibly more gleeful, and both Dahyun, Sana and Mina laughed at her. But Momo stayed completely unbothered.

“Do you want to wait for the others here or?” Dahyun asked, glancing down at the phone. “They should be here in uh, about a minute.”

“Sure, we can stay here.” Mina said, and then added, “I mean, it’s easier than getting lost later, right?”

Dahyun gave an agreed nod, and swiped through her phone for a few seconds before pocketing it.

“Who exactly is coming tonight?” Sana asked curiously. 

Mina bit the inside of her cheek, hoping that Dahyun hadn’t heard the implication in Sana’s voice.

“Uh, well Tzuyu, Nayeon and Jihyo, Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon.” Dahyun counted on her fingers.

Momo and Sana shared a look, and Mina felt the urge to quickly divert the conversation. Though before she could come up with a subject, a distraction showed up in the form of Tzuyu, Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon.

“Wow, you’re on time for once.” Dahyun gaped theatrically.

“Correction, she is on time, we’re just being pulled along.” Chaeyoung pointed at Jeongyeon with a slight grin on her face.

“Okay, I officially like you.” Dahyun told Jeongyeon. “Those two are chronically late.”

Jeongyeon just chuckled and buried her hands deeper in the pockets of her coat.

Chaeyoung cleared her throat “So, are we waiting for-”

“Yeap.” Dahyun nodded.

Mina tried her best to just look at Dahyun and not at Jeongyeon. Everyone else had glanced to her, and Mina didn’t feel like she needed any more attention. But as soon as Dahyun caught her eyes, Mina automatically averted hers, instead looking at the entrance to the indoor part of the market was.

“Do they have funny hats and stuff?” Mina asked a bit too fast maybe.

“What? Oh, yeah they have lots of that stuff. I once saw a bucket hat with ears.” Dahyun snickered.

“Cute!” Sana immediately sang. “I bet you’d look super cute in it!”

Dahyun’s cheeks tinged immediately and she shook her head rapidly. “No, no I wouldn’t, I don’t wear those things.”

“Hmm…” Sana pouted. Dahyun looked slightly taken aback by Sana’s cutesy personality suddenly aimed at her, but Mina wasn’t fast enough to think of a way to intervene. Not that she had a right to, or really needed to. But there was a part of her that noticed the way Dahyun reacted to Sana.

The next moment, however, Dahyun was looking at her phone again, obviously checking her messages. Mina gave a little sigh.

“You’re trying to see if you grow roots if you stand around long enough?”

Jihyo’s voice came from somewhere behind Dahyun, and then her arms snuck around the girl’s body, chin settling on Dahyun’s shoulder.

“Unnie, hi.” Dahyun said happily. “We waited for you.”

“Thank you.” Jihyo hummed before letting go, reaching back to take Nayeon’s hand, the oldest cowering a few feet back.

Mina felt the tension immediately, settling in every open space between the two girls on each end of the group. 

“That way?” Sana asked, nodding down towards the first few food trucks.

“Uh, yeah, let’s go.” Dahyun cleared her throat, taking the lead in front of Jihyo and Nayeon.

Sana gave Mina a little nudge, and Mina swore she heard Chaeyoung chuckle, but Mina didn’t move. Not until Dahyun looked back at her.

“You coming?”

Mina nodded, but still couldn’t get herself to overtake Nayeon and Jihyo. All she could feel was the obvious tension since the appearance of Nayeon and Jihyo, and Sana’s eyes on her neck.

But as they reached the first food truck, Dahyun’s hand appeared suddenly on Jihyo’s left and Mina looked at it. It was for her, right? Okay, yes it was, or it wouldn’t have grabbed Mina’s, tugging her around to the front. But the way Dahyun kept holding Mina’s hand even as they just stood looking at the food truck made Mina even more aware of herself and the conversation she had with Momo and Sana last night.

As if she had read Mina’s mind, however, Sana suddenly yelped and dragged Momo from the group. “Momoring, come on, they have waffles!”

“Wh- where?” Momo sounded confused and disoriented.

“There!” Sana pointed enthusiastically. Come on, Momoring, buy me waffles.” Sana sang in her most convincing pleading voice.

“Buy your own waffles.” Momo said dryly, willingly following Sana over to the waffle truck. Mina knew who’d end up paying for them in the end.

“Do you want anything now or look around first?” Dahyun’s hand gave Mina’s a little squeeze, and Mina looked around at her.

“Oh, I like looking around first before making a decision.” Mina said, ignoring the way her stomach growled at the smell of fried meat from the first food truck.

“Okay!” Dahyun grinned. “Operation find food, set!”

Mina chuckled as Dahyun saluted, and mimicked her before she even realized that she was. Normally she might have succumbed to shyness immediately, but her actions seemed to please Dahyun immensely, so she kept it up.

“What are you in the mood for, Tzu-tzu?” Jihyo asked softly. Mina glanced back at them to see Jihyo with an an arm looped through both Tzuyu’s and her girlfriend’s.

“Hm, maybe savory first, and then sweet?” Tzuyu suggested.

“Are you game on that plan, Mina?” Dahyun asked.

Mina nodded happily, trying not to focus too much on how it felt to have Dahyun hold her hand like she was.

In the end, Dahyun and Mina settled for classic korean food, starting with cups of noodles with seaweed and bean sprouts and meat. Sana and Momo had already tried four different cuisines, now sharing a cup of black bean noodles while Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung seemed to compete with Tzuyu for who could eat a chicken skewer the fastest. Nayeon and Jihyo who stood some feet from the rest, had finally reached dessert in the form of waffles (Sana had swooned at the taste and insisted that Jihyo try them). 

Though, even if they were all filling their stomachs and gaining warmth and strength from the tastes, they still couldn’t shake the tension. Neither Jeongyeon or Nayeon had said a single word all night since seeing each other, and it was getting increasingly awkward. Mina just couldn’t do anything about it. She didn’t know much about the situation, and seeing as none of those closer to the two were doing anything, how was she supposed to? All she could do was try to avoid letting it affect her own mood and the feeling of Dahyun standing so close to her. Or rather, she had been the one to step closer to Dahyun.

“What do you want to try for dessert?” Mina asked as she finished the dinner.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you? There’s so much korean food here that you probably aren’t used to.” Dahyun spoke behind her hand before chewing the last of her food.

“Well I don’t really eat many sweets, so I think you’d have a better idea of what’s good.” Mina shrugged.

“You think I eat a lot of sweets?” Dahyun put on an expression of theatrical offence.

“Have you changed in that sense?” Mina challenged playfully.

Dahyun blushed and shook her head. “No…”

Okay so maybe the whole thing about Dahyun not being heart-fluttering wasn’t entirely true. There was definitely stuff happening inside Mina, and it made her to take it further. She wanted to say something more to make Dahyun react like this. But as soon as the thought occurred in her head, she became aware of how close they were standing, and how they had been acting all night. As if they had all been split into couples. (with the exception of Tzuyu who had mostly just trailed after Nayeon and Jihyo). Why couldn’t she just let it be what it was, or wasn’t, or whatever?

She didn’t have to care about tomorrow, right?

So why was she?

“Why don’t you think about something and I’ll get rid of these?” Mina suggested, trying to keep the defeat out of her voice. She didn’t want Dahyun to know the confliction in her mind. Yet it became clear almost immediately that Dahyun had waited for her to respond to the original conversation, the confusion apparent on her face. But Mina just held out a hand for her empty cup to throw them out, and Dahyun placed her cup in Mina’s with a nod.

“Sure.”

“Anyone else done?” Mina asked around at the group.

“Here.” Chaeyoung said, handing her an empty paper tray that had fit the chicken skewers.

Mina looked around once more, but Momo was still working on her noodles with very little elegance and even less care for said elegance, and no-one else seemed done either.

“I’ll be right back.” Mina noted quietly to Dahyun before heading for one of the big trash cans between a rainbow-colored food truck and a park bench currently accommodating two older couples.

As soon as she had left the group, relief washed over Mina. She was really way too aware of herself, and she wished that Momo and Sana hadn’t questioned her about it last night. Yet as soon as she had thrown out the empty cups and Chaeyoung’s tray, she felt a presence behind her, and turned.

“Sorry, I was done too.” Jeongyeon said, very obviously with her cheeks full of chicken, yet holding up an empty tray and a wooden skewer.

Mina didn’t comment on the full cheeks, but made room for Jeongyeon to throw out her stuff. Yet she didn’t walk back to the group, and neither did Mina.

“Need space?” Jeongyeon asked.

Mina shrugged. “It’s a lot, and there’s a lot of people.”

“Make an excuse, say you need the bathroom or something.” Jeongyeon suggested, and quickly added. “I’ll take you. Promise I won’t even talk to you.” 

“You need space too?” Mina asked, a small smile forming on her lips.

“I just need to not feel so helpless and awkward for a moment.” Jeongyeon said very honestly, looking back at Nayeon, then at Chaeyoung.

Mina nodded. She understood. Well, she didn’t have a clue, but she knew that need to get away from the situation sometimes.

“Dahyun?” Mina called. 

Dahyun immediately started walking towards her, but Mina signaled for her to stop.

“Jeongyeon is gonna help me find a bathroom, can you buy us something for dessert?”

For a moment Dahyun just stared from Mina to Jeongyeon and then back again, but then nodded and started looking around at the different food carts.

Jeongyeon sent Mina a thankful smile and pointed towards the big grey building in the middle of the plaza.

They walked in silence just as Jeongyeon had promised, but never found the bathroom. Instead they just spent five minutes looking at phone covers and weird hats and remembered how to breathe again.

“When I was fifteen I was in love with Dahyun.” Mina admitted somewhere between the bucket hats with bunny ears and the kpop knock off merchandise.

“When I was fifteen I was in love with Nayeon.” Jeongyeon answered.

That was all it took, all either of them needed to finally let go a little. For an almost-stranger to listen to the words that really needed to be said, and not ask for more. 

A weight lifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, please leave a comment or use the twitter #twicemisfittoys, see you all in December


	4. Act 4 [M]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noted M for a REASON. You have been warned.
> 
> Don't lose your balance.

Logically, Nayeon knew that breathing was a subconscious action handled by impulses from the brainstem and areas surrounding it, yet somehow it felt like those parts of her brain had been disconnected the entire night. Because tonight, breathing wasn’t something she actually had any control over. It was a constant conscious decision to keep herself alive in the presence of her greatest shame. And the entire time there was the increasing weight of Jihyo’s hand in hers and Nayeon’s other hand clutched around the engagement ring.

How could she offer anything to Jihyo like this? How could she be anything for anyone when Jeongyeon was here, constantly reminding Nayeon of everything she did wrong. But one thing was the mistakes she had made in the past - those she had almost excused by now. The thing that had made her feel by far worse than anything she had done to the girl in the past, was that even now, she couldn’t face up. She couldn’t find a way to look Jeongyeon in the eyes and apologize. She just walked away.

“I can’t believe Sana actually walked around in that cat hat the entire night.” Jihyo chuckled as they walked down the street towards the subway.

“Mh..”

It was all that Nayeon could muster, with her lungs threatening to collapse every second if she didn’t keep remembering to breathe.

“Hey, come on. It wasn’t too bad, right?” Jihyo tried, running her thumb over Nayeon’s. “No hard feelings.”

“I-” Nayeon felt the tears glaze over her eyes before she could even find a way to stop them, and her throat close up. Why did it have to be her? Why did Chaeyoung have to fall for her? How did they even- wait, the bakery she always went to.

So Jeongyeon really did end up being a baker, huh? Seems she got her dream after all. At least one of them.

The tears fell without her consent, and she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. It wasn’t a choice anymore. She had hidden all these years and Jihyo had taken her for what she was. And now? Now Jihyo was standing there, with her hand so firmly in Nayeon’s, looking at her with nothing but compassion and understanding in her wonderful eyes. And Nayeon considered kissing her as if there was no tomorrow just to know once more how it felt. But she didn’t. Instead she let go of the velvet box in her jacket pocket, and faced the one part of her story she had sworn never to tell anyone, despite everything her mind told her that she risked by telling it.

…

_ “Did you hear that Seol got asked out by a boy who’s from ‘94?” Nayeon asked, laying on the bed with her feet in the air and her eyes on Jeongyeon, looking for a reaction from her. “Wouldn’t you love if a boy like that asked you out?” _

_ Jeongyeon scrunched her nose and tugged the edges of her socks. “I don’t know...” _

_ “Oh come on. You never want to talk about boys.” Nayeon pushed it further. She had tried for months, but Jeongyeon’s reactions were always so hard to read. Despite the fact that they had been best friends for ten years, Nayeon still couldn’t read her as well as she wanted to. But it didn’t change the fact that Nayeon loved her. Nor did it change the fact that Nayeon was  _ in _ love with her. _

_ She had realized a year ago what was going on, and at first she had been so firmly set on never acting on it. She kissed one boy and then the next, and nothing mattered except for Jeongyeon’s smile and her body in Nayeon’s arms. Nothing but Jeongyeon’s arm around her shoulder and her nose in Nayeon’s hair. _

_ Shivers ran down Nayeon’s spine just at the memory of that day where Jeongyeon had smelled her shampoo and commented that she had changed it. _

_ And now here she was, with Jeongyeon in her softball outfit sitting on Nayeon’s bed, looking at her like she was Jeongyeon’s entire world. _

_ “We can talk about boys if you want.” Jeongyeon finally said. _

_ She always gave in like that. Bent to Nayeon’s will. And Nayeon wanted nothing more than to talk about girls with her. To talk about that one girl that made Nayeon’s world spin so much faster. _

_ “I don’t.” Nayeon hummed. _

_ The slight tinge in Jeongyeon’s cheek and the lopsided smile made Nayeon’s stomach somersault, and she sat up on the bed. Closer to Jeongyeon.  _

_ “Then what do you want to talk about?” Jeongyeon asked, fidgeting a little. _

_ Nayeon shrugged, leaning on her knees and looking up at Jeongyeon. She was almost sure. After last night, she was really almost sure Jeongyeon felt the same. She just had to somehow get her to say it. She had to know. Because this wasn’t just a chance. This was her Jeongyeon. And Nayeon couldn’t risk their friendship if she was wrong. Because more than anything, she couldn’t imagine herself ever live without the younger girl. From now until the end of the world, she wanted her in her life. Even if it meant she could never tell anyone that she dreamed of them against the world. Even if she could never get to feel Jeongyeon’s lips against her own. _

_ “You okay?” Jeongyeon asked, pulling Nayeon from her thoughts. _

_ Nayeon had been staring again. She knew it. _

_ “Just thinking.” Nayeon murmured. “You’ll be with me always, right?” _

_ Jeongyeon nodded. “Of course.” _

_ “Good. Even if we fight, you’ll still love me?” Nayeon swallowed. Her heart was beating so hard by now, and Jeongyeon was close, but she still didn’t know how to do it. Not that she was even sure yet that she should. _

_ “We always fight, and I’m here now. So why would that change?” Jeongyeon wondered, running a hand through her perfect hair. Looked at Nayeon with her perfect eyes. _

_ “I just don’t want to risk losing you.” Nayeon admitted. _

_ “There isn’t a risk of that.” Jeongyeon said steadfast. “If you tell this to anyone I’ll deny it, but I can’t really live without you, Im Nayeon. You’re my everything.” _

_ Nayeon felt her heart skip several beats, and she sat up, eyes flickering between Jeongyeon’s. Her everything.. Nayeon was her everything. _

_ “One word and I’m taking it all back.” Jeongyeon warned. _

_ Nayeon shook her head fast and gulped. This was it right? The moment. If she just- just kissed her now they’d have their happy ending. It was the magical moment. And it was passing, and Nayeon wasn’t doing anything. She was just sitting there, staring at her best friend without breathing. _

_ “Love me, always.” Nayeon whispered finally. “Promise me, Yoo Jeongyeon.” _

_ Jeongyeon looked like she had already made that promise. “I- of course. Nayeon what are-” _

_ But Jeongyeon’s voice caught in her throat audibly as Nayeon leaned in. _

_ “Love me, even now.” Nayeon begged before pressing her lips to Jeongyeon’s. _

_ It was weird. Soft and breathtaking and really weird. They were just sitting there so statically, and Nayeon should draw back. But she kept dragging out the moment, afraid it would be the only chance. _

_ Until Jeongyeon’s lips moved. Not a lot. Just soft pressure. _

_ Nothing mattered after then, except for them. The world disappeared with that one touch, and Nayeon drew back only to get closer, to keep kissing Jeongyeon. And Jeongyeon’s hands guided her nervously, both of them fumbling until their noses nudged accidentally, and Nayeon’s lips found home once more, two girls lost in each other.  _

_ They were lost to the point where neither heard the opening of the door. _

_ The fifteen minutes that followed were a blur of shouting and tears and threats of therapy and conversion programs and homelessness. Nayeon’s worst nightmare come true.  _

_ To this day, Nayeon didn’t even remember half of what was said. It just manifested as all the things she hated about herself the most now. Honestly Nayeon wasn’t even sure where it started or ended. And the anger that emitted from her mother was more than any sixteen year old could be expected to handle. So the sixteen year old shouted back, and stood between her best friend and her mother, until finally the threats turned to reality and she walked away from a house that’s no longer hers, with a tearstained face and a girl by her side. _

_ Her girl. _

_ “Let’s just go home to my place, Nayeon.” Jeongyeon begged, her face swollen from tears. _

_ Nayeon shook her head, completely lost for words, eyes dead and mind blank. For a wonderful minute she had lived in a world of endless bliss, the resolve of an entire year’s worth of conflicted feelings and maybes. And now she was here, with everything taken from her. _

_ “Please, Nayeon. They’ll take you in, I know it.” Jeongyeon tried again. _

_ Nayeon swallowed and tried to speak, but she couldn’t. She didn’t have any control of her body anymore. Any time now her legs might even give in as well, and her heart too. Her lungs. They could sell her for parts for all she cared. _

_ “Nayeon. Come on.” Jeongyeon grabbed Nayeon’s arm, but quickly let go as Nayeon flinched and cowered. _

_ “I can’t.” Nayeon finally croaked. “What if they do that to you, too?” _

_ Jeongyeon shook her head. “Just come on, it’s going to be okay. They already know.” _

_ She didn’t mean to. Nayeon really didn’t mean to. But of all the feelings inside her that she hadn’t expected, jealous rage was the last she had wanted but inevitably the one that bubbled in every cell. _

_ “Go away.” Nayeon said in a low voice. _

_ “What?” Jeongyeon seemed completely lose. “No, Nayeon, just come on. Don’t take it out on me.” _

_ “You don’t get it.” Nayeon growled, regretting every word as she said it, yet unable to stop herself. It was so unfair. Why did Jeongyeon get to have everything when Nayeon had just had everything taken away from her? It wasn’t fair. And Nayeon didn’t know how to contain the bitterness - the anger she felt when she looked at her best friend. _

_ “Nayeon?” _

_ Nayeon shook her head. Her heart filled with seething jealousy, so uncontrollable that she couldn’t say another word. She just turned and walked away. But barely had she taken two steps before Jeongyeon’s hand found her wrist and a shaky voice spoke in the night. _

_ “Nayeon, don’t walk away. It’s going to be okay. Just stay with me. Please, Nayeon, don’t do this.” _

… 

“I walked away. Or rather, I ran. She tried to follow me but I shook her off. She called me every day for a month after that, and for most of a year she still tried.” Nayeon shook all over, but Jihyo’s hand was so faithfully still in hers. “She texted me all the time. She tried to find me, tried to get me back. And I never let her. And now, I still- I can’t even face up to it. I’ve been ashamed so long, because I hadn’t gone more than 10 feet before I wanted her to catch me and hold me and carry me home. But every time she tried I was too ashamed of myself to let her. And even now, all these years later, I still couldn’t face her. I thought it was a better person now than I was at sixteen, but I’m still just… so ashamed. She deserves everything, and I couldn’t give it to her. I couldn’t even apologize. I never apologized, because I don’t know how to face up to the fact that the reason I never let her back in, was because I was so… so jealous. I was so angry that she had gotten acceptance and comfort and I had lost everything. But… I was her everything. And I had told her to always love me. Even when we fought, she promised to love me unconditionally. And I took everything away from her. She was my best friend, and I chose to take everything away from her. Because I was jealous.”

Nayeon couldn’t get another word out, but she couldn’t quite face Jihyo yet either. So instead, she just stood there, with her free hand clenched, staring at the brick wall to their side, eyes brimming with shame. Even now, even with the truth out in the open, standing soul-bared to Jihyo for the first time in their shared lives, she still couldn’t face it. 

Maybe this is just all she’d ever be.

Runaway.

…

The scent of frying vegetables spread throughout the kitchen, making Tzuyu’s mouth water.

“Can you prepare the spring onions, dear?” Gammy asked.

“Sure.” Dahyun nodded, grabbing a cutting board and the little bag with spring onions, the green ends sticking out of the bag.

Tzuyu watched from the stove as she started to cut.

“Did you make the sauce yet?” Gammy turned her attention now to Tzuyu.

Tzuyu shook her head. “I’m still working on the vegetables, but I’ll make it in a minute. Do you want brown sugar or regular raw?”

“Just raw.” Gammy said, in a tone that was clearly not on purpose, though both Dahyun and Tzuyu caught on to it.

“We can help out more this month, Gammy.” Tzuyu said tentatively. Gammy was never easy when it came to money.

“Nonsense. You just focus on you, I’ll make the money last.”

“I’m the one with guests, I should pay more into the budget.” Dahyun insisted.

“Oh, pish posh. I’m used to make money go further than they ought to. It’s just a little common sense.” Gammy knocked a finger against her temple and smiled at Dahyun. “I’m just happy you’re in such good spirits.”

Dahyun looked down at the cutting board, very obviously trying not to smile too hard. “Yeah. Me too.”

“And that Mina girl seems lovely.” Gammy pushed playfully.

Dahyun nodded, currently not cutting. “She is. She’s- well, she’s Mina. She’s always lovely.”

A smile crept over both Tzuyu and Gammy’s lips. It wasn’t a lie; Mina had been nothing but polite and helpful and indeed lovely, the entire time. But it wasn’t the primary thing Tzuyu had noticed. More than anything it was her effect on Dahyun. She felt somehow more alive? As if there was a part of her that had been hidden until Mina’s appearance.

“You’re talking well then? It’s not weird?” Tzuyu asked.

“Not weird at all. She’s really funny and just as smart as I remember her from her letters. And really attentive. I- I almost talk too easily. It’s like I can say anything… I even talked about my family.”

“You trust her.” Tzuyu nodded, trying not to feel hurt. It was a little weird after all, to have gotten used to the secrets Dahyun and Nayeon kept, suddenly only a secret for some. But who was Tzuyu to demand trust? It was their choices.

“Tzuyu…” Dahyun said softly, clearly reading Tzuyu right. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.” Tzuyu said. “I just wish I could help you too.”

“You do.” Dahyun insisted immediately. “Tzuyu, talking isn’t always the biggest help. You’ve allowed me to be exactly who I needed to be, with no questions and no pressure, and that’s just as important. If I hadn’t had you and Nayeon and Chaeyoung I probably would’ve never gotten to a point where I could even think about it.”

Tzuyu’s stomach turned once more uncomfortably. She was never good at this _ love _ thing. She always loved too much. Loved all of her sisters so endlessly.

“I’ll always be that.” Tzuyu promised quietly.

“I know. I know, Tzu-tzu. That’s why you’re my sister.”

Tzuyu wanted to say more, but didn’t know what. So instead she just nodded and let the smile settle on her lips. She would always be anything any of them needed. It was all she ever wanted.

…

Mina looked up at the naked branches of the single tree in Dahyun’s backyard. 

“Lunch was really good, you’re a great cook.”

“Gammy did most of it, her and Tzuyu. I just cut vegetables and kept them company.” Dahyun shrugged humbly, walking over to the little bench under the tree. Mina considered just standing on the perch, looking at the snow and Dahyun, but the seat next to her was too tempting.

“I’ll remember to compliment Tzuyu and your grandma next time I talk to them.” Mina said, subtly walking towards Dahyun. She tried not to make it too obvious.

“They’d love that. I’ve been hogging your company a lot, they’re curious about you.” Dahyun gave a soft chuckle, moving almost un-noticeably to let Mina sit comfortably next to her. 

A part of Mina wished the distance hadn’t been as great. She liked when she could feel Dahyun beside her. Liked being close to the younger girl in general. Dahyun really was every bit as intriguing as she had always been.

“What was it you had planned for us tomorrow?” Mina asked, just to keep herself from moving closer. It might be a bit much to do so.

“There’s this big performance, where a lot of local artist groups and girls hoping to be scouted perform, and real dance crews too. It’s not really called anything official, it just kind of grew out of nothing; you know, bloomed from a seed inside the art community.” Dahyun explained, making a little blooming gesture with her hands.

Mina smiled at her. “I bet it’s amazing. I can’t wait to see it.”

“Are Momo and Sana coming too?” Dahyun asked curiously.

“Yeah, Chaeyoung talked to them about it last night, and they’re in.”

Dahyun nodded and went quiet. Not uncomfortably quiet, just peaceful. And Mina looked up at the branches above them, so dark against the white cloud cover, though momentarily faded in color by the little clouds of breath puffing from Mina’s mouth.

It was odd; how somehow they’d become a group. As if this house somehow connected them, even if Mina herself had no ties to it. Or maybe it was her ties to the people. How they all somehow carried around strings to some of the other, intertwining their fates and futures. And it was almost like Mina could see the new strings forming. One forming between Chaeyoung and Sana who talked so well, one between Tzuyu and Momo, whose silent communication was nothing but smiles and gestures and welcoming hearts. And the string between herself and Dahyun; almost cut once upon a time, yet now somehow almost as strong as once was. Almost as tight.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Dahyun’s soft spoken words brought Mina back, and she looked around at her old friend. At her first love.

“Me too. I worried so much but I’m glad I came. I’m glad I met you again.”

“What- again?” Dahyun frowned.

“Sana said once, that even if I never met you in person, my feelings- that you know, that I was valid, because I met you in the letters. We knew each other so well back then. Even now, I don’t think anyone knows as much about me as you do.” Mina explained, hoping that Dahyun wouldn’t ask about the nature of said feelings. She hadn’t meant to use that particular word, but now it was spoken.

Dahyun shifted on the bench. “How long are you staying?”

“Today or-”

“Or.”

“Oh, I have a flight back on the 5th. School starts back up on the 7th, and my kids can’t really learn much if three of their teachers are gone, right?”

“Yeah.” Dahyun nodded, and shifted again. She was closer somehow now, yet her eyes were distant. 

“When do you start school again?”

“Not until the end of January. But I didn’t expect you to have the same leisure.” A soft smile, almost sad, crept over Dahyun’s lips.

“No we don’t have winter vacation in the same way.” Mina said, feeling like her voice expressed the same remorse as Dahyun’s smile. “But I would’ve loved to stay longer.”

“Yeah?” Dahyun’s eyes found Mina’s once more. They were really the only thing about Dahyun, that Mina hadn’t attempted to imagine one time or another, and now she knew that there wouldn’t have been a point. Nothing can compare to the depth of them. And in that realization, there was a second where Mina wanted to say what had been growing in her mind the past few days, but she stopped herself. “I like it here. And I don’t really have anything left at home. Only Sana and Momo, and my kids of course. But kids grow older. And everything here is so… new.”

“New grows trivial too.” Dahyun reminded her. “But I get it. It’s a change in pace. And you three give that to me as well. Plus I get a chance to test my skills as a tour guide.”

“Tour guide?”

“My degree, I want to use it to become a tour guide around the city, or maybe work in a tourism office?” Dahyun explained, her smile slowly growing as she talked. “I want to show off my home, my city. I’ve spent so many days just wandering around this massive city, that I think I know most places. I want others to know it as well. All of it. Not just my old neighborhood or this one.”

Mina shuffled until the fabric of their coats touched by the shoulders and arms. It felt right to do, even if she couldn’t help but bite at her bottom lip nervously. But when Dahyun’s head found Mina’s shoulder, a happily beating heart took over for a nervous mind. She somehow knew how to think and feel and act around Dahyun. As apparent as if they had been kids.

Maybe that was just how people were when knowing each other since kids. 

“I’m glad you have dreams like that.”

Mina didn’t really know what else to say, her entire mind too focused on how close Dahyun was; how calm she was and somehow still so full of life. So vulnerably present.

“If I want to try, will you come with me? To the graveyard, I mean.”

It was probably the last direction Mina had expected the conversation to take. But as soon as it Dahyun had said it, she knew that Dahyun had wanted it to go here from the very first step they took out into the garden. This had been what was on her mind.

“Of course.” Mina nodded.

A sigh materialized as breath vapor from Dahyun’s lips, and she shifted to lean even closer on Mina, until her hair touched Mina’s jaw.

“Thank you, Mina.” Dahyun sounded almost sleepy, and Mina wondered momentarily just how much she had thought about this since Mina had mentioned it two days ago.

Was it really just two days ago? It seemed more like an eternity had passed. As if they were trying to fill an entire life into a mere few weeks. And maybe they were. Mina certainly was. Because nothing had seemed more like an actual life to her for years. Not since her college days with Momo and Sana had she felt alive like this; since her dad got sick.

“Do you know if there’s more food left?” Mina asked quietly, knowing it might break the endless moment of Dahyun’s closeness. “I’m still a little hungry, I think.”

“Yeah, we put some leftovers in the fridge.” Dahyun confirmed. Didn’t move.

…

Tzuyu didn’t use the key to get into Jihyo and Nayeon’s apartment, and Nayeon loved her for that. Loved her for the fact that she knocked and waited, allowing Nayeon to reject her. But Nayeon had never ever rejected Tzuyu. Not once.

“Hey.” Nayeon tried her best with a smile, but Tzuyu just narrowed her eyes the slightest bit (if you didn’t know her inside out, you wouldn’t even see it), and Nayeon gave in immediately. The shivering sigh that slipped from her was a liberation, and Tzuyu’s body warm when Nayeon buried sunk into it, burying her nose in Tzuyu’s hair. She always smelled like safety and home and flowers.

Tzuyu didn’t speak. Just gave a soft hum and guided them into the room, closing the door after them.

“You’re alone?” Nayeon asked.

Tzuyu shook her head and patted softly over Nayeon’s hair. “It’s not an intervention, I just brought food.”

Nayeon allowed herself to hide her smile in Tzuyu’s hair before drawing back. Tzuyu had always been tall, always beautiful, but the past year she had grown more and more into looking like an adult. Her cheekbones and jaw had lost the last puppy fat and her posture had strengthened with the muscles of a young woman working hard. It was hard to believe how small she had been once. So skinny and careful.

“I figured since you’re the better cook, right now there might not be much cooking getting done. So I made you food.”

Nayeon smiled and leaned up, correcting Tzuyu’s hair. It was an instinctual thing. The urge to take care of the little sister who was trying so hard to care for her. The need to be strong for her family.

“How’s gammy?” Nayeon asked, leading Tzuyu into the kitchen, barely noticing the sink full of dishes and the leftover crumbs on the table. 

The only thing she saw was Tzuyu.

“Good. She missed you at lunch.” Tzuyu said almost mercilessly calm.

Nayeon swallowed. “I know. I just thought if Chae-”

“She and Jeongyeon are out all day. They’re not in the house. She’s not bringing Jeongyeon home just yet. You wouldn’t have had to see her.”

The guilt threatened to get the best of Nayeon, but somehow the presence of Tzuyu kept it at bay. Kept her safe. She had always done so, even if she wasn’t aware. Or maybe she was more than aware. Maybe that was why she was here.

“Jihyo is coming home in an hour or so. Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“I only packed enough for two.” Tzuyu pressed her lips together as if she wished she could’ve said yes. Then continued. “I’m going with the others to see a temple tonight, it’s supposedly full of lit lanterns tonight. There’s supposed to be a big ceremony.”

Nayeon nodded. She knew. They had invited her and Jihyo, but she had declined. She had just hoped maybe Tzuyu would- would choose- would-

“I’m sorry.” Nayeon sniffled, taking a step back to lean against the kitchen counter. “I never meant to make things harder.”

“You couldn’t have known. Chaeyoung was so secretive about her; there was no way you could’ve known who she was.”

“Do you know who she is?” Nayeon felt her eyes tear up and the guilt once more settling in every cell of her body. “J-Jeongyeon.”

“I think I can guess.” Tzuyu shrugged. “She must have hurt you a lot…”

A momentary frown formed on Nayeon’s face at the last sentence, but then she shook her head.

“She was my best friend.” Nayeon wasn’t sure how she was able to say it without falling apart. Maybe she just had to say it the first time, for it to get a little easier. Easier to face the shame. “She was my best friend since we entered kindergarten, and my first love, and my- it didn’t end well, and that was my fault. Only my fault.”

Tzuyu didn’t comment. Just listened. And Nayeon knew now what Tzuyu had meant that she was there to let Nayeon be exactly who she needed to be. As if she knew that Nayeon needed to say what she could and nothing more than that. Just enough to reach the conclusion she had been trying to avoid ever since seeing Jeongyeon again.

“I’m just not ready to- you know.”

“I know. But-”

“I know, the dance thing tomorrow. I’m guessing Chaeyoung is bringing Jeongyeon?”

Tzuyu’s nod felt like it would’ve been a death sentence if it had come from anyone but her. But Nayeon just swallowed and crossed her arms. 

“I’ll be there.”

Tzuyu’s smile was subtle, yet still showed her dimples in the way that made Nayeon want to poke them. But Tzuyu, as opposed to Chaeyoung, had never cared much for it. So instead Nayeon just reached for the box of food still in Tzuyu’s hand, and put it in the fridge.

“Do you want tea?”

…

The night was too late too soon, and Jeongyeon’s mind strayed momentarily from Chaeyoung’s hand in hers to the blown circuit in the back room of her shop. The electrician would come first thing tomorrow, and she would have to work all day on restocking everything and open as soon as possible, with whatever she could. Even if she couldn’t provide a full selection, she’d have to open as soon as the electricity was up and working again. 

For as much as she had loved having time to spend with Chaeyoung, she had to go back to her other dream. The one that smelled like cinnamon and fresh dough and warmth. But tomorrow. Right now, she was still just walking along the road, towards Chaeyoung’s house, her stomach full and her heart as well.

Chaeyoung was everything Jeongyeon had hoped from the start; rush-minded, curious, distracting and aloof, smart and confident yet careful. 

In another life they might have been a story of suppressed feelings, of stronger more attractive forces, with feelings that grew mercilessly until there wasn’t a choice but to love each other against all odds. But this wasn’t that kind of story. This story wasn’t choiceless.

Chaeyoung was her choice.

But what confused her the most was that Jeongyeon seemed to be Chaeyoung’s choice too. And the more time she had spent with Chaeyoung the past day, she had come to think about it more and more. Why in the world was Chaeyoung choosing her? Why was she even here? It didn’t make any sense. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jeongyeon asked, the light emitting from Chaeyoung’s home feeling like one last chance to ask.

“Sure?” Chaeyoung said.

Jeongyeon sighed. Stopped as they reached the sidewalk in front of Chaeyoung’s home. “Why did you ask me out? Or- I mean, why didn’t you cancel?”

“What?” Chaeyoung took a little step back. “Why would I do that?”

“You say she didn’t tell you what happened… yet you’re here. With me. As if you’re assuming whatever happened- Why aren’t you assuming this is my fault? If it were my sister-”

“She told me.” Chaeyoung interrupted, catching the situation before Jeongyeon managed to lose it. “That night. She didn’t tell me what she had done, but she told me that she had hurt her best friend in an unforgivable way. I tried to get her to talk more about it after that, but… I never got her to talk about it again. I think that’s when we stopped asking questions at home. All of us. We just stopped talking. In the end I tried bringing her to the youth centre - the one Jihyo led, partly to tell her some of- I mean of my past, in case that could maybe make her open up a little. That and because I knew she was gay and it had an lgbt community that I was also a part of.”

“Oh.” Jeongyeon felt awkward at the situation. But Chaeyoung didn’t let the silence settle.

“I really like you. But I just wish I knew how to act around you. Because every time I think I want to- I mean I just keep thinking about what happened between you two that could cause- and I don’t want to take a place that isn’t mine to take. And I just can’t get that out of my head, I can’t put my mind to rest. It just keeps going a hundred miles an hour.”

“You mean take her spot in my life?” Jeongyeon frowned.

Chaeyoung shrugged. “I don’t know if I’d phrase it like that. I don’t even know what place she had in your life. But I don’t- if something isn’t over and-”

“Chaeng.” Jeongyeon said, maybe a little too firmly. But she continued nonetheless. “I like you. I like  _ you _ .”

Chaeyoung’s lips pressed first hard together, and then split in a soft grin. Jeongyeon wondered how they’d feel against her own. Third time tonight.

“Yeah?.” Chaeyoung said quietly, her cheeks pinking - possibly noticing Jeongyeon’s not-so-subtle stare.

“Definitely.” Jeongyeon said. Then she reached to cup Chaeyoung’s face ignoring the younger girl’s obvious fluster and her own nerves. She was never good at this; taking steps. “I know it’s a lot to deal with, but I like you and- and all I want is-”

“Chaeyoung?”

Neither of them had noticed the door open, but the sound of Chaeyoung’s grandmother’s voice made Jeongyeon jump back, heart in her throat and warmth rushing over her skin like wildfire.

Chaeyoung looked more than just a little startled too, and even a little angry.

“You could have given it one more second, couldn’t you?”

“It’s more fun this way though.” Chaeyoung’s grandmother said in a teasing tone that Jeongyeon would have never expected.

“I’ll be in, in a moment, okay?.” Chaeyoung promised, sending her grandmother a reassuring smile.

“Can’t you just take the girl inside?” The old lady asked as if it was nothing.

“Can’t you just stop snooping and let me say goodnight?.” Chaeyoung’s cheeks shone bright pink by now. Meanwhile Jeongyeon just tried not to make eye contact with the grandmother. She wasn’t at all ready for that.

“Just don’t get too cold, the hot water doesn’t work, so you’ll have to settle for tea to warm you up.” Chaeyoung’s grandmother said finally, shaking her head and then mumbling something under her breath.

“What?” Chaeyoung clearly thought it was aimed at her.

“I said, I knew you’d end up finding some blue-haired fairy girl.” The grandmother noted with a shrug and a smug grin.

Chaeyoung spluttered slightly. “H-her hair is pink.”

“I’m ancient as a bat and just as blind, what do I know?” Chaeyoung’s grandmother rolled her eyes, and Jeongyeon couldn’t help but like her just for that. Snark had no age it seemed. 

“I could go for blue.” Jeongyeon interjected.

“Oh, she speaks.” Chaeyoung’s grandmother said, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows at Jeongyeon.

It wasn’t a choice to like this lady. She was absolutely as crazy as Chaeyoung. “Yeah, sorry. Hi, I’m Yoo Jeongyeon.”

The old lady nodded as if she already knew. “Come in for tea some day, Yoo Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon wanted to say that she would, but Chaeyoung’s grandmother had already closed the door by then.

“I swear she has the worst timing.” Chaeyoung grumbled under her breath, still looking at the closed door with flaming cheeks and narrowed eyes.

Jeongyeon couldn’t quite disagree there. But the moment had passed, and even if Jeongyeon wanted to- you know. It would probably just be awkward. But Chaeyoung was still standing there, gaze slowly reaching the snow beneath their feet. And Jeongyeon still just wanted more of her.

Wanted to choose her.

So Jeongyeon did the only thing she could think of in the moment. The one thing she had always been told not to do when trying to charm anyone.

She joked.

“Hey Chaeyoung.”

“What?” Chaeyoung turned her eyes slowly up at Jeongyeon.

Jeongyeon really shouldn’t say it. But she didn’t know how not to. She didn’t have that impulse control that stopped her from making a fool of herself when under pressure, that other more composed people seemed to have.

Jeongyeon leaned closer. Close enough that she could feel Chaeyoung’s warmth emit from her body.

“You got something on your face.”

Chaeyoung looked absolutely lost and slightly intimidated by the closeness.

Jeongyeon couldn’t blame her.

“Right here.” Jeongyeon pointed at her lower lip.

Immediately, Chaeyoung’s eyes went wide and she reached up to feel her lip. “What?”

“Me.”

Jeongyeon had really planned to just lean in and kiss the girl after the comment. It was just quite impossible to do, as said girl’s entire body immediately to keel over in laughter. Once again, Jeongyeon really couldn’t blame her. So she just laughed along (a little less violently), while Chaeyoung let the laughter roll through her, filling the night with her sound, making Jeongyeon’s heart feel lighter.

“Of all the-” Chaeyoung tried. “Jeong-”

“I know.” Jeongyeon admitted with remnants of laughter still in her voice. “It was a bad line.”

“No, I fucking love it.” Chaeyoung still sounded like she was finding it very hard to breathe. “It’s the worst and I love it.”

Jeongyeon felt like disassembled in the best way possible. How was it that there were millions of people in this city, and Jeongyeon had managed to find the one person who would possibly find that amusing. Even now, Chaeyoung was still laughing.

Until she wasn’t. 

Until her eyes suddenly locked on Jeongyeon’s and her hands wrapped around Jeongyeon’s neck so fast that neither probably realized what was happening.

But in the dark night lit by the snow around them, Chaeyoung kissed Jeongyeon, softly, eagerly and giggly all at the same time. And the bliss of realizing that Chaeyoung had chosen her, made her soar; made her hold the younger girl close and disappear into the sensation of her. Of every movement of their lips and every cold touch of Chaeyoung’s nose against Jeongyeon’s cheek. Every choice Chaeyoung made to kiss her again. Again. 

Again.

… 

Again.

Jihyo was late. Again. And to whose surprise? She was always just.. late. But Nayeon somehow never minded. She just kissed Jihyo in the doorway between the hallway and their living room and asked about her day.

“Good. It was good. Hard.” Jihyo swallowed and forced a smile. Then nodded. “My mom called me three times today, just in case I hadn’t noticed it’s payday soon. As if I have ever not sent her the money. I swear it’s as if she’s waiting for me to cut her off. But anyways, the kid from a little while back, the one who came in that night you’d come to pick me up from group? He went back to his parents a few days ago, hoping for- I don’t know. But now he’s here again, and he’s worse off than ever. I don’t really know how to help him anymore. I’m just grasping for straws, but at least he seemed okay when I left.”

Nayeon listened and nodded, waiting until Jihyo had let out a final sigh, and then she leaned in, her lips meeting Jihyo’s forehead.

“You’re doing everything you can.”

“But it’s not enough.” Jihyo admitted quietly.

“Your best has to be good enough. Otherwise you won’t ever be able to live with yourself. You’re doing everything in your control.” Nayeon reminded her. It wasn’t the first time she had spoken those words, and Jihyo knew it wouldn’t be the last.

Maybe one day she’s believe it. Maybe not. Not today at least. But just as Jihyo was about to protest, to remind Nayeon that nothing she had done in her entire had ever been enough, her stomach growled stubbornly. It had been doing so ever since the start of the afternoon. She had been too busy to eat.

“I heated up leftovers for you and put it in a cup. I figured you’d skip if you got home too late to sit down and eat.” Nayeon said softly. As if it was nothing. As if it didn’t make Jihyo love her impossibly more than she already did.

“I think you know me too well.” Jihyo raised a brow at Nayeon, feeling some of the pressure leave her with Nayeon’s presence. How much she loved Nayeon, it always somehow baffled Jihyo. She had never expected love to be like this. To her siblings, yes. To her mom. But to someone who just walked into her group session with sad eyes and a heart locked deep within her chest? No. But here she was, somehow.

“You sure I know you too well?” Nayeon teased gently, testing the waters before continuing. “Because I don’t think I know what happens if I-”

“Agh!” Jihyo squealed and squirmed as Nayeon had poked her side.

“Oh, I did know.” Nayeon smirked.

Jihyo glowered, mouth slightly ajar. “You jerk.”

Nayeon just looked way too happy with herself. “I think I know you better than anyone else does, Park Jihyo.”

“Yeah. Happens when you make me love you so much.” Jihyo hummed, securing herself one more kiss before they passed each other in the door, Jihyo to get her heated cup of noodles and Nayeon to get her coat.

It was just five minutes. Five fleeting minutes after a long and exhausting day, but it was five minutes that was absolutely worth being late for. Even if Dahyun whined at them for being late. Maybe Jihyo didn’t mind that part at all though. It reminded her so much of her own sisters. They pouted just like Dahyun did.

“Your friends aren’t here yet either, so we’re not the latest.” Jihyo argued when Dahyun kept looking at her like she was. “Or did we just miss them?”

“No they’re not here yet, or Dahyun wouldn’t be so whiny.” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes, and then sent Dahyun a smug grin. “Not with  _ Mina _ around.”

Dahyun gaped and whacked Chaeyoung’s arm, her cheeks pinking as she hissed. “Shut up.”

Chaeyoung just laughed, clearly amused by Dahyun’s newfound interest for Japanese.

“Isn’t that them?” Jeongyeon asked, nodding in the direction behind Dahyun’s head.

Jihyo looked over, noting how Nayeon’s hand clenched her own harder the moment Jeongyeon spoke. As if Nayeon hadn’t noticed her presence until now. As that however was an unlikely scenario, Jihyo deduced that it was probably just a reminder of the pain for Nayeon, to hear that voice. It wasn’t that Jihyo condoned Nayeon’s actions back then. It had definitely been wrong. But she couldn’t help but want to soothe Nayeon’s pain. It was just a condition of loving Nayeon. To stand by her and walk with her until she found the words she needed. 

So instead of acting on Nayeon, she turned her face to see that Jeongyeon was indeed correct; the three Japanese girls were walking towards them, swiftly approaching.

Maybe it was her profession or maybe just a habit, but Jihyo couldn’t help analysing them as they walked. It was so natural for her to take note of how Sana and Momo walked on either side of Mina as if guarding her. They really seemed like a package deal those two; Sana and Momo. Never one without the other. Of course, with Mina mostly spending her time with Dahyun, Sana was the only translator for Momo, so it made sense. But other than that, Jihyo had gotten the sense that Momo rarely left Sana’s side, probably even on safe territory. A tight knit couple, they were for sure.

“Hey!” Dahyun called happily as soon as they were close enough, both her posture and demeanor now different.

Jihyo couldn’t help but chuckle a little at her. She was really the least subtle person on the planet.

“Hi.” Mina answered in her gentle voice as soon as they reached the other six. “Sorry we’re late.”

“No, it’s fine, there’s still time.” Dahyun assured her immediately.

“Traitor…” Nayeon mumbled, making both Jihyo and Chaeyoung laugh.

Mina looked confused, and her eyes travelled over the others. Jeongyeon swiftly shook her head, a small smile on her lips. And Mina seemed to take this as a reassurance. 

“Is it in there?” Sana asked, nodding in the direction of the the big gymnasium.

“Yeah, I got your tickets here.” Dahyun said, digging into her pocket and fishing out nine tickets. Centre of the little group, Dahyun handed tickets out to the others in turn, and then took the lead.

Jihyo wasn’t late to notice how Sana nudged Mina forwards too, nor how Mina sent her a sharp look before doing joining Dahyun.

“Cute…” Jihyo mused.

“I guess.” Nayeon shrugged.

“You guess?” Jihyo raised an eyebrow.

They took the last places in the procession along with Tzuyu.

“She’s going home soon isn’t she?” Nayeon’s eyes focused on Jeongyeon’s now bright blue hair. “And then what? They go back to being pen pals?”

“Maybe? Come on, that’d be super sweet.” Jihyo nudged Nayeon.

“You’re such a hopeless romantic.” Nayeon sent Jihyo a soft smile.

“I just know when to pursue after a chance. And besides, I’m not saying they have to- you know- be romantic. But rekindling with your childhood best friend? It’s- … sorry.”

Nayeon’s eyes had gone dark and empty, and her eyes flickered and shot down.

“No, you’re right. Must be nice.”

“Nay…” Jihyo tried.

“Let’s just watch this show okay?” Nayeon gave her a careful smile. She was trying. Jihyo could see it in her every movement. She had hurt not only Jeongyeon, but herself so bad, but she only allowed herself to feel shame.

“Okay.” Jihyo said softly, reaching in to press a kiss to Nayeon’s temple, feeling the older girl sigh against her and hold her hand tighter.

“I love you.” Jihyo reminded her.

“I love you too.” Nayeon hummed, a bubbling undertone in her voice that made Jihyo’s heart swell with pride.

“Are you two going to keep whispering sweet nothings or are you going to come inside?” Chaeyoung interrupted, making Jihyo grin at her.

“Be right there.” Jihyo promised, drawing back from Nayeon and dragging her to the ticket check line.

It took the usual clenched fist in her pocket, for Jihyo to ignore the look given by the ticket inspector, superior and judgmental as he eyed the two girls’ twined fingers. But Jihyo just smiled politely even so, and walked past him, joining the others.

“This way.” Dahyun said as soon as they had caught up. This time Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon took the lead, the two just far enough apart that their fingertips wouldn’t accidentally touch. Jihyo shook her head. It wasn’t any of her business. But she couldn’t just turn her brain off from observing, especially when she had barely left the youth centre before coming here.

“You okay?”

The voice was Sana’s, and it was aimed at Jihyo.

Jihyo looked up at her. “Yeah. I’m just tired, I came straight from work.”

“You have really late hours then.” Sana’s eyebrows shot up.

Jihyo shook her head. “No, I work as a volunteer at a youth centre after work, dealing with fragile kids, you know, from broken homes or who deal with depression. Lots of lgbt kids. It’s mostly group counselling and stuff?”

Sana looked beyond impressed, her eyes glinting. “That’s amazing. I bet it’s a really gratifying work.”

Jihyo nodded. “It is. But I get really tired, because we have so much administrative work at my job in the winter break - uh, I’m a guidance counsellor at a high school - so working both makes for long hours.”

“See now I just get even more impressed with you.” Sana smiled, just as Momo nudged her.

Sana looked at Momo, and then rapidly explained in japanese, gesturing to Jihyo while she did.

Momo nodded and said something back, to which Sana shrugged and then turned back to Jihyo.

“Momo wants to know what Nayeon does for work? Because it’s a weird coincidence that we’re both working at schools, so she was wondering if Nayeon-”

“I’m just an office worker, nothing nearly as gratifying or life-changing.” Nayeon clicked her tongue, answering before Jihyo could. “But it pays the rent and I have good colleagues.”

“Oh…” Sana nodded and turned her head to Momo, explaining once more.

Momo answered Nayeon with a thumbs up and a shy. “I like it.”

The gesture seemed to cheer Nayeon up some. But then they reached their seats on the floor space, Dahyun directing them. Five spaces on the sixth row and four on the fifth - meaning they’d have to split into two.

Almost immediately, Jihyo saw the possible problems with this, but before she had come up with a solution that would keep Nayeon away from Jeongyeon, the Dahyun proposed a different solution. One that Jihyo wasn’t fond of.

“I guess I’ll take Sana, Momo and Mina to the front of the rows, since they haven’t seen it before? Unless one of you guys want my spot?” Dahyun looked around at her sisters.

“No it’s fine, you go ahead.” Chaeyoung said, waving them off.

Jihyo watched as Sana dragged Momo into the row and then Mina on Momo’s left, Dahyun ending the row next to Mina.

A second later, Jihyo wished that she hadn’t watched. Because Chaeyoung had followed Tzuyu into the row, and Jeongyeon had followed Chaeyoung.

“N-”

“Come on.” Nayeon just said, eyes as distant as her voice.

“Don’t you want-”

Nayeon shook her head and followed Jeongyeon. And Jihyo can’t do anything, not without people noticing, without Jeongyeon noticing. But how could she not notice that her ex is sitting right beside her instead of letting someone sit between them?

Maybe they should’ve stayed home. Maybe if Jihyo had just been a little later, they would’ve stayed home, and Nayeon wouldn’t have to torment herself like she was. But that was all just what-if. And the only thing Jihyo could do was offer Nayeon her hand. She’d offer her the world if she could. But at least Nayeon took her hand, twining their fingers in Jihyo’s lap. Nayeon never asked her for more than just to be there, exactly as she was. So that’s what Jihyo did. She let herself be enough. Let it be enough to soothe Nayeon’s skin and lose herself in observing the four people in front of her until the performance started.

The thing was, however, that there wasn’t a whole lot to observe. Sure, Dahyun was describing the story of the performance for Mina, how it had come to be, but there wasn’t anything particular in it, and Sana was just subtly translating everything for Momo, the latter’s expression growing increasingly excited. But then the lights dimmed down, and the crowd’s excitement grew noticeably, applause spreading through the crowd as the music started.

The first act was mostly kids around the pre-teens, clearly trained and smiling a little too brightly. Jihyo recognized that smile. She was an expert at that smile and those subtly searching eyes. They were hoping to be scouted. They wanted to be like those glamorous girls on TV, in their radios, on billboards and in the commercials.

Idols.

Jihyo swallowed and sighed. Shook the thought from her mind and watched as the kids danced, nine little girls and a well-coordinated performance.

Next was a group of what looked like trainees - older and more intimidated. But Jihyo knew they weren’t. Contracts didn’t allow that. But they were as good as trainees; their movements more controlled and with fire in their eyes. Their performance was harder and exciting, making the crowd buzz and cheer, bopping their heads along to the music. In front of Jihyo too, the three Japanese girls looked beyond excited at this performance, bright smiles on Momo and Sana’s faces as they looked at each other. 

Jihyo only spared them a second before looking back up towards the stage. Somehow, her eyes found a focus almost automatically. There was one girl that really stood out. One girl who caught Jihyo’s eyes and trapped them with every movement. A girl whose muscles moved with impressive control, and whose skin glowed with happiness just to dance. She was the kind of one in a million girl made for this one purpose. Just for dancing. 

Until it happened.

A single slip - not even that girl, but another, a shorter girl who bumped into her at a wrong angle. The one in a million girl fell. To the untrained eye, it didn’t even look bad. But Jihyo saw how the kneecap twisted and her face contorted in pain. How her chest heaved rapidly with the vicious attempt to keep back the tears.

Jihyo almost got up. It was her instinct to want to help. And she wasn’t the only one. In front of her, Momo was on her feet, and Sana halfway so as well. But Sana wasn’t trying to help. She was holding Momo back. And Momo was resisting, but then Sana said something sharply, and Momo bit down on her lip. Then, finally, Momo sunk back into her seat and Sana found her hand, holding it tight between both of hers.

“Aren’t they going to stop the music? Who’s helping her?” Nayeon asked, her voice full of distress as the girl on stage made another attempt at getting up.

She was crying by now.

“No-one.” Jihyo whispered. “Not until they’re done. They all wanted to be that girl, and now they have the chance.”

Nayeon hissed and tried to get up, but Jihyo held her back.

“You’ll get kicked out.” Jihyo said.

“I have to-” Nayeon tried, but then another hand held her back.

Jeongyeon’s.

“It won’t make a difference.” Jeongyeon said firmly. “They’ll be done before you get to her.”

Nayeon looked like she was about to cry, though she didn’t break the hold Jeongyeon had on her arm. 

And Jeongyeon was right.

As soon as Nayeon had given up, the song came to a powerful close, and the lights faded, leaving them in darkness to listen to the scrambles of the girls on stage.

Jihyo knew they’d all be around the girl now, carrying her off stage; that they’d be her best friends now.

“They’re cruel.” Nayeon whimpered.

“It’s show business.” Jeongyeon and Jihyo said almost in unison.

Nayeon looked between them and then down at the hands on her arms. Jeongyeon quickly pulled back, swallowing as though afraid she had made a grave error in an unwritten set of rules. But Nayeon just looked at her.

“I’m sorry.” Nayeon whispered.

Jihyo looked away. Not because it made her uncomfortable. But because this wasn’t about her. But it didn’t prevent her from filling with pride.

“I’m sorry, for- for everything.” Nayeon cleared her throat.

Jihyo didn’t hear Jeongyeon’s reply, nor was she listening for it. It didn’t matter. Nayeon had taken a step. Had faced the girl whose memory she had been running from for ten years.

…

Momo had been quiet the entire way home. Had barely said goodbye to the others, and Sana had excused her mood; said that she was tired. They didn’t need to know. Sana would take care of it. Momo was hers to take care of - she knew that. Had known that since the first day they met each other; that Momo would be her sun and stars and Sana would work her entire life to make sure she smiled. Whatever it took. She was everything to Sana. Her best friend. And right now, she was beyond words, caught in her own past with no ability to face it in the vulnerability of the open world.

“We’ll be home soon.” Sana promised.

Momo gave a small whimper.

“Tired, Momoring?” Mina asked carefully.

Momo closed her eyes and nodded, leaning on Sana’s shoulder. Sana knew it was just for effect. It wasn’t that Momo wanted to keep it a secret from Mina - Sana knew that. She just didn’t have the energy right now. Couldn’t bear to talk. So she just escaped from the world in the only way she knew how. She slept. Slept all the way to their station. And Sana just tried somehow to keep her safe.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Sana asked Mina quietly, thumb stroking over the fabric of Momo’s black pants.

Mina nodded. “Yeah, but the fall was really scary. I hope she got some help.”

“I’m sure she did.”

“I heard Jeongyeon talking about it afterwards, how those things actually happen sometimes amongst the competitive teams outside the industry. I think she said her sister used to be a trainee.”

This time it was Sana who nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I got too.”

Momo moved in her sleep whimpering and fumbling with her hand until Sana took it. Until she twined their fingers.

Mina shifted in her seat too, and Sana looked at her. But Mina was looking at the twined hands, lips pressed hard together. So Sana just snuck her arm under Mina’s and took her hand too.

A soft smile spread on Mina’s lips, and she shook her head slightly, but allowed Sana’s fingers to find the spaces between her own, and leaned on her shoulder.

None of them spoke after that.

In fact, even after they had ‘woken’ Momo and gotten her off the train, even through the dark streets and in the elevator to their hotel room, none of them spoke. Sana just walked with the two girls in her hands, carried by the feeling of being needed; of being wanted. Just for a moment.

In the end, it was Mina who broke the silence, in the same breath as she broke the hold on Sana’s hand.

“What time do we leave tomorrow?”

“Ten? Or ten thirty?” Sana suggested. Momo’s hand was still in hers, and her eyes were as empty as they had been most of the night.

“Sure. Ten thirty.” Mina said, eyeing Momo worriedly. “You sure you’re okay?”

Momo nodded. “Yeah. I’m just so beat.”

It was obvious that Mina didn’t believe her, but neither of the three had really expected her to. But it was a proof of their friendship that she just bid them goodnight. That she let Momo be.

They stayed for a moment, Momo and Sana. Watched their friend walk down the hallway and into her room. Then Sana found the room card, pressing it into the reader and watched as it unlocked.

Sana didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do. She just took Momo into their room and closed the door, prepared for her best friend to break apart. 

But Momo didn’t break.

Instead she just took off her jacket and shoes without a word. Without even looking at Sana. But she didn’t move further into the room. She just stood on the edge of the little step down to the entrance, waiting.

Waiting for Sana.

As the realization hit Sana, she quickly took off her own coat and shoes, offering her hand to Momo.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sana asked caringly, reaching up to fix Momo’s bangs.

Momo shook her head. Took Sana’s hand and placed it on her waist. 

“Kiss me.”

The words made Sana’s breath catch in her throat. “Momo, I- I don’t think it’s the best- I mean don’t you think talking it out would be-”

Once again Momo just shook her head. And when her eyes finally met Sana’s, they were misty and desperate.

It was so much like the first time.

It wasn’t that Sana didn’t want to. But it wasn’t- Momo shouldn’t just bottle up her feelings like this. Except Momo was inching closer and closer, until her lips brushed over Sana’s. Gently. Barely there.

“Please.”

Sana’s mind went blank. How was she supposed to resist Momo? How was she supposed to not give in to her flickering eyes and her lips and the need in her voice?

Momo needed her. Momo needed Sana to forget the pain, and who was Sana to tell her how to deal? Momo was Sana’s way after all. Sana’s seldom moments of feeling… something. Wanted? Yeah. She felt wanted. With Momo’s writhing begging body and her heaving chest, Sana felt wanted more than needed. Even if she would never be wanted for who she was; she could at least be wanted for what she could do. For how she could make Momo feel.

“Sana.” Momo said, a sob building in her throat.

“Okay.” Sana gave in, though she took a moment to act. Because Momo’s eyes kept locking hers with an intensity she hadn’t ever experienced. 

“Please.” Momo repeated. 

Sana nodded. Softly put a hand around Momo’s nape and kissed her. And Momo’s arms found Sana’s hips and shirt, making fists around the fabric to get her closer. 

Sana shivered and kissed her best friend deeper; tasting, feeling how Momo melted into her immediately, lips moving with Sana’s so effortlessly; like water meeting water and turning into one unit. Two lost souls, searching for truth in each other. And every kiss was a dizzying denial of oxygen, their roaming hands searching for impossibly more closeness.

Yet there was something different tonight from every other night they had spent in each others’ arms. Something that seemed more than anything like an impossible balance between desperation and determination in Momo’s lips dragging out every kiss. But a single step backwards, towards the bed, and Momo froze. She drew back, suddenly shaking. And before Sana knew what to do, Momo had unzipped her pants and pulled from down, grasping at the velcro bands on the support. But they didn’t give. And the despair that spilled from Momo’s lips made Sana act.

In a single movement Sana had lowered herself in front of Momo, looking at the black fabric around Momo’s knee, up her thigh and down her calf. A decisive grab at the velcro band was all it took for the top to loosen. Then she did the same to the bottom band, and the support came off, the skin under it red and marked and irritated. Momo gave a shivering sigh, and looked as if she was about to collapse. But Sana was back up in a second, ready to catch her. But Momo didn’t fall. She just looked at Sana with sorrow mixed something unintelligible in her eyes. Then she pulled the shirt over her head. Rid herself of underwear and socks. Stood completely bare and shivering in front of Sana. 

“Please… Sana.”

Sana almost argued against it again. Not because she didn’t want Momo. But because she was absolutely taken aback by her best friend. But Momo just tilted her head slightly, looking as if she was trying not to curl in on herself, and Sana gave in.

“I got you.” Sana promised, not quite sure what else to say in this situation. She had never seen Momo like this. She usually preferred when Sana decided the pace, when Sana swiftly pulled off her clothes; though more often when Sana dragged the teasing out for several eternities. 

But not tonight. 

Tonight every part of Momo was begging for her, tugging at Sana’s arms, her hips, her lip, begging, begging, begging.

For a moment only, Sana drew back from her best friend, to take in her features; her watery eyes and her flushed skin. The goosebumps. 

She was cold… 

“Come on.” Sana said gently, leading Momo to the bed and getting her under the covers.

And there was a moment, a single fleeting moment where Sana could have stopped. Where she probably should have. But Momo’s voice spoke the only magic that could make Sana do anything, her eyes flickering between Sana’s and her hand tugging at Sana’s wrist insistingly.

“I want you.”

Everything about tonight was different. How Momo’s eyes didn’t stray from Sana’s face as she undressed, but locked her eyes, sending chills down Sana’s spine far more effectively than the cold air. How there was a familiar yet terrifying sense of home in the warmth from Momo’s body as Sana finally settled beside her under the thick covers. How Momo repeated the words that made Sana want to cry and love all at the same time. Maybe it was the same thing. But the words made Sana turn, move closer, made her body find Momo’s like puzzle pieces.

“I want you.”

By now Sana didn’t know how to turn back. So she did the only thing she could think of in that moment. She kissed Momo. Over and over. Kissed her lips, her cheek, her jaw. Listened for Momo’s sounds, and nibbled at her ear just to feel her shudder. Just to feel the leg sliding up Sana’s to get closer.

She was warmer now - Momo - the skin of her neck and chest flushed and hot, and her fingers digging into Sana’s back clammy and insisting. And the sheen of sweat that slowly broke on Momo’s skin felt like an achievement, and her heaving chest like a medal of honor. But as Sana made to disappear under the covers, her lips swollen already from ruining Momo’s perfect skin, Momo tugged at her arm. 

Upwards, not down.

“Sana.” Momo gasped, burying a hand in Sana’s hair.

Sana understood. Or at least she thought she did. 

“Okay. It’s okay, I got you.” Sana promised again. 

She had forgotten everything they used to say when they knew each other like this. All the dirty talk and the snide comments seemed far away in this moment of complete vulnerability, where Momo’s fingers dug into Sana’s scalp and her eyes locked the younger girls’ once more.

“Look at me.” Momo whispered, her free hand sliding down Sana’s arm, lifting their hands over Momo’s head.

Sana nodded. “Okay.”

It wasn’t something they usually did - eye contact. Sana was so used to Momo’s exposed neck, her head thrown back on the pillow in pleasure and her eyes tight shut.

But not tonight.

Momentarily Sana wondered if the accident at the show tonight had affected Momo too much; it she shouldn’t stop and cuddle Momo and let her cry. Because this was nothing like her, and Sana felt uncharted in the waters despite knowing the situation so well, she didn’t think anyone else ever would. 

But the way Momo kissed her threw every thought of hesitance out the door. And with her heart in her throat, Sana let herself be needed; feel wanted. Let herself hear every moan and every groan as if it was all new to her, and let Momo’s eyes hold her from the first touch until the moment she fell apart, with her mouth open in a choked moan and her fingers grasping Sana’s so hard, that Sana couldn’t move.

And Sana? Sana was so wonderfully alive in Momo’s iron grasp until every tensed muscle relaxed at once and she lay breathless on the white sheets, hot and clammy and grinning.

She had finally closed her eyes, a final shudder leaving her as Sana retreated her hand.

“Oh...”

Sana stared, still hovering over her best friend. She knew this part. The aftermath. This part was nothing different. There was the same awe in Momo’s eyes as always, when she looked at Sana, completely at peace. And the familiarity broke the tension in Sana’s heart and made her free. Made her smirk down at the girl she knew so well. 

“I’m good, I know.”

Momo shook her head.

And in one action, Momo had changed the game again. The tension was back. Momo leaned up. Kissed Sana timidly - almost too much so. Then she let go of Sana’s hand and wrapped both arms hard around Sana’s body until she lay next Momo, their bodies tangled to the point where it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. And for a good minute Sana just lay there, with her heart racing from the intensity of their previous act and the feeling Momo’s fingertips gently searching Sana’s skin; something Sana usually did to Momo.

It felt... safe.

“Sana?”

Momo’s voice was tired. Sometimes she could go for hours but tonight, just this had spent her. Maybe because just getting here, had already taken all of her energy.

Sana hummed reaching around for one of Momo’s hands, just to hold it.

And though Sana waited for a question, for Momo to say something more; she never did.

She just fell asleep, with Sana’s body pressing against on her, naked and vulnerable and ever so unbelievably strong.

There was nothing Sana took greater pride in, than that. How strong and vulnerable and wonderful her best friend was. How she was Sana’s. 

At least for now.

…

If there was one thing Tzuyu would always regret, it was the time she never gave. The time she never had a chance to give. The faces she’d probably never see again. And it was days like these, the days where family time was prioritized. Because even if she loved Gammy and loved her sisters and loved Jihyo, she also loved the family she had left. And some days she still wondered how maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, if she went home. Maybe they would let her be herself, and not- but they wouldn’t. If there had been even the slightest chance that they would let her decide for herself, she would’ve stayed. Would’ve still had her brother. Her own grandmother. Her dogs. Her best friend. Especially her best friend.

Tzuyu looked at the tree and shuddered at the cold. The snow in the backyard was no longer new-fallen and pure, but full of memories of life; like a snapshot of all the people who sought refuge out here.

“Isn’t it too cold, standing out here without a jacket?”

Tzuyu jumped and turned her head in the direction of the voice. She hadn’t noticed Mina joining her.

“Yeah, but I like it like that, sometimes. It reminds me that I’m here.” Tzuyu smiled.

“Here?”

“Seoul.” Tzuyu elaborated. She wasn’t sure she was ready to tell everything, but knew that Mina would probably ask if she didn’t at least give a little more. “I grew up in Taiwan, it never gets cold like this.”

An expression of understanding formed on Mina’s face and she nodded slowly, letting out a soft, “Oh…”

“Don’t worry. My life is better here.” Tzuyu said.

“But don’t you miss it?” Mina asked worriedly.

Tzuyu frowned. Did she miss it? The heat? The busy streets? The mansion? No. But she missed the people. Those she ran from and those she left behind.

“All the time.” Tzuyu admitted. It wasn’t something she usually talked about. But then again, noone in this house ever really asked. It was so rare that they talked about her past. And what little she had told was just enough to keep her sisters at a distance. So why was she telling a girl she barely knew? But she did. “I miss it all the time. So much it hurts. Most of the time I’m sure I won’t make it here. But I think maybe I’m stronger than I realize.”

The answer was clearly more than Mina had realized, but now that she had gotten it, she didn’t falter. And it made Tzuyu like her quite a lot. She accepted Tzuyu’s words.

“I don’t know you well enough to talk of your strength. But I hope you know yourself well enough that you’re right.”

Tzuyu frowned. The answer made her almost melancholic. It sounded like it was spoken by someone with more life experience than a twenty five year old ought to have. Not because it was wise. But because Mina’s words accepted her own limitations, a feat Tzuyu hadn’t seen in a girl this young before.

It sparked an urge to change the subject, and luckily Mina wasn’t far behind.

“Did you just get back now?” Tzuyu asked.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of walking around the streets here, especially down in Myeongdong. It’s so.. Alive.”

“It’s a beautiful area for sure. And popular with tourists.” Tzuyu agreed. She liked the way Mina phrased her sentences. How her smile grew as she talked.

“I hope some day I can get to know those hidden parts of the city too; the parts people don’t usually see.”

“Stick around a while, and you might. Dahyun knows them all for sure.”

“I wish I could.” Mina’s voice was small in the cold, and her eyes grew distant.

Tzuyu didn’t know what to say. But as if on cue, Tzuyu’s body shuddered once more, and she looked at Mina. “We should get inside.”

Mina nodded, glancing once at the bench under the big tree, and then pushed aside the door to the living room. Tzuyu followed her, the scent of herbal tea filling her nostrils. On the couch, Momo was sitting with a curious expression, like a kid with a secret and her hands around a steaming mug of tea. By her feet sat Sana, a pillow in her lap, scrolling through her phone. A moment later Mina had joined Sana on the floor, leaned against the couch, and looking around the room. Tzuyu knew she was waiting for Dahyun who was currently helping pack Gammy’s meds for the week. But Tzuyu’s main focus was Chaeyoung. To say that she was a nervous wreck, was a grave understatement. Normally she would just tap rhythms and doodle to calm down, but this time she’s too nervous to even do that.

“Chaeng… remember, we’ve all met her before.”

Chaeyoung nodded. “Y-yeah. I know. But she’s- I haven’t exactly introduced her as someone I’m dating. Not to Gammy at least.”

“You were making out with her for like ten minutes in front of the house the other day, it’s not like she’s going to be surprised.” Tzuyu reminded her dryly.

Chaeyoung spluttered and whined, her ears red. “Tzuyu!”

Tzuyu shrugged, listening to how Sana laughed and started explaining it in Japanese, followed by Momo chuckling too. Chaeyoung sent Sana a scowl but Sana just smirked at her.

“I may not kiss and tell, but I will tell on you kissing.”

“Rude.” Chaeyoung gaped, though she didn’t look actually offended.

“Just face the music, it only gets worse otherwise.” Sana shrugged.

Tzuyu could only agree. Both Dahyun and Nayeon usually teased more if Chaeyoung resisted.

Chaeyoung huffed and scrunched her nose.

“Is she coming tonight?” Tzuyu asked, showing a little mercy on Chaeyoung.

“No, she’s just coming here for a few minutes after closing the store before heading back to her parents.”

“Cute.” Sana noted genuinely.

Chaeyoung mumbled something under her breath, but in the next now, she jumped as someone knocked on the front door.

“Don’t die, it might just be Nayeon!” Dahyun called from the kitchen.

“She wouldn’t knock!” Chaeyoung said sharply, earning a laugh from both Dahyun and Gammy.

Chaeyoung was right. It wasn’t Nayeon. A minute after disappearing into the hallway, she reappeared with Jeongyeon, now in fuzzy socks and a slightly awkward smile on her face.

“Hey.” Jeongyeon greeted everyone in the room.

The girls all greeted her back, and Jeongyeon took special notice of smiling at Momo, who was really improving her pronunciation fast. She must practice a lot, Tzuyu thought.

“I don’t think I told you yesterday, but I’m digging the hair.” Dahyun said, emerging from the kitchen.

“Oh, thanks. Chaeyoung helped me dye it.” Jeongyeon said shyly, running a hand through the turquoise hair.

“I love it.” Dahyun said. “If I could afford it, I’d dye my hair all sorts of weird colors.”

“How am I not at all surprised at that?” Mina asked, humor in her voice.

“Because we all know I’d look awesome with bright purple hair.” Dahyun whipped her hair around her face in a  _ because she’s worth it _ manner, making all of them laugh.

“I’ll pay you, just to see that.” Chaeyoung said seriously.

“You’ll do no such thing, you have books to buy for next semester.” Gammy finally joined. “Hello fairy girl.”

Chaeyoung made a sound somewhere between a whine and a choked groan, and turned to face her grandmother. “So, this is Yoo Jeongyeon. I mean you know that but, we’re- uh,”

“Kissing, I’m aware.”

Tzuyu should really be used to Gammy’s blunt ways by now, but somehow it always seemed a little bit more blunt coming from someone as old as her.

“Dating.” Chaeyoung corrected, cheeks warming visibly. Tzuyu couldn’t keep from smiling at it.

“Dating, huh? Been a while since you brought a date home.” Gammy seemed impressed. Then she turned her head at Jeongyeon. “Blue suits you. I’m Chaeyoung’s grandma. Call me Gammy, please.”

“Thank you, uh, um, Gammy.”

Gammy’s smile was almost as cheeky as Dahyun’s could be at times.

“Do you have time to sit down or do you have a train to catch?” Chaeyoung asked hopefully.

“I was supposed to run back out, but there’s been a change of plans. The electricity is up again but one of my fridges isn’t working since then, so I have to go back and look at that first, and then my sister is picking me up so we can go hear the bells together.”

“Your sister who was an idol trainee?” Sana asked curiously, closing her eyes with a happy smile as Momo leaned forth and started threading her fingers through Sana’s long dark hair.

Jeongyeon nodded. “Yeah, Seungyeon. I have another one but she’s already at my parents’ place.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this on new years.” Chaeyoung noted softly, sitting down at the dinner table and offering a chair to Jeongyeon as well.

“Me too, I’m sad that I’ll miss my mom’s food, but I’m glad Seung is coming to get me.” Jeongyeon shrugged, sitting down next to Chaeyoung. She looked a little awkward with everyone’s eyes on her, but Chaeyoung just kept nodding encouragingly at her.

Tzuyu settled on the other side of the table and caught Dahyun’s eyes. Dahyun bit her lip, and eyed the seat next to Mina. There was a part of Tzuyu that wanted to gesture for her to take the seat on the couch behind Mina, but she also had an instinct that made her want to tell Dahyun to slow down. To not get lost in the excitement of this honestly bizarre situation of Mina showing up.

“Are you all going to the Coex fireworks showing?” Jeongyeon asked Chaeyoung.

“Yeah, I know the bells is more traditional, but Tzuyu really loves fireworks.”

“You do?” Sana asked. “They scare me, honestly.”

“They scare me too.” Tzuyu admitted. “But they’re fascinating to look at still. I like the lights.”

“Lights?” Momo asked, slowly repeating the word.

Sana turned her head back, explaining to Momo, until she understood.

“You’re really cute, you know.” Chaeyoung chuckled, moving a little closer to Jeongyeon.

“What?” Sana frowned.

“You and Momo.” Chaeyoung just said. “How you translate for her all the time. It’s so sweet.”

“Well, she’s learning well, and this way she can still be a part of the conversation.” Sana shrugged, humming as Momo scratched at her scalp distractedly, clearly sensing that the conversation was about her, but just as clearly not wanting to interrupt.

“I was actually wondering.” Jeongyeon took up the conversation, looking at Sana. “How long have you guys been together?”

“Huh?” A curious expression, almost confused, appeared on Sana’s face. 

“You and Momo. How long have you been dating?” Jeongyeon elaborated.

This question seemed to have been on everyone’s minds, because suddenly everyone was listening intently. Everyone except Mina, who for some reason seemed on the verge of cringing, lips pressed hard together.

“Dating?” Sana repeated the word. Looked at Momo. Then at Jeongyeon. And then started laughing, waving her hands avertingly in front of her. “No. No, we’re- we’re not dating.”

Tzuyu gaped. How was that even possible? But the way Sana looked absolutely awkward and Mina looked mostly like she wanted to disappear, confirmed it.

“What?” Momo asked, not yet part of the conversation. Then said something in Japanese, that mostly just sounded like the same question repeated.

Sana swallowed and then turned to Momo, her laughter now a little forced under her voice as she explained. For a moment Momo was just attentively listening, her cheeks pinking with every word, but then she seemed to freeze. As if someone had stopped her every movement. Even her eyes looked suddenly frozen. And when she finally nodded, it seemed almost animatronic. She said something, but it didn’t sound like how she usually spoke. Sana answered with another awkward chuckle and then leaned her head back, clearly asking for more head scratches. 

“Sorry, we’re just really close.” Sana broke the tension a little, as Momo shifted, rubbing her knee and sitting further back.

“No, we shouldn’t have assumed.” Jeongyeon looked very much like she’d like a shovel to bury herself with.

“We?” Sana’s face reddened further. “You all thought-”

Dahyun shrugged, and so did Chaeyoung. Tzuyu felt a need to look away. Felt way too awkward. They had all just assumed, because of their behavior - had seen so much of Nayeon and Jihyo in them, with the subconscious touches and soft eyes and- but maybe that was just their way of being best friends.

“Oh.” Sana looked more than a little awkward.

Momo said something to Mina in Japanese and got up.

Jeongyeon stared at her. “What are-”

“Bathroom.” Mina quickly said, her eyes very firm on Jeongyeon’s.

Jeongyeon nodded and cleared her throat. “I should go too, actually. Not to the- I mean I should go to the shop. My sister could be there any minute.”

Tzuyu suspected the lie but didn’t comment. And Chaeyoung let her off the hook as well.

“Text me at midnight?” Chaeyoung asked softly, getting up as Jeongyeon did.

“Of course.” And we’re on for tomorrow?”

It was very obvious that Chaeyoung was aware of everyone’s eyes on them. “Yeah.”

“I’ll see you then… then.” Jeongyeon cleared her throat, and looked around the room, waving them goodbye before looking back at Chaeyoung. A different kind of silence spread (awkward but in a different way), and Chaeyoung hesitated long enough that everyone knew exactly what she was contemplating. But then she stood up on tip toes and pecked Jeongyeon’s lips, grinning a little too wide to make it an effective kiss.

It was hard to say who of Dahyun and Gammy wolf whistled the loudest, but it cleared the tension even if Chaeyoung looked like an egg would fry if put on her cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jeongyeon said, looking very much like she had had enough awkwardness for the rest of next year too, just from these two small conversations.

Tzuyu couldn’t blame her. But she also hoped that Jeongyeon knew how welcome she was. There was a hopefulness in her presence, not necessarily from herself but from a sense of spring she brought. Even if there was a loneliness to it as well, on Tzuyu’s part.

But at least she would always have her sisters. 

…

It was an odd concept; New Years. Another year added, another year starting, yet for another month still stuck in the old year. A new beginning, but not really. But then again, for some it would be. For some, the year would start very differently than the old had. For though none of them knew it now, on this New Years night, three girls would say things they had never imagined and make choices they had always hoped they would never have to make.


	5. Act 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm turning out the lights to remember how to see

A certain tension still resided in the air almost two hours after Jeongyeon had left; as if none of them really knew how to start a new conversation. Maybe because none of them had really finished the one that had ended so awkwardly. But no one really dared inquire more, and for that Mina was grateful. The question of the nature of Momo’s and Sana’s relationship had always been a subject untouched by Mina. She had just always resided to knowing that they’d work it out in the end; that they would realize some day when they were ready. And it had never really been a problem for them apparently - whatever definition of friendship it seemed to have worked for them. 

Until now. 

Until the actual word had been said out loud; until Jeongyeon had said what it turned out they had all thought.

“Do you guys have hand warmers or something like that?” Dahyun asked, aimed at Sana and Mina.

The three and then Jihyo were standing in Gammy’s kitchen, readying a few backpacks with thermos mugs full of hot cocoa and coffee, a few sandwiches in case anyone grew hungry, as well as other measures of keeping warm.

“Sorry, no.” Sana said with a scrunch of the nose. 

“Okay, we’ll just have to share then, Jihyo-unnie did you bring some?”

“We have one pair, but I think Tzuyu might have more, she’s always so cold.”

“I thought she liked the cold?” Mina asked with a frown.

“She does. Kind of. But she’s not used to it. Temperatures rarely go below ten celcius in Taiwan.” Dahyun explained, opening a kitchen drawer and revealing the contents to be everything from rubber bands and receipts to bottle openers, gums and finally one lonely hand warmer.

“Oh, so that’s where she’s from.” Sana gave a little hum of realization.

“Yeah, but don’t ask about it, she doesn’t like talking about it much. She’s just focusing on her life here, now.”

Mina couldn’t help but think that ‘not talking about things’ seemed to be a way of dealing in this house. She wasn’t unaware that all four sisters had gone through rough times, but after almost a week, Mina still didn’t know much about any of their pasts, with the exception of what she knew from Dahyun’s letters and what Jeongyeon had told her about Nayeon that night at the market.

“Okay, so you have two” Dahyun pointed the hand warmer from the drawer at Jihyo. “There’s one here, I have two in my room. Chaeyoung has one, she dropped the other in Cheonggyecheon river last year. Tzuyu probably has two. So a careful estimate is eight, so one for each.”

Dahyun didn’t look too happy with not being able to provide everyone with a pair. Considering how long they’d be standing in the cold, they could definitely use it.

“We should’ve bought some when we went to Miniso.” Sana pouted. “I just didn’t think we might need them. But I saw them; they had some with little puppies on.”

“It’s okay, we’ll just have to huddle close for warmth.” Dahyun grinned and did a little waddle. “You know, like penguins do?”

Mina couldn’t help but giggle at the image. Nor could she help but blush when Sana looked at her with that knowing smile. But she could at the very least get a little distance from Sana’s knowing eyes. Discretely she walked around Dahyun to crouch beside Jihyo who was looking into the depths of a pantry.

“Anything you need?”

“I was hoping we might still have some protein bars left.” Jihyo complained, sticking her entire arm into the messy cabinet and moving around the stuff in there.

“I think Tzuyu took the last ones, actually.” Dahyun noted, looking down at them.

“Are the stores closed yet?” Mina asked.

“Stores yes, but the corner marts and stuff should be open for another half hour.” Jihyo said. “Why?”

“I’ll go buy some for us.” Mina said as if that hadn’t been obvious from her inquiry.

“Oh, no it’s okay. We’ll just settle without. It’ll probably be fine.” Jihyo’s ears turned suddenly red.

“We’d all feel better on a full stomach though, if we’re staying out to see the sun rise?” Sana looked from Jihyo to Dahyun.

“It’s not that… We’re out of money for this month.” Dahyun admitted, skin slightly flushed.

An awkward silence settled in the kitchen, and a heaviness settled in Mina’s heart. She had never considered that; that it would be an expense so big to have them over, especially when invited so insistingly.

“We didn’t expect you to pay.” Sana said in a small voice. She looked about as sheepish as Mina felt.

“Well we wouldn’t want the guests to pay for food.” Dahyun counter-argued.

Sana’s eyes found Mina’s, and Mina bit down on her lip. How was she supposed to say that it wouldn’t be a big deal considering she had enough money that she didn’t have to work a single day for the rest of her life, without seeming rude and inconsiderate.

It seemed Sana sensed exactly where Mina’s mind went, and then nodded. With a little smart smile, she looked at Dahyun.

“Technically we’ll all be out so none of us will be the guests. And since you made everything else, this can be our contribution.” 

Dahyun narrowed her eyes. Then looked down at Mina.

“You sure? It won’t be hard on your budget? I can’t imagine travelling here has been cheap.”

Mina’s blush deepened. It was just about the last thing she had hoped Dahyun would say.

“I…” It would be wrong to lie, right? She should just say it.

“I’m kind of well off, it won’t be a problem.” Sana noted, throwing herself under the bus with no shame. Mina sent her a grateful smile.

Jihyo sent Sana a wondering frown. “How well off?”

“You know Minatozaki Inc? The security tech company?” Sana asked.

“I think everyone in Asia does.”

“Minatozaki Sana, hi.” Sana grinned holding out a hand to the now gaping Jihyo.

Mina couldn’t help but admire her best friend. She had this wonderful ability to dedramatize situations like these. Even if it wasn’t those money she had, seeing as her parents had cut her off, she still used her name to make sure they didn’t feel any guilt at letting her pay for the food. A damn clever move, Mina thought.

“Wait, you’re not just well off then, I know your company is like-”

“My dad’s company.” Sana corrected with a slight cringe. She could never quite hide just how grim that relationship had turned.

“Right. But- well sure. If you want to get snacks, feel free.” Dahyun still looked a little beside herself, and Mina couldn’t blame her. But she couldn’t quite keep from feeling guilty either. She really should tell her part soon too instead of just letting Sana take the lead.

It was just a hard habit to kick.

…

Dahyun’s expectations on the amount of hand warmers turned out to be accurate, and an hour later the eight women walked down the street towards the open space in front of the river overlooking the mall from where the fireworks would be going off soon. Gammy had opted to stay home to save her hip joints the cold, and though Mina thought the old lady might really enjoy the fireworks considering her seeming love for christmas lights, she also understood the limitations of old age.

“You cold?” Dahyun asked, huddled between Mina and Momo.

Mina shook her head, burying her hands in her pockets. Though she recognized that it was indeed cold, she was yet to feel it on her body. Or maybe she was just too busy with everything else. Everything else being stealing glances at her two best friends standing two people apart. Whatever was going on with them, Mina didn’t like it. Didn’t like how Sana stood all alone with her lips pressed together and her eyes to the sky, making herself as small as possible. Didn’t like how Momo refused to even look in her direction, her body turned to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu.

Even if Mina didn’t approve of their complete lack of communication however, she couldn’t help but smile at Momo’s communication attempts with Tzuyu. It was absolutely fascinating to look at.

Neither Tzuyu nor Momo had Korean as a natural tongue, nor had the same mother tongue. Yet they seemed to understand each other just fine with grimaces, gestures and stammered words in their own languages. As far as Mina could understand, Tzuyu was telling about her dogs, and Momo was telling about hers. Tzuyu made a gesture as if wiping away a tear, then clutched her stomach and counted on her fingers. A long time since she had seen her dogs. She missed them and worried about them. 

Momo took Tzuyu’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Tzuyu smiled and sniffled. Then shuddered and hunched her shoulders at the cold. Momo made a few arm movements, swinging them to get warmer. Tzuyu followed suit and then Chaeyoung too. This seemed to please Momo immensely.

A small chuckle slipped past Mina’s lips and despite the noise, it seemed to catch Momo’s eyes, because she looked around at Mina. Then past her. And then decidedly back at Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. Mina’s heart sank as she looked behind her to find Sana eyeing them. But she too turned away her eyes. Back to the sky.

Mina sighed. She hated this. It was exactly the reason she never said anything or wanted to get in the middle of it. She had really hoped beyond hope that somehow Sana and Momo would either realize how good they were for each other or at least be those friends who actually knew how to not get feelings involved. But she had a feeling that maybe this would end up exactly how she had feared - with her two best friends being too awkward to be around each other.

“You okay?” Dahyun asked quietly.

Mina nodded and looked down at her feet. Then at Dahyun. “Yeah, I’m just a little sad.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” Mina said, not wanting to divulge on the entire thing, especially with Sana within listening distance. “Maybe it’s just the cold getting to me finally.”

Dahyun huddled a little closer, and Mina couldn’t help her heart looping when Dahyun’s arm wrapped around her own.

“We’ll keep each other warm then.” Dahyun concluded. “Remember the penguins?”

“Yeah.” Mina said, trying not to smile too hard when Dahyun leaned her head on Mina’s shoulder.

The red hat grazed Mina’s cheek, and she leaned against it without thinking. Maybe just because she felt safe to do so. Safe to lean on someone else. Safe to be a pillar for someone.

“How long now?” Dahyun asked quietly. 

Mina shuddered a bit and took out her phone. It was cold as ice. “An hour.”

“Okay, that’s not too bad. And hey, look, it paid off to get here early.” Dahyun nodded behind them, and they both turned their heads back to look at the crowd. It was really filling up. Couples, families, friends. Everything in between.

Mina gave another involuntary shudder, packed away the phone and took out the handwarmer. Still with Dahyun’s hand on her arm, she shook and worked the hand-warmer until it heated up properly, then held it against her neck. She quickly pocketed the other hand. But as soon as she had, Dahyun’s hand held out another hand-warmer.

“Here. You need it more than I do.”

Mina smiled and shook her head. “Use it yourself. You’re not impenetrable to the cold. And I’d prefer if you didn’t get sick before I leave.”

“You’re as stubborn as I am, huh?” Dahyun asked with a humorous glint in her eye.

Mina smiled softly. “When it comes to your health? Yes.”

“Well then.” Dahyun huffed. And for a moment, Mina was sure that she had won. But the next, Dahyun grabbed the hand warmer with the hand she had before held Mina’s arm, and stuffed both hand and hand warmer into Mina’s coat pocket.

Mina jumped slightly, looking around at the girl now busy shuffling to hold Mina’s hand with the hand warmer between them. Dahyun looked somehow both incredibly smug and really shy.

And really, what more could Mina do but accept Dahyun’s trick. It wasn’t like she was about to protest to holding Dahyun’s hand. Not like she had any interest in letting go. So she just tried not to think about the fact that Dahyun’s hand was in her pocket.

…

“Look.” Jihyo whispered, her arms around Nayeon’s waist and her head on Nayeon’s shoulder. Where she belonged - keeping Nayeon safe.

“Where?” Nayeon whispered back, turning her face to look at Jihyo as best she could with the angle.

“Dahyun.” Jihyo couldn’t keep the happiness out of her voice. It was just too cute.

“Huh? … oh. Would you look at that?” Nayeon sounded both smug and in awe as they looked at Dahyun, her hand in Mina’s pocket and her head on Mina’s shoulder. Mina was holding a hand warmer to Dahyun’s neck and they seemed lost in conversation.

“Can you believe they actually got back in touch? After all these years?” Jihyo asked quietly. They were thankfully standing far enough back that the others wouldn’t hear.

“Dahyun did an amazingly brave thing in writing her…” Nayeon said. “I’ve never seen her as nervous as she was in the weeks after she wrote that first letter.”

“I think it’s amazing that Mina came.” Jihyo said dreamily. It really felt like being allowed to watch a fairy tale unfold before her. “That they got back in touch so fast.”

“Yeah. It’s amazing how fast they got like this, considering they don’t really know each other anymore.” Nayeon said, an air of sorrow in her voice. It spoke a truth Jihyo only understood now.

“I’m not so sure.” Jihyo considered how to word the next part carefully. “I think Mina knows a lot about Dahyun that none of us ever will. They grew up together.”

“In the letters?” Nayeon asked sceptically.

“Through their words and whatever secrets they must have shared to string them so tightly that there was still even a string left to pick up now.”

Nayeon shifted her footing. Jihyo knew that she had aimed well.

“But it’s more than that. It’s more than words and secrets. It’s habits, how your face looks when you’re trying to hide that you’re sad, how you act with different people, how you’re quiet together.”

Jihyo felt a gravity she knew Nayeon wasn’t ready for just yet, and swiftly changed pace.

“Whether you’re able to handle your girlfriend’s cold feet, you mean?” 

Nayeon raised an eyebrow at Jihyo’s comment, shuffling in her arms to wrap an arm around Jihyo, making them face each other. Jihyo kind of hated (loved, loved, loved) how she had to look up to look at Nayeon when they were this close.

“That too.” Nayeon pecked Jihyo’s lips so fast that she hoped no one had seen. “How  _ are _ your feet so cold always?”

“Genetics, baby, it’s just how I was born.” Jihyo smirked.

Nayeon grinned and shook her head. Jihyo knew that she didn’t mind the least bit, even if she complained about it every single night. It was just one of the things that reminded Jihyo how much she loved Nayeon. Because what if there came a day where Nayeon wouldn’t whine and complain about it? What if some day Nayeon wasn’t around to warm them up anymore? What would she do then? Who would keep her warm?

“I’m knitting socks.” Jihyo noted out loud, an answer for herself. She never wanted anyone else to warm her.

“I’d like to see you try to knit.” Nayeon sounded more than a little sceptical.

“Hey, I could.” Jihyo insisted.

“As if you have the patience for that. Or the time.” Nayeon grinned. Pecked Jihyo; she too doing it so fast that no-one would notice. Jihyo loved her endlessly.

“I’m glad we got to have another year together.” Jihyo mused.

“We’re going to have all the years together, Ji… Every single one from now until we grow old and die.”

Jihyo tightened her arms around Nayeon’s waist and hugged her close. “Yeah we are.”

Nayeon fiddled a bit, and Jihyo drew back. Looked at Nayeon’s suddenly nervous expression.

“What?”

“I just- I’m really grateful that you’re here? I’m so lucky to have you and I know I always say big speeches are kind of gross but I just really feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have you by my side.”

Jihyo drew back a little. It was so unlike Nayeon to say grand words like these, but she had done it so often lately. The past weeks she had started these talks several times, and it was honestly starting to worry Jihyo a little.

“Are you okay?” Jihyo asked, studying her girlfriend’s face.

Nayeon pouted. “Aren’t I allowed to love my girlfriend?”

“Yeah, but like you said. You’re not one for big speeches. And you’ve given quite a lot of them recently.” Jihyo raised an eyebrow.

Nayeon averted her eyes, pink cheeks possibly from the cold but the teeth biting into her lip definitely a sign of being caught. And suddenly a thought entered Jihyo’s mind. A thought that took more than just a few seconds to digest. One that made her organs rearrange and her heart race.

“I-” Nayeon started. But then she cringed so bad it almost looked like she was about to cry.

“What?” Jihyo asked worriedly. Everything inside her was a mess at the thought of why Nayeon had been acting so weird lately.

“I really want to do this right.” Nayeon sighed. “And if I’m going to do it right, then I have to do something else first.”

Jihyo felt like she understood somehow but also felt completely lost.

“I have to go.” Nayeon said. Looked absolutely defeated. “I love you so much. And I want to- I wish I was staying. Jihyo there’s nothing I want more than to start the year with you. But I have to do something. I have to start the year somewhere else… I have to be someone better next year.”

Someone who didn’t know Nayeon as well as Jihyo did might have gotten both confused, disappointed and angry at being left alone on New Years Eve. But Jihyo knew exactly where her girlfriend was headed. Knew exactly what she was doing.

“Tell her hi, okay?”

Nayeon nodded. “I’m so sorry, Ji.”

“You’re doing the right thing. For her and for you.” 

An expression of regret ran over Nayeon’s face and she sighed. “You know what, I-I can do it tomorrow, I-”

“No. You’re right to go.” Jihyo held her tongue, but Nayeon kept looking like she wanted to back out. “I won’t say yes if you don’t.”

Nayeon’s eyes went big, and her skin pale. “I-I don’t know what you mean.”

Jihyo smiled softly. Nodded in the direction of where they had come from. “Scram.”

“Jihyo-”

“Go.” Jihyo said. “Just promise you’ll think of me at midnight.”

“I always think of you.” Nayeon said breathlessly, eyes still wild.

Jihyo sent her a teasing look.

Nayeon opened her mouth and then closed it. Nodded. And then she untangled herself from Jihyo’s arms.

“See you later.”

Jihyo gave a little nod and watched as her lover walked away.

As soon as Nayeon was gone in the crowd however, Jihyo turned back to the others, a strange calm in her heart. She looked at the backs of her friends; Tzuyu and Chaeyoung on either side of Momo, Mina and Dahyun still lost in each other, and Sana. Sana standing alone, impossibly small all by herself.

It made Jihyo act almost instinctively. As if she sought the most damaged by default.

“Hey.” Jihyo said, making her way up to Sana.

“Oh, hi, Jihyo.” Sana said quietly. She sounded nothing like herself.

“You okay? You look a little lost.” Jihyo took the place between Mina and Sana.

“I’m good. I- I just hadn’t…” Sana sounds like she’s trying not to say too much, but Jihyo catches her eyes. And maybe there’s something about their souls that recognize themselves in the other. But Sana’s gaze seems to fill with honesty. “I hadn’t expected to start the New Year alone.”

Jihyo didn’t have nearly enough information to deduce much about the situation. But the fact that Momo and possibly Mina too weren’t by her side was probably at least a part of the reason.

“Take my hand.”

Sana looked almost fearful. “What?”

“Take my hand. Then you won’t be alone. We’ll start the year together.”

Sana looked down at Jihyo’s now outstretched hand. “Where’s Nayeon? Shouldn’t she be here with you?” 

Jihyo shook her head. “She’s exactly where she’s supposed to be. And so am I.”

Jihyo’s words seemed to overwhelm Sana, because her eyes glazed over. But she didn’t cry. She just sniffled and blinked rapidly. Then she took Jihyo’s hand.

“Thank you.” Sana whispered under a shivering breath.

Jihyo hummed. There was something absolutely magical about holding Sana’s hand like this. As if she was holding a piece of herself. Even if she didn’t understand it yet, Jihyo knew that much; that there was a reason she and Sana had met - that there was a reason they were standing together now.

“You know, whatever is going on, I’m sure it’s going to be okay.” Jihyo tried. Not because she felt like she had to, but because in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to soothe Sana.

“I hope. I think things just got a little weird this afternoon, but we’ll be back to ourselves soon. She just needs a little space.” Sana said with a shrug. As if it was nothing. As if Jihyo couldn’t see how much it meant to Sana. And maybe Sana sensed that she had no defenses against Jihyo. Because she suddenly continued. “I don’t actually ever date. Anyone. I don’t- it’s not for me. I’m not someone people want for who I am. Only for what I can do.”

Jihyo frowned. “What do you mean?”

Sana sent Jihyo a sad smile. “It’s nothing.” 

“You sure?” Jihyo pushed.

“Yeah. I’m most comfortable like this. I’m not someone you want. They just want my brain. At least my parents do. But it’s okay, they can have that part of me. And M- I’m made of parts, summed to a whole. And people take what they want. I leave the rest for someone else.”

Jihyo’s heart ached immediately for the girl, and she knew suddenly why she had felt so connected to the girl.

“You know why I love Nayeon so much?” Jihyo asked softly. “Why I trust her no matter where she runs off to?”

Sana shook her head. 

Jihyo held her hand tighter, letting her heart fill with all the love she had for the girl already so far away. The girl with a ring in her pocket and a heart so big it never really fit inside her body.

“Because she’s the only person in the world who never let me give just a part of me.” Jihyo started. “She never settled. She keeps insisting on giving back. And it’s not just because she knows how my parents are. Or how I usually am. She wants me, for me. She always fights for me, always has my back, never ever stops telling me to sing, never stops finding my keys for me so I can come back home. She never stops looking for new sides of me she didn’t know. She’s never done wanting all of me. She’s never done giving herself… I- I love her because of who she is. But I trust her because she never stops telling me, never stops showing me that I’m who she wants.”

Somewhere along the way, Jihyo had switched her gaze to look over the water. And when Sana spoke, her voice was as fragile as the first cherry blossoms.

“I’m glad you have someone like that.”

… 

“Only five minutes now.” Mina said, once more pocketing her phone. The other hand was still wrapped around a hand warmer and Dahyun’s hand. Was still in Mina’s pocket. Carefully, Mina looked to the side, seeing Sana and Jihyo almost mirroring Dahyun and Mina, with their hands in Jihyo’s pocket. They weren’t talking, but there seemed to be a different air of peace around Sana.

“Mina?” Dahyun asked, making Mina look around at her again.

“Yeah?”

“If I go… will you come with me?” Dahyun’s voice was small and here eyes fixed on the tall building on the other side of the Han River.

“Go where?” Mina asked curiously.

Dahyun finally pulled her eyes from the building and looked at Mina. Her eyes seemed oddly distant yet terrifyingly present at the same time. “Their grave. I want to go, but I really… I really want you to come.”

“Of course.” Mina said it without hesitance. It wasn’t even a question she had to consider.

The relief was palpable in the air around Dahyun and her hand held harder around Mina’s. It took everything Mina had to not move the hand warmer out of the way to just hold Dahyun’s hand how she wanted. 

“I really wanted to put tulips on their grave, but they don’t handle frost at all.” Dahyun noted quietly, making Mina forget about hand warmers for a while. “Then I thought about waiting to go until it got warm enough, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to go if you’re not there. I want to be, but I know that I’m not.”

Dahyun’s voice cracked on the last word, and Mina felt the urge to hug her. The need to somehow comfort her. She just didn’t know how.

“Are there any flowers that resist frost?” Mina asked.

Dahyun shook her head. “Barely any. That’s why you protect them.”

Mina’s heart clenched. She could barely breathe, and wasn’t even aware why. She just knew that she needed Dahyun closer. Needed to tether herself to Dahyun more than she was. And maybe that’s why she did what she did. Maybe that’s why Mina gave hell to the concept of hand warmers and pushed it out of the way with very little discretion. And with the hand warmer pushed against the side of the pocket, Mina took Dahyun’s hand. Twined their fingers. Held her close like this. 

Protected her.

Dahyun looked down at her shoes. Then at the tall building. And Mina loved the smile that played so honestly on her lips.

“I feel almost like I’m in a Disney movie right now.” Dahyun noted almost sadly. “Waiting for the clock to strike 12.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to turn into a pumpkin.” Mina tried. She wasn’t unaware of what Dahyun meant. It really felt like they were stuck in a dream, and with the strike of 12, they would be woken to the reality of January.

“No, but you’ll be going home.” Dahyun turned Mina’s thoughts to words. “The ball will be over.”

Mina wanted to say something. Make some joke about a glass slipper. But she didn’t have any words left. And just as she opened her mouth for the second time with no luck, the clock really did strike 12.

In an explosion of sound and color, the people cheered and the sky lit up in a thousand colors, bathing them in light and hope. And Mina felt each explosion like the beating of her heart, rapid and insistent, and absolutely terrifying. She couldn’t tear her heart away from the sky. Couldn’t stop watching the rockets firing one after the other, deafening everything else. 

It was a perfect forever. For a moment. An eternity. 

Mina lost herself in the fireworks. Lost a little piece of herself in this fairy tale. Like Cinderella leaving the glass slipper, Mina left a little piece of her heart right here; left it in the way she turned her eyes from the fireworks, watching them only reflected in Dahyun’s eyes in the seconds she looked at her. Watched only for a second before leaning in. Before her lips found the soft skin of Dahyun’s cold temple, lingering for the length of an entire silent confession.

If anyone ever asked Mina why she did it, she wouldn’t be able to answer them. Because the only reason she ever found, was that in that moment, she didn’t know how not to kiss her. Didn’t know how not to give a piece of her heart.

It was like falling; it wasn’t a choice.

Maybe that’s why they called it  _ falling for someone _ .

… 

The distant sound of fireworks sounded just as Nayeon came into view. She was sitting on the front steps of Jeongyeon’s bakery, with a purple hat covering the top of her head, and her hair pouring out underneath it, as thick and beautiful as always. 

She had always been absolutely stunning. 

Maybe if Jeongyeon just stood for a moment, she could turn back time and look at Nayeon like she had back then. Could watch as Nayeon looked down at her hands, holding a hand warmer tight between both hands.

Maybe she would always be just a little bit in love with Nayeon. Maybe it was just a hope in the depths of her heart hoping to get her back, playing tricks with her.

Maybe she had just never set her heart free.

“Hey.” Jeongyeon broke loose from her heart.

Nayeon jolted and stood up, her breath puffing as white clouds. 

“Hi. I- thank you for meeting me.”

Jeongyeon nodded. She really didn’t know what else to say. Honestly, Nayeon was the last person she had expected to spend her New Years Eve with. Much less had she expected to spend it outside of the shop she had dreamed of her entire life. One dream. Not the other. Even if they were both right in front of her.

But the third wasn’t.

“Do you want to go inside? It’s cold out here.” Jeongyeon said, forcing her heart back into her chest where it belonged.

“If you’re okay with that.” Nayeon sounded so timid. So small.

“Of course.” Jeongyeon nodded, stepping past Nayeon and leaning down to unlock the bottom lock of the door and then the regular one afterwards. She stomped her boots free of snow the best she could and then stepped into the warm shop. Nayeon followed her.

“Close the door?” Jeongyeon asked, walking over to the automatic alarm and turning it off. Then she turned on the lights and looked at Nayeon. She didn’t know what to say, and Nayeon was just standing there at the entrance, in her huge jacket, looking lost and found all at the same time.

“Do you want coffee?”

It was the only thing Jeongyeon could think of in the moment.

Nayeon swallowed, and her voice shivered as she spoke. “You haven’t changed a single bit, have you?”

Jeongyeon didn’t want to answer that. Because the truth was that she had actually changed quite a lot, because of Nayeon.

“I’m so proud of you.” Nayeon whispered, eyes travelling carefully around the store. “You always said one day you would have a store like this... and you really did it.”

“I did. It took a while, but I did.” Jeongyeon nodded. She didn’t know what to do. So she did the only thing she knew. She put water over for coffee. Found a muffin from this morning and put it in the heater. Turned the heater on.

Nayeon broke the silence after almost a minute.

“I’m so sorry.” 

Jeongyeon stood with her back to Nayeon. 

How long hadn’t she wished to hear those words? How long hadn’t she dreamed of the day they would reunite? It just didn’t happen at all under the circumstances she had imagined. Nor with the feelings she had imagined. Because as much as she would always be in love with Nayeon, she felt no desire. No longing for her. Just a love held by a girl much younger and much more naive, that Jeongyeon had long settled for carrying with her.

“Damn it…”Nayeon hissed at herself under her breath. “Damn it, I promised myself I would keep it together.”

Jeongyeon turned slowly, knowing already what she would see. Yet even so, she wasn’t prepared for the way her stomach clenched at the tears Nayeon angrily wiped from her cheeks.

Jeongyeon didn’t know what to say. A part of her longed to hold Nayeon close and take away her pain. The instinctual part of her who had done it so many times. But another knew that they weren’t those people anymore. They weren’t friends anymore. Weren’t lovers. Weren’t even exes. But they were still more than strangers. 

They were history.

“Jeongyeon I’m so fucking sorry.” Nayeon continued. “I- I can’t even say I didn’t mean… I was so stupid. I should’ve never- you deserved so much better. I should’ve gone with you, I should’ve accepted your parents’ hospitality and stayed with you. I know I should have. I just couldn’t. I didn’t know how to stop this- Jeongyeon I was so angry. And I took it out on you. I got jealous because you had everything that had just been taken away from me. I couldn’t bear to imagine being the one on the sideline, looking at you having the life I want when I couldn’t have that. I just kept believing every single thing my mom shouted at me. I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t bear to love you like I did. It was too hard. I was too… too jealous. Too devastated and broken.”

Jeongyeon swallowed. Felt her heart constrict with Nayeon’s words. She already knew. Had deduced that this was probably the reason Nayeon had never been able to let Jeongyeon back into her life; not because she stopped loving Jeongyeon - but because it hurt too much to love her.

“Jeongyeon… I hope you know I’m not asking for your forgiveness. That’s not why I asked you here.”

The sound of the water boiling made Jeongyeon breathe again. Instinctively she turned around to the pot and poured the boiling water into a filter over grounds, watching almost trance like as it poured into the glass pot underneath.

“Then why?”

It was easier to ask when she wasn’t facing Nayeon.

“Because I want to be a better person. And I have to believe in redemption somehow. I have to believe that I can become someone worthy of the love I want.”

Jeongyeon knew it wasn’t her that Nayeon was talking about. At least, she was ninety five percent sure that it wasn’t Jeongyeon. But Nayeon didn’t elaborate. And Jeongyeon didn’t know what to do. But as the pot filled with steaming coffee, Nayeon’s words seemed to settle in Jeongyeon. 

It felt like a part of Jeongyeon was released from chains, one by one falling to the ground.

“I already knew why you couldn’t- you know. Why you couldn’t face me.” Jeongyeon said. Coffee slowly stopped pouring from the filter into the glass pot, until only droplets fell. “I knew that same night. That’s why I kept trying to get you to understand. But in the end you wouldn’t budge, and I just had to give up. And maybe that was wrong too. It felt wrong - to give up on my best friend who was hurting so much. I just didn’t know what else to do. It was hurting us both too much.”

Jeongyeon moved the filter from above the glass pot. Then poured the coffee into two white cups and took the muffin out of the little heater. It was all just a ploy. All just time she allowed herself in order to stop crying. Yet when she turned around, her cheeks were still treacherously wet.

Nayeon was still standing by the door, eyes red and face swollen.

Jeongyeon nodded to the round table closest to the front door. Nayeon looked down at her shoes and then over at Jeongyeon again. Nodded and walked carefully over to the table, sitting down. She was still in her coat. But so was Jeongyeon. Maybe none of them were ready for that yet; accepting that neither were going to run.

“Here.” Jeongyeon said, placing the coffee cups on either end of the little round table. Then she placed the muffin in the middle and sat down opposite Nayeon.

Nayeon stared at her cup. “I never meant-”

“I know.” Jeongyeon said. Even if some would say Nayeon didn’t deserve it, Jeongyeon couldn’t deny her absolution. “I know, Nay. We’re okay.”

“Do you think there’s any such thing as redemption?” Nayeon croaked. She fiddled with the hand warmer. 

Jeongyeon tilted her head a little. “Yeah, I have to.”

“Why?”

It was weird. Until now, she hadn’t really realized why it hurt so much to think about Nayeon. Even after having forgiven her in her head. Even after understanding her. It was only now that Nayeon had taken away Jeongyeon’s chains, that she finally saw the cause of the pain all those years. She finally saw that her best friend had hurt her so badly that Jeongyeon would be the cause of Nayeon’s eternal guilt. That Jeongyeon would be the reason Nayeon would never be free. Or at least for as long as Jeongyeon decided.

“... Because I really want you to find it.”

Nayeon nodded. Took the deepest breath of her life and pocketed the hand warmer. Then she drew out something else. A blue velvet box.

“I already found it.” Nayeon whispered.

Jeongyeon stared at the box as Nayeon opened it. As she took out the ring and held it between her fingers. 

Jeongyeon could immediately see that it wasn’t just a cheap ring. Could see how Nayeon trembled and calmed all at once, her eyes far away.

“I already found her...” Nayeon looked up at Jeongyeon.

“You want my blessing?” Jeongyeon asked.

“I want to be the best person for her.” Nayeon shook her head. “And I thought I was past us. I thought I had forgiven myself. But I haven’t.”

Jeongyeon thought about it long and hard. Thought of the smile on Nayeon’s face when Jihyo hugged her and the way she seemed absolutely safe in her presence. How Jihyo had looked when Nayeon had walked away that first day they had met - completely unworried. She trusted Nayeon’s every action.

“I have.” Jeongyeon finally said. “I have forgiven you. And I’ve forgiven myself.”

Nayeon’s eyes glazed over anew, and this time Jeongyeon couldn’t help herself. She reached across the table and wiped Nayeon’s cheek. Nayeon dried the other herself. Closed her eyes, face screwed up in an obvious attempt at stopping herself from breaking down. She still had the ring in her hand.

“I’m sorry.” Nayeon said as if she didn’t know what else to say.

Jeongyeon didn’t answer. There wasn’t a point in doing so. Instead, she simply removed her hand from Nayeon’s cheek, and instead closed Nayeon’s hand around the ring.

Nayeon sighed shivering, clutching the ring so tight her life might as well depend on it.

“I never meant to break your heart.” Nayeon whispered. “I never meant to break my own either.”

“I know.” Jeongyeon pulled back her hand gently. “Just keep hers safe now.”

“I’m trying. I-I’m trying so h-hard.” Nayeon’s voice trembled so bad by now, it was hard to make out the words. 

“Good.” Jeongyeon said firmly. “Never stop. Because the day you stop, is the day you risk growing careless.”

Nayeon nodded. Put the ring back into the blue velvet box and put the box into her coat pocket. Then she hugged the white cup with both hands and looked up at Jeongyeon, determination in her fragility.

“I promise.”

…

To say that Mina’s head was buzzing would be an understatement. It felt more like having stuck her head inside a bees nest, it was that loud. Never in her entire life had she imagined that silence could press so intensely against her eardrums. But walking beside Sana, Momo on Sana’s other side, it felt absolutely as if her eardrum was going to burst.

Too fast, Sana came to a halt. Then Momo. And Mina opened her mouth to say something. She needed to say… something. But she didn’t know what. Because she didn’t know what had happened. All she knew was, that Momo was standing with crossed arms and her eyes to the floor and Sana looked like she was absolutely lost.

Maybe Mina should just ask them? Maybe she should just insist that they solve whatever this was. But as soon as Mina had decided to do so, Sana broke the silence.

“I- Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight.” Mina said, a feeling of defeat heavying on her heart.

“Night.” Momo mumbled.

Mina looked at her. She seemed to shrink under Mina’s look. As if she was embarrassed somehow. Then Sana turned and scanned the keycard. 

The click of the lock made Momo jump. But she just followed Sana into the room and the door closed.

Mina looked at the door for a moment, before heading for her own room, scanning the card and entering. In seeing the familiarity of her room, she decided not to worry too much about her friends and instead spend the remainder of the night reminiscing about Dahyun’s hand in hers and Dahyun’s skin under her lips. But not even had she completed that first thought before it was pushed away. Just as she leaned to push shut the door, a force from the outside pushed it open. And there was a fraction of a second where Mina’s heart stopped. Was there anyone else in the hallway before? There wasn’t right?

“Mina?”

Momo’s voice made Mina pull back, step back, and stare.

“Did I forget something?” Mina asked. She knew she hadn’t, but it was the only thing she could think to say in the moment.

“No- I just… Mina can I sleep here tonight?”

Mina’s heart dropped into her stomach. Yet, she opened the door fully. Let Momo inside and closed after her. 

It was almost impossible not to ask by now. Impossible not to reach out in some desperate attempt to glue her best friends back together. 

But it wasn’t her place.

“Do you need anything?” Mina asked, noticing that Momo had exactly none of her stuff with her. Seemed she had just scurried out as fast as she could.

Momo shook her head. Then looked down at herself and frowned as if she was trying not to cry. “Sweatpants?”

“Of course.” Mina nodded, relieved to be given a clear directive. Something she could do. 

With a nod, Mina turned away from Momo, dug into her suitcase still mostly unpacked, and dug out a pair of black sweatpants. It wasn’t an attire Mina often favored, but she had brought a pair just in case. For a moment she hesitated, then took a shirt as well.

“Thank you.” Momo mumbled as Mina handed her the clothes.

“Of course. Anything you need…” Mina said.

There’s a second, maybe just a glimpse of it, where Momo looked like she was about to speak. But she didn’t. Instead she turned on her heel and walked into the bathroom to change clothes, leaving Mina in the middle of her own hotel room, feeling more than helpless and completely separate from her own body. But she could do nothing except stand there and wait for Momo to come out of the bathroom.

It took almost ten minutes for Momo to finally unlock the door. Mina had changed to pyjamas after a few minutes of waiting. But there was no sign that Momo had been crying, or even any other kind of mood. She was just there.

As if she had forgotten a part of herself. Or maybe left it behind on purpose.

“Which side do you sleep on?” Momo asked, eyeing the big bed.

“... Left.” Mina said. 

Momo nodded apathetically and walked over to the right one. Crawled under the covers. 

A part of Mina was reminding herself that she hadn’t washed up yet or brushed her teeth. All she had done to get ready for the night was just to change clothes. But she couldn’t just let Momo lay there all by herself.

“Are you ready for me to turn off the lights?” Mina asked.

Momo nodded, turning on the reading lamp before Mina turned off the ceiling light. Then Mina walked over to the left side of the bed and crawled under the covers.

It felt weird to have someone in the bed with her. She hadn’t tried that for almost two years. And even then, she hadn’t really been used to it, even if it had just been sporadic occurrences. Then again, this was very different from those times. 

Momo looked at Mina. And the way her eyes seemed to darken and hollow, finally broke the last of Mina’s self-restraint.

“You can talk to me. You know that right?”

Momo looked for a moment as if she hadn’t heard. Then she nodded. Opened her mouth and closed it again. And then, with what seemed like the greatest exertion of power, Momo spoke.

“... I slept with Sana.”

Something in Mina’s brain didn’t click. Did Momo not remember when Mina had walked in on their bare butts?

It seemed like Momo read the confusion on Mina’s face.

“Last night. After the dance show. I- we slept together.” Momo swallowed and turned onto her side. Faced away from Mina. Clutched the sheets as if it were a lifeline. “I asked her to- I told her I wanted her and… and she- it was so different. We’ve- so many times we’ve been together, but this was… this wasn’t just sex. I wanted her. And she- she…”

Momo seemed lost for words, and as Mina reached out to touch her shoulder, she felt how Momo shook.

It seemed she had finally succumbed to tears.

“Momo…” Mina tugged gently at her shoulder, but Momo didn’t turn. Instead her hand found Mina’s. The way it pulled ever so slightly made Mina understand, and she crept closer under the covers until she could wrap herself around the older girl.

The closeness seemed to break Momo and put her back together all at once. And when she spoke it was with tears in her voice and on the pillow.

“I think somewhere, somehow, I’ve always waited for her. I’ve always waited for her to claim me and tell me no more dating other girls, no more playing around. It wasn’t a conscious choice, waiting for her. But I know now that it’s what I’ve been doing. But I think- I think... she doesn’t want that. And I lost my balance, learning that. I finally realized I want her, only to learn that she- that she doesn’t want me.”

“Have you asked her?” Mina asked softly.

Momo nodded. “I asked her… Just before. I- I asked her if it would really be that bad if people thought we were dating. She just said I must be joking. I didn’t know what to do after that… so I just- I just walked away.”

Something broke inside Mina; that everlasting trust that those two would figure it out in the end. And in the confusion of this loss, a different feeling threatened to surface. An anger, unknown and unjust. A hurt on Momo’s behalf so strong that she wanted nothing more than to yell at Sana. To become a wall between the girls and somehow get Sana to see what she was losing. Because Momo was losing herself in Mina’s arms, and in that Sana and Mina would lose her too. They were going to lose her.

… 

But Mina didn’t know. She didn’t know that Momo was already lost. That she had lost herself long ago, and what was left was merely the scraps of whatever she had managed to salvage. That she was a shell. That she had waited for Sana to give her a purpose again. Because the only thing she knew how to do was to love a girl who didn’t know how to be loved. 

To love a dance she could never dance.

…

_ Momo’s heart raced. Faster. Faster. Sweat glistened on her arms and forehead, and an almost drunken smile spread on her face as she moved. Blood rushed in her ears and her muscles tightened. _

_ Then it all stopped. _

_ The beat dropped and she locked the muscles of her body so perfectly that no-one would ever be able to do her justice. _

_ She was the best. _

_ The lock lasted only a second. Then she rolled back slowly, feeling every muscle work, as if in individual control of every single one. She pressed her torso backwards and raised her arms impossibly slow. And in a single movement, a single exertion of force, she changed her entire pose, balancing on her toes for a single beat before she moved again. _

_ The music was back, running in pace. And Momo ran with. Caught every note, every cue and knew exactly where her body was. A single glance to the right, and she caught her teammate’s eye. A smirk spread on the girl’s face. They were good. They were great. _

_ They were getting seen. _

_ The stage was huge and the spotlight hot, but the four girls filled the floor with their movements, creating flow with the movements of their bodies, completely inebriated on the cheers of the crowd and the hope growing in their chest. _

_ They were a pack. And Momo was their leader. Their center. _

_ Momo was a lioness. _

_ Was. _

_ She never really registered what happened. Just felt a hard bump, and then a searing, heartbreaking pain in her right knee. She was on the floor before even realizing that she should break for her fall. And even if she had realized, the probability that she would’ve been able to, was miniscule. _

_ The music didn’t stop. Her pack didn’t either. With fake smiles and stiff limbs they danced around Momo. And Momo could do nothing but lay blinded by pain, watching her life fall apart, until there was nothing left but the taste of blood from biting her cheeks in an attempt to keep quiet. The taste of breaking herself to keep their dreams alive.  _

_ Then darkness. _

_ The next thing Momo remembered was three faces around her.  _

_ “Momo, oh my god, you’re okay.” One of the girls said. To this day, Momo couldn’t remember which one. Could hardly remember her name. _

_ “What…” Momo didn’t get further. The pain had returned as she woke, and her throat closed as fast as if someone had her in a chokehold. It was a pain so violent that Momo’s hands flew to her neck, trying somehow to claw it away. _

_ The tears fell down the sides of her face, and the pain worsened with each breathless sob. _

_ “Momo, you’re okay! Stop it, you’re okay!” Another girl tried. Lied. _

_ Momo wasn’t okay. Her leg. Her knee. She couldn’t see. _

_ “Give her five of morphine.” a voice said. Momo didn’t recognize it. Didn’t recognize her whereabouts either. But the breeze on her face told her she was outside. _

_ Then a hand was on her shoulder, and another pried her hands away from her throat. Every single touch burned. Every pair of worried eyes felt like fire on her skin. _

_ “They’re going to take you to the hospital now, Momo. They’re going to fix you.” _

_ “F-fix me?” Momo choked on the words. _

_ Nothing made sense. _

_ “They’re going to make you all better.” _

_ Momo looked around. Looked at the faces of her members. Her friends. Her pack. The three worried, tear-stained faces of girls who had chosen their dream over their leader. Girls whose faces Momo would never forgive, but never see again. From that day, she only saw the insides of hospital rooms, operation rooms, physiotherapy rooms, classrooms. But never again a practice room.  _

_ Never a stage.  _

_ Never a spotlight. _

_ Never again did Momo find herself where she belonged. Never again did she move how she was made to do. It was the greatest devastation she had encountered, and for years she merely grasped for any hope she could find of becoming even but a shadow of herself. Because a shadow was better than a shell. A shadow could at least move. Pretend to be Momo. And in time, she grew to something possibly more than a shadow. Something slowly filled with color and lines. _

_ And in time, she learned to love how she was meant to. _

_ Until that too, was taken from her. _

…

Chaeyoung yawned heavily as she walked down the stairs. Someone had knocked on the door, and Chaeyoung seemed to be the only one who had woken from the sound, the rest of the house still fast asleep. 

They had stayed by the river for almost an hour, and even though none of them had stayed up to watch the sun rise, it was still late before they had gotten back to the house. So really, Chaeyoung was at a loss for who could be showing up this early.

“Hm?” Chaeyoung opened the door just a few inches, drowsily looking out. But as soon as her brain registered who it was standing in front of her, she woke faster than a bucket of ice water would’ve made her do.

“Hey.” Jeongyeon said calmly, her eyes drooping slightly and wearing the same clothes she was last night.

“Hi…” Chaeyoung studies her features, nervously trying to hide the fact that she’s in pyjamas. “I- I didn’t count on you being here so early.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know where else to go.” Jeongyeon said with a tiny shrug.

“No it’s okay, I just didn’t know you were this much of an early bird.” Chaeyoung rubs over her cheek, not really sure why she isn’t inviting Jeongyeon inside immediately. Maybe because she’s still shy about letting Jeongyeon see her like this.

“I’m not. Trust me. I just- I haven’t really slept.”

“You stayed up?” Chaeyoung gaped. Looked past Jeongyeon momentarily to see the rising sun. Shit, it was like  _ early _ early then.

“We did. Nayeon and I, we- we stayed up talking all night. She went home a little while ago, I think she wanted to get a few hours in before lunch.”

Something inside Chaeyoung stirred at the words. She couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help the jealousy and insecurity. Even if Nayeon was her sister and she trusted her, she still felt uneasy at the knowledge that the two had spent an entire night together, and watched the sunrise together.

“I wanted to see you.” Jeongyeon stepped a little closer. “I want to be here.”

Chaeyoung looked at her. She should be so pleased that Nayeon and Jeongyeon finally seemed to have figured things out. At least some. But she was confused and worried and in love. And love makes even the smallest insecurities disappear or magnify. This time it made them magnify. Made her scared, so scared that she could barely hear Jeongyeon’s words.

“Chaeyoung?”

“I- I’m happy for you.” Chaeyoung said. It was all she could do.

“I’m glad. But I also owe you to tell you what happened between Nayeon and I. Back then. If you’ll hear me out?” Jeongyeon shuddered, and Chaeyoung did as well. A cold wind had passed through them and into the house.

“I thought you didn’t want to tell her story.” Chaeyoung said. 

“I asked her if I could tell you. Because I want you to understand why she’s a part of who I am.” Jeongyeon took a step forth. Closer to the door. To Chaeyoung. “Because I want you to be a part of who I am, too.”

Chaeyoung didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to feel. But she felt herself open the door, stepping back to let Jeongyeon inside. It just didn’t turn as quiet or elegant as Chaeyoung might have envisioned, because as soon as she stepped back, she stumbled on the ends of her own pyjama pants and had to grasp the door to keep herself standing. She almost cursed at herself but then Jeongyeon’s hand was on her wrist providing balance.

“I’m halfway about to tell you a really bad joke about falling for me but I’m not sure you’d shut the door in my face if I do.” Jeongyeon said.

Chaeyoung couldn’t help but smile. Even if she was still a little unsure of the whole thing. There really was nothing easy about being in love with your big sister’s ex. But there was nothing easier than letting Jeongyeon inside. About taking her up to Chaeyoung’s room and sit together on the bed. And Chaeyoung listened as she learned the story of her big sister’s best friend and how she lost her parents. 

About why Nayeon became her sister.

…

“Not a single word.” Chaeyoung warned as she came walking down the stairs and into the living room with Jeongyeon trailing after her, the two girls hand in hand.

Tzuyu and Dahyun sat at the dining table with each their cup of tea and knowing looks.

Jeongyeon looked a little awkward, but Chaeyoung just dragged her into the kitchen, away from Tzuyu and Dahyun. Not that Chaeyoung minded the two girls. She just really had no interest in further explaining the circumstances that had led up to them walking in on Jeongyeon sleeping on Chaeyoung’s chest thirty minutes ago.

The kitchen smelled amazing, as if Gammy had been cooking for hours. And maybe she had. Chaeyoung hadn’t paid attention to anything since Jeongyeon had shown up in the early hours of the dawn.

“Morning, dear.” Gammy said, smiling as Chaeyoung gave her shoulder a squeeze. “And to you too, fairy girl.”

“She has a name, Gammy.” Chaeyoung mumbled as Jeongyeon chuckled.

“I know that.” Gammy shook her head and clicked her tongue. “There’s tea in the pot for you.”

“Thank you.” Jeongyeon said. But just as Chaeyoung reached to find mugs, the front door sounded.

“That’ll be Nayeon.” Chaeyoung said, immediately feeling a little uneasy. It had been quite a big mouthful, to know exactly how much had happened without Chaeyoung ever knowing about it. But then again, Chaeyoung barely knew anything about her three sisters’ pasts. They never really talked about it. Nor did she talk about her own much. They only knew the overview. The custody battles. The tears when Chaeyoung failed to hold them back. The scars that refused to face.

“Chaeyoung?”

Chaeyoung hummed and looked up at the girl who had been sleeping on her until ten minutes ago. Looked into her warm eyes. It was impossible not to smile. Impossible not to lean up and kiss her chastely.

“I’m okay.” Chaeyoung assured her. “Are you?”

Jeongyeon nodded. “Yeah. But I think if it’s okay, I’d like to help your grandma cook?” 

“You cook?” Gammy asked immediately, loudly and pointing at Jeongyeon with a spatula.

“I- yeah, I’m a pastry chef and I’m decent with general cooking as well.” Jeongyeon seemed a little taken aback.

Gammy looked almost like she was going to pass out. But then she shook her head once and pointed to Chaeyoung with the aforementioned spatula. “Keep her.”

“... I plan to.” Chaeyoung noted shyly.

Jeongyeon grinned.

“Plan to what?” Jihyo appeared in the kitchen, leaning on the wall.

“Keep me as a kitchen maid, I think?” Jeongyeon noted as the spatula was placed into her hand.

“Oh cool, can I join too?” Jihyo asked.

Gammy sent her a sceptical look. “You can’t cook, girlie.”

“I can chop vegetables?” Jihyo tried.

“Hm… don’t cry too much.” Gammy noted, pointing Jihyo towards the cutting board filled with onions and leeks.

Chaeyoung bit her lip and turned away from her grandma, Jihyo and Jeongyeon. Knew that she would find Nayeon out in the living room. Honestly, Chaeyoung had been afraid of seeing Nayeon ever since she had disappeared last night. Maybe even before that. Maybe even since that day Nayeon had run away from Jeongyeon. But everything Chaeyoung had feared was gone in a second as she saw her sister’s back. Her black hair in a braid she stood with her arms crossed, looking down at Tzuyu, the youngest looking up at her with a soft smile.

It was pure instinct.

Chaeyoung’s arms closed around Nayeon’s body so tight that Nayeon had no chance of escaping. Not that she tried to. She just sighed and leaned into Chaeyoung’s grasp, stroking her arm gently.

“Hey, kiddo.” Nayeon hummed softly.

“Hi.” Chaeyoung sniffled. “You’re dumb I hope you know that.”

“I know.” Nayeon said, a peace in her voice that Chaeyoung had never heard before.

“I love you.” Chaeyoung mumbled, hugging her impossibly tighter. “I hope you know that too.”

“I know, Chaengie.”

Chaeyoung felt how Nayeon shuffled in her grasp, and Chaeyoung let go just enough for Nayeon to move her arm around to wrap Chaeyoung in a hug.

“You two okay?” Tzuyu asked as Chaeyoung still clung to her big sister.

Chaeyoung nodded.

“Yeah.” Nayeon hummed. “I think we are.”

“Are you going to explain where you went yesterday?” Tzuyu asked curiously.

Nayeon shrugged. “I wanted to start the year with my best friend.”

While Tzuyu clearly understood it, Dahyun looked completely lost. But Nayeon just shook her head and looked to Dahyun, a glimpse in her eye. 

“And anyways, you didn’t look like you missed me at all.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dahyun said, sipping from her tea, looking like she was trying to will away her blush.

“Oh come on, the hands in the pocket?” Chaeyoung couldn’t help herself from teasing Dahyun a little. It was honestly too cute last night for any of them not to notice.

“And the kiss?” Tzuyu furthered.

“They kissed?!” Nayeon immediately gaped.

“No!” Dahyun immediately denied. “It- She-  _ cheek _ . She kissed my cheek.”

Chaeyoung laughed. She couldn’t help it.

“Stop, it’s not a big deal okay?” Dahyun tried.

“It’s okay, Dubs,” Nayeon finally gave her a little leeway, or so Chaeyoung thought. “You’re cute together.”

“We’re not together.” Dahyun noted, her blush only deepening. She looked like she was about to reach her limit to how much teasing she tolerated, and Chaeyoung was preparing for retreat.

But the youngest wasn’t.

“Maybe you should be.” Tzuyu said, in a voice so unlike her that it made all three sisters look around at her. “I’m just saying. If you have a chance to be around someone who makes you smile like that, you should consider it.”

“I can be around her without- you know.” Dahyun lowered her gaze. “... without being with her.”

“You can.” Nayeon nodded, sliding onto the chair at the end of the table, right between Dahyun and Tzuyu, pulling Chaeyoung onto her lap in the process. “And there’s no pressure from any of us for you to do something you’re not comfortable with.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Dahyun said dryly. 

“I’m just saying,” Tzuyu argued, stubbornly not giving way, “I’d give anything to reconnect with- with someone like Mina. And the fact that you like her as more than a friend shouldn’t get in the way of that. It’s all I want you to be aware of. I just would hate to see you lose her because feelings got in the way or weren’t acted on when they could have. And I know that’s brave coming from someone who has no clue about it but I know you. You deserve to smile like you did when she kissed you. Always.... I’d give everything I had if it meant you smiled like that just once.”

“Tzuyu…” Dahyun looked like she was about to cry. Chaeyoung felt like she might too. Because there was such a sincerity in Tzuyu’s plea, that made Chaeyoung realize probably for the first time, that while the three older sisters had all lost their families one way or the other, Tzuyu had given hers up. She could go back any day, but she never did. She chose not to be with her family every day of her life.

“I- I really miss home.” Tzuyu whispered. “Days like these, when we’re all supposed to be together… I really miss my friends. I miss- I miss her.”

“Her?” Chaeyoung asked cautiously. While Tzuyu had talked a few times about friends back home and her brother and her dogs, she had never mentioned antone more specific.

“My best friend.” Tzuyu held her mug close between both hands.

Chaeyoung wanted to know more. Wanted to know the skies under which Tzuyu had once lived. But she knew never to ask. Or maybe she had just learned somewhere along the way. But there was a part of her lately that had started to wonder if maybe she should unlearn it a little. Maybe she should try to actually ask. Or just talk about her own past.

But she wasn’t ready yet. So she didn’t ask. And Tzuyu didn’t elaborate. Instead, they just sat in silence for a good minute, listening to the sound of Gammy, Jihyo and Jeongyeon cooking in the kitchen. But then Jihyo’s tone of conversation changed, and Chaeyoung tried to hear what was going on. Still, she couldn’t make out the words.

“Babe?” All four sisters turned to look as Jihyo suddenly appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, a worried expression on her face.

“What’s up?”

“I- There’s a girl- she-.” Jihyo croaked. She looked more than just a little upset. It was a rare sight for Chaeyoung to see her like this. She was so used to Jihyo being so full of laughter.

Nayeon nodded. “It’s okay. Go.”

“I-”

“No, go. I’ll see you at home.” Nayeon insisted. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind.

“I’m sorry.” Jihyo whispered. Took the few steps over to Nayeon and kissed her chastely.

“Wear thick socks in your boots.” Nayeon hummed as if it was some grand declaration of love. But the way Jihyo smiled, it might as well have been.

“Don’t drink too much coffee.” Jihyo said softly. 

It sounded like ‘ _ I love you _ ’s, and somewhere between Jihyo’s failed attempt at a wink and Nayeon’s failed attempt at patting her butt on her way out, Chaeyoung realized that it was.

…

The snow had thawed somewhat overnight, the winds changing for slightly warmer winds, even if the weather said it would only last a few days before getting even colder. But as Mina out of Dongjak station she immediately missed the white covers on the rooftops and crackling of snow under the soles of her shoes.

“This way, I think.” Dahyun said quietly, gesturing towards a blue bridge overwalk. “I think it’s on the other side over there.”

“Okay.” Mina just walked along, not really sure what to do but merely holding onto the hand warmers in her pockets. Dahyun hadn’t said much since lunch.

The walkway led over a trafficked road, and down onto the sidewalk. From there they walked along the road until they reached an entrance, leading into the cemetery. Once inside the cemetery, Dahyun’s steps seemed to slow, and her lips got more and more tight from pressing them together.

Mina didn’t know what to say. Nothing she said would matter anyway. It would just feel hollow. But she was here. Dahyun had asked her to be with her here; to do this with her. And suddenly Mina realized exactly what her role was in this.

Putting the hand warmer in her pocket, Mina held out her hand. Offered it to Dahyun.

“Thank you.” Dahyun’s voice was grateful, and she took Mina’s hand, holding it tight. Mina walked a little closer.

She was there.

The big open asphalted space just inside of the gates was centered around a big fountain, and past that were directions to the different sections of the cemetery. Dahyun didn’t stop to look, and Mina realized that she knew already where her family was. She knew exactly where they had been all these years.

Mina looked up at the white sky as they walked, the clouds like a blanket of white over their heads, keeping out the sun. She had never minded the white skies much. They seemed almost comforting sometimes.

“This way.” Dahyun said quietly, tugging slightly at Mina’s hand to make them turn down a road to the right. The place was absolutely huge, and Mina had yet to see a single tombstone yet. There was just road after road, parking lots, fountains and statues and big naked trees sleeping until the spring. Yet no matter how long it felt to walk past car after car, it still felt too soon, when a rows of trees suddenly cleared to their left and the cemetery bare to the eye. 

Dahyun stopped almost immediately, her eyes travelling over the many tombs. She looked to be hardly breathing.

Mina couldn’t help feeling the pain either. Thought of her own parents back home. Noone had been to see them since she left. They had started the new year alone.

“Dahyun?” Mina asked softly.

A jolt went through Dahyun, and she looked around at Mina. Her entire expression was downright terrified. “I don’t know if I can do this, Mina…”

“You can, I know it.” Mina changed her hold on Dahyun’s hand to twine their fingers. Just to hold her tighter. “You’ve gotten this far, just keep going. You can do it.”

Dahyun’s chest rose heavily and her eyes flickered between Mina’s. “I’m so scared that they’ll be mad.”

“They won’t.” Mina promised. She knew it wasn’t enough for Dahyun to believe it. But it was enough for Dahyun to move. With Mina’s hand clutched so hard her knuckles turned impossibly whiter, she walked onto the field, towards her family.

“It means the world to me, I hope you know that.” Dahyun whispered, eyes on the tombs, walking so purposefully that she might have walked this path a thousand times. And in her head she probably had.

“Anything you need.” Mina said. Followed where Dahyun led her.

Dahyun’s lips twitched in something that might be a smile, as she came to a halt. “Just you. I just want you here.”

To say that Mina’s heart skipped a beat would definitely be an understatement of the sensation that passed through Mina’s body. The entire situation felt absolutely surreal. But whatever Mina was feeling, she needed to shelf it for now. 

She was needed. Wanted. Wanted by this girl, this weird girl with a thousand smiles and the softest voice, the longest laugh and quirkiest little smirk. This girl standing here next to her with the world on her shoulders and her eyes on the names of her family written on stone. There was no smile on her face now. No laughter. Not a hint of humor. But her voice was as soft as ever when she addressed her family.

“Hi... It’s been a while.”

  
  


…

Nayeon knew it the moment she heard the door close, announcing her girlfriend’s return. Could hear it her in every motion, in every step across the old wooden floors. How the fabric of her bag gave a sound almost like a sigh as it fell onto the floor, dumped against the wall from a hand that simply couldn’t hold onto more. And the sob that fell from Jihyo’s lips unwillingly, catching Nayeon’s ear like a prayer waiting to be heard. A single moment to close her eyes was all Nayeon took for herself before she got up from the kitchen chair and into the main room of their shabby little apartment.

“Jihyo…” Nayeon muttered quietly, seeing Jihyo stand there in the middle of the room, completely lost.

“H-hi. I’m sorry I’m so late I-”

“Do you want ice cream?” Nayeon interrupted, knowing that it wouldn’t matter how many times she told Jihyo not to be sorry. Jihyo never stopped being sorry. Never stopped feeling like everything was her fault. But then again, growing up, it was all she had ever been told.

Jihyo opened her mouth and closed it again. Then she nodded. Took Nayeon’s outstretched hand and let the older girl drag her into their little kitchen.

Nayeon couldn’t have loved her more if she tried. Because even as she stood in all the pain she was trying to take away from those around her, she still ran her thumb over Nayeon’s skin as if she was the one needing comfort.

“Mint chocolate?” Nayeon asked.

Jihyo shook her head, her voice hoarse as she spoke. “Just chocolate, I think.”

Nayeon nodded, but even before she had gotten to open the freezer, she felt Jihyo’s hand tug at her shirt. And when she turned to look at her girlfriend once more, she saw how her eyes glazed over, a hopelessness in their depth.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Nayeon hushed, immediately forgetting about ice cream. Focused only on catching Jihyo; on her hand cupping Jihyo’s cheek and her lips momentarily against Jihyo’s forehead. And as Nayeon’s arms wrapped around Jihyo’s body, the younger fell apart, completely safe and absolutely devastated.

For what seemed like an eternity they stood, arms around each other, Nayeon whispering into Jihyo’s hair, reminding her that she was going to be ok; that it was all going to be ok. She would be okay. And Nayeon would always be there for her. They stood completely still in the tiny kitchen until Nayeon felt Jihyo’s body slowly calm down, and her hands crawl habitually under Nayeon’s shirt, settling on the skin at the small of her back. She gave a shivering sigh. As if the feeling of Nayeon’s warm skin somehow made everything real. Made everything okay. And Nayeon didn’t mind that Jihyo’s hands were cold. Didn’t mind that it was freezing in the apartment. She’d warm it all up, if Jihyo needed her to.

“She wasn’t even fourteen...” Jihyo mumbled into Nayeon’s neck.

Nayeon combed through the auburn locks as tears fell from Jihyo’s eyes and onto Nayeon’s skin.

“And her eye. Her eye was- was so swollen. Yellow and green. There w-was a cut above her cheek bone. It was infected- s-she. She hadn’t treated it. Had just r-run.”

Jihyo’s thumbs stroked distractedly over Nayeon’s back and her fingertips scratched ever so lightly. 

“Her clothes were a mess. We gave her new ones. I don’t know… I-I don’t know what to do. We can’t offer her a home - w-we’re not allowed.”

Nayeon hummed. Wanted to tell her that she had done so once before - given a home to a girl who needed one. But Nayeon also knew it wasn’t the right time for a sappy comment. So she just kept combing through Jihyo’s hair, letting her pour out her heart.

“I should’ve… w-we gave her a place to sleep tonight. It was the best we could do. But she got- got so happy. Just because of that. Just because of that. And it feels so pathetic. Because it’s the same thing over and over. We can’t ever do enough. It was the same with Hyunjinnie. We never do enough.”

“You made a difference for her.” Nayeon hummed.

Jihyo nodded against the older girl’s neck. Held her tighter.

“I just want to do more. I kept asking her, I kept- tell me where it hurts, I kept asking, but she wouldn’t- she didn’t tell me. And I can’t- if she doesn’t tell me, I can’t...” Jihyo had stopped crying. “I want to be more for them. Those kids”

“You can’t save the entire world.” Nayeon reminded her softly. “You can’t solve every problem.”

“Shouldn’t I try anyway?” Jihyo pulled back to look up at Nayeon, cheeks wet and eyes red, but her smile soft.

“You should always do your best. As long as you do the best for yourself as well.”

Nayeon leaned down. Caught Jihyo’s lip between her own and felt the breath of a chuckle that made her stomach jolt happily.

“You’re the best for me.” Jihyo whispered when she broke the kiss, nosing the older girl gently.

“You need to be the best for yourself as well.” Nayeon insisted.

Jihyo nodded. “I can try.”

“How about we make a deal?” Nayeon asked, reaching behind herself to pull Jihyo’s left hand gently from her back, tangling their fingers between them. “You’ll try to be the best you, for you and for me. And I’ll try to be the best me. For me and for you.”

For a moment Jihyo just looked down at their hands. Then nodded softly. “Okay.”

“Good.” Nayeon hummed. Shifted her footing and felt Jihyo do the same. A hum fell from the younger girl’s lips as Nayeon grasped her hand a little tighter, and it sounded almost melodic. Reminded Nayeon of a song she had heard in a drama once. Felt the smile spread on her lips as she cautiously swayed. Lifted their twined hands to shoulder height, still close to their bodies, and heard Jihyo’s calm sigh. The song with wordless at first, the apartment so quiet that Nayeon could hear the calm pulse in her ears and the soft hum from the fridge. But as they moved almost in place in the cramped kitchen, words materialized in Nayeon’s head without really being aware of where they came from. And as she sang them, she saw how Jihyo’s eyes softened.

Nayeon sang of times to come, of hesitations and dreams. Dreams full of hope and eternity.

Jihyo’s warm chuckle filled the tiny kitchen and her voice was horse as she spoke. “I thought you didn’t know the song.”

Nayeon merely shrugged and kept singing. She must’ve learned it somewhere along the way. Though not entirely it seemed, for as she dove further into the chorus hoping for smiling days over tearful one, Jihyo chuckled and stared up at her, face red and swollen.

“You’re singing it wrong.” Jihyo noted and Nayeon almost stepped on her toe just for that. Hushed her and kissed her forehead instead before turning them ninety degrees on the spot between the sink and the little kitchen table. 

The song asked for everlasting love through seasons change, and Nayeon’s head emptied for all thought lest of Jihyo. And she sang the next lyric wrong on purpose. Just to hear Jihyo giggle and feel her tickle Nayeon’s back with the hand she still had on the small of it.

Nayeon chuckled and continued, letting Jihyo lead them now, swaying slowly, turning even slower.

She came into the second and last chorus too fast for her liking. Wanted the song to last forever. Wanted this moment to last forever. And the thought that entered her head made her stumble over the song. Her heart suddenly hammered against the confines of her ribcage, and she inhaled deeply, trying to remember lyrics she had already sung.

“You okay?” Jihyo asked curiously. “It’s not like you to mess up.”

“You just had to point it out?” Nayeon gave a nervous chuckle.

“It’s my job to keep your ego from inflating too much.” Jihyo noted softly, stroking her thumb over Nayeon’s skin.

“... I’m okay.” Nayeon said, the sound of guitar playing in her head and Jihyo’s teary eyes searching hers.

Nayeon nodded to herself. Closed her eyes and started the chorus over. Sang to the girl of her dreams; to the girl who only sang for her now. Sang with slightly changed lyrics. Enough that she knew Jihyo would notice. But it seemed Jihyo had heard Nayeon’s racing heart. Maybe she already knew Nayeon’s entire soul. So she sang of a dream. Of a hope. And as she sang, she looked down at their hands, slowly untangling them until she held Jihyo’s hand in her palm. Until she stroked a thumb over the skin of Jihyo’s left hand’s fourth finger.

“ _ I’m dreaming. I hope, there will be a smile on your face, on the day you marry me. _ ”

The silence that settled in the wake of Nayeon’s words pressed against her eardrums. She barely dared to look up. Barely dared meet Jihyo’s eyes. But she did look. She did find the eyes that had so long been her home and tried to read the expression in her girlfriend’s eyes as they glazed over, new tears trickling onto barely dry cheeks.

“Marry me?”

In every single scenario Nayeon had planned, she had said at least a thousand words more. But she never needed more than those two. She just didn’t know it until now.

Jihyo smiled. And very slowly, too slow and yet somehow way too fast she nodded. And the sound of Jihyo’s wet laugh catching in her throat made everything else disappear. There was just the two of them, Jihyo’s eyes flickering between Nayeon’s, the older girl still stroking Jihyo’s skin.

“Yes.” Jihyo said, her voice barely audible at first, growing slowly as she kept talking. “Yeah, … I’ll marry you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know what you think <3  
Until next time, I hope you get through these coming days safely and happily and without getting hurt. Stay warm, stay cold and remember to hug yourself sometimes.


	6. ACT 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There comes a day where we all need to make a choice.   
What do we want?  
Who do we want to be?

#  Act 6

_ Jihyo didn’t know why she did it, back then. Nor did she ever really question it afterways. But the fact of the matter was, that Jihyo had her name and number on one of the receipts in her wallet, scribbled fast and without anyone noticing. And then she ran; out the front door and across the parking lot. There was no sense in her mind. Just a girl with a single smile to spare for two whole hours. But it had been the most amazing smile, and everything from that smile to her hair tucked behind her (very cute) ears to the way she held Chaeyoung’s hand the entire session, to the way she eyed Jihyo as if she was trying to figure her out to her very core just by looking at her. _

_ “Nayeon-unnie! Hey, wait up.” Jihyo called, finally catching up to the two girls in the parking lot. _

_ The two girls stopped, and Nayeon turned around. There was something in her eye as if she already knew. The same little truth in her eyes she had had whenever Jihyo had caught her staring. She hadn’t wavered once. _

_ Jihyo hesitated. She had never done anything like this. Ever. Knew that she shouldn’t. But she didn’t know how not to do it anyways. _

_ “You forgot something.” Jihyo said. _

_ “I did?” _

_ “Yes. You did.” Jihyo insisted, looking around before reaching forth and putting the paper ever so subtly in Nayeon’s hand. Then she pocketed her own now empty hands. _

_ Nayeon stared at her. Didn’t even look at the paper. But she held it tight. “You know you’re not allowed to do that, right?” _

_ “I know.” Jihyo said. _

_ Chaeyoung switched her footing beside Nayeon. _

_ “Okay. So you’re an idiot then. Got it.” Nayeon shrugged. Then she turned on her heel and pocketed the paper. _

_ Chaeyoung followed her. _

_ Jihyo just scoffed. Stood exactly where Nayeon had left her. _

_ “Well- I- Well you’re an idiot too!” Jihyo called after her, not entirely un-pathetically. _

_ Jihyo couldn’t see the laugh. But she could hear it. And it rang in Jihyo’s ears long after they were gone. _

… 

“How does this look?” Dahyun asked, emerging from behind a shelf.

Mina barely kept from keeling over with laughter. Dahyun looked absolutely ridiculous and completely adorable, sporting a huge headband with bunny ears and a smug grin on her face, standing in a model pose with big cat slippers on her hands like gloves. The grin on her face grew from smug to beyond pleased as Mina laughed.

“Mission success!” Dahyun shot a cat-slipper-clad hand into the air, standing in a victorious pose with her hip shot out to one side.

“You know, sunglasses and you’d be a hundred percent there.” Mina chuckled, immediately looking around to see if she could find any.

Dahyun looked as if Mina had unlocked the keys to the kingdom, her eyes glinting as she pointed with the cat-slippers to a display to Mina’s right. Mina looked, and immediately had trouble breathing just from the idea of how it would look. Still with the laughter bubbling through her veins, Mina took a pair of pink-tinted ‘My Melody’ sunglasses with little characters on the sides and handed them to Dahyun.

“Oh, yes.” Dahyun hummed, taking the cat-slippers off one hand, putting on the sunglasses and then took the slipper back on her hands. “Take a picture, please?”

Mina nodded immediately, giggling as she drew out her phone.

A quizzical look passed over Dahyun’s eyes, and then she cupped her face with the cat-slippers, beaming with eyes shining crescent moons behind rose-colored glasses.

It was all Mina could do to just keep breathing, the laughter governing her every cell, making her skin flush and her heart race.

“One, two, three.” Mina counted. Then Dahyun changed pose, placing the tip of the slipper on the bridge of her nose, the other on her hip. It was absolutely the stupidest thing Mina had ever seen Dahyun do. But the way she did it was so infectiously happy, that Mina just went along with it.

“Okay last one.” Dahyun said. Then took off one of the slippers and took off the sunglasses. Handed both to Mina.

“I-” Mina blushed slightly. One thing was watching Dahyun make a fool of herself, but agreeing to stand inside a store like this with a cat-slipper on her hand and ridiculously childish sunglasses on…

“Please? I want to have pictures of us for when you go back home. We haven’t taken any yet.” Dahyun said with a slight tilt of her head. One of the bunny ears wobbled a bit.

Mina couldn’t deny Dahyun that. Couldn’t help the drop in her stomach. She was really going home soon. It felt like it had been forever since she had come yet it had passed way too fast. 

“Mina?” Dahyun looked suddenly worried.

Mina shook her head, grabbed the sunglasses and put them on. She sent Dahyun a small smile, then took the cat-slipper on her hand and changed the camera to front mode. She looked really silly but so did Dahyun.

“Okay, fist-bump?” Dahyun suggested, holding up the cat-slipper. Mina nodded and bumped her own slipper against Dahyun’s.

“It looks more like they’re kissing.” Mina chuckled.

“Oh, it does, sorry.” Dahyun withdrew the slipper. She looked suddenly shy.

“It’s fine, come on.” Mina persistently held hers up, nudging Dahyun. She didn’t know how not to.

“...Okay.” Dahyun said. Held up the cat slipper against Mina’s. And it was everything Mina could do to just get it together and take the picture, when Dahyun’s lips suddenly found her cheek, staying there until the picture was taken. Yet even as Dahyun drew back, her cheeks pink and her hands busy fiddling with the slipper, the feeling lingered on Mina’s skin.

Mina didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to react. Just stood there with the phone and a silly cat slipper in the middle of a trinket store in the heart of Seoul. If Dahyun had felt anything like this at New Years… Mina really hoped she had.

“So, uh, do you want to get something to eat?” Mina finally broke the silence, taking off the sunglasses. Yet the rose color somehow stayed in front of her eyes. “I’ll treat you.”

Dahyun took off the bunny ears with a little chuckle. “You’ll treat me? Sounds like a date.”

There was a second where Dahyun didn’t seem to have realized what she said. But then she dropped the slipper and dipped to pick it up.

“I- mean- I didn’t-“

“If you want.” Mina said. 

Dahyun just stood frozen halfway through picking up the slipper, looking at Mina as if she couldn’t believe her own ears.

Mina couldn’t help but love it. Couldn’t help but fall into the feelings that bubbled in the back of her mind. How would it be? An impossibly improbable dream. Yet the days she had spent here, with Dahyun, she had felt safer and more alive than ever before. Every single unknown became nothing but a cause for curiosity with Dahyun. As if simply the presence of the girl made it okay. And Mina already didn’t want to go back home; just wanted to stay here with Dahyun.

…

The bakery smelled like fresh bread and coffee and strawberries, and Chaeyoung thought it might be the best combination of smells she had ever encountered. Or maybe it wasn’t the smell at all. Maybe it was the vision. Maybe it was getting to watch Jeongyeon working behind the counter, the top of her turquoise hair in a bun and the glasses in her hair as she had forgotten to put them back on after getting steam on them from the oven ten minutes ago. Chaeyoung wondered how bad her vision was if she didn’t notice it much.

“One of those.” A customer pointed down the glass display at a selection of egg bread. “And a regular bread roll. Oh and a cheese bread.”

“Of course. Do you want any of it heated for you?” Jeongyeon got the selected pieces from the display and found a box.

“The cheese bread please.” The customer nodded. He scratched the back of his head. Young fellow. Big ears. Tall and lean.

Jeongyeon smiled politely at him and took the bread over to the heater, sending the cheese bread into it while packing the rest into a box.

“You know, my mom told me about this shop, she’s really impressed with your egg bread so I had to go try it.” The customer said conversationally.

“Oh, thank you so much.” Jeongyeon beamed, waiting for the cheese bread to emerge from the rolling heater. “Tell your mom I’ll treat her next time she comes in.”

“I will!” The customer stood a little taller.

Jeongyeon sent him a smile, then glanced past him at Chaeyoung, her skin glowing with pride. Then she turned back to the bread, getting it from the heater and packing it separately, handing over the entire thing to the customer and watching as he paid card.

“Thank you, please come again and have a good day.” Jeongyeon beamed, bowing politely as he walked away.

“I will, thank you.” The customer promised. Then he walked out, leaving Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon alone in the store. It had been a slow day today, but Jeongyeon said that was to be expected this early after new years because a lot of people had leftovers to eat.

“You know, this whole successful entrepreneur thing looks really good on you.” Chaeyoung noted, taking a sip of her luke-warm coffee. It was hard to remember what was in front of her when it was much more fun to watch Jeongyeon work.

“You flatter me.” Jeongyeon grinned awkwardly, walking over to the bread heater, cleaning it for crumbs. Chaeyoung knew she couldn’t just come sit with Chaeyoung during the slow moments. People had to see her working from the outside. It was important for an unestablished name, to attract loyalty through integrity. And Chaeyoung had nothing but respect for that.

“By the way, your grandma asked me over for dinner again.” Jeongyeon noted with a lopsided smile.

“More like she’s inviting you over to cook dinner, she’s beyond excited to finally have someone who knows which end of a leek used to stick into the ground.” Chaeyoung tutted.

“I can live with that. I like it at your grandma’s. It’s always so full of life.” Jeongyeon smiled softly, checking her thin wrist watch before grabbing a cloth for cleaning surfaces.

“Well it is right now because Mina, Sana and Momo are here so much. But in a few days it’ll be pretty quiet again. But-...” Chaeyoung pressed her lips together. “I think there’s something you should know.”

“What?”

“Jihyo and Nayeon are joining tonight too. And- uh… well they got engaged last night.”

Jeongyeon’s expression wasn’t that of surprise and confusion that Chaeyoung had expected. Instead, Jeongyeon’s entire body seemed to fall into place, as if completely relaxed, and the smile on her face was almost proud.

“Finally did it, huh?”

“You knew?” Chaeyoung asked, her mouth slightly open. She held the coffee cup a little tighter.

“She told me on New Years.” Jeongyeon nodded, wiping the counter. “That’s why she wanted to talk to me. I think she needed to know that it would be okay if she did.”

“Okay with you?” Chaeyoung asked. It hurt that it hurt.

Jeongyeon shook her head. “Okay for her. If she’s… if she’s good enough to be Jihyo’s wife.”

“Oh.” Chaeyoung felt a little stupid. Why did she keep feeling like this? They were allowed to talk. But there was a part of it that felt like Chaeyoung was the intruder. Because their story was that of soulmates, of best friends and kisses in teenage bedrooms and an air of predestiny. Chaeyoung was just a girl who had asked Jeongyeon out.

“Chaeyoung? What’s on your mind?” Jeongyeon walked around the counter, leaving the cloth behind. She did was she wasn’t supposed to. Sat down on the chair next to Chaeyoung. 

Chaeyoung looked at Jeongyeon. She wasn’t used to being asked these kinds of questions. Her sisters just held her and let her figure things out. Never asked what was on her mind.

But Jeongyeon asked. And it was surprisingly nice. As if there was a part of her that had hoped for someone to ask to be let inside.

“I’m still scared, even if I shouldn’t be. I like you a lot and I’m just a girl and Nayeon- she’s- there’s so much history.”

Jeongyeon tilted her head slightly, her gaze soft and understanding.

“I know it’s going to take a lot of getting used to. It is for me too. And for Nayeon. It’s weird being in each others’ lives again. But you know why we are?”

Chaeyoung didn’t answer. Just shrugged. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, honestly. But Jeongyeon answered anyway.

“Because of you. We want to be in your life, and that wish was what forced us to finally confront each other. Because neither of us were willing to give up being in your life to avoid each other.”

Something inside Chaeyoung grew as Jeongyeon spoke, and it was everything she could do not to cry. She hadn’t ever considered it in that way. That she was someone worth sticking with like this; to make sacrifices for.

“You know, no-one really asks what I think at home.” Chaeyoung whispered.

“Why not?”

“I think we’re all so terrified that if we ask, someone will ask us as well. That we’ll have to talk about what hurts. So we’ve just gotten used to not talking. But I’m starting to think that’s not the way to go. Maybe I should start asking. Because I think I like being asked, even if it hurts a little too.”

“I’ll ask you more often then.” Jeongyeon promised. “When it hurts and when it doesn’t.”

Chaeyoung had to physically restrain herself from kissing Jeongyeon. It wouldn’t be appropriate when Jeongyeon was still at work. Anyone could come in or walk by and see. But Jeongyeon seemed to sense it anyways. Seemed to read Chaeyoung’s mind. Because she chuckled and got up from her chair, looking down at Chaeyoung.

“Some day,” Jeongyeon narrowed her eyes and tilted her head, “you’re going to have to accept that I’m more than just a little into you.”

“I-” Chaeyoung felt her cheeks warm. “I like you too. A lot.”

“Really?” Jeongyeon teased. “Go figure.”

“Shut up, you know I’m crazy about you.” Chaeyoung huffed, feeling her cheeks.

“Well now I do.” Jeongyeon looked joyfully victorious. Walked back behind the counter.

Chaeyoung pouted. Then grinned into the half empty coffee cup.

…

The little restaurant lay down one of the side streets of the big shopping district, away from a lot of the noise. It was situated on the first floor, and Mina followed Dahyun up the stairs and let her get them seated.

“I don’t think I’ve eaten here, ever.” Dahyun looked around, fiddling with her hands. “It’s really pretty.”

Mina nodded, not unaware of the awkwardness of the situation. But that being said, Dahyun was right. It was very pretty, with washed brick walls and dark furniture, black steel finishes and plant hung from the ceiling.

“Mina, I-” Dahyun started, but didn’t get further. The waiter had turned up and handed them menus. 

Silence settled between them as the waiter walked away. Mina swallowed, looking after him. To keep the illusion just a little longer. But there was no more time to give. No more steps back and forth. They had stumbled and fumbled and stepped for each other the past days and somehow ended up here. Unlikely and improbable, it was the two of them. The hearts of two kids in the bodies of adults finally facing each other.

And the obvious attempt at masking the worry in Dahyun’s face was the only thing Mina needed to talk.

“You know there’s no pressure, right?” Mina asked softly.

“I- I know but-” Dahyun cleared her throat, looking around the restaurant before continuing. “I just never imagined we could actually do this?”

“What?”

“Any of it.” Dahyun shrugged. “Meet, talk, connect like this, that I could get you back after all these years. That you’re here and you’re not mad and we’re- I mean at least I think- did you mean it when you said this could be a date if I wanted?”

Mina couldn’t keep eye contact, her heart sending the blood through her body way too fast. Instead she looked down at the table and turned her glass 180 degrees. Not that it made any difference.

“I did mean it.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s… insane. I mean, this entire thing is insane, not you asking- telling- I just meant-“

Mina frowned. Dahyun seemed more uncomfortable than Mina had ever seen her before. She kept wringing her hands and looking around. Mina considered reaching across the table, just to touch her - bring her back to reality. But as soon as the thought had occurred to her, Mina knew that it would only make Dahyun flinch.

“Come on.” Mina said. Got up with no warning, leaving menus behind and reached for Dahyun’s hand.

“Wh-”

“Let’s get out of here.” Mina insisted softly.

Relief washed visibly over Dahyun as she nodded, letting Mina pull her to her feet and drag her out of the restaurant before they had even looked at the menus.

The moment they were outside, Dahyun seemed suddenly able to breathe again. But Mina didn’t let go of her hand. Just walked them along the streets with no aim but a hint of green. Just needed… something.

“Wait, what about food?” Dahyun asked as Mina aimfully passed a convenience store.

“I- oh, right.” Mina stopped, her hand still in Dahyun’s. Dahyun held it too tight for Mina to consider ever letting go.

“Snacks?” Dahyun suggested. 

Mina nodded.

Five minutes later, they emerged from the convenience store, Mina’s bag now filled with chocolate milk and snacks. It wasn’t exactly lunch, but it was the first thing they had thought of.

“So… What now?” Dahyun asked quietly, looking around the busy street. They had reached one of the big roads again.

“The river? It’s usually quiet down there, right?” Mina suggested. Didn’t know what else to come up with. She had had such purpose when she had dragged Dahyun out of the restaurant, but now? Now that it had been interrupted? She didn’t know anymore.

“Han River is quite far from here, honestly.” Dahyun looked apologetic. Then frowned and turned northways. “Wait but up this way there’s…”

“What?” Mina asked.

“Come on.” Dahyun said, the fire that had burned so safely in Mina’s chest suddenly on Dahyun’s skin as she took Mina’s hand again and pulled her along.

Mina didn’t know what to do. Had no clue what to goal was; for the walk and- you know… for them. But she followed Dahyun simply because she loved the feeling of Dahyun’s hand.

Yet, it didn’t look as if they were heading for quiet. In fact, as they walked, the roads only got bigger and busier, until finally they reached a huge intersection, a wide but short bridge taking the path into a different neighborhood, though this looked almost as noisy and full as Myeongdong had been. But Mina hadn’t noticed the treetops, the stairs, the wooden rails. Not until Dahyun was leading her down said stairs, and the sound of cars disappeared as if they had entered a bell jar. And as they descended below ground level, the treetops became trees standing side by side, lining a small brook.

Dahyun took the last step down the stairs. Mina followed. And together they found a spot, right by the edge of the bridge, shaded and quiet and completely lest of people in the huge city housing millions and millions.

Dahyun’s hand slipped from Mina’s finally, and she walked towards the water, settling on one of several big stones lining the brook. 

“I hadn’t ever imagined this.” Dahyun breathed as Mina sat down next to her. “It- I hadn’t even expected you to answer me.”

Mina adjusted on the cool rock, eyes on the ripples in the water. A buss passed over them, the sound just loud enough to reach them.

“Well I hadn’t ever expected to hear from you again, so I get it.”

“No but, I mean… okay I think I owe you a little more explanation to what happened than what I wrote in the letter.” Dahyun sighed. 

A frown followed a fear in Mina’s heart. What was she talking about? What more was left? Mina wasn’t sure she wanted to know. If she could just stay here, in this illusion a little longer. Wouldn’t that be better?

“The reason I stopped talking to you, before it all got awkward, the first time I chose not to answer… ” Dahyun started, not answering the childish hope in Mina’s heart, “it was specifically you that I didn’t know how to talk to.”

Mina couldn’t help feeling hurt. She closed her eyes, listening for the noise of the street above them. But the next moment, she jolted and opened her eyes, as Dahyun’s head found her shoulder and her hand snuck between Mina’s arm and side. She gave a little sniffle, and though it was probably just from the cold, it was enough to make Mina grasp her hand. As if it was instinct.

“The thing is… It was like my heart was broken two times over every time I thought about writing you. Because even with my entire family gone and everything being so chaotic in my life, there was a different chaos in my head. Because I still, even in all my grief, I still had feelings for you, and I didn’t know how to deal at all. Especially because you said you had someone you liked now. And I couldn’t bear that it wasn’t me. I didn’t know how to expose myself to that heartbreak.”

Mina felt her throat close up. Dahyun had harbored feelings back then. The kind of feelings Mina had told herself would never come, even if she sometimes felt them in Dahyun’s words. Reciprocation of something untold.

But it wasn’t untold anymore. At least not on Dahyun’s part. Yet barely had Mina opened her mouth to say her part, when Dahyun continued, fingertips tracing over Mina’s cold skin. 

“It all just hurt too much, back then. It was too confusing. I wasn’t ready to be in love like I was just as little as I was ready for losing what I lost. So I just ran from all of it. I built this new life where I didn’t have to deal with- with any of it. But then Nayeon told me she was going to ask Jihyo to marry her, and everything came back. Because I realized I hadn’t thought of marrying anyone ever, since- I mean- Anyways, I didn’t really know how to write any of that in a letter. But I had to write you. I had to at least explain. Because the moment I started thinking about you, the guilt grew and grew and with that, the guilt about my family grew too. And I think I thought maybe if I could get your forgiveness… then I could feel less guilty about them.”

The silence that settled between them seemed heavy and light all at once.

“I know it’s a lot,” Dahyun noted with finality in her voice, fingertips distractedly tracing patterns in Mina’s now open palm. “but- I thought you should know.”

Mina’s skin felt alive as Dahyun’s fingertips came to rest, and her heart seemed to be in every part of her body. In her throat, in her stomach, her tingling skin, the hairs on end on the top of her head.

“Well.. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.” Mina admitted quietly, finding the spaces between Dahyun’s fingers as effortlessly as had it been the sole purpose of Mina’s existence.

“The only one?” Dahyun wondered, a solemnity mixed relief in her voice.

“The only one who fell for her pen pal all those years ago. That person I liked, the one you were afraid of knowing about? It was you. I was trying to build the courage to confess to you.”

Silence settled under the bridge, and Mina saw the possibilities in the rippling water. Every single possibility. And every single risk.

“This might be the worst idea ever.” Dahyun muttered, as if she had seen exactly the same in the water as Mina had. “But I really want this to be a date.”

Mina could barely breathe. Had to remind her lungs how to expand and contract. 

“... Okay.” 

“I mean, I know it’s insane and- can we actually do this?”

“I don’t know.” Mina admitted, looking at their intertwined fingers. It started to feel less like the wish of a fifteen year old come true, and more like the longings of her heart in this somehow grown up life she led. Then she remembered something Sana had said in something that felt like another lifetime. “But I think I don’t mind a little insanity. And we don’t have to worry about tomorrow. We can just live today.”

“Don’t worry about tomorrow… Yeah I think I like that.” Dahyun gave a little hum. Then took a deep breath. “This isn’t a dream, right? You’re really here?”

Mina giggled. Nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay. So… A date.” Dahyun said, raising her head off of Mina’s shoulder, seemingly now realizing what they had agreed to.

Mina looked around at her. Found wonder and confusion and possibility in Dahyun’s eyes.

“You like me?”

The laugh that escaped Mina’s lips was involuntary, but it made Dahyun laugh too, so maybe it was okay. Still, Mina hadn’t answered the question. She knew exactly how she wanted to answer it, but she also knew that it was the last step towards a future that would undoubtedly be both wonderful and painful. And at this point, she wasn’t sure which scared her more.

But she still answered.

She owed herself that much.

In the cold wind by the brook, Mina adjusted on the rock and leaned closer. Waited for Dahyun to decide if she would let it happen. And when Dahyun didn’t move, Mina did; closed the distance between them and caught Dahyun’s lip between her own, feeling how she stole the air from Dahyun’s lungs. How Dahyun responded immediately to Mina, the quiet conversation absolutely unequivocable, free of thought for consequence and tomorrows. None of it mattered at this moment. All that mattered was Dahyun’s lips gently following Mina’s and the world disappearing around them, as if the snow falling over their heads anew provided cover. It gave them cover. Kept them safe.

…

The house was impossibly the loudest Mina had ever experienced it, though with only a week’s worth of reference that might not even be bad. But with nine girls in one house, she could imagine it was quite a lot louder than even Dahyun was used to.

“We can still make a run for it?” Dahyun suggested as the front door closed behind them, leaving the cool wind outside, though remnants stuck to their red cheeks and cold hands.

Mina chuckled once and shook her head. Even if she wouldn’t mind more hours alone with Dahyun (okay, maybe she should’ve taken the offer, honestly), Mina also heard Sana’s voice through the chaos, and knew that if nothing else, it meant that Momo was here too, and Momo could probably use a translator. So Mina undid her scarf and took off her jacket. Then put the shoes next to Dahyun’s and accepted a pair of pastel pink and purple socks, putting them over her regular ones. Dahyun herself had chosen a pair sporting Ryan.

Mina wanted to say something. Anything. But every time she as much as looked at Dahyun, her lips split in a grin at the memory of their morning. And Dahyun just grinned back and felt her own cheeks. Mina bet they were cold even if they looked warm. But she could just touch if she wanted to. Could just confirm it. But the second she reached to find out, Sana appeared in the big doorway to the living room.

“You’re late!” Sana complained.

“Sorry.” Mina sent her a soft smile. “We got a little lost.”

It wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t a full truth either.

“Hm, well come on, dinner is already on the table.” Sana pouted slightly, tugging at Mina’s sweater sleeve.

Mina sent Dahyun a short apologetic smile before following Sana into the living room. Felt how Dahyun was right in her heels.

“Hey!” Chaeyoung beamed up at them, sitting between Jihyo and Nayeon.

“Hi.” Dahyun said, walking around the table to sit on Jihyo’s other side. A place at the very end of the table was left open for Mina. With Jeongyeon on one side and Dahyun on the other. “Where’s Gammy?”

“She’s not feeling too well tonight so she ate early and went to lie down.” Tzuyu explained

“Oh, should we be quiet then?” Dahyun asked, worry on her face as she turned her head back in the direction of where Gammy’s room was. The only room on the first floor.

“No, she says she likes to listen in on os.” Chaeyoung said.

“Did you have fun?” Jihyo asked, patting Dahyun over the hair and feeling her cheek. Mina noticed the ring on her left hand, glinting in the candlelight.

“Yes!” Dahyun beamed, letting Jihyo spoil her happily. She really loved Jihyo, Mina knew.

“What did you do?” Nayeon asked, signalling for them to take food.

Mina quickly grabbed a bowl of an orange soup that Jeongyeon quietly informed her was butternut squash soup. She let Dahyun do the answering. Honestly she was quite busy enough herself trying not to let Sana read an entire truth in her smile.

“Uh, we went to Myeongdong, then got some food and then just walked around a lot? You know that place they used to have those light sculptures in the water?” Dahyun looked around at Tzuyu, her expression not revealing a single thing.

“At the top of Myeongdong? That little brook?” Jeongyeon asked.

“Yeah!” Dahyun pointed her spoon at Jeongyeon. “We went there, it’s so nice and quiet.”

“Are the sculptures still there?” Sana asked curiously, eyes on Dahyun’s face. “I’d love to see them.”

“Sorry, they took them down last february I think. It was an art exhibit.”

“Oh that’s a shame.” Sana pouted slightly.

“We’ll find other fun things to do before you go home.” Jihyo promised, sending Sana a soft smile.

Mina bit her lip. Looked around at Momo instead. She was sitting next to Tzuyu, her eyes quietly searching Mina’s face. There was no excitement in them. But there also wasn’t a single doubt that she had read Mina’s eyes.

“It’s okay.” Mina noted in Japanese as worry passed over Momo’s face.

“Just be careful.” Momo answered genuinely.

Mina nodded, trying not to meet Sana’s eyes. It was so awkward for her to be caught in the middle here, and it wasn’t that she was mad at Sana or- or anything. She just wished Sana would realize. That someone would tell her to take a look at this gorgeous girl who was so head over heels for her.

But a silence around the table settled as the air got heavier, and it wasn’t an option not to look at Sana.

“What’s going on?” Sana asked.

“It’s nothing.” Mina shook her head. Found the eyes of her Sana. Wanted nothing more than for Sana to take her handr and tell her everything.

“You sure?” Sana insisted.

Mina’s stomach turned and her eyes darted to Dahyun and then averted again. Dahyun’s knee rested against hers under the table.

“Yeah, it’s nothing.” Mina insisted, trying just to control her breathing.

Suspicion was more than just a little present on Sana’s face, but Mina really didn’t want to get into it. And maybe there was a part of Sana that didn’t want to see it. Because she nodded and turned back to her soup without further inquiries.

It was obvious that at least half the people at the table wanted to ask what they had been talking about. But no-one did.

Mina took a spoonful of soup. Looked around at Dahyun and then up at Jeongyeon. She had sensed Jeongyeon’s eyes on her before but not met them. 

It took less than a second for Jeongyeon to pick up Mina’s plea and start talking.

“Did I tell you guys? I brought leftovers from the shop tonight! There were some stuff that wouldn’t be good for selling tomorrow and normally I just give it all to the women’s shelter, but I figured I’d treat you guys tonight as well.”

“Wait.” Tzuyu looked up, spoon in her hand. “Bread?”

“And pastries and stuff.” Jeongyeon nodded.

Tzuyu narrowed her eyes.

“What?” Jeongyeon looked suddenly scared.

“Then why am I eating this for dinner?!” Tzuyu whined. Looked around as if the bag of bread was magically going to materialize just because she had figured out its existence.

Jeongyeon looked absolutely lost. And then she laughed.

Mina laughed too. So did everyone else. Even Tzuyu, even if it came with a tinge of her cheeks.

“Well I can go fetch you bread if you want?” Jeongyeon offered.

Tzuyu looked as if she was about to get down on one knee and ask Jeongyeon to marry her. She settled for a nod, though.

Jeongyeon gave another chuckle and got up.

“Keep her.” Tzuyu pointed the aforementioned spoon at Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes and grinned. “I keep telling you I plan to.”

“Plan what?” Jeongyeon asked as she returned with a bag full of bread for Tzuyu.

“I plan to keep you?” Chaeyoung asked unabashedly.

Jeongyeon chuckled and sat down again. “Well I’m glad. I like it here.”

“We like having you here, too.” Tzuyu mumbled happily, her mouth full of bread.

“Wait speaking of having you here,” Nayeon asked, eyes now on the three Japanese girls on turn. “Have you guys decided what you want to do the last day?”

Momo frowned, obviously sensing that she was being addressed, though without understanding.

“She asked what we want to do on the last day.” Mina explained.

“Oh. I-” Momo swallowed and then shrugged.

Mina pressed her lips together. The urge to shout was back. She hated seeing Momo like this. Hated that Sana didn’t see. Hated that Momo didn’t properly explain. That she just stopped fighting and assumed that Sana really had understood, that she really didn’t want Momo. It was way too hard to believe.

“Why don’t we go somewhere? All of us.” Jeongyeon suggested. “Go ice skating or something?”

“No thank you.” Nayeon said dryly.

Jeongyeon looked over at the oldest. “What, you l- wait, oh, right, sorry.”

“What?” Jihyo asked curiously. Looked from Nayeon to Jeongyeon and back again.

A look of wonder settled in Jeongyeon’s features and she leaned on her hand. “She never told you?”

“No, and you won’t either, Yoo.” Nayeon warned, halfway off her seat already.

“Why not? It’s not embarrassing? Well, okay that part is, but-”

“I just- I don’t really… it was a different life, Jeongyeon.” Nayeon’s eyes begged for understanding.

“Which?”

“Before I came here.”

“They don’t know anything?” Jeongyeon put down her spoon. “About me? About- about everything?”

“Just that night. Nothing before that.” Nayeon admitted. She looked very much like this wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have in the presence of everyone. Mina felt completely lost, but she sensed the gravity in Jeongyeon’s disappointed expression.

“Oh.”

“Jeongyeon, come on. It doesn’t make any difference if they know or not.” Nayeon tried, clearly feeling guilty.

“So why not tell them?” Jeongyeon wondered.

Nayeon seemed to have no defense for that, leaning back with a huff.

Jeongyeon shrugged. “Fine. If you’re that set on hiding it.”

“Hiding  _ what _ ?” Dahyun and Chaeyoung asked together. Mina couldn’t help but admire how well Jeongyeon was at wording things just right. Nayeon, however, looked very much like she’d like to smack Jeongyeon.

“Come on, babe. Just tell us.” Jihyo asked softly. Then changed her expression. “You know I’ll just get Jeongyeon to tell me later anyway.”

“No way.” Nayeon gaped, actually getting to her feet. “Don’t you dare team up with her. I’m going to take the ring back if you do.”

“Sure.” Jihyo smirked, starting to take the ring off.

“Wait, no, no, no, okay!” Nayeon admitted defeat, sitting back down.

Jihyo put the ring back on, a victorious expression on her face.

“I hate you.” Nayeon grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, tell us, please.” Jihyo looked at the ring, admiring it a little before turning her eyes to her fiance. She seemed absolutely elated at possibly being let in on a part of Nayeon’s past.

“Well,” Nayeon started, looking over at Jeongyeon with a deep scowl before sighing deeply. “I’m not untrained on the ice.”

“You did figure skating?” Mina guessed.

Nayeon picked it up immediately. A little too fast to be believable. “Uh, yeah. With sequins and hairspray and the little flowy skirts and everything, you got me.”

“Mhm.” Jihyo raised an eyebrow.

“What?! I was!” Nayeon whined. “Tell them, Jeongyeon!”

“She was.” Jeongyeon nodded.

“But that’s not embarrassing,” Jihyo frowned. “Jeongyeon said there was an embarrassing part.” 

“No she didn’t.” Nayeon said.

“Yes she did.” Jeongyeon snorted.

There was a moment where the entire table seemed to accept that Jeongyeon would be found dead in a ditch the next day. 

But despite the actual glare of death sent from Nayeon to her old best friend, Jihyo didn’t give way at all. (So much bravery in such a tiny body, Mina thought.) 

“Fess up, Im. What did you do?”

Nayeon glowered at her fiance. At her ex. And then rolled her eyes. “I was the mascot, okay?”

Jihyo looked like it might as well be christmas all over again. “As in…”

“Mascot?” Chaeyoung asked confusedly.

“Yes, Chaeyoung.” Nayeon said impatiently. “And yes. Costume and everything.”

“What kind of costume?” Sana asked, looking very much like a kid in a candy store.

Mina chuckled at her. But then had to control her breathing, as Dahyun had taken advantage of the chaos around Nayeon to find Mina’s hand under the table. Mina looked around at her, but Dahyun just beamed and turned her attention to the conversation.

“Wait, oh my god!” Jihyo suddenly got up from her seat. “There was this famous bear mascot who was so tiny people thought it must be a kid, I remember people in my class were talking about it and- that was  _ you _ ?”

Nayeon looked two seconds from asking for a shovel to go bury herself in the backyard, and Mina couldn’t help but feel for her.

“You’d have to be really good to skate in a costume like that.” Mina noted. “You must’ve been the best on your team.” 

A silence settled after that comment, and Nayeon turned her eyes to Mina with wonder in her eyes.

“I… yeah, I was.” Nayeon said, her voice small and her cheeks flushed.

“Why did you stop?” Mina tilted her head slightly.

Nayeon visibly relaxed, and for a moment it felt as if the whole room silenced just for them. “I stopped the day I was thrown out of my parents’ house. I refused to do it after that. It’s not a part of me anymore. It’s not like I even chose it for myself. My parents chose it.”

“Maybe it’s time to try again, then? You might just find out you still like it?” Dahyun asked, her thumb running over Mina’s thumb.

Mina couldn’t hide the smile no matter what she did. But no-one seemed to notice.

Nayeon frowned. Then nodded. “Yeah, okay. Okay, if you’re all in?”

A collective hum of agreement sounded around the table, and the eight of them exchanged looks.

Wait. Eight?

Mina looked at Momo’s empty seat and closed her eyes. She must have left somewhere in the chaos when she knew no-one would notice.

“Where’s Momo?” Tzuyu asked, now noticing as well.

“I think she went out?” Jihyo said. “I heard the door close a minute ago?”

To Mina’s surprise, Jihyo looked as regretful as Mina felt. As if she knew what was going on. And when her eyes landed on Sana, appealing, Mina guessed that she must’ve learned at least some of the truth somehow. 

Had Sana told her?

“Sana?”

“It’s okay, she’ll be in soon.” Sana said, her voice small, wringing her hands in her lap.

Jihyo narrowed her eyes.

Sana stayed in her seat.

This time, Mina almost did say something. But before Mina could even think of letting go of Dahyun’s hand just to do something, anything, Tzuyu had taken a piece of bread from the bag and gotten to her feet, walking out to the front door without a word.

The door opened and closed swiftly, letting the cool wind into the home.

…

“So we’re just staying in today?” Dahyun asked, sitting crossed-legged in the couch with a mug of tea between her hands.

“If you don’t mind?” Mina said. “I’m really tired today, Momo kept me up most of the night.”

“She’s staying in your room now?” Dahyun asked worriedly.

Mina nodded, settling with a pillow in her lap on the other side of the corner couch. “Yeah she used to room with Sana but…”

Mina picked at the corner of the pillow. She didn’t know how to continue. Didn’t know what to do. She just wanted everything to go back to how it was.

“What happened between those two? If you don’t mind me asking?”

For a moment Mina considered telling Dahyun everything, but she also knew that Momo’s part was something she had told in confidence.

A sigh slipped past Mina’s lips and she shrugged. “It’s just really awkward and complicated at the moment.”

“Okay.” Dahyun nodded. She didn’t pry anymore, but just drank the last of her tea.

Mina’s mind however, was still at war. Even more so now that Dahyun had shown to completely respect her on the matter. 

“I’m not- I don’t want to just tell on them. But I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do anymore” Mina finally sighed. And the relief that washed over her just from those three short sentences, was almost addictive. Almost made it impossible not to tell Dahyun everything.

“Do you have to do anything?” Dahyun asked, putting the cup on the coffee table and looking around at Mina.

Mina shrugged. “It feels like I’m being forced to choose sides, choose between my best friends. I always knew there was a risk with what they- I mean they-”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Dahyun reminded her quickly, shuffling across the couch to sit next to Mina. “It’s okay.”

“I know but I really need some advice, honestly.” Mina sighed. Leaned on her hand against the back of the couch and looked at Dahyun. “A big part of me just wants to lock them in their room until they figure everything out and another part of me wants to shout at Sana until she realizes, but I’m just not that person. I’m not the type of person who does things like that. I just… I wait. I always just wait. For years I’ve waited for them to realize how perfect they are to each other.”

“Wait, so they are in love?” Dahyun asked, mouth falling slightly open.

Mina shook her head. Then nodded. Then shook her head again and let out a huge sigh, running a hand through her hair. Why was this so hard? 

“I just don’t know if I should try to talk to Sana or just let it play out.” Mina said, knowing full well that it would be both too much and too little information. But she couldn’t keep it in any longer, and she trusted Dahyun not to act. “Last time I let it play out I ended up harboring Momo, but I also know if I try to talk to her she’s just going to deflect and get defensive and laugh it off like it’s nothing. She’s a huge support and I love her with all of my heart, and she’s just this bubbly wonderful genius who always knows how to make me smile. But she’s such an  _ idiot _ when it comes to Momo. Momo is her one weak spot.”

“She won’t listen if you try and talk to her?” Dahyun asked, her hand playing with the edge of Mina’s pillow now too. So close to Mina’s hand.

“I doubt it. I’ve tried hinting at them so many times, but she just doesn’t see it at all.”

Dahyun nodded, her fingers tracing Mina’s distractedly. Mina smiled down at their hands. Found the spaces between Dahyun’s fingers that had become so addictively familiar lately.

“And Momo hasn’t told her anything either?” Dahyun asked.

“She says she’s tried everything she can think of.” Mina shrugged, reaching over instinctively to fix Dahyun’s hair. “So I don’t know what difference I could do at this point. But I just wish it were different.”

It was obvious that Dahyun was piecing everything together by now. “I hope they figure it out. But I think if Momo said she already did what she could think of, and you don’t think Sana will listen to you, then maybe confronting her will just make her pull away from you?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Mina nodded.

“Then maybe don’t confront her. Just make sure she knows you’re on her side too. I mean if she really doesn’t reciprocate but also doesn’t want to lose Momo as her best friend, it must be really hard for her.”

Something in Mina’s brain seemed to stop working for a second, as if it had to change tracks suddenly. She hadn’t ever considered it that way. Hadn’t ever imagined the possibility that their relationship really was nothing more than friends and benefits for Sana. That it hurt her so much that Momo had fallen for her because that might have never been the intention.

“Oh.”

Dahyun gave Mina’s hand a little squeeze. “You’re okay.”

Mina sighed. “Yeah, I just think I got so used to the idea that one day they’d get together for real, that I never considered the possibility that they might not.”

“I mean we can still hope though, they’re really cute together.” Dahyun noted, her eyes soft on Mina.

“They are…” Mina admitted. As annoyed as she sometimes got with their eternal push and pull, when they were together, it just always felt right somehow. Maybe that’s why Mina kept hoping for that future.

“But I guess for now you’ll have to settle for me being cute.” Dahyun joked, sending Mina a cheeky smile.

Mina knew the line was a bit out there, but also knew that Dahuyn had said it just to lighten the mood.

“Please, that wouldn’t be settling.” Mina took the bait willingly.

Dahyun beamed. She was honestly way too cute for her own good. But Mina didn’t mind. She just tugged at Dahyun’s hand and leaned in, kissing Dahyun chastely. It was almost unbelievable how fast she had gotten used to doing that; feeling home on Dahyun’s lips.

“What was that for?” A breathy giggle followed Dahyun’s words. It puffed onto Mina’s lips.

“You being cute.” Mina shrugged, stealing another kiss.

“Must be good at it then.” Dahyun hummed happily.

“Must be.” Mina shook her head slightly at how ridiculous Dahyun was being. But it didn’t stop Mina from losing herself under Dahyun’s lips once more playfully moving against her own. 

At least until Dahyun suddenly pulled back with a jolt, retreating both her hand and her body, looking towards the kitchen with a start.

“Sorry, I didn’t-” Chaeyoung started. Stood frozen with a bowl of soup in her hands. “I was just… lunch.”

“Yeah, right, we were just-” Dahyun cleared her throat, looking flushed and caught.

“I can see that.” Chaeyoung’s voice pitched a little weird.

“No I mean, we weren’t, I-” Dahyun’s voice seemed to catch in her throat, and Mina couldn’t even come up with a proper sentence in her head, much less formulate one on her tongue. She was still ten seconds behind, her mind shamelessly lingering on the taste of Dahyun.

“Not here to judge, just here for food.” Chaeyoung insisted. Then she pressed her lips together, blinked twice and walked away, her footsteps revealing that she was on her way up the stairs.

Dahyun bit her lip. “So… she might know.”

“You think?” Mina asked, not unable to keep the amusement out of her voice.

“Probably.” Dahyun concluded almost morosely. Then looked at Mina again. “Maybe we shouldn’t be- you know, kissing in the living room.”

Mina tilted her head. “You don’t want them to know?”

“I don’t want to get teased.” Dahyun corrected. “And I don’t want any comments about how dumb this is, you and me, I’m perfectly aware. I just want to enjoy this while I have it.”

Mina nodded, a thought materializing in her head. Then she took Dahyun’s hand again, got to her feet and tugged Dahyun up as well. “We will. Let’s just think about today and not about tomorrow. Or the day after that.”

“Yeah…” Dahyun nodded, looking just a little bit confused. “Are we going out?”

“You said no kissing in the living room, right?” Mina asked, leading Dahyun out to the stairs. Honestly she had no clue where this bravery came from, but probably from the same place that had made her get on a plane to see Dahyun in the first place. 

The one little part of her lived only for right now.

Today she lived only for Dahyun’s shy laughter and her footsteps following Mina up the stairs.

…

Sana could hear it from way down the hallway. Tzuyu first. Then Momo. Momo’s laughter cutting through the wall of silence pressing on Sana’s eardrums as if she was mechanically engineered to recognize that sound. Like mothers recognizing their child’s cry. Sana was made to hear Momo laugh.

They walked past.

Something broke inside Sana when she heard the door open and close further down the hallway. Clearly the part of her that connected to her common sense. Because she got up from the bed where she had been sitting lifelessly for the past two hours, walked over to the door and opened it. Looked out. But the hallway empty. Could she have expected any different? They were probably inside Mina’s room now. But what would they do? They couldn’t talk to each other much. Sana knew that Mina had taught Momo a few more Korean words, but it was still so far even from light conversation. Maybe they would just use Google translate? Maybe they would just sit around. Maybe eat snacks? 

Sana wished nothing more than to be the girl in that room right now. But she could just go over there right? They were still friends right? It was just Momo being weird. She just needed a little space and- no if Momo needed space then Sana should give it to her. But Sana didn’t want to give her space. She wanted to talk to her, to know what the heck was going on. 

She felt absolutely lost without Momo.

The door opened before Sana could get the good sense to close hers again. And as soon as it was open, Sana froze, transfixed by the scene.

“Bye!” Tzuyu was smiling as she looked back over her shoulder, fixing the scarf around her neck. 

She was so beautiful.

Momo stood leaned against the door, the no-glass-glasses on her nose and her cheeks red from the cold outside.

Sana’s stomach tugged uncomfortably.

“Bye, see you tomorrow.” Momo said in her broken Korean. Mina must have taught her that.  _ See you tomorrow _ . But today would be the last day she could use it. Because in two days they’d be on a plane home.

“Yeah, definitely.” Tzuyu beamed. Momo frowned. She obviously didn’t know the last word. But Tzuyu just shook her head and sent Momo a final smile before walking down the hallway. 

At least that had been her clear intention. Instead she froze. She had seen Sana. That much was obvious.

Sana knew it was too late. Knew that Momo had noticed now too, if not on her own then from Tzuyu’s reaction. And Sana could do nothing but close the damn door and walk back to the bed, the sheets slightly dented in where she had sat before. She covered the mark. Pretended not to hear the steps.

Why?

She didn’t know.

But she was terrified. Terrified of her own mind. Of Momo. Of no Momo. She didn’t think she could handle losing Momo again. Hated that she didn’t understand it now. She was so smart. It was the only fucking thing she had going for her and she was just felt so dumb around Momo these days. And it didn’t help that Mina seemed to get it, and that she was just letting Momo do whatever she wanted.

What had Sana done to make it so bad? She must’ve really stepped in it to deserve this.

The buzz of the keycard made Sana flinch. Made her get up just as the door opened.

“Sana?”

“Momo, hi.” Sana said carefully.

“Did you need something?” Momo asked, her eyes scanning the room and landing on the indent on the bed. She frowned.

“No, I was just- I heard you.” Sana shrugged. “Figured maybe-”

Maybe what? Maybe she’d like to act like Sana’s damn best friend for once? Honestly she just about preferred how Momo acted when she was dating. At least she was still there, still best friends.

“Maybe we could watch a movie or something? Before we head out I mean.”

The expression on Momo’s face was almost enough to make Sana cry, though she didn’t really know why.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Momo said quietly.

Sana tilted her head. What the hell was wrong? Why was she acting like this? Maybe Sana should just break the ice. Maybe if she just got her Momo back to how they had been at the start of the trip. Her giggly, flirty, clingy Momo with her wandering hands and eyes only for Sana. 

_ Sana’s _ Momo.

The thought made Sana narrow her eyes. Made her move a little towards Momo, crossing her arms and resting on one leg to emphasize her hip.

“Well, we could do other stuff to pass the time too?”

The way Momo flinched made Sana feel she might as well have slapped her.

“What?” Sana asked desperately, finally snapping. “Why are you acting like this? Momo, I miss you damn it. Whatever is going on can’t you go through it  _ with _ me instead of all this?! I need my best friend. I need you, Momo.”

Momo’s eyes glazed over the second Sana reached out to touch her. Then she took a step back.

“No.”

“Why not?” Sana’s voice broke. “Momo, I don’t get it.”

“No. No, you really don’t, do you?” Momo scoffed. It didn’t suit her. But the way she angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks made it almost impossible to hold it against her. Sana just wanted to hug her. Hated herself for being so stupid, for causing all this pain. Maybe if she could just assure Momo that it would be okay, then- then it would. Then maybe she could convince herself too, that it would be enough.

“Momo, please. Why can’t we just go back? I don’t get what happened, I mean sure it was awkward but come on, let people think what they want, we know what we are.”

“And what is that exactly?” Momo asked almost coolly.

“I-” Sana started. “You’re my best friend.”

“Exactly.” Momo said.

Something clicked inside Sana’s brain. But she couldn’t face it. Couldn’t comprehend. It was too scary.

“Just come back to me.” Sana pleaded. It was all she ever wanted; for Momo to come back to her.

“Sana, it’s not going to-” Momo looked at the bed, and then at Sana. And there was a twitch in her muscles, that made Sana forget how to breathe. She was so sure that Momo was going to kiss her. But Momo didn’t kiss her. And her voice was almost inaudible as she continued. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t- I can’t do it like this.”

“What?” Sana didn’t hear it clearly. Or maybe she just didn’t want to.

“I said, I can’t do this.” Momo looked Sana right in the eyes. “No more, Sana. No more fooling around.”

“... Okay.” What else was Sana supposed to say? “Okay. But, just tell me. Why? Why all of this? Why suddenly-”

“Because I can’t do this anymore, Sana. I want someone who loves me.”

Something surged through Sana’s veins uncontrollably. Made her bite without thinking. “What, one of your monthly girls? They never fucking stick around anyway.”

Sana had expected to see hurt on Momo’s face. But she just shrugged and turned on her heel, back towards the door. It took everything in Sana not to physically restrain her; to keep her from walking a- how  _ dare _ she walk away like this?! But she didn’t walk away without a word. With the door open and her hand on the wood, she paused, and looked back.

“I know.” Momo smiled sadly. “And now I know why they don’t stick. Because of you. So I’m not doing this with you anymore. This  _ benefits _ thing or whatever you want to call it? It’s over. You’re my best friend but I need to find someone who wants me to stay.”

The door closed behind Momo.

Sana didn’t follow.

…

The wind swept coolly over the group as they walked towards the big open space. Momo hated it. Hated the entire situation. The mood. The situation. The amount of people. The public setting where she had to keep it together.

Mostly, Momo just wanted to cry.

Not for herself, but for Mina and for all the friends she barely understood but hated that she had to leave. Mostly for Sana. For her best friend whom she had grown to love in a way she had always told herself she never would. Maybe she had just never loved her in any other way.

Momo had almost kissed her. She had been so sure that if she just kissed Sana, she would feel all that Momo felt, and it would be okay, Sana would realize that she loved Momo and they could finally go b- go forth; move past this. 

But there was another part of her that stopped her from doing it. A memory of the last time she had kissed Sana. Momo had been halfway out of bed, and Sana had pulled her back. Had kissed her and grumbled about tasting sleep on Momo’s tongue, and Momo had joked that she could make it taste very different very fast. And Sana had laughed and slapped Momo’s arm and called her dirty. Had combed her hands through Momo’s hair and kissed her once more before reminding them both that they had to be out the door in less than five minutes.

Momo had felt absolutely adored that morning. And if Sana had kissed her like that, without feeling anything? Then how would it be any different if Momo had kissed her yesterday?

No, it was better this way.

At least this way she had a good memory of the last time they kissed. At least they had parted as close to lovers as they had ever been.

“You okay?” Mina asked subtly, her hand safely in Momo’s, both in Momo’s pocket.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Momo looked over at Mina, though she couldn’t even manage a smile. She had been so stuck inside her own head, that she had barely noticed where they walked.

“I’m alright.” Mina insisted.

“You’re shaking.” Momo noted softly. It helped a little to care for her friend. Made her notice her own heart a little less.

“Sorry, I’m just- I’m scared. I don’t want tonight to start.” Mina’s voice shivered slightly, and she huffed and rustled her limbs, clearly trying to regain some control over her body. But the way her eyes travelled from Momo to the red beanie on Dahyun’s head spoke truth.

“You don’t want it to start, because then it will have to end too.” It wasn’t a question, and Mina didn’t deny it. She just kept looking at the back of Dahyun’s head. “But it will end, and it is going to start. It’s just a matter of what you’re going to get from it while it’s here.”

“I just never expected to- I mean… I never thought I’d fall for her like this, that wasn’t the point of coming here.”

“I know. A lot of things happen that we don’t expect.” Momo’s voice broke. She hated it.

“Still nothing?”

Momo shrugged. She couldn’t bear to talk about it, and there was really no reason to bring down Mina’s mood even more.

In front of them, Jeongyeon called, gesturing at a black building. They all gathered around her, and she pointed at the boards and then said something more. Momo didn’t understand, and she nudged Mina lightly to ask for a translation. She never seemed to remember that she was supposed to translate.

Sana had always done it automatically.

“She wants your shoe size so we can rent skates.” Mina explained.

“Oh, uh 23.5.” Momo said.

Mina said something, gesturing at herself and then something else that sounded similar for Momo. Then Chaeyoung said hers and then Dahyun. Jeongyeon nodded and counted on her fingers, pointing at them all in turn. Mina nodded on Momo’s behalf. Then Jeongyeon turned to the queue, nodding her head as if she was repeating the numbers to remember them. 

Mina shifted her footing a little next to Momo, and her thumb ran distractedly over Momo’s skin.

It made Momo smile a little. Not because of the gesture, but because of Mina’s restlessness. The obvious desire to be with Dahyun. Momo knew she was only staying here so Momo wouldn’t be alone. But it was the last night, and the sun had already been replaced by fairy lights in the surrounding trees and big projectors shining down on the ice rink.

“What are you doing?” Mina asked when Momo took their hands out of Momo’s pocket and released her hold on Mina.

“Go.” Momo just said.

“No, it’s okay.” Mina insisted, trying to take Momo’s hand again. But Momo wouldn’t have it. 

“Go. You should to be with her tonight. Not me.” Momo lowered her voice, making sure that Sana couldn’t hear them. “We have the next many months to go be sad together. You get to be happy tonight.”

“Momo-” Mina seemed about to protest, but Momo didn’t let her.

“Dahyun!”

Momo wasn’t sure she was pronouncing it right. But it was enough to make Dahyun (as well as Tzuyu, Chaeyoung and Nayeon) turn around. She looked absolutely confused for a second. But then grinned as Momo waved her over.

“What?” Dahyun asked curiously. It was one of the few words Momo could actually recognize.

“Trade!” Momo said in Japanese.

“Eh?” Dahyun looked lost.

“Mina, tell her. Trade. I want to skate with Tzuyu.” Momo insisted. Getting to make Mina smile like this made everything a little better. 

… 

Momo took her skates last, watching as the others got onto the ice in pairs. Sana and Jihyo first. Then Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung. Mina and Dahyun third. Nayeon and Tzuyu stayed behind; Tzuyu in her skates waiting for Momo. But Nayeon hadn’t put on hers.

Momo looked at her. Frowned and tilted her head, looking down at the skates and then at Nayeon again.

Nayeon just shook her head.

Did she not know how to skate?

Momo tightened her own skates, feeling her knee ache a bit at the awkward strain on her muscles, but she ignored it. Looked down at Nayeon still sitting on the bench.

“Momo.” Tzuyu said softly.

Momo turned to look at her, and Tzuyu shook her head. Held out a hand. 

One last time, Momo looked down at Nayeon, but Nayeon nodded in Tzuyu’s direction. And Momo did as told. Walked awkwardly over the rubber layer on the edge of the rink until she put first one, then the other skate onto the ice.

Tzuyu hesitated.

Momo offered her a hand.

“It’s okay.” Momo assured her in Japanese. Tzuyu looked like she didn’t quite believe her. But she took Momo’s hand and stepped onto the ice anyway.

This turned out to be quite a bad idea. Whatever elegance Tzuyu had on the ground, she had left it all there. Her knees wobbled immediately, and she pressed her knees together to somehow keep upright. But not more than four seconds had she been on the ice before she had to grasp Momo’s jacket to keep upright.

“Sorry!” Tzuyu screwed up her face, trying to regain balance on her own somehow. 

“It’s okay.” Momo said again in Japanese. Tzuyu seemed to understand that word by now.

She said something in her Korean, and though Momo didn’t understand it, she could deduce frustration from her tone.

Momo offered her other hand to the tall girl. But the moment she did, Tzuyu’s leg travelled a completely wrong direction, and she only managed to stay upright by reaching to cling to Momo’s entire body just to keep upright. Turned out Tzuyu was exactly as much like Bambi as one could have expected from those big innocent eyes.

Momo held onto her the best she could. Stood on the edge of the ice with Tzuyu. Watched as Jeongyeon fell on the ice and Chaeyoung laughed loudly at her. Tzuyu still wobbled in her arms, but Momo was strong enough to keep both of them from ending up like Jeongyeon.

Dahyun and Mina passed, Mina tugging Dahyun along, very obviously more skilled and elegant than Dahyun. But Dahyun was beaming so bright that she might as well be the moon itself, lighting up the entire place.

It seemed they had forgotten about the end finally.

Momo wished she could too. Just for a moment. And when Sana and Jihyo passed, Momo was sure that she would never awake from this, her eyes locking automatically on the back of Sana’s head. Yet barely had she finished the thought before she was distracted by something passing her swiftly. And before she realized what was happening, Nayeon was on the ice, her movements elegant and controlled. For a second it looked like she was heading for Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung, but instead she skated around them, breathed in deep and gained speed.

She definitely knew how to skate.

“Go, unnie!” Chaeyoung called from the middle of the rink, Jeongyeon still on the ground, her eyes following Nayeon around. In the other end of the rink, Sana and Jihyo had come to a halt to, Jihyo’s entire face glowing with pride as Nayeon passed them. Nayeon didn’t seem to notice anything or anyone. Not even Jihyo. She just turned on her skates, suddenly skating backwards now, and then stretching out her arms.

Tzuyu hummed happily, still clinging to her. Momo looked around at her, then tried moving a little. Just to see if they could.

The reaction was immediate, Tzuyu gasping and whining. Truly, Bambi on ice had nothing on Tzuyu.

“I’ve got you.” Momo promised.

Tzuyu looked at her as if she very much doubted that. But Momo just kept moving backwards, pulling Tzuyu with her.

Until it happened.

Momo’s back collided with someone. Someone whose yelp was familiar and heartbreaking.

“Sorry!” Momo wished she had never moved, closer to Sana now than she had been for a long time.

Sana looked on the verge of tears. But before Momo could say anything more, she had let go of Jihyo’s hand and skated away as gently as if nothing had even happened. Momo’s throat closed up for the umptienth time, and she almost forgot about Tzuyu. Almost gave in. She could see it before her eyes. How she would skate up to Sana and wrap around her waist and ask her to drown her. To let her back under water where she breathed only air from Sana’s lungs, living only under her touch. 

“You okay?” Mina asked, her and Dahyun coming to a halt beside them.

“Yeah.” Momo insisted, sniffling from what she hoped the other would interpret as cold.

“Sure?” Mina pushed a little.

Momo nodded. Watched how Dahyun’s hand held Mina’s so tight. She wished it at least could’ve given her hope. 

“I can still talk to-”

“Not tonight.” Momo insisted. They had already spent too much time on that subject, and time was running out.

“If you’re sure.” Mina finally gave in. 

Dahyun looked curious, but Mina just shook her head, smiling softly at her. Dahyun said something and Mina answered with a giggle as Dahyun snuck subtly closer. Then Dahyun leaned in, though she quickly jerked back as if she had suddenly remembered where they were.

But the damage was done.

Nayeon had stopped dead on the ice, and next to them Jihyo was gaping at Dahyun. She said something loud and fast, and Dahyun turned bright red, rambling and shaking her head. Then Tzuyu’s voice chimed in and Nayeon’s too as she approached.

Dahyun looked absolutely caught, and Mina subtly tried to draw back, biting her lip. It seemed however that Nayeon wasn’t much for that, as she now addressed Mina with realization on her face.

It was impossible not to smile at the scene. Impossible not to love the girls more as they now all gathered at the edge, all curious and Dahyun looking very much like she’d like to disappear. But the cat was definitely out. And finally, it seemed like Mina deduced that there was no way back, because she moved back into the crowd (an unlikely move on her behalf) and found Dahyun’s hand.

Momo couldn’t help but search for Sana’s eyes as Dahyun’s sisters once more talked over each other, louder and louder as Dahyun cringed and nodded. She just hadn’t expected to find Sana already looking at her. And the look they shared had nothing to do with heartbreak. Had nothing to do with the two of them, but everything to do with the way Mina smiled, somehow safe in the center of attention, with Dahyun’s arms around her waist. 

They hadn’t seen that smile in almost two years. 

…

Frost had sat on the windowsills for at least two days, and a thin layer of snow powdered the rooftops once more, making the scenery light up in the darkness of the night, shining with the glow from the streetlamps.

It had really been the weirdest christmas in Dahyun’s life. And tonight, as they walked one after the other, it was all coming to an end. Tomorrow she would go back to studying, Tzuyu’s few days off work would be over, Jihyo and Nayeon would go back to their apartment and schedule of weekly family dinners. And their visitors? Sana? Momo? Mina? They’d be on a plane back to Japan.

The illusion was breaking in front of Dahyun’s eyes, even as she was still in it. It seemed with the presence of Mina, the magic of light and color had extended past New Years, and let Dahyun live inside a snowglobe where nothing bad could reach her.

“You’re late!”

Gammy stood in the door, a thick blanket around her shoulders and her feet in Dahyun’s red fuzzy slippers. She had had a cold for the past few days, but was finally seeming to get a little better. It didn’t stop Dahyun from worrying about her. With that age and her bad joints, a single round of pneumonia could become her end.

“Sorry, Gam.” Nayeon said happily. She was still on her high from the ice. Had skated for almost an hour until everyone else had sat at a nearby table with their paper cups of hot cocoa and cold feet in winter boots. But they had still waited for her.

“Yeah, sorry, we got a little caught up in it all.” Chaeyoung took over. Dahyun rolled her eyes and grumbled. More like got caught up in giving Dahyun and Mina a damn third degree.

“Well there’s tea if you want and I made your bed, Tzuyu, you need to start learning it.”

“Sorry.” Tzuyu gave a little smile. “I’ll remember in the future.”

“Are you coming in for tea?” Dahyun asked hopefully, turning her head slightly to look at Mina.

It still took Dahyun’s breath away just to think about the fact that she was here. That she was this amazing and that she was here and she had been Dahyun’s even for a short while.

Mina bit her lip, an apologetic look on her eyes. “I… I don’t know.”

Dahyun’s heart sank. Right. This was it. But if she stayed they could- just a little longer. But it was so late. Mina was right. Better not. Maybe it would be better to stop now, instead of dragging it out. This way, it would be fast. Clean. No tomorrows. Just like they had agreed under the bridge.

Around them, the girls shuffled, clearly sensing the situation. Jeongyeon kissed Chaeyoung goodnight and shared a few words with Nayeon before heading off. Then Jihyo, Nayeon, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu walked around them and past Gammy. Into the house. Gammy shut the door. Lastly, Sana and Momo drew backwards, towards the street but not waiting. Just giving them space. Out of sight.

Dahyun swallowed and looked at Mina. She had sensed it too.

“I guess- then-” Dahyun didn’t know what to say. Just wanted Mina to wrap her arms around her and keep her safe. Wanted to stop time and stay in her light and color.

“Yeah.” Mina swallowed. “It’s what we agreed, right? No tomorrows.”

Dahyun shuddered. “Yeah. And who knows, maybe I’ll show up in Japan some day. Have a few more days like this.”

“Dahyun…”

“Would that really be so bad?” Dahyun asked desperately. She didn’t want to say goodbye.

“No, it would be wonderful.” Mina sighed. Reached for Dahyun’s hand.

Dahyun took it. “Then I will. I’ll come to Japan this summer, and you can show me everything you have there.”

Mina gave a sad chuckle and stepped closer. She was absolutely ethereal, surrounded by glinting snowflakes, her back lit by the streetlights, reminding Dahyun momentarily of an angel. And maybe she was. Maybe she was Dahyun’s angel, watching over her all these years and coming as soon as Dahyun called for her.

“I don’t want to go home.” Mina admitted quietly, stroking over Dahyun’s cheek with her free hand, the soft cloth of the mitten warm against Dahyun’s cold cheek.

“I don’t want you to go home.” Dahyun closed her eyes, leaning against Mina’s touch. She didn’t know how to go back to a reality without Mina here. It had been bearable when they had been kids, and the distance had been absolute. There hadn’t been choice. But now that she had seen Mina? Felt her? How was she supposed to go back now? 

Dahyun could feel how Mina came closer. Could feel her warm breath puffing onto Dahyun’s nose. She was so close.

The snowflakes halted, and the world stopped turning for them. Just for a moment, frozen inside their snowglobe.

“Can I kiss you?” Mina asked, her voice shaky. “Just… One-”

“Yes.” Dahyun gasped desperately. She couldn’t bare Mina to say it. The future was too unknown, and she couldn’t think about it. She didn’t know how. But she knew how to be Mina’s. Dahyun knew how to lose herself in the soft touch of Mina’s lips against hers. 

At least she thought she knew. 

But Mina’s kiss wasn’t gentle as it had been every time up until now. It was desperate and breathless. And Dahyun grasped at Mina’s Jacket to keep from losing her footing, trying to answer. But Dahyun’s mind was in uproar at her taste, at her tongue, at the salt mixing with the remnants of hot cocoa as she cried. As Dahyun did. And when Dahyun finally had to draw back, every her entire body shaking, she felt nothing but the need to keep Mina safe. To wrap her arms around the girl she had loved for so long and hold her tight just a little longer.

“This was the best most insane thing I’ve ever done.” Mina mumbled into her hair, voice unsteady and wet.

“I’m glad you did it.” Dahyun leaned her head against the side of Mina’s, taking no care in the red beanie on her head threatening to fall off.

“Me too.” Mina sighed. Then drew back. “... Goodbye, Dahyun.”

“Goodbye, Mina.” Dahyun whispered. Felt inch by inch how they released each other. Watched every second as she turned. As she walked away. As Sana and Momo found her hands, walking on either side of her, back towards the main road and the subway station. Home to their hotel. And tomorrow, home.

Dahyun didn’t know what to do. Yet somehow, without really noticing, the warmth of the house hugged her, and she looked around at the light coming from the living room. But it was blocked by someone.

“You let her go?” Jihyo’s voice asked softly.

Dahyun swallowed. Took off her hat and mittens.

“Why? You could’ve had another night before she went home.”

“They have to be at the airport early tomorrow.” Dahyun said monotonously.

“We could’ve helped you get there. If nothing else, Nayeon would’ve stolen Jeongyeon’s car and driven you there.” Jihyo insisted.

“Jihyo it- it’s better this way. It wouldn’t have made it easier to prolong it.”

“You could’ve gotten more time. When are you going to see her again?”

Dahyun shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You didn’t plan?” Jihyo looked as if Dahyun had fallen from the sky.

“We said- we’re not together.” 

“Sure as hell could’ve fooled me.” Jihyo’s voice was drier than Dahyun had ever heard it, even aimed at Nayeon.

“She lives in Japan, what are we supposed to do?” Dahyun took off the big white jacket. She felt cold and almost naked without it. Somehow the constant pressure of it had kept her calm, and now she fought the urge to shudder.

“Be together anyway.” Jihyo grabbed the red beanie from the box with all their hats and mittens. She held it out for Dahyun. “You can still have another night, you can have more than whatever you two have convinced yourself you can.”

“Jihyo. It’s okay, it was meant to be this way.” Dahyun tried. She knew it was a fat lie, but what the hell was she supposed to do. Go running after Mina yelling that she cared? That she wanted Mina tomorrow too.

“No it isn’t. Don’t you see? You’re supposed to be with her. She came all the way from fucking Japan just to see if there was anything, something left from ten years ago. And you guys just fell right back into it as if no time had passed. You’re not going to find that again, Dahyun. This is it. This is your chance. Trust me, I know when to take the chance when offered. I lost my dream once, I’m telling you. Don’t lose her.”

“What do you mean you lost your dream?” Dahyun searched the desperation in Jihyo’s voice. She couldn’t bare to see truth in Jihyo’s words. It hurt too much to hope.

“Well do you see me standing on a stage, like I was supposed to?” Jihyo shifted her footing, shrugging as if it was nothing. “I fought most of my life to be somewhere I never got to be. Because I chose against it to support my family. It’s the only reason I even dared go for Nayeon back then. I didn’t know then, but I know now. I did it because I was way more terrified of missing out again, than I was of risking myself. So tell me, Dahyun. How much are you willing to bet on her?”

…

The snow lay soft on the streets and crunched under fast steps, as she ran through the night, towards the light.

“Wait! Stop!”

A girl turned in the arms of two, and her eyes spilled over almost immediately. Even before the bare arms wrapped around her neck and the red beanie fell onto the snow.

Mina could hardly breathe. “Dahyun, wha-”

“I care.” Dahyun interrupted breathlessly. “I care about tomorrow.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you'll stay with me until the next chapter too.


	7. ACT 7 [TW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Major character death
> 
> I’m sorry.

_ Dear Mina, _

_ This is the second letter I’m sending you, which might seem a little obsessive, and I hope it’s not. But my sister convinced me that the first might have gotten lost in the mail, so instead of assuming you never answered, I’m sending another one. But I really don’t know if I should just write everything one more time. And if you have received the first and now the second then this is a little awkward. But here we go. _

_ Last time you wrote me, I was going camping with my family. While we were camping, my parents and brother had gone for a ride, while I stayed behind at the campsite. They died that day, and ever since then I’ve been a mess. I was fortunate enough to be taken in by my friend’s grandmother, but as time passed it got harder and harder to write you. But recently I’ve realized how much life changes, and I’ve come to be braver about going forth in life. _

_ I still think about you a lot, and I hope you’ll answer this if it’s the first letter you get, and if it’s not then I hope you’ll forgive me for being a little too persistent. I just haven’t ever been able to let you go. _

_ But maybe now I can, if that’s what you want from me. _

_ I hope it’s not. _

_ If you do only get this letter now, and I haven’t explained myself well, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You have my address now on the letter and I’ve written my phone number at the bottom of the page as well. _

_ Desperate, I know. I’m sorry. _

_ Love, Dahyun _

…

Mina read the paper over and over, grinning at her girlfriend’s rushed words and many apologies. Softly, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffled, looking at the envelopes.

The letter had been waiting for her when she got home, addressed to her from her father’s old house, and she had opened it without really thinking more about it. Her mind had still been in Seoul, with Dahyun, and the sleepless night they had spent together before Mina had officially left. But inside the first envelope had been a second envelope as well as a note.

… 

_ Mina, _

_ Nako-chan found this in the mail a few days after we officially moved into the house, and she said that you were Mina, and asked that we make sure you get it. You seemed to care a lot about your mail. So we found your address and sent you the letter. Hopefully you don’t mind that we looked you up. _

_ Yabuki Yuri _

…

Dahyun’s second letter had been inside the second envelope. She had sent a second one… just in case. With a small smile, Mina put down the letter, dried her cheek once more and drew out her phone. Then she took a picture of the letter and pocketed her phone again. She wasn’t quite ready to answer the letter yet. She had texted a little with Dahyun in the car home from the airport, but mostly she had just daydreamed about going back. They already knew they were. All three of them. Nayeon hadn’t let Mina go before making her solemnly swear that they would all three come back for the wedding. They hadn’t set a date just yet, but it would definitely be some time in April.

It still seemed so far away. Dahyun was so far away. But she was Mina’s, and Mina’s heart was there, in the old house that somehow always smelled like tea and where the floorboards in Dahyun’s room creaked, and where laughter sounded through the entire house. So old and full of life, the house was. 

So much like a real home.

With a sigh, Mina walked across the little apartment, sweater over her hands and thick fuzzy socks on her feet while she waited for the place to heat up probably after having left it unheated while she was away. Then she sat down at her desk and opened her laptop. 

Back to work, naturally.

…

The wind swept audibly over the rooftops, rustling the naked branches of the birch tree; swept through Tzuyu’s body as if she hadn’t even been wearing her jacket. She shuddered and held the cup of tea tighter between here mittened hands. 

It was so quiet now. Too quiet already, even if they had only been gone a week. She missed the life. Missed Dahyun being full of life. Not that she wasn’t still her darling sister. But she was also a broken-hearted girl, deep down where she wouldn’t admit it. A girl who had taken a chance and gotten everything and lost it just as fast. A girl who had only a tether across the sea where her heart was.

Until the day it would return.

Some people said you couldn’t be in love and heartbroken at the same time. But those people didn’t know anything. Because love was heartbreak, just as much as heartbreak was love. The fear of loss and the fear of flying, all in one big mess.

But what did Tzuyu know? She had never been in love. Or maybe she was way too in love all the time. Maybe one day she would find out.

For now, she merely closed her eyes and thanked the heavens that she was blessed enough to know what love was. There was a time she was sure she wouldn’t ever know. And for a moment she could see it all before her; the man she was to marry, the life she could have gotten. His reputation alone had been enough to scare the young girl, but the rumors. The unspoken whispers that they had picked up on. How she had treated people in the past. How men disappeared and girls showed up with bruises Tzuyu didn’t even know could bruise. How no-one ever did anything. 

He was the law.

She knew already at fourteen that her parents wouldn’t even hesitate sacrificing their daughter for the sake of the alliance, even if she begged them. And though she knew that she wouldn’t be made to marry him until her 20th summer, she hadn’t stood the distance more than a few months after finding out. 

Tzuyu didn’t know why she was thinking about it this much. Maybe because of the other future. The one she had dreamt of in those months. The two of them, best friends, running off together and starting a new life. They’d live in Paris or Barcelona and Tzuyu would raise their dogs and-

Tzuyu’s throat closed up and she looked down at the tea, the surface rippling slightly. Maybe it was Gammy’s cold returning that made her worry too much. Maybe it was just because all her sisters had someone else now, that she couldn’t help thinking of her. Not that it would ever be the same kind of relationship. But still. She was Tzuyu’s someone. Always would be. But whatever the cause, Tzuyu couldn’t get the smell of sandalwood and summer out of her mind. Couldn’t stop dreaming of her. Wished for something to mend the tether between them.

“I miss you.”

…

Dahyun closed her book. She couldn’t focus anymore. She had really tried, but there was only a certain amount of info her brain could sponge up before starting to fry. And besides, it was almost dinner time, and the smell of Gammy’s cooking made Dahyun’s mouth water.

Maybe she should just stop for now, see if Mina had gotten off work or just go help with dinner. Barely had she entertained the thought, however, when a knock on her door distracted her from either idea. She put the phone back on the desk and stretched.

“Come in.”

“Hey.” Chaeyoung peeked into the room before opening the door fully, hands behind her back and a soft smile on her beautiful face.

“You’re back early.” Dahyun smiled lazily as Chaeyoung closed the door.

“The library was really noisy.” Chaeyoung scrunched her nose. “And then Artist Seong wanted to close early because her child is ill.”

“You going to go see Jeongyeon tonight then?” Dahyun asked, wondering momentarily why Chaeyoung hadn’t come closer. She usually considered any of her sister’s laps as free real estate, preferring that over any chair.

“Probably. She’s closing late tonight, but I figured I’d go help her close up.” Chaeyoung couldn’t keep the dopey smile off her face even if she tried.

Dahyun rolled her eyes and shook her head. “She really has you spellbound, huh?”

“Oh you’re one to talk.” Chaeyoung tutted. “But speaking of that girlfriend of yours, something came for you.”

Dahyun’s heart stopped for a good solid three seconds, and she had to tell herself to remember to breathe. Especially when Chaeyoung drew out a letter from behind her back, dangling it in front of her.

To say that Dahyun sprung up from her chair would probably be an understatement. It was more as if she had launched herself at the letter as had it been her acceptance letter to freaking Hogwarts.

“Whoa there, Casanova.” Chaeyoung teased, hopping onto Dahyun’s bed to get a height advantage, holding the letter up high.

“Give me my letter!” Dahyun whined, getting onto the bed as well and yanking Chaeyoung’s arm down. It didn’t work well, the younger girl freakishly strong despite her petite stature.

“Who knew you could be this lovesick? You just called her last night, for three straight - excuse me,  _ gay _ hours.” Chaeyoung laughed, finally giving in and letting Dahyun grasp the letter.

Dahyun scowled and slid down the wall, onto the bed, staring at the letter in awe. It was so strange to see her name written with Mina’s handwriting once more. She hadn’t expected to ever recieve a letter from Mina again, and she could almost hear Mina say her name. It had only been ten days since she left, but she it felt like an eternity ago. And with her so close, to hold something she had written like this - something of hers, made her painfully aware of how far away she really was.

It hurt.

“You okay?” Chaeyoung asked, settling next to Dahyun. “Do you want me to go?”

“No.” Dahyun didn’t know which question she was answering. But she shivered and leaned into Chaeyoung.

“I miss her.”

“I know.” Chaeyoung hushed, running her hand over Dahyun’s hair.

“Do you think we made a mistake? You know, being together?” Dahyun asked.

“Do you?” Chaeyoung wondered.

“No.” Dahyun closed her eyes. Even if she missed Mina like crazy now, she couldn’t help but love what they had, even just what they could have now. And the memories alone was enough to make Dahyun’s stomach turn excitedly.

“Then I don’t think so either. I mean, it’s tough but you still want to be with her even if this is how it has to be, right?” Chaeyoung asked.

Dahyun nodded, and looked down at the letter. Traced her fingertips over the address. “Yeah.” 

“I still can’t believe she actually came to Korea for you. I mean I know she did it for herself, but she totally did it for you too.” Chaeyoung chuckled. “You must really have a way with the ladies we never knew.”

Dahyun looked over at her sister with narrowed eyes. “I’m not completely hopeless thank you very much.”

“Thank you, I’m aware.” Chaeyoung said dryly, letting unsaid be unsaid. 

Dahyun sent her sister a grateful smile, and then looked down at the letter.

“I think... I’d like to read now.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Chaeyoung asked, completely neutral. She was just offering her support. But there was something so intimate about the letters, that Dahyun couldn’t get herself to share. It was as private as the taste of Mina’s lips; something that was only Dahyun’s.

Chaeyoung seemed to understand even if Dahyun didn’t answer, for she placed a kiss to Dahyun’s hair and then got up from the bed.

“I’ll call you when dinner is ready, okay?” Chaeyoung said from the door, hand on the knob.

Dahyun nodded. She had completely forgotten how to speak by now, her only focus being the letter in her hands. It was all that mattered. Yet even after Chaeyoung had closed the door, her soft footsteps on the stairs, Dahyun still didn’t open the letter.

It felt somehow as if this was it. That the moment she opened the letter, it would be real. Mina would really, truly be back in Japan. But even now, Dahyun’s arms were cold from lack of touch, and her lips dry. 

But the letter was warm.

… 

_ Dear Dahyun, _

_ I know it seems silly to write you now that we talk and call every day, but there’s a magic about pen and paper that I missed so much; I feel it even just now that I’m writing this. I feel connected again. As if I’m strengthened by the reassurance that you’re still reading over my words. It’s realer this way. _

_ The letter I had originally sent you back in november got returned to me, by the way, so I decided to send that along, just in case you might want it. I’m sending my letters as recommended letters now, no way am I going to risk them getting lost again. Not that I’m worried we’ll lose touch again, but I love this part of us. _

_ It’s so hard to be here without you. It doesn’t feel like home, not for real anyways. It feels empty somehow. I miss Gammy’s house. I hope her pneumonia is better by the time this letter reaches you. _

_ The kid at my desk found your name, and I played dumb of course, as I didn’t want her to know that it was me who ruined school property, and I of course told them all not to ever do something like that. _

_ Momo and Sana are trying the best they can. I feared they might move apart once home, but they’ve stayed together so far. They’re very civil, and I’m honestly impressed. I’m still trying to build up the courage to properly talk to Sana about her part in this, but for now I’m reassured knowing she still has so much contact with Jihyo. _

_ It’s odd, that I tell you these things through letters, because you already know. But I think maybe by sealing my words and sending them off like this, there’s also a prayer that it will be better by the time you read it. That change will have come. _

_ I can’t wait to see you again.  _

_ I miss you so much. _

_ Love, Mina _

…

The key stuck in the lock to the little apartment, and Nayeon pushed at the top of the door while working the key. Some day she would hopefully get to live in an apartment with keypads instead of dumb non-working locks. But for now it would have to work this way.

“I’m home.” Nayeon called quietly, closing the door as soon as she had gotten inside to avoid letting the heat out.

“Hey.” Jihyo called sitting in the bed with a blanket around her shoulders and thick fuzzy socks on her feet, papers spread over most of the bed.

“What are you doing?” Nayeon chuckled, kicking off her shoes and putting the coat on the hanger. Then she walked around the bed, crawled behind Jihyo and kissed her cheek before leaning on her shoulder, arms around her fiancé’s waist.

“Trying to find some kind of loophole.” Jihyo said in an almost trance-like contemplation. She seemed absolutely lost in the papers. With a small hum, she took up one, completely full of writing and read a yellow-marked sentence. “Damn it.”

“What’s going on?” Nayeon asked.

Jihyo sighed. Leaned back into Nayeon and closed her eyes, letting the paper fall on top of all the others.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

“Good.” Nayeon said. Always good to have something to remind herself that it wasn’t too bad.

“They’re finally renovating this shit building. Someone bought it and decided to redo the entire place. New floors, new appliances, new doors, everything.”

“Oh my god, finally.” Nayeon said, imagining how nice it would be to come home to an oven that actually worked. “Wait so what’s the bad news?”

“They’re kicking us out. They’re terminating all rental contracts before they redo the place in order to rent it out at a higher rate.”

Nayeon’s mouth fell open. “But they can’t do that? Can they?”

“Technically they can.” Jihyo sighed. “I looked over our contract and they have the right to terminate our contract with two months’ notice for whatever reason they may see fit and with one month’s notice if they see us as unfit renters. And as long as they just terminate all contracts before doing the upgrades they have the right to adjust the price and search for new renters.”

“That’s such bullshit.” Nayeon reached for one of the pieces of papers, Jihyo bending a little to make room for it. But as Nayeon read the pieces Jihyo had marked over, she realized that of course this kind of deal would be in their contract.

“Can we afford to reapply?” Nayeon asked, knowing the answer already.

“Nope. Not until my sister graduates, and that’s not for another two years.” Jihyo sighed. “So we’re basically out.”

“Two months?”

“Yeah.” Jihyo sighed. “I was thinking maybe it’s time I stop volunteering and take more hours working. If we’re going to pay a higher rent no matter what we might as well choose something bigger now, so we’re ready for… you know- if we ever-”

Jihyo cleared her throat and Nayeon hugged her tight. They both knew, but they weren’t really ready yet. Even if Gammy questioned them every single week.

“It’s a good idea. Something with room to grow. But I don’t want you to give up volunteering. I already have a job that makes it easy to take extra hours, and I don’t mind working more. And besides… It’s kind of my fault we don’t have more saved then we do.”

“What do you mean?” Jihyo turned slightly in Nayeon’s arms.

“The ring I- I saved up for it outside of our savings, when I could’ve made sure we had enough already, for a situation like this.”

“I love this ring.” Jihyo insisted, pushing the papers aside to turn fully in the bed, sitting between Nayeon’s legs, looking at her with fire in her eyes. “That money was money you earned, and you still paid your part to our savings. And besides, it’s not like I’m not spending my money.”

“You’re paying for your sister’s school, you can’t compare that. This is just jewelry.” Nayeon swallowed, looking down at her hands, crossing her legs in front of her. “We could try to pawn it though. It was so expensive, we could probably get a good deal for-”

“No fucking way, Im Nayeon. You got me this ring because it meant something for you to give it to me. And I wear it because it means something to me to wear it. I don’t care what we have to do, but I’m not giving up the ring.”

Nayeon could cry, and her voice trembled as she spoke quietly in the air between them. “I’d argue more, but I think I already lost this one. You are, after all, the most stubborn person I know.”

“Yes I am.” Jihyo huffed. Then took Nayeon’s face in her hands, making her look at Jihyo. “We’re getting married, Im Nayeon. And you better believe that no matter what, I’m always going to be here. Even if I’m a mess, even when you are. I’m always here.”

“Well not here because we’re getting ki- ow.”

Jihyo had pinched Nayeon’s cheek to get her to stuff it, and it worked.

“You’re a right pain, you know that?” Jihyo rolled her eyes.

“Well you’re an idiot, you know that?” Nayeon said, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh really? Well your idiot girl-  _ fiancé _ just found a- oh will you get it together you big baby.” Jihyo huffed. Nayeon hadn’t been able to contain the grin at the word ‘fiancé’. 

“Your idiot  _ fiancé _ may have an idea.”

“Oh yeah? What idea does my wonderful fiancé have?” Nayeon asked, leaning in to steal a kiss, despite the fact that Jihyo still held her face, squishing her cheeks slightly as she let Nayeon kiss her.

“Gammy.”

“Huh?” Nayeon tilted her head slightly in Jihyo’s hands, and it must’ve looked dumb, because Jihyo giggled and nosed her before kissing her again. Nayeon never minded being dumb when it brought that giggle to the surface. 

“If we move in with Gammy and your sisters - you know if we can convince two of your sisters to room for a while - then we can save enough money that next christmas we can start looking for something that’s ours. Something where we won’t get kicked out. Something with a spare room?”

Nayeon’s stomach bubbled at the thought. She hadn’t ever imagined kids before Jihyo. But now they had her eyes and her cheeky smile. Ran with chubby little legs across the living room of whichever place they’d end up at.

Jihyo let Nayeon’s face go only to take her hands instead, twining their fingers.

“So we move back?” Nayeon asked.

Jihyo pressed her lips together and shrugged. “Do you think they’d mind rooming for a little?”

“Probably not. Chaeyoung spends half her nights in Tzuyu’s bed anyways, she’s never been good at being alone. But it’s probably going to be those two rooming, Dahyun is still working on the whole process of opening herself up.”

“How’s she doing, by the way?”

“It’s better now I think. The exams distract her… She was halfway to japan the other day. But they talk a lot and fight for each other. And Mina really seems to love her. They write letters too.”

“That’s so cute…” Jihyo cooed. “But it must be so hard.”

“It is. I still think it’s a huge risk they’re taking - I mean they both had such a special connection to each other’s role in their past, and now they’re risking that by having a relationship.”

“You’re risking me by being in a relationship to me, too.” Jihyo argued.

“As if you’d ever leave me. You know you won’t find better.” Nayeon rolled her eyes, giving Jihyo’s hands a little squeeze.

“True.” Jihyo scrunched her nose. “But do you really see Mina leaving her?”

“... No. No you’re right.” Nayeon gave in.

“I know.” Jihyo beamed.

Nayeon just shook her head with a smile. She never could win with Jihyo. But it didn’t matter. She won just by having her. Just by being Jihyo’s.

…

_ Dear Mina, _

_ I’ve been smiling for the past two days, reading your letter over and over again. I honestly considered writing myself, but I thought maybe you’d find it too corny.  _

_ I’m glad you’re as sentimental as I. _

_ Gammy is doing a lot better. We all got really scared when we had to take her to the hospital, because of how dangerous it is for someone her age to get pneumonia, but she pulled through. We should’ve known. She’s been babbling about great grandchildren ever since Nayeon mentioned her plan to propose, and I have a feeling she’s planned to live at least until she has held one of Nayeon’s kids. Probably one of Nayeon’s grandkids, but I’m afraid physiology might have one out on her there, she’s quite old already after all. But she’s tough, so maybe. _

_ I can’t even believe they’re even planning to have kids. But Jihyo says when the time is right, they will. Wait that means I’ll be an aunt, right? That’s kind of huge. I never thought I’d get to be anyone’s anything. But I’m a sister. And a sister in law. And a granddaughter. And a girlfriend. Your girlfriend. I can’t believe it’s been a month and I still giggle like a silly schoolgirl when I say it out loud. _

_ Anyways. _

_ I visited my parents and my brother again yesterday. I brought Gammy and Chaeyoung to meet them. Someday I’ll bring Tzuyu and Nayeon and Jihyo too. But there was something special in bringing Gammy and Chaeyoung. They had known my family a little after all, as Gammy had picked Chaeyoung up from my place a few times in the time before the accident. It’s still too cold to put tulips, but Chaeyoung had picked a few brave hepaticas from the corner behind the big birch in the backyard, and I think my parents really appreciated it. They’re a sign of protection after all. Not sure if Chaeyoung knows that, but I like to think she senses it. I like to think my family could too. _

_ I can’t wait for spring to come. _

_ Love, Dahyun. _

…

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sana asked, softly patting Mina’s knee.

Mina blinked and shook her head. She was sitting on the edge of Sana’s work-desk in the teacher’s lounge. She had been thinking about the letter from Dahyun, safely tucked into her bag. She had read it at least five times since it had come yesterday.

“Hepaticas.” Mina smiled, mind still in the letter. “I think I might take my kids out to collect some.”

“They’re blooming already? That’s early, it’s barely February. But, how would you relate that to Korean?” Sana wondered.

Mina pressed her lips together “I don’t know. Never mind.”

“No, hey, come on. Let’s think.” Sana encouraged. She always did that. Always pushed Mina to go where she wanted. But would she push if Mina told where she most wanted to go right now?

“I’m not sure… I mean I could make it a project. Have them collect hepaticas and then use that as the start of a project, just bringing things from nature and using it as little five minute breaks in the classes, teaching them the Korean words for it?”

Sana’s eyes shone behind the thin-rimmed glasses, and she nodded enthusiastically. “Bring them twigs of apple trees and cherry blossoms when they start coming too.”

“Yeah?” Mina felt her cheeks warm slightly. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be used to how unconditional Sana’s support was. But Sana just nodded insistingly.

“Why Hepaticas though?”

“I… Chaeyoung brought some for Dahyun’s family, and it made me think about how much I love when they start showing up. She told me in a letter I got yesterday.”

“You still write letters?” Sana asked softly.

A blush made its way to Mina’s cheeks and she nodded. “I know it’s sappy. But I love it.”

“No it’s so cute. You two are so cute.” Sana said, her voice as if in awe.

“Thanks.” Mina gave a slight chuckle. “I just wish- I just want to go back. I don’t even feel home here anymore. Not even in my own classroom. It’s so hard...”

“I know.” Sana swallowed, looking down at her desk. There was a stack of unmarked math assignments on them. Sana was never the best at getting it done ahead of time. It was always last minute. “I’m sorry.”

“Wait, why are you apologizing?” Mina frowned. This wasn’t like Sana at all.

“I- I’m the one who made you go. I sent you into this entire mess.” Sana’s voice was small, and she had switched languages, leaving all other teachers out of the situation.

“So? It’s not like it’s your fault I fell for her?” Mina frowned. She didn’t understand this sudden change at all. “You didn’t tell me to kiss her. You didn’t tell her to ask me to be her girlfriend, did you?” 

“No, but- but I’m the one who made you go.” Sana said.

“Just because you told me to go doesn’t mean it wasn’t my decision to go. And besides, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret being with her. I told you a million times to look at what’s right in front of you and you haven’t done that? That’s because you choose not to.”

The complete confusion on Sana’s face almost made Mina groan. “Huh?”

“Nothing.” Mina sighed. She still hadn’t figured out a way to tell Sana without revealing Momo’s feelings. “Look, I’m saying it was my choice to act on my feelings, and it sucks right now because I can’t be with her like I want to, but I’m not mad at you for pushing me.”

“You sure?”

“Hundred.” Mina put a hand on Sana’s hair, stroking it softly. It seemed to calm Sana a little.

“Okay. I was just scared because- because I keep feeling like I did something wrong and I haven’t got a clue what I did. I feel so… stupid.”

“Well…” Mina said before stopping herself.

“See?!” Sana exclaimed, frustration in her every feature.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying I wish you saw.”

“Saw what?!” Sana asked, exasperatedly.

But the second Mina had just decided to say ‘ _ her _ ’, the exact  _ her _ opened the door to the teacher’s lounge, hair in a short pony-tail and cheeks flushed.

For a second Sana just stared at her, something between love and longing in her eyes. And Mina was so sure that lightning had finally struck on her, letting her in on the secret everyone else in the entire world knew. But then she turned back to Mina, frustration in her eyes.

“Mina, saw what?”

Mina actually did groan this time. Got up and walked away, catching Momo’s eyes as she walked past. She was starting to get a sneaky suspicion that Momo hadn’t been nearly as upfront about her feelings as she had otherwise claimed. But Mina couldn’t make them do anything.

She could merely dream of tulips.

…

The house had gotten louder these days, Chaeyoung noticed. Of course, it was only natural with six people living in the house, but it was somehow louder now than it had been when they had been four teenagers and Gammy running after them. As if they had all grown taller, louder and braver. 

Nayeon and Jihyo had moved in a few weeks ago and though they kept apologizing for the inconvenience (especially to Chaeyoung as it was her room they had moved into), Chaeyoung kept hoping they wouldn’t ever move out again. She loved the full house. Loved the noise. Loved seeing Jeongyeon and Jihyo bond while washing dishes and seeing Tzuyu and Nayeon carry Dahyun to bed whenever she fell asleep on the couch.

Chaeyoung knew that it was a fool’s hope to think that they could be like this always. Some day they would move out, one by one. She had started accepting reality when Nayeon had moved out. But now that she was back, so was Chaeyoung’s naive hope. 

With a shake of her head, Chaeyoung focused on the sight in front of her. Maybe she was missing the noise right now, for the exact reason that there currently wasn’t any. Right now, it was completely quiet lest for a few early birds fighting February to call for mates. They were singing in the tree above Gammy’s bench.

“You’re really trying to get another round of pneumonia, huh?” Chaeyoung called softly from the porch.

“I’m trying to get a little fresh air, don’t you sass me.” Gammy rolled her eyes and patted the seat next to her. “You should try it some time instead of being cooped up inside all the time.”

“See, but the difference is that it’s warm inside.” Chaeyoung gave a little smile, wrapping her sweater around her hands as she walked down the back porch into the little garden. Gently, she settled next to her grandmother, immediately leaning on her.

“It’s a very different world you see from here.” Gammy noted.

“How so?”

“Well you see. When you’re all inside the house and I’m here, then I can see how you live. I get to observe my kids growing up. When I’m right next to you, I don’t notice it enough. I just get pulled along by the present time.”

Chaeyoung frowned at Gammy’s words. “You’re watching along instead of participating?”

“Hm, yes and no.” Gammy pondered.

Chaeyoung sat up and looked around at her grandmother. Her face was wrinkled, yet less than you’d expect from her age, and her eyes were so full of life that it was hard to notice how old she was. But when you really looked, you could see the fragility of her skin like parchment and the little spots of old age on her beautiful face.

“Well you see, I’ve played my part in raising you girls, and now I get to sit back and watch you all. This is my reward for dealing all these years. I get to rest now. You’ve grown up well, you know that right?”

“I’m hardly grown up.” Chaeyoung noted, something suddenly feeling wrong. She didn’t like how Gammy was talking. It felt final. “None of us are.”

“Of course you are.” Gammy tutted. “You grew up way too early, and- I’m sorry you weren’t allowed to be a child for longer.”

“What do you mean?” Chaeyoung asked. She hugged her own arms. The cold was getting to her finally.

“I should’ve gotten you out of that house sooner.” Gammy’s voice was unusually breathy. “I should’ve found a way to get you out years before I did.”

Chaeyoung looked down at her knees. She didn’t like how her body tensed up every time she thought of her parents. She had too many scars. On her arms. On her back. In her heart. “It’s okay, you had no case for claiming custody until there was evidence for the state to claim them unfit.”

“I should have asked you… I should’ve asked you sooner. But I didn’t want to see. I didn’t want to admit what was happening right under my nose. And for that I will always be sorry. I’ll always seek absolution, and I’ve accepted that I’ll never get it. There’s no heaven for letting a child suffer like you did.”

“There’s a heaven for raising four girls with no obligation to do so. You did it because we needed you. And you did it amazingly. We were just a bunch of misfits.”

Gammy narrowed her eyes, clearly sensing that she wasn’t going to win this one, and then crossed her arms, looking up at the naked branches of the birch.

“Never stop bringing home strays, Son Chaeyoung.”

Chaeyoung chuckled and leaned once more on Gammy. “I promise.”

…

_ Dear Dahyun, _

_ It’s been raining for four days straight. I really miss the sun. And the snow. Snow is so peaceful, but rain makes me glum. It’s odd, I never used to like the snow and cold, but now I miss it as much as I miss holding your hand. _

_ This is a really sad start to a letter, but I’ve promised myself to stop editing my letters. Did you know I used to do that? I wrote drafts to do my best, because I was nervous you might not like me if I didn’t sound well-articulated or said something dumb. But after meeting you and talking to you every day since, I’m not scared anymore.  _

_ I just really miss you, I think. I miss talking face to face. I miss kissing you. I miss Seoul - it’s so beautiful and full of life. I miss your sisters and gammy’s food. I think it’s because I know now that I won’t be able to visit you until the wedding, that I miss you more. But at least it’s closer to March now than it is to January, and then April isn’t too far behind. _

_ Enough about that though. I can’t keep bringing myself down about it. And this letter is honestly getting a little too sad, I’m tempted to make this a draft. But I won’t. I want to tell you my honest feelings, even if it’s hard sometimes. _

_ On a good note, I saw the first camelias today, and their powerful color seems to promise life for spring. I’ll make sure to take lots of pictures of whatever pretty flowers and send them to you. Will you send me pictures too? _

_ I miss you. _

_ Love, Mina _

_ Ps. Momo says to tell Tzuyu she misses her and that she’s practicing Korean well so they can talk together at the wedding. _

… 

Momo raised an arm, standing in front of the class, bringing them to silence. 

The kids stood lumped together like lost ducklings with their little yellow hats and yellow school bags. Only the black and white uniforms with the red silk sashes and ties on their front revealed that they were in fact first graders.

It wasn’t Momo’s usual job, to take them out like this. It wasn’t even her class. But their homeroom teacher was sick, so she had stepped in and offered to take them on a school outing to a nearby shrine. 

“Okay, now I want you all to find your walking buddy.” Momo announced, smiling as the lump of little kids immediately turned into a rustle of chaos as they scattered and ran between each other to find their friends. But little after little, the lump had organized into a two rows, each row linked by tiny hands held tight onto each other.

Momo grinned and gave them all thumbs up.

“Perfect. You’re all such good little ducklings.”

Some of the children giggled at being called ducklings, but their eyes shone and their smiles brightened Momo’s world.

“Are we going now, Miss?” the girl at the very front asked. She had a little cartoon frog hanging from a strap on her bag.

“We’re waiting for the other teacher, then we will go.” Momo crouched in front of the girl, fixing her hat. Her smile revealed a missing front tooth. “What’s your name, little one?”

“Miu-chan, Miss!” Miu looked both a little scared and very happy, in that way only kids could. Absolutely unmasked excitement.

“Momo, you ready?” A soft voice said behind Momo, making her look back, up at Mina who stood ready.

“Wait, you’re the other teacher? I thought-”

“Change of plans.” Mina said, biting her lip.

Momo swallowed and nodded. Then she looked back at Miu, patting her head softly before getting to her feet. 

Right...

“Okay, class, now teacher Myoui will walk at the back of the line and I’ll walk in the front, and then we’ll all walk together to the shrine”

An excited mumble sounded from the kids, and Momo couldn’t help but smile. They really made everything better. They always did. She hadn’t expected to love this job as much as she did, but even with everything else, she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Couldn’t imagine being any other Momo.

“You ready?” Momo called to the back just as Mina reached it. A nod was her answer, and the lightly patted the heads of the two girls right at the back as they had immediately looked at Mina instead of Momo.

“Okay then, little ducklings!” Momo announced, rejoicing as the kids laughed once more. But just as she made to turn, Miu tugged at her pants. Her eyes were big and careful as she looked up at Momo.

“Miss, don’t you have a walking buddy?”

Momo crouched down again, leveling herself with the girl. Then she shook her head. “No, Miu-chan. I don’t.”

“Then who’s going to hold your hand?” Miu looked almost sad.

Momo thought long and hard. She knew it was just the logic of a little kid, but it hurt more than expected. She didn’t have a walking buddy. She didn’t have anyone to go through life with. 

“No-one.” Momo said quietly. “But it’s okay, because I’m a big girl. I’m all grown up. I can be alone.”

“But I don’t want you to be alone.” Miu mumbled. 

Momo sighed softly, reaching to tuck Miu’s hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to either. But sometimes that’s how life is. If you don’t hold on to people, you might end up walking alone. So you make sure to hold on to your walking buddy okay?”

Miu pressed her lips tight together. Then she nodded. “Okay, Miss.”

Completely contradicting her words, however, Miu let go of her walking buddy’s hand. Momo almost scolded her, but the words got stuck in her throat. Miu took the little cartoon frog off of her bag and handed it to Momo. Then she took her walking buddy’s hand again, holding it tight. She stood straight just how they learned.

Momo just stared at the frog. Then at Miu. But Miu just held up her chin and said with determination in her voice.

“Now you won’t be alone, Miss.”

Momo didn’t know what to say. So she just clutched the frog in her palm and got back up. Then she turned. And with the toy frog safely in her hand and the ducklings walking after her, Mina at the back tucking the last ones along, Momo walked towards away from the school.

…

There are steps meant to be taken and plans meant to be made, but then there are things you never should’ve done and words you cannot take back. 

Faith isn’t believing in the reality. But believing in redemption.

Yet how do you provide faith for the faithless, and hope for the hopeless? How do you give courage to those who haven’t ever seen it? Who don’t know it, who can’t even recognize it? Where do you start?

… 

_ Dear Mina, _

_ I hope you know that you don’t have to worry anymore about telling me what’s on your mind, even if it’s stuff that makes you sad. And it’s finally March now, which means the cherries and plums will blossom in not too long and the birch in our back yard will start budding.  _

_ I planted daffodils and made patches along the back fence to plant even more flowers as we find ones we like. Noone has really kept the garden, so I thought I could do that. It’s been so long since I’ve spent time outside just for me. It’s good for me, I think - even if it’s still cold.  _

_ I have to admit, it’s getting harder and harder to put content in these letters as time goes by. We talk so much every day and it’s hard to find stuff to talk about here. But I’m thinking maybe I can use these letters to talk about some of the things I don’t usually talk about easily. The things I seem to only want to talk to you about.  _

_ Did you know that’s the reason I wrote you in the first place? I hadn’t thought about you for a while, and then one day Nayeon told me she was going to ask Jihyo to marry her, and I thought, wow she’s really doing it, she’s really moving on. I was so proud. But I also thought maybe I needed to start moving on too. And I realized in order to do that I would have to actually talk about what had happened, which I hadn’t ever told my sisters (I have now). But the thing was, that when I was thinking about who I wanted to talk to about it, I went back and forth between my three sisters but kept landing on you. I just wanted to talk to you about it. I thought, even if I’m not strong enough yet to talk to my sisters, I’m strong enough to let you in. You’re the keeper of my confidence even now, and I realized how much I had lost by letting you slip away. Of course it took me weeks and weeks from then to actually write you, but it was the spark. _

_ I hope by the time I write my next letter I’ll have grown more. (Though I don’t think I’ll manage to grow in height, sorry to say. I’ve tried, but it doesn’t work). Maybe I’ll just grow older instead, and wiser. And one day, who knows, maybe I’ll learn Japanese to come be with you. I know it sounds stupid but it’s one of the things I’ve been thinking about a lot lately - how this will work in the long run. I don’t know how people do it. But then again, I don’t know how I’m doing it right now. But I am. _

_ I went to the little river under the bridge the other day and just sat on the rocks watching the water. But it wasn’t the same. The city isn’t the same without you here. So right now I’m just waiting for spring. _

_ Love, Dahyun _

…

Mina folded up the letter and put it in her pocket, walking along the little path. It was the third time she had read it since it came. But she had yet to reply to it. She wasn’t sure how to do so.

“Hi mom.” Mina came to a halt in front of the familiar stone, and crouched down. “Hi dad.”

The stone didn’t answer. But it seemed a little more vibrant as Mina put the bouquet of tulips down in front of it, the petals thick and strong, in colors of purple, red and yellow. The petals were still tightly closed around the pistil, protecting itself.

“I met a girl.” Mina said softly. “Remember I told you about a girl in Seoul whom I used to be pen pals with? Well she turned out to be exactly as amazing as I remember her from childhood, except even more so in person than I could’ve ever imagined. She’s as gentle as water and just as immersive; just as unpredictable and undiscovered. I just want to find out everything I can’t discover simply by looking. It’s like I’m suddenly hungry to know more and more and to live.” Mina looked at her mother’s name and tried to remember her face from memory instead of just from pictures, but it proved almost impossible. “Mom... I danced, and I felt alive. I think I’m ready to dance, not just when I die.”

The stone still didn’t answer.

“If there comes a day when I can’t come back here to talk to you often, do you think you could forgive me? Not right now, of course, but some day. Because right now all my dreams are so far from here but I’m so sorry for wishing I was somewhere so far from you.”

Wind rustled in the trees and Mina tugged her cotton coat tighter around her body, protecting herself. She reached forwards and touched the letters on the stone.

“I’ll come back before I leave for Seoul, but from what Dahyun tells me, it seems I might not be able to go visit you on the 7th this year. But I think maybe it’s okay if I don’t. I think maybe it’s okay if I fly instead. I’ll always be sorry that I never got to know you well enough to know for sure if you would’ve let me, but I like to think you would. I think you would give me your blessing. Because I know from the promises I heard by this grave, that you’d want me to be the best person I can be. But I also think, even if I wouldn’t get your blessing, I’d still do it. I think, with or without it, I’m good enough. So this is me promising to be the best person I can be. I’ll try to do good.”

Feeling the letters under her fingers, Mina closed her eyes and sighed. Then she got to her feet and looked down at the tulips. One day she’d bring Dahyun to meet them. One day she would.

… 

It wasn’t often that Sana got mail, and much less mail addressed to both residents of the little apartment. But the white envelope unmistakably had both names on it, written in western letters. The address as well.

It took a moment for Sana to realize what it was, but turning the envelope she couldn’t help but smile. 

She had almost forgotten her promise.

_ Dear Sana and Momo. _

_ We kindly invite you to the wedding of _

_ Park Jihyo and Im Nayeon _

_ On Saturday April 4th 2020, 2:00 PM _

_ Gammy’s house. _

The invitation itself was beautiful and simple, but Jihyo had written on the bottom of it, and that kind of ruined the elegance of it.

_ If you don’t come, we’re disowning you and I won’t ever name my kid after you, Minatozaki. This is your one warning. - Ji. _

_ I have no part in this. - Na. _

Sana snorted at the message, shaking her head at her ridiculous friends. Then she called out, knowing that Momo was in the bathroom. The shower had been running for the past ten minutes, and she had been singing.

“Momo!” Sana called, turning to take a picture of the threat Jihyo had written at the back.

“Yeah?” Momo’s answer came surprisingly unmuffled, as she had opened the bathroom door and stuck her head out.

Sana tried not to look. “Uh, Nayeon and Jihyo’s wedding invitation is here, April 4th.”

“Sure, I don’t have anything planned yet.” Momo said as if she hadn’t kept the entire of spring break free for this exact event.

Sana nodded, watching as Momo disappeared into the bathroom again. She usually only showered in the mornings. But maybe she had been chasing some kid and gotten sweaty.

Sana shook the thought from her mind and looked down at her phone. Sent a short text to Jihyo, attaching the picture and promising that they would both be there. 

Then Sana settled by the kitchen table, glaring at the stack of papers waiting to be graded. It was her own fault that she had left it until today, so there was no choice but to just suck it up and get on with it.

Or at least that had been the plan. But there was something about the scent as the door to the bathroom opened again, that made Sana look around. 

“Is that a new perfume?” Sana asked, watching as Momo walked out of the bathroom. Something didn’t add up, but Sana couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

“Oh, yeah it is.” Momo smiled. 

Sana frowned. And then it clicked. She wasn’t in sweats as usual at night. Instead she was wearing a floral dress, tied around the waist and the material poofing at her shoulders before leading down her arms, ending right under the elbows. And her hair wasn’t wet and tousled, but instead wavy and dry. It flowed perfectly down her shoulders onto her collarbones, and she had a roll in her bangs.

“You’re going out?” Sana asked.

“What?” Momo turned around, a thin-strapped bag in her hand. She had a lipstick in her hand, quickly stuffing it into her bag. “Oh, yeah sorry I forgot to tell you.”

“That’s fine.” Sana said, swallowing her compliment. It was so hard not to tell her how beautiful she was. But Momo had made it very clear. They weren’t those kinds of friends anymore. 

“I don’t know when I’ll be home, but I have my key, I’ll try to be quiet.” Momo said.

“O-kay. Just… Where is it you’re going exactly?” Sana couldn’t help herself. She didn’t like this feeling in her stomach and she needed it gone. Needed Momo to tell her it wasn’t what Sana was starting to suspect that it was.

“Uh.” Momo looked sheepish, her cheeks pinking slightly. Then she looked at her watch and headed for the door. “It’s uh- you know, a date.”

The door closed.

Right, a date.

Sana’s brows furrowed unintentionally, twitching slightly. This was to be expected right? They weren’t- it’s not like Momo would be single forever. Momo always did this. Found some new girl. Left Sana. But she always came back to Sana in the end. Always ended up in Sana’s arms, with her warm lips and cold arms, waiting for Sana to make her laugh. But this time? She wasn’t going to come back, right? Because there wasn’t anything to come back to. They weren’t- But who cared? Sana- … Sana cared.

Something broke inside Sana at that realization. Not violently, not even without warning. Yet indisputably it broke apart.

How Sana managed to get to the phone and press the number, she didn’t know. But she listened to the call tone as if in a trance.

_ “Hello?” _

“Jihyo, hi.” Sana said, keeping her voice as calm as possible.

_ “Sana? You ok?” _ Jihyo sounded immediately confused.

“Yeah, good. Are you busy?”

The silence made it clear that Jihyo was suspicious. But Sana didn’t care. She just needed- needed… 

_ “No it’s fine, just let me get somewhere private.” _ Jihyo said finally, then spoke to someone on the other end of the phone,  _ “I’ll be right back, no just keep eating.” _

Guilt tugged immediately at Sanas’ stomach and she drew her feet up on the hair, hugging her knees.

“If you don’t have time-”

_ “Of course I have time.” _ Jihyo’s voice was so firm that Sana daredn’t oppose her.  _ “Now, what’s up.” _

Sana didn’t know where to start. Didn’t know how to tell Jihyo. It was all so complicated, and in the end there wasn’t anything left but just to start at the beginning.

“I… I kind of lied to you.”

_ “What do you mean?” _ Jihyo didn’t sound offended, just confused.

Sana sighed deeply. “You know that day when you wouldn’t let us buy snacks, I told you it was no problem because I’m a Minatozaki?”

_ “... yes?” _

“Well, I’m a Minatozaki alright, but I don’t have their money. I don’t have access to any of the wealth my family has.”

Sana adjusted on the chair, her stomach turning unwelcomingly as the memory of Momo’s thick wavy hair and shy smile appeared before her eyes.

_ “Oh? Howcome?” _

“I’m a girl.” Sana whispered. “I was their miracle baby. They were told they wouldn’t ever have kids, and then they ended up getting pregnant anyways. But I wasn’t what they wanted. They didn’t want a girl. They needed a boy who could take over in due time. But they figured if they got pregnant once, they could again. Except when I was born, there were complications, and my mom became unable to carry more children.”

A soft exhale sounded from Jihyo’s end of the phone, and Sana wiped her cheeks dry. Even despite telling all of this, she still couldn’t stop thinking about Momo as she walked out of the door, the floral dress playing around her knees.

_ “They disowned you because you weren’t a boy?” _ Jihyo sounded downright disgusted.

“No. Well at first, until they had to actually find someone to take over the company.” Sana shuddered. “They weren’t blind. I might be a girl but I’m also a genius. An actual genius. I’d be perfect for the spot, I really know how to do that stuff, and I’d be able to oversee a lot of financial responsibilities without compromising stuff, because I can figure out what goes on instead of just relying on others to tell me.”

The fridge started buzzing in the background and Sana looked back at it for a moment.

_ “Wait, you weren’t kidding. You’re an actual genius?” _

Sana shrugged, only halfway aware that Jihyo couldn’t see it. For that, they were too far apart.

“In the end, my parents asked me to attend business school to get my degree there so I could start working to take over my father’s seat in the company. It’s a family company afterall, and they decided that having a girl take over would be a positive media stunt that could benefit them if they played it right.”

Nausea built in Sana’s stomach and up her throat at the memory of her mom’s proposal. It had been so carefully articulated that someone less aware might have been flattered. But Sana had seen right through it.

_ “Wait,” _ Jihyo sounded lost. _ “But I thought you said you’re a primary school teacher?” _

“I am.” Sana nodded. Felt suddenly colder and more alone than she had since New Year's eve. “Because I refused to do what they wanted me to. I didn’t want them to need me. I wanted them to want me. I wanted to be the miracle baby they called me before they found out my gender.”

_ “I’m so sorry…” _ Jihyo sighed heavily.

Sana gave a dry laugh. If that had just been it. If that had just been the whole story.

“Well it was okay because at least I could marry a guy and he could become the CEO. Until I told them I wouldn’t ever marry a guy.” A thought entered Sana’s mind and it made her forget how to breathe, and she had to swallow the lump that had settled in her pharynx to get air back to her lungs. She shuddered. She would eventually marry. And she would marry someone else.

_ “Sana?” _

“Yeah. Just… Then it was over. I’m locked out of my inheritance and now I earn my money partly through teaching at a primary school and partly by privately tutoring high school kids. But none of that matters to me. It’s just what’s needed. But you see… All I ever wanted was for someone to want me.”

Admitting it hurt almost as much as when the door had closed on her best friend.

_ “Sana,” _ Jihyo said as gently as if Sana had been on her deathbed. _ “what are you trying to tell me?” _

“You know from time to time they contact me because they need my help.” Sana continued as if she hadn’t heard Jihyo. She wasn’t ready. Not yet. “Sometimes they need me to attend an event and pretend I’m still their beloved daughter, or they need me to solve something for them that their own team can’t, or they just need me to fill in somewhere. And every time I cave. Because I love them. I know I can’t be who they want but I can at least be who they need. I guess I’m always like that, you know?”

_ “I honestly don’t think I follow. I mean I do, but Sana, what’s wrong? Why now? Why are you telling me this now?” _

Yeah? Why was she? Well it wasn’t that hard to figure out really. Just simple math. Like negative one to the nth power; constantly jumping between negative one and positive one. Without Momo she was negative one. With Momo positive one. Every time she appeared n grew by one. Every time she left it grew by one. And Sana never went anywhere. Never grew, not really. She just oscillated. 

Waited for n to grow again. 

And it just had.

“... Momo has a date tonight.”

_ “I see.”  _

A frustrated sigh slipped past Sana’s lips and she buried her head in her knees. “I should be used to it by now. I mean, it’s what she does. Dates someone, dumps them and ends up in my bed. And then she’s mine until she finds someone else. Then she leaves me... until she needs me again.”

_ “But you don’t want that?” _

Sana opened her mouth to answer, but found that she didn’t know what to say. The same sentence kept playing over and over again in her head. Because it dawned on Sana that the equation had broken. Momo wasn’t going to come back to her. 

The sequence had died. 

They were over.

_ I need to find someone who wants me to stay. _

Sana tried to swallow, yet found that she couldn’t. Couldn’t breathe for the entity holding her throat so tight. Couldn’t see for the tears clouding her eyes… Couldn’t live without the girl who had just left her again; the girl who always left her.

Because Sana had never asked her to stay.

“Jihyo, I think I made a mistake.”

_ “Mistake?” _ Jihyo sounded almost aware. Sounded almost as if she just wanted Sana to say it out loud. Maybe because she knew Sana needed to.

“I let her go.”

… 

Where do you stop?

… 

_ Dear Dahyun _

_ It’s only three weeks now until I see you now. I can’t believe they’re actually getting married, it must be so surreal for you. Will you be wearing a dress? And if yes, what color will you be wearing? I don’t want to show up in something that doesn’t match well with you. _

_ I know you had offered that we could all stay at the house, but things have gone south for Sana and Momo - even more than before - and I think it’s best if we can stay at a hotel where they can be separate from one another. It’s not like they fought, but Sana is very distant and none of us can really get through to her. It’s probably because Momo is dating these days (don’t ask me why, because she doesn’t even like the girl much, she’s just trying to get over Sana I think). But Sana has changed somehow. She’s not grumpy like she usually is when Momo dates. It’s more like she’s hurt, like an injured animal. I wonder what happened. I asked out right finally, but Sana refuses to talk about it. She’s staying at my apartment these days.  _

_ I think they might actually break. _

_ I don’t know what to do. _

_ Sorry for rambling about them so much, it’s just hard to see them struggle like this. I miss my best friends how I’ve always known them. But I wouldn’t go back still. They had to learn one day. _

_ I’m so excited to see you again, I can barely keep myself from smiling all the time. And three whole weeks? My kids think I’m just excited to for them to graduate to the next class, and I am, but I’m way more excited to see you and everyone else. And spring is the perfect time to have a wedding. It’s all going to be so good. But I know I’ll miss you again when I start the new term and we have to be apart again. _

_ I used to think I was patient and good at missing you, waiting so long for your letters, but knowing your touch makes me impatient to see you in person, and I’m greedy for wanting more than three weeks. I know it’s more time than most in our situation get. It’s going to be amazing though, and I can’t wait to see Nami island. It will be an amazing trip. _

_ Love, Mina _

_ Ps. I sent along a picture of the first budding cherry blossoms I saw the other day, I hope you like it. _

…

Dahyun stared at the printed picture Mina had sent along. It was very aesthetic and had just the right focus on the little buds on the otherwise naked branches. Some day she’d like to see the infamous Japanese spring with her own eyes. But for now she would have to settle for pictures.

Pictures.

With a grin, Dahyun got up, put the letter on her pillow and opened her closet, getting out the bordeaux dress that she had saved for the wedding. It wasn’t new - one of Jihyo’s old dresses, but it was pretty and would fit her well. She hung it on the closet and corrected a sleeve, then took a few steps back and got out her phone.

It took a little bit of adjusting, but she managed to take a good picture that showed the color well.

_ 5:19 PM Dahyun: Mina!!!! I got your letter! _

_ 5:19 PM Dahyun: The cherry buds look so amazing, I want to see it one day for myself!! _

_ 5:19 PM Dahyun: I’m sorry things are so rough with Sana and Momo right now, but I hope they’ll figure it out somehow. They love each other a lot even if they can’t show it well right now. You know that. _

_ 5:20 PM Dahyun: Here’s a picture of the dress, by the way. Don’t worry too much about matching, so many dresses, it’s bound to look crazy no matter what. Just put on whatever you like the most. _

Dahyun sent the picture of the dress and put away the phone. Mina would be on her way home by now, so she wouldn’t answer for another ten minutes, if she was on schedule. But barely had she looked at her global economic history book before the phone buzzed, and she threw herself at it like a cat would a ball of yarn.

“Hi!”

_ “You sound happy.” _ Mina chuckled from the other end of the phone.

“I got your letter, of course I’m happy!” Dahyun flopped onto the bed, grabbing the letter from her pillow and stared at Mina’s perfect scholar handwriting. Her own wasn’t nearly as pretty, but it would’ve probably turned out worse if she hadn’t spent so many years trying to write prettily so Mina could understand her.

_ “Did you and your book have a good date?”  _ Mina asked. A car door sounded, and Dahyun guessed she had just gotten home.

“No, the chapter on the correlation between the Korean financial crisis and the worldwide recession was so hard, but I think in the end I started to get it. It’s so crazy to think it was only twenty something years since this all happened.”

_ “Yeah, it’s a crazy world.”  _ Mina hummed.  _ “Did you get everything done you needed to?” _

“Almost.” Dahyun stared at the picture. “I’ve been thinking, by the way.”

_ “You do that a lot.” _ Mina’s voice was soft. Another door sounded, meaning she was probably inside. The assumption was almost immediately turned to confirmation as Sana’s voice sounded through the phone, and Mina greeted her in Japanese.  _ “Anyways, go on?” _

“I might see if I can get a job, like Tzuyu and Chaeyoung. I mean I’ve been focusing on school mainly because Gammy told me to, because my mom and dad had saved for most of my education and I got the last through scholarships so I never needed it to pay tuitions. But I still want my own money, and I think this far into the degree it would be good to get a relevant job?”

_ “Yeah, that would be a really good idea, probably.” _ Mina said.  _ “I mean getting some relevant work experience is always good.” _

“Yeah, and I want to contribute more than I do to the house budget, and also be able to save up. I was thinking maybe I could save up to visit you next spring? I won’t have much of a break but I can probably get a little time.”

_ “You know I don’t mind being the one who visits you right?” _ Mina sounded suddenly worried.

Dahyun nodded, and then remembered that Mina couldn’t see her. “I know, but I want to see where you grew up.”

_ “I’ll show you around then.”  _ There was a smile in Mina’s voice, and then she chuckled.  _ “I can’t believe we’re planning a year into the future. We don’t even know how our lives look in a year.” _

“Of course we don’t, but I’m pretty sure I’d want to visit you in a year too.”

_ “... But I’m not.” _ Mina said quietly.  _ “I’m not sure I want to just visit. I want a future where it’s you and me visiting places together and not us visiting each other. I want to dream of some day not having to travel farther than I can by car to see you. Or not travel at all.” _

Dahyun’s throat had closed up at the first words, and it had taken her a while to realize what Mina was saying. But as soon as she had, Dahyun couldn’t help but get caught in those dreams too. How wonderful wouldn’t that be? But Dahyun Didn’t know japanese, she wouldn’t be able to fare well in Japan, and she couldn’t ask Mina to give up everything she had in Japan to come here.

It was always a sensitive subject, and Dahyun looked at the letter on her pillow again. It was so neat and wonderful and completely unimaginable. Their entire journey had been so unlikely.

“One day we will. We’ll find a way.”

_ “There is a way, already. I’m just not sure when we’ll be ready.” _ Mina’s voice was careful in the way it usually was when she was thinking too much about who she could allow herself to be. But this time she didn’t need Dahyun to tell her it was okay. She spoke on her own.  _ “I keep thinking, when the time comes, I’ll buy an apartment somewhere in Seoul, and I’ll apply for a job teaching Japanese. I figure if I can teach Korean to Japanese students I can do it the other way around too. But I don’t want to just move now, because we both need time to adjust more to this whole thing, and I can’t leave in the middle of the school year. But-” _

“What? Move here next year?” Dahyun asked, trying somehow to get control of the way her stomach bubbled completely uncontrolled. It was so unreal.

_ “It’s just a thought.” _

“... I think I like your brain a lot Myoui Mina.” Dahyun grinned. Buried her head in the pillow and held onto the letter. “I think I like  _ you _ a lot.”

_ “What?” _

Dahyun raised her head from the pillow that she had spoken into. Then she turned onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. 

“I think I want April to get here a hell of a lot faster than it is.”

…

“I’ll be over tonight then.” Jeongyeon noted softly.

Chaeyoung nodded and grinned down at her socks. 

“What?” Jeongyeon asked, slightly confused.

“I still can’t believe she caught you… You said you were sneaky.” Chaeyoung looked up at her girlfriend.

A groan slipped past Jeongyeon’s lips and she cringed. “I swear it was like she was waiting for me.” 

“She’s kind of scary sometimes.” Chaeyoung chuckled. “I mean she caught Jihyo exactly like she caught you, and then forced her to help make breakfast. First and only time she ever made Jihyo do anything in the kitchen.”

“Good thing I have work then.” Jeongyeon teased. Then looked at the clock on her wrist. “Damn, better go.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want you to be late, your boss will get mad.”

“I  _ am  _ my… oh, right. Yes she will” Jeongyeon huffed and then leaned down, kissing Chaeyoung’s cheek before walking out, waving back at Chaeyoung. “See you tonight.”

For a moment after Jeongyeon had closed the door, she considered if she could go back to sleep, but in the end she decided against it. She could offer Gammy to help make breakfast but the fact that Gammy hadn’t called for her meant that she wanted Chaeyoung to go back to sleep.

In the end she decided on neither. Instead she walked up the stairs and nudged open the door to Dahyun’s room where she and Tzuyu currently slept.

They weren’t asleep, but laying beside each other in Dahyun’s bed, Tzuyu on her phone and Dahyun going through the collection of printed pictures Mina had sent her over the past three months.

“Got room for one more?” Chaeyoung asked.

Tzuyu looked up from her phone, hair slightly tousled. She turned a lot in her sleep. With tired eyes, she nodded and turned off her phone, putting it under her pillow. The bed really couldn’t fit three, that much was obvious, but Chaeyoung didn’t care. She just crawled over the sheets until she settled flush on top of Tzuyu, head on the younger girl’s chest, and eyes on Dahyun.

“Sorry I kicked you out, Tzu-Tzu.” 

“It’s okay, I’m sorry her car broke down, but it’s good we live so close.” Tzuyu said, leaving the rest unsaid.

Chaeyoung closed her eyes, feeling how Tzuyu’s hand ran over her hair. Nothing made her relax like that. “Her dad is going to send someone to pick it up and take it to the garage tonight, but we agreed she’ll sleep on our couch tonight because it’s so far home to her parents without a car.”

“You can use our room still.” Tzuyu said calmly, shifting slightly to free a knee. Chaeyoung guessed it might be asleep, but she didn’t think far enough to move. 

“No she got caught by gammy this morning so I think the couch is better for Jeongyeon’s dignity.” Chaeyoung said, trying not to chuckle too much.

“Okay.” Tzuyu breathed deeply. She seemed completely at peace.

“We’re picking up the girls tomorrow, right?” Chaeyoung asked, opening an eye and looking at Dahyun. She was still looking at the picture Mina had sent a few days ago of the first bloomed cherry blossom. They came early this year.

“Yeap. Well everyone who wants to come.”

“Of course, it’s been so long. I’m coming for sure.”

“Me too, Momo promised she’d greet me in Korean, so I think she’d be sad if I’m not there.” Tzuyu chuckled slightly. They had been communicating through text mainly through google translating japanese to korean, but slowly Momo had written a few things in Korean, that Tzuyu had then proudly showed all of them.

“... Is she still with that girl?” Chaeyoung asked. It was kind of a sensitive subject, but curiosity got the better of her.

“Nope.” Dahyun noted. “As of three days ago.”

“Oh.” Chaeyoung said. But before she could figure out how it would be appropriate to respond to that, Dahyun sat up, running a hand through her hair. 

“Can I ask you guys something?” 

Chaeyoung looked up at her. “Of course.”

“Mina wants to move here. Not now, not- like in a year or something. But she wants to move here. And-” 

Dahyun bit down on her lip hard. She clearly wasn’t done, but she didn’t say anything more. And Chaeyoung almost let it go, just out of habit. But she didn’t.

“And what?”

Dahyun looked at her as if she had just waited for someone to ask. “It terrifies me.”

Under Chaeyoung, Tzuyu moved again, and it became the que for Chaeyoung to sit up, both of them reaching for Dahyun until she sat between them.

“At first I was just really excited, but now it terrifies me because it excites me to think that she would be right here in the city, and I could just go visit her whenever but at the same time that’s a huge thing, you don’t just do that on a whim, and it’s a massive responsibility on my part and I don’t know if I’m ready and-”

“Dahyun?” Tzuyu interrupted softly, reaching for her hand. Chaeyoung mimicked her, each of them holding one of Dahyun’s hands in both of theirs. “You’re a year away from that. You’re allowed to just daydream about how amazing it would be. You don’t have to worry yet. And even then, it’s okay if it terrifies you. But her choice has to be hers and if she wants to move here you both need to be clear that she’s moving for herself. She chose you because that’s what she wanted for herself. She wanted you. And you wanted her. And if she moves that’s something she does because she wants to.”

Dahyun looked up at her. “I just feel so sorry that I let us get out of touch, and that I’m so afraid of how much I like her. It’s so easy, I’m just not used to it. It’s hard because it’s easy. If that makes any sense.”

“It makes sense.” Tzuyu said. “And it’s okay. Just try not to get lost in the future. She’s coming tomorrow-” Dahyun’s hands immediately tightened, and her breath caught, “And you’re going to dance at Nayeon and Jihyo’s wedding and you’re going to be so happy. Focus on that. Because if you start focusing on the future that’s all you’ll see.”

Dahyun looked down at her feet. “It’s just so stupid because a part of me wants to tell her never to go home and just stay with me now until forever.”

“And why would that be bad?” Tzuyu asked. “You want her. That’s not bad.

“Because I didn’t think I’d want her this much. I mean she was my best friend growing up and now she’s somehow still my best friend but she’s also- well she’s my girlfriend.”

“You know, if I could, I’d want my best friend as close as I could.” Tzuyu said quietly. “Even if I haven’t seen her in ten years, if I got the chance I’d tell her to never leave.”

“Your best friend?” Dahyun asked.

Tzuyu nodded. Then swallowed and closed her eyes. “Elkie… She’s my keeper. She’s the only one who knows where I am, and because she was just my nanny’s daughter, no-one ever suspected she might know something. But she was mine and I was hers and she’s the one who got me out when- we swore to always be best friends but to never look for each other. Because they might find me if we find each other.”

“But she knows you’re here?”

“In case something happens.” Tzuyu nodded. “I left false trails within my circle of high-standing  _ friends _ but she’s the only one who knows the truth.”

“You planned this well… escaping and all.”

“No, she did. I was ready to face my fate, to marry. But she convinced me there was more for me than the life I was given, and she got me out. It was pure luck that Chaeyoung found me, or I might not have had the life I have now.”

“I only found you because you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.” Chaeyoung noted, omitting the part about how she’d had a huge crush on Tzuyu to the point where she had even confessed to her one night, then learning that Tzuyu had never felt anything along those lines. For Chaeyoung or for anyone else. They had been sisters since then.

“So daydreaming is okay?”

“Of course. I mean I dream about Jeongyeon earning enough that she can buy that apartment above her bakery just so I can have her closer. Or maybe move in with her there.” Chaeyoung grinned. “You know, once we’re all proper adults.”

“We’ll never be proper adults.” Dahyun argued with a small chuckle.

“Probably not.” Tzuyu agreed.

…

The airplane was tight and cold and the seats too close to each other. The blue seats were uncomfortable and the plastic backs old and worn and a little loose at the joints making them clatter every time there was a little turbulence.

Mina hardly noticed.

Only one thing passed through Mina’s mind over and over as she sat between Sana and Momo, both girls looking down at their hands, trying not to speak. None of them had said a word since the call. It was all so surreal. 

They had been on their way to the airport when Dahyun had called. Sana had picked up as Mina was driving. The way her expression had changed still made Mina’s stomach curl into a hard knot. She had only seen it from the corner of her eye, but she had almost guessed just from that one expression.

And now they were sitting here, with blankets over their legs and eyes that couldn’t meet each others’. They just sat one next to the other, counting the minutes until they landed.

Mina swallowed and stared at the display telling her how far now, Sana’s words playing over and over, as she had said them with a broken voice just as they had reached a red light.

_ “Gammy died this morning.” _

  
  



	8. ACT 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been the most incredible journey; from the first idea of pen pals and best friends and failed proposals gotten on a train ride through the mountains of France a year and a half ago, to this say where I give this as a present to all of you whom I love so much. This is my heart; this is my soul. This is the story of loss and love and the heroing of those who dare.  
And to all of my readers I have only one plea:  
Dare.

Something about the solemn sounds of soles against the cold floor accompanied by the uninterrupted sound of small wheels made Mina think of the minor chords on a piano and subtle strings. Or maybe it was the song in her heart that poured from her involuntarily, coloring everything grey when it should’ve been bursting with color.

This was the moment she had looked forward to for months, and now every bit of excitement had been replaced by helplessness and grief. Though they hadn’t known Gammy well, their grief was for her and their friends alike, for those who had lost her.

“There.”

Sana’s quiet words almost stung just from being spoken into a wall of silence between them, but Mina knew what it meant, and her heavy stomach turned uncomfortably and excitedly all at once as she saw them by the back of the entrance hall. Jeongyeon leaned against the wall, hands buried in her pockets and an expression of helplessness that matched Mina’s feelings completely. 

Dahyun stood next to her. 

It was the most heartbreaking sight Mina had ever seen. The sorrow and despair mixed with confliction and love in her eyes was one Mina had only seen once a year, when the tears trickled from her father’s eyes, hand tracing the letters of her mother’s name.

Still, despite looking like the smallest wind might break her apart, Dahyun took a step towards them and then another. And with every step a tear fell, until Mina’s neck brought cover for Dahyun’s face and her arms shelter for Dahyun’s fragile heart.

It wasn’t the kind of reunion Mina had ever imagined. It wasn’t the Dahyun she had dreamed of for months. This was a girl grieving the loss of her grandmother. This was a girl with a broken heart.

It wasn’t that Mina didn’t know what to say. It was that she knew what not to say. And that left her with nothing but whatever safety her body could provide.

On Mina’s left, she felt pressure, and she opened her eyes to see Jeongyeon’s hand on her shoulder nodding once before walking over to Sana and Momo. They bowed politely and expressed silent condolences.

“I missed you so much.”

Dahyun’s shaky words were muffled against Mina’s skin and hair, but Mina heard them even still, and waited for Dahyun to move. Even if it took another minute. For Dahyun’s sake, she could stay like this, as long as she needed, and Mina would hold her even still. 

“I missed you too.” Mina whispered.

The words seemed to wake Dahyun, because she drew back, eyes red and swollen, and Mina reached up, drying her cheeks, chasing the new tears that fell as an obvious result of the affection shown.

“I-I didn’t mean to cry.” Dahyun muttered.

“I don’t mind.” Mina assured her. “You can always cry.”

Dahyun’s gaze went absent for a moment, then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed to calm her enough to realize the world around her.

With Mina’s hands still on her cheeks, she turned her face to Jeongyeon. “We should go home. They’re waiting.”

Jeongyeon gulped and nodded.

For a moment Mina wondered how much of her grief was her own, and how much of it she carried for her friends, for Chaeyoung and Nayeon. When was loss yours and when was it theirs; those closer to the deceased?

Mina never knew.

And maybe it was just one of those things she was never meant to find out.

“Do you have all your luggage?” Jeongyeon asked, finally speaking. And her voice spoke gravity, spoke heartbreak. Her grief was definitely for her own loss too. She must’ve gotten close then, since New Year’s.

It made Mina both hopeful and tremendously sad.

“Thank you for coming, even now.” Dahyun croaked as the five turned towards the exit of the entrance hall - towards the warm spring and bloom of life and love. Towards a world where the news told of the cherry blossoms blooming as of today.

Fateful irony.

… 

Time had never passed as slow and as fast at the same time, as it had since this morning. Since Tzuyu had brought Gammy her morning tea only to find her still asleep. To find her skin cold and her face peaceful.

What had become the cause of her final breath, they would never know, but there was a part of Tzuyu that praised the lord that it wasn’t a violent death. To die peacefully in her own bed was exactly what Gammy had wanted.

Yet, it was too soon.

She wasn’t supposed to die yet. 

The sound of the door brought Tzuyu back, and she walked back inside, closing the door to the backyard.

“We’re home.” Jeongyeon said softly.

Tzuyu gulped. Could feel the pressure of becoming hosts to the three guests. She would do her best to treat them well, of course, but she couldn’t deny the fear in her heart.

Yet, as they appeared one after the other, Tzuyu’s heart settled a little. Sana walked in first, bowing respectfully at Tzuyu before looking around. Her eyes fell almost magnetically on Jihyo’s back as she stood in the kitchen, and in three strides, Sana had joined her wordlessly. Next came Mina, looking around the room as if taking it in like a home she had returned to after many years. Almost immediately, her eyes travelled from the dinner table, moved to make room, and she found the partition unfamiliar to the room and the picture, new and framed on Gammy’s altar, which before had only shown her own parents and sister. The altar had been moved in front of the partition, telling the truth of what lay behind.

She closed her eyes for a long inhale, and Tzuyu wondered if it only hit her now, what had happened. And if that was the case, then she had realized sooner than Tzuyu. Because Tzuyu still wasn’t sure it was real. Gammy was still everywhere in the wood and the scent and the wind that lightly played with Tzuyu’s hair.

Mina didn’t move. But Momo did.

Momo moved into view, stopped, gulped visibly, and then took a daring step into the room. Towards Tzuyu. Then another. And another.

“Hi.” Momo said carefully, coming to a halt in front of Tzuyu.

“Hey.” Tzuyu croaked. It felt weird to speak. The house had been almost completely quiet since this morning.

“I’m sorry for loss.” Momo said, then frowned and added, “your loss.”

“Thank you.” Tzuyu swallowed. “I’m glad you decided to come anyway.”

“Yes.” Momo said. “Can you- I help?”

Tzuyu didn’t know what to say. She wanted nothing more than for someone to help, to take away the pain and to make everything better. But there was no bettering the grief. Only time could do that.

“Walk with me?”

Tzuyu couldn’t think of anything else to do.

Momo seemed to understand. She nodded and held out a hand. It felt weird to take it, but Tzuyu did it anyway. Because as much as it felt weird, it also felt a little easier to stay afloat.

“Has she come down yet?” Dahyun asked as they reached her in the door to the hall, her voice hoarse and her eyes red. 

It seemed she had finally succumbed to tears.

“No. And Chaeyoung is still outside.” Tzuyu mumbled. “I don’t think they know what to do.”

“Jeongyeon is back at the shop, her sister could only cover for her for a few hours.” Dahyun said, almost mechanically.

“Okay.” Tzuyu said. Felt Momo’s hand stronger in hers, and turned to look at her. But Momo’s eyes were far away, in the kitchen, where Sana stood next to Jihyo, the two girls so different yet so alike, just trying to do something. Anything.

And for a moment Tzuyu was sure that Momo was going to go after Sana. That she would finally give in and feel the warmth of her best friend in her arms.

“Momo?” Tzuyu asked. Wanted to tell her she should go to Sana instead. But she didn’t know how to say it so Momo would understand.

But before Tzuyu could think of a way of phrasing it, Momo had withdrawn her gaze, holding out her hand for Tzuyu.

“Come?”

Tzuyu wanted to tell her no. Wanted to tell her to stop wasting time and tell Sana that they were- were what? They weren’t anything anymore, as far as Tzuyu knew. But they should be. So why wasn’t Momo doing anything? Why did she take Tzuyu’s hand and blink away the tears? 

Why did she walk away?

… 

The wind swept through Chaeyoung’s petite body and she shuddered. She hadn’t worn a coat - had only expected to sit out here for a few moments. But moments had turned to minutes and minutes to hours, and the house had gotten more and more distant from her as time passed by. 

Tzuyu had come to her with tea, and Jihyo with lunch, but neither had tried to make her come inside. They all seemed to know what she was waiting for, even if she didn’t know herself. Or maybe they just assumed her to be terrified of her grandmother’s body lying behind the partition. And if so, they were right. She was terrified. But she was more scared of the role she’d have to take. Of the conversation with her father this morning, where he said he wanted no part of his mother’s burial.

He denied her her only son. And now Chaeyoung was sitting here. The only blood-family Gammy had left. Waiting

It was well past noon when the door finally opened, and Chaeyoung met the eyes of the one person she had hoped would come to her. The one person she had been terrified of facing.

Patiently, Chaeyoung watched as she stepped down the porch, onto the stones and across the little garden path towards Chaeyoung.

“Hey, little one.” Nayeon muttered, sitting down next to Chaeyoung. Took Gammy’s usual spot that Chaeyoung hadn’t been able to bear taking.

“Hi.” Chaeyoung croaked.

“We need to talk about this.” Nayeon said. It wasn’t unkind. Just a change in everything they would normally do. 

“I don’t know how.” Chaeyoung looked up at her big sister. Didn’t know how to say that she wasn’t sure who should take the burden, assigned by tradition. She had never thought about it as a kid, nor as an adult. She had never considered the possibility that she might be responsible like this. Much less had she considered the possibility that it might not have to be her. Because tradition said the oldest son was the one to carry the burden. But Gammy’s only son had denied her. And that left Chaeyoung. And it left Nayeon. The eldest child. But Chaeyoung didn’t want to put it on Nayeon. Or maybe didn’t want to give it up. But no matter what, she felt responsible, as it was her father who had denied it. But she didn’t-

“I don’t want to not call you Gammy’s grandchild.” Chaeyoung said carefully.

“But you feel it’s your burden to bear as her blood?” Nayeon guessed.

Chaeyoung swallowed. Nodded. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been to a funeral before. I’ve never- I only know what Gammy told me about what you’re supposed to do.”

“It doesn’t have to be your burden to bear, Chaeyoung.” Nayeon put a hand on Chaeyoung’s. “I can do this if you want me to. I can be Gammy’s oldest grandchild. But if you want me to, I’ll be your sister and carry you as you carry this. If you want to do this.”

“But I don’t want it to be your sin.” Chaeyoung croaked. “You are hers, you are. But it’s my fault that it has to be you. I’m his child.”

“It’s not your fault. He made a choice and you’re not responsible for it. If you want me to take the role, I will. And if you want to carry the burden, I’ll support you. I know you say I’m hers but I’ll always, always respect that she was your blood. She took us in because of you. We’re hers because of you.”

Chaeyoung looked down into her hands. At Nayeon’s hand on top of hers. She didn’t want to break yet. There was a part of her that wanted to tell Nayeon to go away. That wanted her to take away the choice. That wanted her to stand back and make Chaeyoung take the responsibility that was crushing her. The part that loved Gammy so much, like a child who couldn’t realize the grief of those around her for the grief in her own heart. But there was a different part of her that saw home, saw roots, saw family in Nayeon. Who saw her older sister and loved her endlessly, as if she had held Chaeyoung from the day she was born.

“If I let you… If I let you, will I mourn her less?” Chaeyoung barely dared to ask. She knew what was the right thing to do. That Nayeon was the oldest, and by tradition, she was to be assigned as the chief mourner. But by blood, Chaeyoung was the oldest. The only. And it felt like the easy way out to let Nayeon take away her responsibility.

“Does Tzuyu mourn her less than we, for not being burdened with this?” Nayeon asked, her words older than Chaeyoung had ever heard them. As if she had grown not a year in a day, but an entire generation. As if she was already the parent.

Chaeyoung shook her head. And Nayeon got to her feet. Looked down at her sister and smiled in a way that was impossibly sadder than any tear that could’ve trickled down her cheeks.

“... If I want to do this even still,” Chaeyoung croaked, feeling the weight in the pit of her stomach, “will you think of yourself less?”

“I’ll think myself proud to have a sister as strong as you. And I’ll be right here by your side to help you when you need it.”

For a long moment Chaeyoung thought. Then she looked into the wonderfully dark eyes of her oldest sister. “Can you help me do this, then?”

Nayeon nodded immediately. “Of course.”

Chaeyoung felt the tears glaze over her eyes, but didn’t let them fall. She didn’t want to cry. She wasn’t ready.

“Let’s go inside, Chaeyoungie.” Nayeon said softly, offering her hand. “It’s cold out here. You’ll just get sick.”

Chaeyoung looked at her. Breathed. Let go and let Nayeon pull her up; let her lead Chaeyoung into the house she had come to fear in a mere few hours.

With Nayeon, it wasn’t as scary.

… 

How Mina ended up in Dahyun’s bed was a matter of logistics and a need to stick together way more than what you’d expect from lovers meeting after months apart. Though the house only had five residents now, there were nine people sleeping in the three upstairs bedrooms. Sana on a mattress in Jihyo and Nayeon’s room, Jeongyeon in Tzuyu and Chaeyoung’s and Momo here, in Dahyun’s bedroom. No-one had even brought up leaving. They had just found mattresses and started planning. As if the house belonged to all of them.

“Are you okay with me turning off the lights now?” Dahyun asked, standing a few feet from the bed with her hand over the light switch.

Mina looked down at the floor at the foot of the bed where Momo lay, and then back up at Dahyun. She nodded against the pillow. 

Then the world turned absolutely dark, and Mina might as well have been blind. Her other senses immediately took over, and she heard subtle footsteps and then felt a dip of the bed.

“You okay?” Dahyun asked, settling under the duvet. The bed was only just made for two, but they had spent the night here before Mina had gone home after New Year’s too, and they had found that they didn’t mind the closeness.

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“You okay too, Momo?” Dahyun asked.

“Yes.” Momo said, sleep in her voice already. Then talked in Japanese. “Just pretend I’m not here.”

Mina’s cheeks warmed immediately. “There’s no way I’m-”

“I didn’t mean that, I meant like, you can talk even if I’m sleeping.” Momo’s tone was a little sharp, but then softened. “She might need it.”

Mina nodded in the darkness, then said. “Okay. Thanks Momo.”

“Of course.” Momo mumbled. The sound of sheets revealed that she had turned, and a light sigh sounded as an echo. She was already drifting off, miraculously rooted in the chaos around her.

“What did she say?” Dahyun asked.

“That she doesn’t mind if we talk.” Mina translated, shuffling a bit under the sheets until her knee bumped against Dahyun’s. It felt weird. Not because it felt bad, or awkward, but because Mina didn’t know how to separate being girlfriend and friend, when something like this happened. She had barely known how to act before all this happened, and now that the world had stopped, Mina was merely floating in space, waiting to be put back into orbit, hoping she didn’t float too far to be pulled along when morning came.

“What’s on your mind?” Dahyun asked.

“I’m not sure.” Mina said, wondering when her eyes would start compensating for the darkness. But the pitch black seemed to be a terminal state until sunrise, and she had no choice but to feel her way forth. “I just wish I could be okay with not being able to do anything. I wish I could accept helplessness.”

“I think just the fact that you’re talking like that means you have. You might not like it, but you’ve accepted it.” Dahyun said, her fingers shuffling over the sheets. Mina could feel it in the friction of cotton, and her reaction was instinctive and fumbling until skin touched skin, and Dahyun shuffled closer, guided by Mina’s hand in hers.

“You ok?” Mina asked, feeling the warmth of Dahyun’s body.

“It’s been the most surreal day. I don’t think any of it has sunk in yet. I… I think I’m still dreaming. That she’s gone. That you’re here. That everything is different from today.”

Mina nodded, shuffling to lean her forehead against Dahyun’s. She didn’t know what to say, but knew that her actions would be enough. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever really accept it. That they’re gone. Mom and Dad. My brother. Gammy. I- I don’t know how to keep doing this.”

“You don’t have to know. You just do it anyway.” Mina pressed a kiss to the tip of Dahyun’s nose. She didn’t know why. But just as surely as she had kissed Dahyun’s temple at New Year’s, it was something she did because she didn’t know how not to.

“I just don’t know how…”

“I don’t know either.” Mina admitted. “You just do it. Because there’s not an option not to. And it might look and feel like you’re not doing it, but you are.”

“Even like this?” Dahyun’s voice cracked, and her knees bumped against Mina’s. 

Mina nodded softly, forehead once again pressing against Dahyun. “Of course.”

“I just want to cry all the time. It’s constant. I want to cry all the time and I want to lose myself in you and I want to forget about today and I…”

Mina reached up, stroking over Dahyun’s hair. And Dahyun clutched her other hand, raising it to her lips and pressing a kiss to Mina’s fingers.

“Stay with me. Tomorrow too.”

“Okay.” Mina promised. “I will.”

Dahyun gave a shivering sigh, kissed Mina’s lips but for less than a second and then buried her head under Mina’s, curling in on herself in Mina’s arms. And Mina held her, wondering if she maybe couldn’t have gotten more time. More time to accumulate more grief of her own. That she had gotten more time with Gammy; that she had gotten to feel the same love that broke her friends apart. For what magnificent love must have brought such terrible sorrow.

What rock she must have been to shake the ground beneath their feet to such a degree. For all of them to fall apart and stay so strong at the same time.

It was almost unbearable to witness. But it was an honor just as much - to hold the one she loved so much. To be her safe haven.

…

The room was stuffy and warm when Jeongyeon woke, the sun peeking around the thick curtains at the bottom and the sides. And Jeongyeon turned in her sheets to look up at the bed. Chaeyoung lay curled into a ball, pressed into a corner, Tzuyu next to her, eyes open and empty of life. They found Jeongyeon’s, but were still as lifeless. Only the sniffle made Jeongyeon sure that she wasn’t sleeping with her eyes open.

“What time is it?” Jeongyeon asked carefully.

“I don’t know.” Tzuyu mumbled. She seemed worse than yesterday. Yesterday she had kept them all together somehow. Her and Jihyo. But now? With Chaeyoung so helplessly small next to her, she seemed too heavied by her own sorrow.

Jeongyeon doubted whether she could even move.

“Is it okay if I make breakfast? I- I just want to do something. Help somehow.”

Tzuyu closed her eyes. Nodded. Didn’t open her eyes again.

Jeongyeon felt maybe she understood.

It was scary, walking out of the room without making sure Chaeyoung was okay, scary to walk down the stairs without waking anyone, scary to enter the sacred space where she had cooked so much these past months, side by side with the old lady she had loved so much. But the kitchen wasn’t empty. Jihyo was already there, stove turned on and a pack of eggs next to her.

“Hey.” Jeongyeon said softly. Didn’t want to startle her. 

It clearly didn’t work. 

Chopsticks in one hand and an egg in the other, Jihyo faced Jeongyeon, a wild expression on her face. It took a few seconds for her to lower her ‘weapons’.

“Sorry.” Jeongyeon said. “I… I thought I’d make breakfast.”

“Oh. Me too…” Jihyo noted. Looked at the egg in her hands.

“Fried eggs?” Jeongyeon asked.

“Omelets…” Jihyo admitted, hissing suddenly under her breath and turning back to her pan. Something smelled burnt.

“Uh, you…”

“I’m doing it wrong aren’t I?” Jihyo asked, regret in her voice.

Jeongyeon opened her mouth and closed it. Then nodded. “Yeah.”

Jihyo sighed. Her eyes watered and she cursed under her breath. Then she sniffled and dried her eyes. “I just want to fix it all. I want to make it easier on them, and I’m good at that. I help. I’m good at- at being who others need. But I’m a really bad cook.”

“Then let me do that. Put me to work.” Jeongyeon said. “You can control the rest, I don’t mind being bossed around if it makes things easier for you.”

Jihyo swallowed and looked down at her feet. Then she looked up at Jeongyeon. “Don’t you have to go open your store?”

“Seung is covering for me this morning. I just have to be in by 11.” Jeongyeon explained. “She’s not a baker but I went over there late last night after everyone else had gone to bed, and made what needed to be made.”

“Then how are you awake at this hour?” Jihyo asked, silently handing over the chopsticks.

“I think it’s my internal clock going by baker time.” Jeongyeon shrugged. Or maybe it was just grief. She didn’t know, but couldn’t bear to bring up the other alternative.

“That makes sense I guess.” Jihyo sniffled. Stepped aside and handed over the egg as well.

“So… Omelets?” Jeongyeon asked.

“I chopped some vegetables… b-but I’m not- I don’t know… eggs and stuff.”

“You mix it in a bowl beforehand.” Jeongyeon explained as if it wasn’t just second nature to her. Jihyo couldn’t have known after all.

“Oh.”

“Do you want to cook together?” Jeongyeon asked.

Jihyo looked at her for a moment. Then frowned. Almost as if there was a math piece she couldn’t get to add up in her head.

“What?” Jeongyeon asked.

“It’s odd, Chaeyoung and Dahyun always say how they see Gammy in me. But they’re wrong. It’s not me who’s like her. It’s you.”

”What do you mean?” Jeongyeon asked confusedly.

“You’re helping because you see a situation where your presence could better it, and you act. Right? Even if it’s not your responsibility. You’re not here because Chaeyoung asked you to, or because Nayeon did. You’re just here because it’s better this way.”

“Aren’t you the same?” Jeongyeon asked. Jihyo was right, but Jeongyeon couldn’t help feeling Jihyo was selling herself short.

But Jihyo shook her head. “I’m here because I’ve been raised to hate myself if I didn’t give every single part of me away, and more than that. I’m here to keep from tearing myself apart completely.”

Jeongyeon looked down at the pan. Moved it away from the stove to avoid it getting too warm. She didn’t know what to say. And scarier was that Jihyo didn’t seem to know either. So they just stood there waiting for something to happen.

It was Jeongyeon who finally spoke, breaking the heavy silence. 

“Can you crack six eggs into that bowl?” 

…

Something had happened to Jihyo since yesterday morning. Nayeon could see it so plainly. How she had gotten up before anyone else, thinking Nayeon and Sana still slept. How she had helped cook breakfast and set the table without asking anyone for help. How she had poured tea for everyone and done the dishes afterwards, barely letting Sana help. This Jihyo wasn’t Nayeon’s Jihyo. This Jihyo was hidden behind the mask she wore at her job, with her family, with the people at her job. 

This was a girl who refused to let herself go in the face of the pain of her loved ones.

And it was this girl who opened the door around eleven when a knock on the door made every heart skip a beat. When the rest sat frozen, scattered around the living room, it was Jihyo who got up and walked to the front door.

Nayeon could hear it from her place in front of the altar, sitting on her knees beside Chaeyoung. 

“Hello.” a mature male voice said.

“Hello.” Jihyo’s voice shook slightly. “She’s in here.”

“Thank you.” the man said. Shuffling revealed that he was taking off his shoes, and then Jihyo reappeared in the door to the living room.

Every pair of eyes landed on her, and then on the man who stepped into the living room behind her. He was nicely dressed in dark clothes, and had a respectful look in his eyes.

Nayeon gave Chaeyoung’s hand a little squeeze and it seemed to wake her from the almost constant state of silent despair that had drained the light from her light since yesterday morning.

With a small intake of air, she got to her feet and bowed to the mortician.

“I’m Son Chaeyoung.”

“Are you the chief mourner?” the mortician asked, clearly looking around for someone older. Someone male.

Chaeyoung looked down at Nayeon for a moment, but Nayeon just nodded at her. It was okay.

“Yes I am.”

“Okay. And you want the body-”

“Son Mi Sook. Her name was Son Mi Sook.” Chaeyoung said defiantly.

The mortician did not seem to appreciate being interrupted, but just gave a seemingly involuntary twitch of an eyebrow and continued, as if reading from a script.

“You want Son Mi Sook to be prepared here, carried to the funeral home, cremated and buried tomorrow at the Seoul National Cemetery at 11 AM.”

“Yes.” Chaeyoung croaked. Cleared her throat. 

“Okay. If everyone is ready to leave the room, I’ll clean the body.” The mortician put down a bag and looked around at the girls.

Nayeon watched as the three Japanese girls got to their feet first, and then how Jihyo hurried to the door leading out to the garden, opening it for them. Then Dahyun got up from the couch, helping Tzuyu up and leading her outside as well. In the end it was only Nayeon and Chaeyoung. 

Nayeon too got to her feet. But as soon as she had found Chaeyoung’s hand, the younger spoke, as if Nayeon’s grasp had brought her bravery.

“Can I stay?” Chaeyoung asked.

“I… guess that’s okay.” The mortician said. Then looked at Nayeon. She clearly wasn’t welcome.

“Do you want me to stay?” Nayeon ignored the mortician. She was Chaeyoung’s to the bone and her eyes saw nothing but her.

“It’s okay.” Chaeyoung said. “I got this.”

“Okay.” Nayeon gave her hand another little squeeze, then let it go and walked around her, into the sunshine of an unusually beautiful April morning.

It took almost an hour before they were called inside. In that time, she had sat with Momo and Tzuyu, holding each of them. Watching Jihyo comfort Dahyun. Watching Mina leaning against Sana for minutes and minutes, until Chaeyoung stood in the door.

“He’s taking her now. If- If you want to say goodbye.” 

The finality of those words made something wilter in Nayeon, and every limb felt heavier than lead. She could do nothing but sit and watch as her sisters got to their feet. As Mina, Sana and Momo stayed respectfully in the background. As Jihyo helped Dahyun inside. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t face what was inside.

She wasn’t ready.

It wasn’t time. There had to be more time. More time to love her, more time to prepare herself for this. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye. She hadn’t even gotten to tell her lately how thankful she was. How much she loved her. She hadn’t- she wasn’t ever going to get whacked over the arm with a cooking spoon and told she needed to count herself for more than she was.

“Nayeon?”

Nayeon spun, eyes spilling with tears before she knew how to stop them.

Momo stood in front of her, holding out her hand. It was silent. Just an offering for someone to hold on to. But it was enough. Enough for Nayeon to break apart and find the bravery to grasp Momo’s hand. Brave enough to fumble until she found Sana’s too. Brave enough to let herself be led inside by these girls she hadn’t even known until they were suddenly here in the house. Until they had suddenly become an integrated part of the family. Not because anyone as such had decided they should be. It was more as if the house had decided. They were misfits just as the sisters were, and thus had been rewarded with its grace.

But every thought of grace disappeared as the shade inside took over from the sunshine, and Nayeon’s eyes found the body almost magnetically. She was so demanding in presence, even in her death, looking so small and peaceful.

She lay on a wooden stretcher, the white sheet under her, falling down each side as if ready to cover her.

“Ready?” the mortician asked.

“Yes.” Chaeyoung said quietly.

To Nayeon’s right she noticed how Mina stepped inside, but her main focus was on Chaeyoung. On the peaceful face of their Gammy, about to be shown for the last time. 

With immense gravity, Chaeyoung reached for a corner of the white sheet, but didn’t move beyond that. It seemed too much for her to be the one to do it. But in the same movement as Nayeon’s instinct made her step forth, so did two others. Dahyun beside Chaeyoung. Nayeon and Tzuyu opposite her. Gammy between the four sisters.

Chaeyoung shivered. Closed her eyes and then looked around at the three girls. They each held a piece of the white sheet.

The mortician didn’t look as if this break of tradition suited him. But he’d excuse it with them being young and being girls, Nayeon knew. And in this moment she didn’t mind that. She just knew that this was the right thing to do. 

The sheets covered her too easily. And Chaeyoung’s arms seemed hardly strained as she helped the mortician carry the body from the room, from the house, leaving only her spirit behind.

For a minute or two, no one in the house breathed. Only the wind rustling the leaves and a bird taking flight from the tree made Nayeon aware that the world hadn’t just stopped spinning. Because it might as well have. With Gammy’s body separated from the house it might just have been the end of the world.

But the world doesn’t end, even on days like this. It just takes our loved ones from us and grows flowers from their ashes.

“I’ll make some tea.” Jihyo finally broke the silence, her voice quiet and shaky. She was trying her best. Nayeon knew. And maybe that’s why Nayeon acted. Why she stopped her.

“No.” Nayeon said, softly reaching for Jihyo, though she was still too far away. 

“I-” Jihyo looked at her desperately. She wanted Nayeon to let her break herself.

“No more.” Nayeon mumbled. Took a step forth and found Jihyo’s soft hand, so familiar and warm, and trembling. And in a single stretch Nayeon’s arms wrapped around Jihyo’s body. And Jihyo’s shivering sigh was everything Nayeon could’ve ever wanted from life.

…

It seemed almost as if they had become afraid of moving. As if the house without Gammy could collapse at the slightest movement. So they just sat there. Waited. For what, they didn’t know. Maybe just for time to pass. Maybe for the shock to finally settle.

For almost an hour after the mortician had left, none of them moved. Not until Dahyun suddenly squirmed in Mina’s arms, and got to her feet.

“Where are you-” Chaeyoung asked, her voice veiled.

“Bathroom.” Dahyun said. Swallowed as if her throat was dry.

“Oh.” Chaeyoung looked down at her hands. Could she dare look at the clock? Could she dare let in reality? But in the end it wasn’t up to her. It was Mina who broke their trance in the end.

“Chaeyoung? Can I ask something?”

Chaeyoung turned to face her. Looked at her worried eyes and studied the hair falling softly down her shoulders. Dahyun’s sweater pawing at her hands and the fuzzy socks on her feet.

“Yeah.”

“I- I know this is a sensitive issue. But I know you’re supposed to give money, but honestly I don’t know how much. I don’t want to embarrass you. But I also don’t want you to have any expenses on account of this.”

Chaeyoung stared at her. She didn’t understand it right away, simply looking at Mina’s face, wondering if the words would repeat themselves if she waited long enough. But little by little, as she realized that they wouldn’t, the words started piecing themselves together in her head instead.

“I… I don’t know either.” Chaeyoung said. “I don’t know.”

“The normal is around 50,000.” Dahyun said monotonously, standing suddenly in the door. “Relatives are around 100,000. As far as I remember”

“That’s not a lot. Can that really cover it?” Sana asked worriedly.

Chaeyoung turned her head to look at Sana instead. “No. But it’s okay. I- we’ll find a way.”

“Can we pay more?” Sana asked. “Without it being an insult?”

“You…” Chaeyoung bit her lip, looked at Nayeon and then back at Sana. “How much more?”

“How much do you need?” Mina asked.

The question made Chaeyoung’s throat close up. She knew Mina and Sana had good money. She knew that they were asking if they could pay for it all. But Chaeyoung didn’t know if she wanted that. And she didn’t know how much it would end up costing either. The grave had been ordered long ago, Gampy already resting there. But the funeral home and- Chaeyoung couldn’t think of it all. It hurt too much.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything.”

“Would it help you to find out?” Nayeon asked softly.

Chaeyoung looked at her. Nodded. “I think so.”

“Didn’t Gammy have a folder with papers?” Jihyo asked.

Chaeyoung cringed immediately at the name.

“In the box in the bottom of her closet.” Tzuyu said, hugging her knees tighter. “I think.”

“I’ll get it.” Dahyun said, already turned towards the bedroom door.

“No.” Chaeyoung said.

Dahyun stopped. Looked at her sister. And Chaeyoung pleaded quietly. It had to be her. She had to do this. It was right that way. Even if they wanted to carry her as much as they could, things like this were her burden.

It seemed maybe Dahyun understood. At least, she accepted it. Because she walked back towards the couch, but instead of just settling by Mina’s side, she stopped in front of Chaeyoung, holding out a hand.

Chaeyoung looked at it for a long moment. Then took it, her stomach curling uncomfortably at the physical contact with another human being. But she let Dahyun pull her up, and stood for a second looking at her. Then passed around her, walking slowly towards the closed door of her Gammy’s bedroom.

With her hand on the doorknob, she stopped. Stared at the door. She knew the sight that would meet her when she opened the door. Knew the scent of safety that would fill her nostrils. But every bit as much as she tried to prepare for it, it turned out to be impossible, as her senses threatened to devastate her the moment she opened the door.

The smell of sleep and sweet perfume mixed with dust, and the sight of the unmade sheets from under which they had carried her into the living room, already cold and lifeless.

It was everything Chaeyoung could do just to stand. Everything she could do not to give in and fall onto the floor and beg for Gammy to come back. But maybe she was here. Because it was the only explanation Chaeyoung could find as to how she managed the strength it took to walk across the floor and open Gammy’s closet.

Once more Chaeyoung paused, trying to prepare herself for what she would see. But little did it help this time either. The sight of Gammy’s clothes hanging neatly side by side still took Chaeyoung’s breath away, as if she had been punched in the gut. She couldn’t help but get lost in the sight of it. Nor could she help but reach forth, touching the fabric of Gammy’s favorite knitted sweater lightly. It was as soft now, as if it had been then. It was one that her sister had knitted years back, when she was still alive.

“I miss you so much.” Chaeyoung whispered to the sweater. Then she let it go, let her hand fall limply down her side, and let her eyes travel down to the bottom of the closet.

It was painfully obvious. Besides a shoe rack, stacked on top of a bunch of magazines with cooking recipes stood an old shoebox labelled ‘ _ Documents _ ’.

Chaeyoung took it out. Looked at the clothes one last time before closing the door. Then she turned and walked away, out of the bedroom, closing that door too, and then into the living room. As if the box had suddenly given her purpose.

“It should be in here somewhere.” Chaeyoung said quietly, settling on the floor with the box in front of her.

Tzuyu scooted a little closer. “Do you want to go through it alone or-”

“No there’s probably so many papers, it’s so heavy, it will be faster if we split up the piles.” Chaeyoung said.

“And we’re looking for-”

“I need the license for the grave.” Chaeyoung stated almost professionally. All the breathlessness from before had gone away for a moment, and there was nothing but a strange numb determination. “There should be payment information on it. And I need bank statements to see how much is in her savings. And a will, if there is one. I know she had a solicitor when she was fighting my parents for custody, so she probably had a will written up back then.”

“Okay.” Tzuyu said, scooting subtly closer. Dahyun and Nayeon did the same. In the couch Chaeyoung noted how Mina’s eyes lingered on the back of Dahyun’s head, and how Sana and Momo sat next to each other, their arms almost touching. How Jihyo seemed unsure of whether she was supposed to help as well. In the end she seemed to decide just to look, sliding onto the floor behind Nayeon and wrapping herself around the older girl.

Chaeyoung took a deep breath. Then she opened the box. 

It was an absolute mess. Not that Chaeyoung had expected any less from Gammy, but it was still overwhelming. It was easier with all of them there, though. With careful hands, Chaeyoung took a pile from the box, handing it to Nayeon. Then another one for Tzuyu and a third for Dahyun. She left the last one for herself.

“Are we sorting too?” Nayeon asked, eyeing her pile with a certain amount of disbelief.

“No just look for any documents relevant to- to” Chaeyoung’s throat closed up and she shook her head. “You know.”

“Okay.” Nayeon gave a little nod. Then she started looking through her pile.

But barely had they started the search, when Dahyun’s sniffle brought their attention to her. She had swiftly skimmed through her pile, and found a slide binder.

“What is it?” Chaeyoung asked.

“It’s… I’m not sure. But it has our names on it.”

“What?” Nayeon jerked forwards, though quickly turning her head back and apologizing has she had accidentally hit Jihyo’s jaw in the process. Jihyo waved it off and scooted closer.

Every pair of eyes was on the slide binder.

“Do I open it?” Dahyun asked whisperingly, her eyes unsteadily on Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung nodded. “It’s probably just our- our documents. Insurances and stuff. School papers?”

“Okay.” Dahyun nodded. Slid aside the plastic and the front page.

It wasn’t just insurances and school papers. The first five documents belonged to Nayeon. Her high school enrollment papers, her diamond certification for the engagement ring that she had asked Gammy to hold, her insurance papers, her doctor’s journal write-out and finally-

“What’s that?” Jihyo asked.

“It’s… A bank statement.” Dahyun studied the paper. 

It was indeed a bank statement, into an account they didn’t know, showing almost 500,000 won going into the account every month. 

Tzuyu pointed at a name. “Nayeon... Who’s that?”

For a moment Chaeyoung was so transfixed, looking at the name, that she didn’t notice how Nayeon didn’t answer. But looking over at her, she sat completely still, staring with huge eyes and tears trickling quietly down her cheeks.

“Nayeon?” Chaeyoung asked.

“That’s…” Nayeon cleared her throat, cringing as if it physically hurt. “That’s my dad.”

“Your dad sent Gammy money? Every month?”

Nayeon shivered. “She never told me how she afforded my tuition. but she refused to ever let me pay anything. I thought she just had- had… It was him. She never told me it was him.” 

Chaeyoung’s mouth fell slightly open. But just as she was about to lean over to comfort her sister, Nayeon shook her head. Then she seemed to gather herself completely,wiping her tears away swiftly.

“What’s next?”

“Nayeon.” Jihyo said softly. But Nayeon shook her head again, more steadfast this time. 

“I can’t- I can’t deal right now. Later.”

Chaeyoung couldn’t really blame her. For someone who was sure that her parents had sworn her off for good, it must be quite a shock to see them still investing in her like this. Especially the undoubtable feeling of betrayal that Gammy had kept it from Nayeon, though Chaeyoung suspected that it might have been a condition of getting the money, because there was surely no way Nayeon would’ve accepted what was most likely guilt money.

“What’s next?” Nayeon asked again, her voice steadier now. A single glance to Chaeyoung told her that Nayeon had been thinking exactly the same as Chaeyoung. But they didn’t say it out loud. Instead they turned back to the binder.

It was clear that everyone were more on edge now, wondering what other information might

“Okay.” Tzuyu said. Reached over and turned the page.

Dahyun’s papers were next.

It didn’t contain anything out of the ordinary; just her scholarship papers, her insurance papers and the legal guardian documents needed for Dahyun to officially be fostered by Gammy. It was a different situation than Nayeon who hadn’t been a legal orphan when Gammy took her in. 

“Okay.” Chaeyoung breathed, readying herself as she turned the last page of Dahyun’s section. She knew that she was next. Though the rest of her personal documents were an absolute mess, the girls’ papers were so meticulously sorted. She was third in line. And third in the book.

A rush of guilt flooded through Chaeyoung’s system. Maybe it would’ve been more right to let Nayeon take the burden of being the oldest. Because it was clear from this that Gammy considered them all as hers.

Chaeyoung’s section was the biggest, holding court orders, court determinations, legal guardian documents, doctor’s notes, pictures taken by doctors, the emergency custody, and at the very back, the custody papers.

It hurt less than expected for Chaeyoung to see the photos. As if the child in the photos was someone else. But she felt how they all looked at her.

They hardly knew.

But she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. She wasn’t ready to accept the child in the photos as herself.

“Chaeng…” Dahyun muttered.

But Chaeyoung just looked up at her and grinned, ignoring the way her eyes glazed over. But she couldn’t say anything. The kid wasn’t her. So what was there to say?

Dahyun opened her mouth and closed it again. Then she reached and took Chaeyoung’s hand. Chaeyoung sent her a sad little shrug. If she spoke another word she’d surely cry. Not because she was sad. But because of shame. An irrational but ever present shame over what had happened to her, what had now been exposed to seven people, only some of whom even had an inkling of how bad it had been. There wasn’t a doubt in the world that they all knew now.

“Tzu?” Nayeon mumbled. It was for Chaeyoung’s sake that she said it. To lift her burden a bit.

“Yeah.” Tzuyu agreed quietly. Turned the page and reached her own pages. There was barely anything. Only copies of the false identity papers Tzuyu had been given by Gammy with a no-questions-asked policy. It was who she was now. But there was something else too, stuck in the bottom of a high school degree.

A picture taken from above, showing a woman crouching, holding a toddler, grinning at the camera while a dog tried to hop onto her lap.

A single glance at Tzuyu told more than Chaeyoung ever could learn from talking. Without a single doubt, Chaeyoung knew it. The girl in the photo was Elkie.

“Tzu.” Nayeon said carefully.

“... She’s so happy.” Tzuyu whispered. And ever so nimbly she reached into the plastic pocket and took out the picture. The way she stared at it was more tender and pure than anything else.

“How does she have that?” Dahyun asked. “ _ Why _ does she have that?”

“I don’t know.” Chaeyoung muttered. Looked at the plastic pocket again. The picture was just sat in front of Tzuyu’s bank loan statements. But just as Chaeyoung was about to search the rest of the folder, Dahyun gave a tiny sound and looked at the picture.

“There’s writing on the back.”

“What?” Jihyo asked. “Where?”

“The back of the picture. Look.” Dahyun gestured carefully at the back of the picture.

Tzuyu seemed not to have heard it properly, because it took her a good three seconds to even act. But then, ever so slowly, she turned the picture around, hiding Elkie’s bright smile.

It was written in Chinese, so none of the others could read, but Tzuyu’s eyes softly travelled over the characters as if they told her favorite childhood story. Then she turned the paper back and looked at them.

“Gammy kept this safe for a day when it wouldn’t make me run back.” Tzuyu said quietly. “It says the little girl is Elkie’s daughter. Elkie had been looking for me but in the end decided not to find me. She wanted to keep me safe always.”

Chaeyoung could feel her stomach knot. They all knew how much she missed her home. How much she missed her best friend. It was the one reason she had never really gotten to be happy here, even if she tried. She was always just a little less home here. 

“... And now?”

“She’s happy. That’s all that matters.” Tzuyu smiled.

“You’re not mad that Gammy kept it from you?” Jihyo asked worriedly.

“No.” Tzuyu shook her head. “Elkie told her not to.”

A silence settled after that. So much had been uncovered in just half an hour, and Chaeyoung didn’t know if she could handle any more. But there were still pages left in the binder, and they had also yet to find the actual papers they were looking for. It had to be done.

Carefully, Chaeyoung turned the page, assuming that Tzuyu wasn’t going to put the picture back into the folder.

“What is that?” Nayeon wondered curiously, tracing over the document.

_ 2020 March 23rd _

_ Son Mi Sook _

_ We regret to inform you that your initial request for the adoption of Im Na Yeon has been denied on the basis of lack of official fostering and legal guardianship. ... _

Chaeyoung didn’t finish reading, but turned the page, feeling her face screw up. The next document was almost identical.

_ 2020 March 23rd _

_ Son Mi Sook _

_ We are pleased to inform you that your initial request for the adoption of Kim Da Hyun has been approved based on previous legal guardianship. A letter will arrive with the date of your initial court date, which both you and Miss Da Hyun will be expected to attend. ... _

Chaeyoung closed her eyes, shaking all over. She heard the page turn again, and forced herself to open her eyes.

_ 2020 March 26th _

_ Son Mi Sook _

_ We regret to inform you that our initial approval of request for adoption of Kim Da Hyun has been revoked on the basis of your health status. ... _

Chaeyoung’s eyes fell on the last line before the signature. It felt exactly as if someone had knocked all the air out of her, and the tears fell before she could stop them.

She finally crumbled.

_ We apologize for the inconvenience _ .

…

If Momo were ever to name the strangest most overwhelming situation she had ever found herself in, this would be it. She had absolutely no idea how she was supposed to look or act or feel in this situation, as they stood looking at the casket. 

Gammy had been the last one left of her friends and family; had focused solely on her four girls in the last years, and in the process lost her network. A few of her old coworkers at the school had sent money and condolences, but the church held only nine.

None of them spoke. They just stared at the casket, the nine girls standing one next to each other waiting for something to happen. Maybe someone would say ‘ _ sike _ ’, and Gammy would come walking into the room or jump up from behind the platform on which the casket stood. Maybe someone would pinch another and they’d all wake up from this collective nightmare. 

Chaeyoung swallowed. Then she nodded at the priest. Sniffled, tears running down salty trails on her cheeks. She had given up wiping them away.

The priest spoke words that Momo assumed to be final blessings or rituals. Then he nodded at Chaeyoung, and they all bowed in respect before he walked away.

The service was over. And as soon as they left, the casket would be taken for cremation, and there would be nothing left but her ashes.

A broken sob sounded to Momo’s left, and she turned to see Dahyun cling to Tzuyu’s arm, hiding her head against the youngest’s shoulder. The sight made Momo’s throat close up. It was so hard to see those she cared about being so sad. Yet she didn’t avert her eyes when Tzuyu’s face screwed up, and her hand found Chaeyoung’s. Nor when Nayeon took Chaeyoung’s other hand, the four of them holding on to each other as tight as they could; tethered each other to the world.

Momo’s eyes glazed over, and she finally gave in to the urge to distance herself from the pain, looking down at her shoes as the tears trickled down her cheeks and nose. She had never hurt this much for someone else’s loss. She had always been fortunate. Shielded. Had family who would go to the end of the world and friends she could al-. Momo looked to her left. To her right. Found an open hand and one held already by herself. Momo took them both. Took Mina’s open hand and Sana’s closed and held them as tight as she could. Her friends. Her precious friends on whom she could always rely. Always. And the way they inched closer until they stood as close as the four sisters made something heal inside Momo. Something between all three of them that had been broken for months.

With the feeling of Mina’s thumb softly stroking her skin, Momo looked to the four sisters once more, still hand in hand. But the difference now was that Jeongyeon stood beside Nayeon, their hands held tight, and Jihyo mirrored them on Dahyun’s right. They were a family. The six of them. They were each other’s family, and- and Jihyo’s hand stretched out to Sana. And slowly, ever so slowly, they moved closer together, until they stood together. So close that their heartbeats were heard as one and their thoughts mixed into something that was almost palpable love. Love for the woman in the casket on the podium. Love for each other. Love for a life they had lived until now.

And when Chaeyoung spoke, she spoke as their collective voice.

“I miss you.” Chaeyoung told the casket. Told her grandmother. Her guardian. “I’ll always miss you. And I think that’s okay. I think I’m allowed to spend the rest of my life missing you. I just have to live my life alongside missing you.”

Dahyun bit down on her lip hard, her body so clearly fighting the urge to curl in on itself. And Tzuyu stood as tall and elegant as ever, with her beautiful face red and swollen with the manifestation of grief.

“Thank you for saving me.” Chaeyoung finally said, her voice clear and unwavering.

“Thank you for saving me.” Nayeon croaked, raising her hand in Chaeyoung’s. She kissed the back of her hand. Momo knew the story by now. The gratitude was both for the woman in the casket and for Chaeyoung.

“... Thank you for saving me.” Tzuyu exhaled, closing her eyes, chin trembling. She too held Chaeyoung’s hand tighter.

“I don- I- T-tha…” Dahyun tried. Shook violently. And Jihyo tugged her close, shushing her and kissing her hair. To Momo’s right, she felt how Mina’s hand clenched hers, and knew she was resisting the urge to run to Dahyun, to shield her. But she didn’t move. She didn’t break the line. She just watched as Dahyun looked up at the ceiling and then at the casket again.

“... T-thank you for saving me.”

Just as Chaeyoung had been the one to speak first, it was also her who broke the line first. In two steps she had both arms around Dahyun’s neck, hugging her so close, Momo thought Dahyun probably couldn’t breathe.

But it didn’t matter. None of them knew how to breathe anyway.

… 

Nothing made sense. This had to be someone else’s life. It couldn’t be Chaeyoung’s. Because if it was, then that would mean that as they left, Gammy’s body would be taken into the cremation room and burned. Turned to ashes and broken down to atoms, particles making up an entire life.

The thought alone almost made Chaeyoung turn around and run in. She had to save Gammy. Had to protect her from the flames. But there was no protecting her. She wasn’t there anymore. Her soul wasn’t with her body. And Chaeyoung could do nothing but let it happen. 

Chaeyoung looked down at her feet. Had to somehow reconnect with the real world, even if it happened only through the rhythmic movements of her feet towards a future she could barely grasp.

A future without Gammy.

A future where she was alone.

But she wasn’t alone. Because Nayeon’s hand was in hers, and so was Jeongyeon’s. And they tethered her to the world so firmly.

“I’m glad I found you.” Chaeyoung mumbled. Wasn’t sure which one she was talking to, but it didn’t matter. She had found them all. All her people were hers because she had found them. All eight of them.

The runaways, the treasure hunters, the hopeful and the lost. All hers.

They didn’t talk until they reached the parking lot.

“You’re going back now?” Chaeyoung asked.

The rest had taken the train earlier, but Jeongyeon had been forced to stay behind at the shop and had only made it in the last minutes.

“I closed for the day.” Jeongyeon said. “There’s a note in the door explaining why. I figured I owed my customers the truth.”

“Oh.” Chaeyoung bit her lip.

“But I have to take the car back.” Jeongyeon said, as the rest made to walk away from the parking lot, towards the station.

Chaeyoung looked at her. Looked at their hands. She didn’t want to let go. Not yet.

“Can we just stay here for a minute?” Chaeyoung asked quietly.

“Of course.” Jeongyeon. “Or an hour, if that fits better. I don’t have to be anywhere but here.”

Chaeyoung took a deep breath. It almost felt like life. But only almost. Then she felt Nayeon’s hand squeeze hers, and looked around at Gammy’s oldest granddaughter.

“Why don’t you go in the car with Jeongyeon? We’ll meet you at home. Then you won’t have to deal with the subway either.”

Chaeyoung didn’t hear the last part of the sentence clearly. Had stumbled over the word  _ home _ . It was still a home right? Even now? How were they ever going to fill out the space? How would it ever be as warm and full of life without Gammy? Would it be a home if they couldn’t fill it?

“Chaeyoung?” Tzuyu’s voice fought through Chaeyoung’s thoughts.

Chaeyoung looked up at her as if looking at a stranger. But slowly the features of a tall beauty came into focus and materialized as her Tzuyu. As Chaeyoung’s Tzuyu.

“Yeah. Okay.” Chaeyoung breathed. Nodded a little late. Then blinked and frowned. Looked around at the woman she called her girlfriend. “Is that okay?”

“Of course.” Jeongyeon sent a careful smile. Reached over to correct one of Chaeyoung’s hairs. 

“Okay.”

Softly, Nayeon’s hand slid from Chaeyoung’s, and she sent her a nod. Then she looked past Chaeyoung, eyes firm on Jeongyeon. The unspoken words might as well have been shouted, they were so clear.

_ Keep her safe _ .

Chaeyoung couldn’t help but feel just a little defiant at that moment, despite everything. But the next, Jeongyeon’s hand loosened its grip on Chaeyoung’s, as if she had sensed the defiance, and Chaeyoung grabbed it tighter. Then she looked at Jeongyeon.

“Don’t let go.”

Jeongyeon sent her a small smile, still painted with loss and mourning but a smile all the same.

Chaeyoung hoped someday it would become instinct to react to it. That she would feel less numb in time.

It would probably happen.

But for now her protector was dead and her family was broken and nothing was real but the eyes of her sisters before they turned away and Jeongyeon’s hand helping Chaeyoung towards the car.

“I think a part of me had thought he’d show today.” Chaeyoung said as Jeongyeon held the door open for her.

“Your dad?” Jeongyeon asked.

Chaeyoung nodded. “I didn’t realize until I walked out of the church, that she was already dead to him. And so am I. I don’t exist as a living being in his mind. He had already said goodbye.”

“Would you like to see him?” Jeongyeon asked. Didn’t let go of Chaeyoung’s hand. Just stood there with the car door open, waiting for nothing.

“No. He- he wasn’t good to me.” Chaeyoung hadn’t exactly gotten around to this part of her past. It wasn’t easy breezy and she honestly wasn’t ready to open up yet. Not to Jeongyeon. Not yet. She was barely even ready to tell the sisters whom she had lived with for years and years. The girls she had claimed for her own without a proper explanation for what she herself was doing at the house.

“I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” Chaeyoung looked up at Jeongyeon’s face.

“It must have been so hard for you, growing up with people who don’t treat you right. I’m sorry.”

Chaeyoung nodded. Some day she would tell her. But for now this was all she could muster. And Jeongyeon didn’t ask for more. She just patiently waited for Chaeyoung to let go and get into the front seat. Then Jeongyeon walked around the car, got into the driver’s seat and turned on the car.

Chaeyoung wasn’t sure why, but the action sparked a memory.

“On rainy days sometimes Gammy would pick me up from school.” Chaeyoung said, listening to the soft noises of the car. “She’d pick me up and take me home to her place and make me hot cocoa. She’d teach me the music of the rain from the open door to the yard and she would teach me old songs that her sister used to sing.”

Jeongyeon changed gears and slowly rolled out of the parking lot.

“I started wishing for rain. Because when it rained I didn’t always have to go home. Gammy was my sanctuary. And it’s not until I was much older that I realized why Gammy picked me up sometimes when it rained. I was too young to notice a pattern beyond rain.”

Chaeyoung paused to listen to the melodic clicking of the turning signal. There was a red light.

Jeongyeon looked around at her but didn’t ask. Just opened her hand between them, the gear firmly in drive.

Chaeyoung took her hand and looked out at the clear blue sky behind the tall buildings of the beautiful city she had learned to call hers.

“My dad used to have to pick me up on certain days of the week. And my dad hated the rain.”

…

It was over too soon. The funeral. It was way too short and they had left too soon. Dahyun wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready. But it had happened in the blink of an eye, and now there was nothing but an empty house and the smell of food.

Dahyun sat on the couch, leaned on Mina’s shoulder, looking down at their hands, Mina’s fingers softly playing with Dahyun’s. It felt like love.

“It’s already getting dark.” Nayeon’s voice caught Dahyun’s attention, and she looked up at her. But Nayeon wasn’t addressing Dahyun. She was looking out into the garden, standing next to Tzuyu.

“The lights will turn on soon.” Tzuyu assured her.

Nayeon looked up at her, and then at Jihyo. “I hope so. I really hope so.”

Dahyun looked down again. She knew what Nayeon was thinking. and then at Mina. It was supposed to be their wedding day; today. They were supposed to be married today. And instead they had buried Gammy.

Everything about it felt so wrong.

A sigh left Dahyun’s body, leaving such relief that it must’ve been stuck in her soul for at least a day. With another deep breath, Dahyun looked up. Looked at Mina.

“You ok?” Mina asked, lacing and unlacing their fingers softly. Over and over.

Dahyun nodded. Leaned in and kissed Mina’s cheek softly. Just for a moment. Just because she had to. 

Mina gave a nimble smile and hummed. Then she turned her head and pressed her forehead against Dahyun’s. 

Dahyun’s eyes hurt from crying, and it was hard to focus, but she still found Mina’s eyes, even if she went a little cross-eyed from it. She really had the most beautiful eyes. But it was so rare that Dahyun got to see them this close up. But it made everything else disappear for a moment. And there was a single moment where she forgot about all the hurt in her heart and the way her body ached.

To say that the moment passed though, would’ve been a lie. It was more like they got ripped from it. 

“You’re kidding.” Nayeon said loudly, making Dahyun pull back and look at her sisters. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“Why not?” Tzuyu asked. “She would’ve loved it.”

“Loved what?” Dahyun asked.

Nayeon turned from the window and crossed her arms. She looked to be in absolute disbelief. “Tzuyu seems to be under the impression that tonight -  _ tonight _ would be the perfect time for Jihyo and I to- you know, get married.”

“What?” Jihyo spluttered, getting up from the couch, leaving her phone open in her seat.

“Right? She’s lost it, we can’t get married today it’s absurd!” Nayeon said.

“Why not?” Chaeyoung asked, emerging from the kitchen where she and Jeongyeon had been doing the dishes.

“Oh God, not you too.” Nayeon groaned. “We just buried Gammy three hours ago, we can’t get married. Not today. Another day yes, but not today.”

“What would change by waiting?” Chaeyoung asked. Jeongyeon had appeared in the door as well now, and Nayeon clearly felt all eyes on her.

“It wouldn’t be today. It’s completely insane and frankly it’d be disrespectful.” Nayeon insisted loudly.

“I told you already, she would’ve loved it.” Tzuyu tried.

Nayeon looked more than just a little caught, and honestly, Dahyun couldn’t blame her. But Tzuyu was right. Today was their wedding day and Gammy would’ve loved for them to go ahead with the wedding anyway.

“How did you even start discussing this?” Jihyo asked, her cheeks slightly tinged. 

“I just said how today was supposed to be our wedding day and-“

“And it _should_ _be that_.” Tzuyu said. 

“Wouldn’t it be better to wait a month? Or two?”

“What for?” Chaeyoung asked. “Gammy will still be dead, we’ll still be heartbroken. It’s just a matter of when we think it’s appropriate to start living again. And I think frankly she’d kick your ass if you didn’t marry Jihyo because of her.”

Dahyun felt her stomach tug. She understood Chaeyoung, she really did, but she also couldn’t help sympathizing with Nayeon. It was a lot, and honestly, a wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of a girl’s life right? But this was one of the saddest.

Except in this moment, the sadness had lightened. They breathed for a moment in this madness. It seemed by questioning the mere existence of life and love in the face of death, Tzuyu had brought them to a place where the sadness was almost bearable. And even if it would turn impossible later once more, in this moment they lived.

“Maybe that’s what it’s all about.” Dahyun thought out loud.

“What?” Jihyo turned to face Dahyun.

“This. Choosing life whenever we can.” Dahyun tried. She wasn’t very good at articulating her feelings. “I- I don’t know. I just think if you want to… you could.”

…

Jihyo’s eyes travelled from the kitchen entryway to the couch. Then from the couch back to the kitchen entryway. Then from-

“You’re pacing.” Jihyo said the fifth time Nayeon had passed her, gnawing on her lip to a point where it was so swollen it looked as if she had been making out for an hour.

“I’m aware.” Nayeon stopped, deflating with a deep sigh, raising her face towards the ceiling. She let out a groan of frustration and turned to Jihyo.

“I don’t know if I want to do this today.” Nayeon finally admitted.

Jihyo nodded. “I respect that.”

“But you don’t feel the same.” Nayeon concluded.

Jihyo uncrossed her arms, instead holding onto the windowsill she was leaning on. “I want to be your wife. Whenever you want me to be.”

“Jihyo.” Nayeon said, a hint of reprimandation in her voice. “What do you want for _ you _ ?”

Jihyo shrugged. “I want for me to have a wife who’s comfortable in the decision she’s making by marrying me.” 

Nayeon pressed her lips tight together, then pursed them. Jihyo couldn’t help but stare. Even now.

“I wanted to marry you with Gammy sitting in the front row. And now I don’t know what I want or what I’m comfortable with, but I’m scared that it will be a sin to marry you today.”

“Because of…” Jihyo didn’t need to finish the sentence. Just those two words made the picture of the wooden casket play in front of her eyes as vividly as if she was still standing there.

It broke something inside of Jihyo. The same thing. The same piece of her heart, over and over again like a grotesque looped movie showing how flesh tears and turns to dust. 

“We  _ just _ buried her.” Nayeon whispered into the silence. 

Jihyo knew Nayeon had been revisiting the chapel in her head too. 

“I know, Nay.” Jihyo hushed, finally pushing herself off the sill and walking towards her fiancé. “It’s okay. We don’t have to get married today.”

“But I want to.” Nayeon croaked. “I want to marry you right now, today, without waiting for timing or opportunity, I want you to be my wife because I can’t stand the thought that if something happens to you-“

The last few words seemed to knock all the air out of Nayeon, and Jihyo instinctively wrapped her arms around Nayeon’s waist, hugging her tight. 

Nayeon let out a shivering sigh, burying her nose in Jihyo’s hair. 

“I want you to be my wife now but I can’t bear to have our marriage license say this date.”

“Well it won’t no matter what.” Jihyo reminded her. “There’s no way we’re going to make it to the courthouse today, and we can’t get our licensed signed at home.”

Nayeon swallowed and took a deep breath. Then she nodded.

“So we wait?”

“If you want.”

“You just said-“

“We can still say our vows.” Jihyo drew back, looking at Nayeon with an unshakable expression. “We have the rings. It’s just the stamp of approval we can’t get today. But if you want me now, I’ll make my promises right here. Right now.”

Nayeon stared at her as if she had spoken suddenly in a different language.

“I just wish I could be sure it was the right time.” Nayeon sighed. “It seems like no matter what I do, it’s always going to be a shit time, no matter when I wanted to ask you, something came up and I keep thinking if we wait, something else will come up and it will always be a shit time.”

A warmth spread from Jihyo’s heart, through her body. This was the exact Nayeon she had fallen for so fast. Nayeon who had been so worried that their first kiss wouldn’t be right. Nayeon who had spent more than a week trying to get it right, and timing had just never been on her side. But just as Nayeon gave too much value to timing, Jihyo possibly didn’t give enough. But it made them work.

And Jihyo watched the redness of Nayeon’s eyes and around her nose. The swollen lips and warm cheeks.

“Marry me.”

…

The town was dark, and the weather was cool, but the little garden was full of fairy lights and anticipation. But the anticipation wasn’t mixed with a sense of butterflies and champagne bubbles, but rather mixed with sorrow and devotion so deep it was almost palpable as they gathered on the little patch of grass in front of the bench and the birch.

“I don’t know if I should be comforted or frightened by the realization that exactly nothing about this has turned out how I had planned.” Nayeon breathed, standing in front of the tree, fairy lights hung around the branches, shining down on her. 

“I think you should be comforted by the fact that you made it anyway.” Jeongyeon said, standing next to her, navy lace falling over her shoulders and down her front.

Nayeon nodded, taking what felt like the deepest breath of her life. Her head was still spinning from the last twenty minutes. 

It seemed as soon as the decision had been made, everyone had gone into a kind of panic mode. Nayeon had immediately argued that they could just get married in the same clothes they wore now, but Chaeyoung insisted that they wear their dresses - all of them.

_ Weddings and funerals shouldn’t look alike _ .

And so, they had rustled to their rooms, though Nayeon had barely stepped into hers before being pulled out and held griplocked by Jeongyeon and dragged into the adjacent one, with a note that Chaeyoung would get her dress.

From there it had been an absolute mess of undoing hair, zipping up dresses and finding wedding shoes. And somewhere in it all they had ended up here, in the garden behind Gammy’s house, Nayeon waiting under the tree.

“We’re giving up on the shoes!” Dahyun announced, emerging from the door to the living room, her cheeks flushed. She and Sana had been hunting down Jihyo’s bridal shoes for at least ten minutes.

“We’re ready then?” Tzuyu asked.

“Yeap.”

Nayeon looked up, catching a glimpse of white in the door before Jihyo emerged, Sana appearing behind her in baby pink. But that was all the note Nayeon gave to Sana. Because the sight of Jihyo was practically otherworldly. Her face glowed with rush and love and shyness at the attention, and her hair framed her perfectly, arranged in a swift but elegant bun, a band of tiny petals like snowflakes on the brown locks.

“See now you have to marry her tonight.” Jeongyeon noted. “Because if you don’t, someone else will. Me, for example.”

“Don’t you dare.” Nayeon bit nervously, grabbing Jeongyeon’s arm to keep herself steady.

It seemed Jihyo had caught the sound, because she sent Nayeon a cheeky smirk, descending the steps with bare feet and the dress flowing around her feet. Honestly, if anything had ever been made to be worn by Jihyo, it was this dress. The way it laced around her arms and trailed down her perfect figure made it absolutely impossible not to stare. But as caught as Nayeon felt in Jihyo, it was amazement that struck Nayeon at the realization that Jihyo’s eyes travelled over Nayeon’s features with equal reverence and wonderment. 

“Hi.” Nayeon muttered as Jihyo came to a halt in front of her. She was impossibly small on her bare feet, especially with Nayeon in heels, but a single one two steps, and a kick, and they both stood with grass between their toes and the cool earth connecting them.

“What? No short jokes?” Jihyo asked with a tilt of her head and eyes slightly narrowed at Nayeon.

That single question changed the atmosphere, and Nayeon suddenly felt like she could breathe again. As if the chains were suddenly a little easier to carry.

“Mh… I got one.” Nayeon pursed her lips.

Jihyo rolled her eyes. “Okay, one last before you have to love and  _ honor _ me the rest of your life, bring it on.”

Nayeon gaped. “Wait if I only have one then-”

“Oops, too late.” Jihyo looked down at her very bare wrist. Then she looked up at Tzuyu. “Can we start the wedding now?”

“Mean.” Nayeon pouted. But Jihyo just winked at her, and Nayeon got suddenly way too busy with trying not to let it show how her insides turned to mush with just that move.

Tzuyu cleared her throat. “Okay, so are we doing the traditional ladies and- well ladies.”

Someone snorted. Probably Chaeyoung.

“I mean- we don’t have to do the whole thing, but-” Nayeon shrugged, feeling suddenly a little awkward about the whole thing.

“Okay. I’ll try. But I only know what I’ve seen in movies.”

“You know maybe we should just-” Nayeon started. But she never got further. Because next thing she knew, Jihyo’s hands held her face, and her expression was firm. “No?”

“I’m in a wedding dress. With a corset. I’m wearing a damn garter. What do you think?” Jihyo grumbled.

Nayeon cleared her throat, her cheeks slightly smushed together. It was a fair point. Though Nayeon couldn’t help but wonder just how that- and Jihyo was definitely reading that thought with how her eyebrows shot up.

“Okay.” Nayeon admitted defeat.

Jihyo grinned and drew back. Then she stood up to her full height and pressed her lips together, sending Tzuyu a little nod.

“Okay.” Tzuyu said. “Uh, ladies and- no you know what we all know why we’re here let’s skip that part.”

Dahyun and Chaeyoung both laughed, and Tzuyu seemed to melt just a little at the sound. But she quickly composed herself, sending Nayeon a little apologetic smile. Nayeon gave her a subtle thumbs-up in return.

“I think I speak for all of Nayeon’s sisters when I say that it was more than just a little surprising the day Nayeon announced that she had found a girl she liked. I remember she had come home late one night with this dopey expression on her face, and when Gammy-”

Nayeon’s stomach turned uncomfortably, and she felt her face fall. But barely had registered this before hands found hers, and Jihyo kept her grounded in her sorrow.

“Gammy asked where Nayeon had been so late. And I think it was the first time I’ve ever seen her unable to lie. So she told us about this girl who led Chaeyoung’s support group, and how they had been hanging out a bit lately. Of course this turned out to be the understatement of the century. But slowly we got used to this image of Nayeon that wasn’t the world’s most bitter…”

“Bitch?” Nayeon helped her along.

“Language.” Tzuyu sent her a reprimanding look so alike Gammy’s that Nayeon almost lost her footing.

“But anyway, it took some getting used to this new Nayeon who was so head over heels, but we also had to get used to a new girl in the house. Jihyo.”

Jihyo’s hands held Nayeon’s tighter, and Nayeon watched her as she looked at Tzuyu, already with tears in her beautiful eyes.

“You already know what you mean to us, to all of us who get to see the light you bring. You changed everything for us. You know you did. You know that you’re the reason we’re all seeking life. Because you’re Nayeon’s life. And in her seeking you, we came to seek that same life in our own surroundings. In our pasts. In our futures. So seeing as this is your wedding, I think I’m going to leave the rest up to you. If you have anything to say, that is.”

“We do.” Nayeon said. “I mean, I do.” 

“Too early, sis.” Chaeyoung noted dryly.

“Yoo, control your woman.” Nayeon said.

“How is this my fault,  _ again _ ?” Jeongyeon complained.

“Because the alternative is me scolding Chaeyoung and you don’t actually believe I’m going to do that, right?” Nayeon sent her best friend a smirk. It was so weird to think of her like that again. But she was. Since New Year’s, she had been Nayeon’s again. Not how they had been as kids, they weren’t those people anymore. But the other people they had become had somehow kept the same tether to the past, until it was ready to be tightened again.

Jeongyeon shook her head with a small smile, and wrapped her arms around Chaeyoung’s tiny frame from behind, arms around her shoulders.

“Are you three done fighting?” Jihyo asked impatiently, rubbing softly over the skin of Nayeon’s hand. “Can we get married now?”

Nayeon’s stomach looped, and she looked at Jeongyeon one last time. Gave her a small nod. Then she turned her attention back to the beautiful girl in front of her.  _ Her _ girl. How she had ever gotten this lucky, Nayeon wasn’t sure. But the ring on Jihyo’s left hand’s fourth finger glistened from the lights in the tree, and Nayeon took a deep breath.

“Okay. Wait it’s vows now?”

Tzuyu nodded.

Yes good. Nayeon closed her eyes for a moment and then exhaled. “I’ve thought a thousand hours about what I would tell you on our wedding day. What I wanted to promise you. There’s this idea that your vows set a frame for your marriage, but I have come to learn that I’m about to enter a future I barely have a clue about. I spent a thousand hours thinking, planning how I would ask you to even have this day with me and none of it ended up happening. I honestly wasn’t even aware that I would end up proposing that day until a minute before I did it. So I think I’ve reached this conclusion; that whatever comes to mind in this moment will be the right.”

Jihyo’s eyes twinkled and crinkled at the edges. Her lips, slightly chapped, tugged at the edges, and she sniffled once. It became Nayeon’s cue, and she felt how her fingers found the engagement ring almost instinctively, rubbing over the skin just above it where the wedding ring would eventually be.

“I love it when you sing to me. I love it when you let yourself go with me. I love it when you forget your coffee cup and your keys and your wallet. I love that I know why you sing only to me. I love that I know how to clean your coffee cup when grounds stick to the bottom. I love that I know you always put your keys in the left pocket and you always look in the right one first. And I love that your wallet has a picture of me when I was a kid; the only picture I have of myself from then. You keep me safe. You make me dream. And you could sing me anything. I swear I’d take in every word. And that’s what I want to promise you. To always listen. To always let you take me into the unknown, the unexpected. And to always know where your keys are.”

The last part felt more like an  _ i love you _ than anything Nayeon had ever said in her life. And the way Jihyo looked at her was so tender and full of devotion, that she didn’t have to say anything. But she did.

“You’re way too good at words, this isn’t fair.” Jihyo croaked. She took a breath and paused as if waiting for a beat. “I’m a superhero. That’s what people say. They say I’m superman. Then they ask how I do it - be the person they say I am. And I tell them I was raised to give everything I have. You know I love being a superhero. I love when my kids stop seeing their scars as their own weakness, and find the strength of survival in them. But I used to get so tired. Because the cape is so heavy, and even in my own house, I had to be more of a superhero just to be considered average. But I’m not your superhero. You took off my cape and put on my glasses and you called me Clark Kent. I’m a superhero to those who need one because you never wanted one. You just wanted me. I’m only a superhero because you allow me not to be one. With you, I’m me. And I’ll always sing to you. Because loving you isn’t a possibility. Not loving you is simply an impossibility.”

Nayeon’s entire body shook with the restraint of not kissing Jihyo, of not holding her close and never letting her go. Because she wanted to hear every word Jihyo had to say. But the moment Jihyo nodded, signaling that she was done, Nayeon’s restraint gave. In a single movement she caught Jihyo’s lips, kissing her so firmly that nothing in the world felt real except for that one kiss.

Whether Tzuyu declared them married or not, Nayeon wasn’t sure. She just knew the lace of Jihyo’s dress under her fingertips and Jihyo’s hands on Nayeon’s bare arms, tugging her closer.

  
  


…

Sana couldn’t breathe. Everything inside of her hurt, with Jihyo’s words echoing for an eternity and the pressure threatening to bring her to her knees. But she didn’t move an inch; just stood where she had frozen halfway through Jihyo’s vows twenty minutes ago.

_ Loving you isn’t a possibility. Not loving you is simply an impossibility. _

Momo. It had all been about Momo. With closed eyes, Sana had heard Jihyo’s words as if they had come from her own mind. But Jihyo hadn’t talked about Sana and Momo. She had talked about the woman she was about to marry. 

_ Shit.  _

It was the only cohesive self-invented thought in Sana’s head. The only word Sana would come up with in her complete devastation that could ever describe this entire situation. A rush of panic travelled over Sana’s skin, making it burn and making the hairs stand on end.

“Sana?”

Mina’s soft voice made Sana jump three feet from the ground and land six below. Or at least it felt like that.

With her heart hammering like nobody’s business, Sana found Mina’s eyes. It seemed like the wildness translated.

“What’s wrong?”

Sana didn’t know how to answer. What was wrong was everything. But how did she translate  _ everything _ into a name? A loss. A love. How did she translate when Sana’s mind was so full of memories, Momo’s smile, her voice… her lips. Her words that night that Sana hadn’t listened to.

_ I want you. _

Was it really so hard to imagine that someone might have honestly loved Sana? Or was it just that it was Momo, that made it too scary for her to even consider?

“Sana. Just breathe.” Mina tried, clearly reading Sana’s every word unsaid.

There wasn’t a single secret between them anymore. Mina knew. She had always known. Sana realized this in the same breath. Even when they hadn’t known, Mina knew. And maybe that was why Sana managed to let the words slip past her.

“I love her.”

“I know.” Mina hushed. Reached and took Sana’s hand, gently keeping her afloat.

“I don’t know how not to love her.” Sana continued, completely unable to stop herself, the relief of the truth absolutely addicting. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“You could tell her.”

Mina’s suggestion was so simple and heartbreaking, and terrifying to face. But the words made it impossible not to look over at her - at Momo - standing next to Tzuyu, looking up at the fairy lights, their backs turned to the rest of the world.

“I’m so scared of losing her.” Sana whispered.

“You won’t. She stayed this long; she’s not going anywhere.”

“What if I forgot how to talk to her?”

“I think you’ll know how, when you try.”

_ When you try _ . When to try? When do you decide to get your best friend back? When do you take the step and swallow your pride, and show all your feelings to someone who might not even want them anymore? 

But Momo had already done that. All of it.

And Sana hadn’t listened.

Sana barely felt how Mina’s hand slipped from hers, only focusing on her feet carrying her across the little stone path, as if what had before been complete immobilisation had simply been due to a lack of goal.

It was Tzuyu who noticed her first, as if she knew Sana would come. As if she had waited for her. And the way she nodded at Sana reminded Sana of something she couldn’t quite place. 

Tzuyu didn’t say anything. She just turned and walked away without a word. And Sana watched as if in slow motion how Momo turned with obvious confusion at Tzuyu’s action, only to find Sana’s eyes.

The expression in Momo’s face was enough to make Sana almost back out of the whole thing. She couldn’t imagine a future where Momo didn’t look at Sana. But that was exactly what she would end up with if she didn’t act. But where did she even start? This wasn’t a conversation that started with hello. This was a conversation that had to start by rea-

_ Oh. _

Sana acted as immediately to the thought as if she had always been looking for it. As if she had always waited for it to surface in order to allow her to do exactly that. To reach out to Momo. To reach for her hand just as Mina had done just minutes ago.

And Momo let her.

An entire conversation materialized just in the way Momo’s fingers moved so subtly to tighten the grasp; in how Sana’s thumb automatically travelled across Momo’s skin. But as familiar as their connection was, just as unfamiliar were the words that left Momo’s lips in the wake of first steps.

“I’m sorry.”

Sana stared at her best friend, trying to make sense of the words.

“I was supposed to say that.”

Momo closed her eyes for a moment. Then sent Sana a sad smile. “You finally found out, didn’t you?”

Sana nodded. “Momo, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen, that I didn’t hear what you were saying. I miss you so much. I- I don’t want you to leave me again.”

“It’s okay.” Momo said calmly. “We’re okay. We’ll find our way back.”

“Back?” Sana felt relief mix with an ominous sense that Momo didn’t get it. 

“You’re my best friend. And I’m the one who changed the game.” Momo continued. “I’ll get over it, we’ll get back to being us.”

“Get over it?” Sana asked, her heart racing. This wasn’t what she had expected from the conversation. It wasn’t how she wanted it to go. “What do you mean?”

“You.” Momo said. “I’ll get over you and we’ll-”

“Hold on.” Sana turned to face Momo more fully. “Let me finish. Before you say anything else, please let me finish.”

A deep sigh materialized in Sana’s chest and worked up through her throat, slipping from her lips in the almost tranquil realization of what she was about to say. Even the voice inside her head told her that she risked everything by doing so.

Momo still looked at her. Bit her lip when Sana loosened her grip on Momo’s hand only to twine their fingers.

“I don’t want you to leave me.” Sana repeated her previous words. “I- … I didn’t think anyone could ever want me for me, I didn’t let myself ever believe that you wanted me, so I never saw it. But I loved everything we were and everything you are… except when you left me. I hated when you left me. I hate it when you’re not mine.”

The expression on Momo’s face was not that of comprehension like Sana had hoped.

“I don’t- But we’re not doing that anymore.”

Sana found Momo’s eyes. Took a small step closer to her. “I’m not saying we should. I’m saying I want you to stay.”

“What?” Momo frowned.

“Oh for fuck’s...”

The sigh from Sana was downright involuntary. Was she really going to have to say it out loud? But then again, maybe one of them finally should. Because this was about as far as Momo had gone in getting Sana to understand it. But she hadn’t ever said it.

“I’m in love with you.”

For a moment it looked like Momo was about to tell her to get it together. Then her mouth fell slightly open.

“Eh?”

Sana shrugged. “I didn’t- I mean, yeah. I’m in love with you.”

“... Are you serious?” Momo asked, eyes narrowed.

“Would I really kid around with this?” Sana asked desperately. It was bad enough that she had had to say it out loud,  _ twice _ , but this? What more did she have to do?

“I just- how long?”

“I don’t know. But I realized that day you went on a date with-”

“You knew for weeks and you didn’t tell me?” Momo whined.

“You were dating! I couldn’t very well tell you to leave her for me!” Sana complained.

“Of course you could, Sana I was trying to get over you, she was a rebound from  _ you _ , I didn’t want- wait.” Momo stopped herself, an expression of sudden realization on her face. “You’re in love with me.”

“I just said that.” Sana groaned, feeling her neck warm. Why did this part have to be so hard?

“So… this was- so you want to uh-” Momo’s cheeks pinked now too, as if she had only now realized what exactly Sana was saying. And the way her eyes dipped before returning to Sana’s left no questions, for once.

“I thought that was kind of a given.” Sana swallowed. “... If you want.”

“Uh, yeah, okay.” Momo muttered. Then looked up at Sana. “Wait, you meant dating right? Because I’m all for the kissing too I-”

“Yeah. I meant that. Dating. I meant dating.” Sana cleared her throat. 

Dating. 

Dating Momo. Her best friend. In every single way hers. The thought made Sana fall apart and reassemble in a single second, and she felt both dizzy and giddy and terrified. Because she couldn’t get the thought out of kissing Momo out of her head. She knew exactly how it would feel, but at the same time didn’t have a single clue. And the anticipation was turning her insides to jelly, and she couldn’t help but stumble over this curiosity. She had kissed Momo so many times. Why was this different? Why was it making her feel so weird now? Why was a giggle bubbling up her throat and out her mouth with no chance for Sana to stop it?

“What’s going on?” Momo asked.

Good question; what was going on? 

Sana looked at Momo’s lips just to try, but the way her stomach jolted made her look away immediately. And as soon as she tried to lean in, there was that giggle again.

“Sana, what the hell is so funny?”

The impatience in Momo’s voice made Sana stand a little straighter, pressing her lips together as she looked at her best friend. But no sooner had she decided to say ‘nothing’ than a new giggle burst past her.

“Sana.”

“I have no idea.” Sana chuckled. “I’m sorry.”

“Sana.” Momo said again, firmer this time.

Heart hammering out of her chest, Sana looked at her best friend. The giggles still simmered under the surface, but she held them in. Because the way Momo was looking at her made it hard to think; made it impossible not to love her.

And impossible not to giggle. Again.

It seemed this sent Momo over the edge. Because she turned around, Sana’s hand still in hers and called through the garden.

“Mina? I changed my mind, I’d like to return this.” 

Sana’s eyes widened as Momo held up Sana’s hand to a obviously and then grinning Mina. 

“No returns, sorry.” Mina chuckled. “What did she do?”

“She- Well, nothing, that’s the problem. She just won’t stop giggling!” Momo whined, earning a whack on the arm from Sana and a very failed attempt at retracting their arms from a pose that was most definitely attracting the attention of the entire yard. 

Sana looked down at her shoes. It hadn’t occurred to Sana until now that the others must’ve been aware of what was happening. Sana hadn’t exactly been subtle. Or quiet. So the obvious attention now was probably followed by subtle eyes on them for a while.

The truth of this was blatant in Mina’s eyes as Sana finally found them. And at the contact, Mina giggled too, making it even harder for Sana to control her nervous impulses. Or maybe it was just the nerves from the additional attention to an already overdue situation. But she giggled nonetheless.

“Oh my god.” Momo groaned.

It only turned Sana’s giggles to laughter. Yet just as she was about to stammer out an apology, another voice heard above the chuckles spreading through the crowd as the clock neared midnight. A voice that silenced everything but her.

“Hey, Minatozaki!”

Sana’s eyes found Jihyo’s immediately, her instinct taking over at the sound of her last name. She wasn’t laughing anymore.

“You have two choices. Either you kiss that girl like she deserves or I hurl my- well my wife’s shoe at you.”

Sana’s entire face immediately warmed several degrees, and she quickly tugged at Momo’s hand just to pull them further away from the others. They all knew that the risk of the shoe wasn’t entirely unimaginable.

“Good choice, Minatozaki.” Jihyo called.

“Leave me alone!” Sana whined. It was the best she could do. Because she was trying to find a way to kiss her best friend now with her entire group of friends very aware of this, and it didn’t make it any easier.

“Sana.” Momo said, stopping them almost at the corner of the garden, right where Mina and Dahyun had planted tulips yesterday.

“I’m getting there.” Sana promised. She really was.

But Momo just shook her head and stepped closer. Took Sana’s hands and placed them around her neck.

It wasn’t funny anymore. Or maybe Sana had just moved past the kind of nerves she could just laugh off. This was beyond instinct. This was absolutely heartracing. Breathtaking. And Momo just got closer and closer. Just like the first time all those years ago.

Momo had kissed her first, back then.

“We’ll be okay, right? Like this?” Sana whispered, the tip of her nose against Momo’s. “You love me like this?” 

“Yeah.” Momo breathed, air puffing onto Sana’s lip. Her eyes were so intense at this distance, but her words were impossibly more so. “I love you.”

Maybe it was the only thing Sana had ever needed. Maybe this was everything she had waited for. Because the moment the words formed on Momo’s lips, it was instinct to catch them, kissing Momo so firmly that it left no mystery about the taste of the words. Yet this first kiss in the rest of their list wasn’t one of those kisses where it all felt new; as if they kissed for the first time.

It just felt like coming home.

… 

Mina wasn’t supposed to look. She really wasn’t. But with Dahyun’s arms around her body and Dahyun’s chin resting on her shoulder, it was hard not to glance in the direction of her best friends every now and then, even if they were halfway hidden by darkness and vegetation. They just looked so happy, as if nothing in the world could come between them now.

“This has been the longest, most exhausting day of my life.” Dahyun muttered sleepily, returning Mina’s focus. “I don’t think I’ve ever had to accommodate this many different feelings into 24 hours before.”

“Maybe you should sleep.” Mina suggested.

“If I do, I’m going to sleep for an entire day.” Dahyun yawned. Hugged Mina tighter.

“Would that be bad?” Mina asked, letting her fingertips tickle over Dahyun’s fingers until she took Mina’s hands, holding all four hands against Mina’s stomach.

It was still something Mina had to get used to - to have someone hold her like Dahyun was.

“It would waste the time you’re here.” Dahyun explained.

“I’d rather spend my time with you sleeping than see you exhaust yourself. And besides, I’m here for another ten days, it’s not like I’m going anywhere right now.”

A sigh slipped from Dahyun’s lips, a yawn building in its wake. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“I am right.” Mina insisted.

“It just seems like once today is over, then it’s all going to be different.” Dahyun said quietly. It was clear that this wasn’t a conversation meant for the others. Not that any of the others were listening. 

“It will.” Mina said. And she could’ve explained how tomorrow would come anyway. But Dahyun already knew that. They both knew. So instead Mina took a different direction; one that had just entered her mind without really considering it.

“What are you afraid will happen?”

Dahyun’s hands held Mina’s a little tighter.

“I’m scared we’ll drift apart without Gammy. I’m scared we’ll all eventually move out and stop being sisters. I don’t want to lose them. I mean in a year or two Jihyo won’t be paying for her sisters’ education anymore so she and Nayeon will be able to afford a proper apartment. And Jeongyeon is already looking into buying the apartment above the store, and Chaeyoung is so excited I can’t imagine that she hasn’t daydreamed about living with Jeongyeon some day. And then what? We’ll all be apart, and the house will be… it will only be Tzuyu left.”

Mina thought through the scenarios. It was really the most likely and reasonable scenario. The house wasn’t actually big enough to fit them all, especially if Jeongyeon and Mina planned on becoming a stable to the household, and if Nayeon and Jihyo had kids too, that would be even less space.

But… Only Tzuyu?

“Do you want to move out?” Mina wondered.

“No. Yes? Maybe?” Dahyun drew back a little, as if that might take away some of the weight of the words. “I- I thought maybe if someday you moved here, like you talked about, then I might want to live with you.”

Something inside Mina inquired for the right to set off fireworks inside her, but she kept it at bay. Now wasn’t the time to freak out over the prospects of possibly getting to live in this city, with Dahyun. Waking up with Dahyun every day. Being with her in a way she had barely dared hope for so many years. No. Not now.

“Would that make you stop wanting to see your sisters?” Mina asked.

Dahyun shook her head. “No. Not at all.”

Mina hummed. It was exactly the point she had been trying to make. And Dahyun seemed to understand. Because she hugged Mina tight once more.

“Even so, I still worry what will happen to the house. This place is my sanctuary, my island, my safe little space in the middle of all the chaos. I don’t want it to stop being that, even when I don’t need it anymore.” 

“It won’t.” Mina assured her. “It will always be your home, and it will always be safe. Trust me, I know the difference between a house and a home.”

Dahyun nodded softly. But just as she inhaled as if readying for a new sentence, a voice interrupted them.

“I-I’m sorry.”

Mina turned towards the voice, unfamiliar and out of breath. It came from the little path leading around Gammy’s house to the front of it. A girl stood in the little wooden door, her petite frame shaking and her chest heaving.

For a moment it seemed this girl had managed to make the world stop. They all stared at her as if she had entered them all into an alternate universe that they couldn’t quite figure out. But then she let out a shaking sob, and it set the world into motion again. It was still their garden. Still their house, their walls with every imperfection they bore. Their tree, uneven and lit by fairy lights. Their bench, the paint chipped. And their door to the outside world, through which the girl had come.

It was Tzuyu who acted the fastest. Tzuyu who got up from the bench where she had been sitting. With long strong strides she made her way across the garden path, until she stood in front of the girl, beautiful and elegant and undoubtedly intimidating, the girl cowering slightly.

“Are you okay?”

A headshake.

“I heard sounds from in here, and I- I didn’t know what else to do.” The girl seemed completely out of it. She looked up at Tzuyu, a plea of a much older soul in her eyes. “Can I just hide here for a little?”

There was no hesitance in Tzuyu’s motions as she nodded. As she wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulders and led her into the garden, sitting her down on the bench under the tree. As she took off her woolen cardigan and wrapped it around the girl’s bare shoulders.

It seemed only now that she noticed that there might be a reason the garden was full of people, and the girl’s eyes traveled nervously from Tzuyu’s evening gown to Jihyo’s lace-sleeved wedding dress. Then to Nayeon’s.

She looked down at her hands. But she didn’t move.

“I’ll make some tea.” Jeongyeon said quietly, opening the door to the house and turning on the lights in the living room.

“I’ll set up a bed on the couch.” Jihyo added, giving Nayeon’s arm a little squeeze before following Jeongyeon inside.

Behind Mina, Dahyun let out a shivering sigh. Then she let go of Mina, walked around her and over to the girl. Kneeled in front of her, eyes glazed over, fragile and strong all at once. And Mina felt how different hands found hers and the scent of Momo’s usual perfume filled her with a sense of calm as she listened to the girl who had changed her life.

“Hey.” Dahyun said quietly, looking up at the girl.

The girl looked scared, as if wishing Dahyun would stop talking out of fear of being asked about the circumstances of her appearance. But Dahyun didn’t do that. She merely tilted her head and opened her hands in front of the girl.

“Do you like tulips?”

~ fin ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this first act. I will do my best to consistently upload the following acts.


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